Category: Wildman Journey (Page 54 of 87)

Bradley Campbell and Jason Manning in a paper entitled, “Microaggression and Moral Culture” contend that we’re in the midst of a key cultural change in our culture.  Prior to the 18th and 19th centuries we live in an “honor culture” in which people earned honor and were called upon to avenge insults to their honor on their own. But because personal insults would require a personal response, people would count the cost of confrontation.  With the emergence of our elaborate rule of law, “a dignity culture” replaced the honor culture.  Violence was replace by the courts or administrative bodies dealing with major transgressions, while minor transgressions were dealt with personally.

Today we are becoming a “victim culture,” in which we are encouraged to respond to even the  slightest unintentional offense.  Redress is found by appealing for help from powerful others or administrative bodies, to whom we can make the case that we have been victimized.  David French observes, “This is the culture of the mirco-aggression where people literally seek out opportunities to be offended.  Once victimized a person gains power – but not through an personal risk.  Indeed, it is the victim’s hypersensitivity and fragility that makes them politically and socially strong.” The authors of the article warn us, “…victimhood culture causes a downward spiral of competitive victimhood. Young people on the left and the right get sucked into its vortex of grievance.  We can expect political polarization to get steadily worse in the coming decade as this moral culture of victimhood spreads.”

French goes on to say that the present victim culture is killing American manhood.  “There is high incentive for conflict, with little or no personal risk to balance the desire for vengeance.  In a victim culture, a person cultivates their sense of weakness and fragility, actively retarding the process of growing up.  There is zero incentive to mature, because maturity can actually decrease your power and influence……Developing toughness used to be a defining male characteristic.  The idea of appealing for help because one’s feeling were hurt, was frankly bizarre.”

As I write, I think of Peter’s invitation to follow Jesus.  What a dramatic contrast to the coming victim culture. “This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived.  He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step.  He never did one thing wrong; Not once said anything amiss.  They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back.  He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right.  He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way” (I Peter 2:21-24 – The Message).  We are invited to face the same victimization as did Jesus.

Men, the days of soft, cultural Christianity are fading fast.  The “squishy middle” is eroding. Those committed to Jesus will face opposition from those opposed to the way of  Jesus. The words of Jesus will become more our experience. “If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got it start hating me.  If you lived on the world’s terms, the world would love you as one of its own.  But since I picked you to live on God’s terms and no longer on the world’s terms, the world is going to hate you” (John 15:18-19 – Message).  May God give you grace as we become a victim for Jesus and accept it with joy.  “Your blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.  The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom”  (Matt 5:10 – The Message).

In the recent mass shooting in Roseberg, Oregon, among the survivors was one man whose heroic action gained national attention.  Chris Mintz, a 30 year-old former Army infantryman, was shot five times while attempting to protect his fellow students.  Mintz has been hailed a hero. The day after the shooting he said, “I just hope that everyone else is okay.”  To me he exemplifies the God-given instinct given to men, to be the protector.  He is the opposite of the “beta male” who would more then likely defends his refusal to act out of valor and courage, while being dependent on the courage of others.

In our egalitarian age, men are not encouraged to act manly, by  displaying valor and courage.  This kind of manliness is seen as a legacy of our sexist past, a mark of white male privilege.  The New York Times ran an article recently entitled “27 ways to be a Modern man.”  “The modern man cries.  He cries often,”  was one characteristic, along with “On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon.  Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.”  The implication is that there is no significant difference between men and women, no virtues or qualities that can properly be called masculine or feminine.  My contention is that every man, especially those who are married,  have a God given instinct to protect.

In the beginning of the creation story in Genesis, we find in the call of  Adam, the archetype of the warrior/protector, but also of his failure to protect Eve from Satan. Adam was to guard and protect the garden (Gen. 2:15), which included his help mate Eve.  Bill Donaghy has suggested viewing  the Garden not only as a physical place, but  Eve herself.  “The Song of Songs alludes to woman as an ‘enclosed garden, a fountain sealed'” (Song 4:12), that is, someone to be protected. When Satan first approaches Eve in the temptation, Adam was right beside her but remained silent,  allowing Eve to be tempted and confronted by evil alone.  “He allowed the garden of Eve to be plundered by the Enemy.”  Men don’t allow yourself to become passive, allowing your voice to go silent in the midst of the spiritual struggles for your family.

Interestingly, the late Pope John Paul II said that original sin was an attempt to “abolish fatherhood.”  If there is truth in this observation, it should be a wake-up call for modern men, and especially fathers.  From the very beginning, Satan has tried to diminish man’s courage, from being  defenders and protectors.  When the voice of the father goes silent the family will suffer.  Even in the best evangelical homes, fathers do not defend their families against the evil one.

Here are some tips that I learned the hard way when I was a Dad, raising a family  many years ago.  First, as father I was to be the priest in my family.  I was to “precede”  over the spiritual climate of my family.  I tried to protect my family from all the “polluted’ spiritual air in the culture that surrounds my wife and children. I was like the watchman on the walls.  Secondly, I did battle against the spiritual forces that were arrayed against my family.  That meant I prayed for my family. Men, never underestimate the power of your prayers as the priest of your family.   Thirdly, I did not want to be silent and “go soft” in the spiritual struggle for my family.  Fourthly, above all else, I placed myself in submission under that lordship of Jesus, in order to keep my family safe.

Farmers in the Midwest used to run a rope from their house to the barn when a blizzard was coming, knowing that in a whiteout they might not find their way back to the house.  Parker Palmer refers to the “blizzard of the world” that can separates us from our souls.   What we need is a rope from the back door to the barn so we can find our way home again.  “When we catch sight of the soul, we can survive the blizzard without losing our hope or our way” (Palmer).  Leonard Cohen notes, “The blizzard  of the world has crossed the threshold, and it has overturn the order of the soul.” Jesus warns us, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? (Matt 16:26)  Men are you in danger of losing your soul in the blizzard of life?

Dallas Willard maintains that, “The soul is the capacity to integrate all the parts into a single whole life.  It is something like a program that runs a computer, you don’t usually notice it unless it messes up.”  In his view an unhealthy or ruined soul is a lost soul.  To lose my soul implies that I no longer have a healthy center that organizes and guides my life.  Another way of view the soul is to see it as the conductor of our lives, helping make our life a symphony.  Neglect produces a cacophony.

Ronald Rolheiser, a catholic spiritual writer, prompted me to write this blog when he pointed out the soul as being both the principle of life and  energy inside us as well as the principle of integration.  “Since the soul is double principle doing two things for us,”  Rolheiser points out, “there are two corresponding ways of losing our souls.  We can have no vitality and energy and go dead or we can become unglued and fall apart.”  We can weaken the God-given life inside us by either petrification or dissipation. We are in danger of losing our soul by not having enough fire or we can lose our soul by not having enough glue.

The soul is built on awareness and  attentiveness.  Pay attention to what your soul is telling you.  The soul is shy and waits to be heard.  We can easily neglect or deny the life of the soul. When we think of soul, we are not visualizing a substance or a place, but rather  a “reflective space” (Benner) that is at the center of our personality.  “Soul is,”  in the words of Eugene Peterson, “the most personal term we have for who we are….[It] is an assertion of wholeness, the totality of what it means to be a human being.”  So my cry again is for the readers of this blog to be “soulful men,” who do not lose their fire or become unglued in the midst of the blizzards of life.

Here are so tips on attentiveness.  First, know that soul will take you down into the realities of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly.  The soul withers when we live with illusion; on the surface.  The soul thrives in reality, the way life really comes to us.  Secondly, don’t let fear keep you from your reality, because Jesus meets you at the center, not in the place of our own preference.  Thirdly, spend time listening to your soul.  That means being quiet and accepting  of what “bubbles up” into your awareness.  Fourthly, find a “soul friend” or a group of guys that are comfortable with soul talk. Too many evangelical men are afraid of their own “evangelical, religious shadow.”

What do you think of Pope Francis?  I view the Pope as a humble, compassionate man, desirous of making us aware of the need for dialogue in a day when, as Harold Smith at Christianity Today put it, “the tone of our rhetoric, across most media and even behind some closed church doors, is more rage than redemption, more disgrace than grace.” He calls for “a beautiful escape” that “transcends the bitter realism in and outside the church.”  My biggest take away from the Pope is this – stick to your convictions but have an open and gracious spirit to those who oppose you.  His primary concern is showing mercy, not trying to please either the left or the right.

I am fascinated by the relationship between Raul Castro and Pope Francis.  Remember the Castro brothers (Fidel and Raul) have governed Cuba as an atheistic society since the early 60’s.  Last May Raul payed a visit to the Vatican.  He can away from his meeting, being quoted as saying, “If the Pope continues this way I will go back to praying and go back to the church, and I’m not joking.”  Quite an admitting for the leader of an atheistic society.  Raul admitted that he “always studied at Jesuit schools.”  He promised the when the Pope came to Cuba he would go to all his masses.  It seems like a spiritual fire was ignited  in his soul.

What brought about this stirring?  Could it be the Pope’s desire for dialogue?  He said to the bishops, “I cannot ever tire of encouraging you to dialogue fearlessly.”  I want to suggest that in the days to come dialogue, will be an effective means of influencing men to consider Jesus as Lord.  Look at what dialogue is doing in the soul of Raul Castro.  David Benner describes dialogue as involving, “shared inquiry designed to increase awareness and understanding of all parties.  In dialogue I attempt to share how I experience the world and seek to understand how you do also.  In this process each participant touches and is touched by others.”  In other words, I don’t give up my convictions, but I am deeply desirous to hear the heart of the other by showing mercy. I become a good listener of another person’s soul.

Pope Francis is secure enough in his relationship with the Lord, so as to invite sincere dialogue with others.  That is partly why he is so controversial.  He know what he believes, is motivated by the love of Jesus, and has a genuine love of people. He desires to show mercy to those he encounters. Dialogue begins with a deep respect for the other.  In dialogue we see others through the eyes of Jesus as unique and wonderful made in his image.  It can be a frightening prospect to share our deepest self with another.  A fear of intimacy and lack of control cause us to pull back from genuine dialogue.  But not the Pope.  He gets in “hot water” with both the left and right.

Dialogue and the Pope’s call for mercy are key components in our witness to a hostile, indifferent culture. The Lord knows what the Pope is up against.  The Pope’s official motto is, “choosing through the eyes of mercy.”  May we as men be willing to see others through the eyes of mercy as we dialogue with those in our sphere of influence.  Look what is happening to Raul Castro after all these years in “a spiritual wilderness.”  Who are the lonely men waiting to have dialogue with you?  Can you choose to see them through the eyes of mercy?

One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, who has since passed away, offered these two observations about the love of God that have stuck with me. The first, “God loves you as you are, not as you should be” and the second, “It takes a profound conversion to accept that God is relentlessly and compassionate toward us just as we are – not in spite of our sin and faults but with them.”  Manning calls it God’s “furious longing” for us.   There is sorrow on the part of our heavenly Father when we hide from his love.  I spend many years hiding from God’s love  because I did could not face my actual self.

Men, it is one thing to think about God’s great love for us, and another to truly experience his love.  It’s the difference between “knowing about” and “knowing of.”  To experience his love we have to allow ourselves to be known.  We find God in the realities of our life. As one spiritual writer observed, “The way to ascend to God is to descend into our realities.” This means allowing our actual self, the good, bad and ugly to be known by God.

Ever since Eden the human struggle has been “to escape from the grip of the spirit of fear and to be open to the embrace of love (Olthuis).”  I John 4:18 gives us a profound psychological truth to help us in this struggle. “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  Or as the Message puts it, “There is no room in love for fear.  Well-formed love banishes fear.  Since fear is crippling, a fearful life – fear of death, fear of punishment – is one not yet fully formed in love.”   God desires our friendship rather than having us live in fear.  “He offers his love as the one thing in the universe capable of freeing us from our fears ( Benner).”

Over the last 10 years I have been coming more out of my cave of hiding into the radiance of his love acceptance of me as “a beloved sinner.”  Believe me, it is a process.  I am been so used to hiding my “unwelcome parts” from God.  But the more I have learned to embrace the truth of I John 4:18, the more there is  grace available for me to face the reality of my shadow self, that part of me that I am ashamed of and want to hide.  I am coming to realize that much of my shadow self is not evil, but rather unacceptable to the spiritual image I have created of myself.  This is illusion, not reality.  God can only be known in the real.

Recently in some relational tension with my wife, I had to face my hiding.  The new learning that I want to pass along in this blog is this –  not only was I pushing my  wife away, as I insisted on staying in my “self-loathing cave” but I was allowing myself to be alienated from my true self in Christ.  Instead of rising up in the strength of the Lord and facing my faults, I stayed in my cave.  It was not pretty. I cowered in my self-loathing.  But thanks to God’s “furious longing” for a fallen man such as myself, his love reached me in my cave, allowing me to come out into the light, so that I could meet my wife as a helpmate not as a “wounded, hurting boy.”

I am sure you are wondering what “zer” and “hir” mean.  Well, Harvard University’s arts and science college are giving students the chance to indicate whether they prefer to use the traditional pronouns “he” and “she” or alternatives including “zer, “hir,” or variants of “they.”  “If faculty or advisers are inadvertently outing someone by using a name or pronoun that doesn’t reflect their authentic self, that is a problem,”said Michael Burke, registrar for the university’s school of arts and sciences.  Burke noted that it was not uncommon, “to go to a meeting where people introduce themselves not only by their name and title, but by their gender pronoun.”  But what exactly is an “authentic self.”

Men, this is how crazy it has gotten on our college campus. But thankfully there are exceptions, like at Washington State University, where a professor in her syllabus entitled, “Women & Popular Culture” warned that offensive language would not be tolerated. “This includes [phrases such as] ‘the man'” and “reference to women-men as females or males.”  There was a reaction.  WSU released a statement reaffirming its commitment to free speech and announcing that “no student will have points docked merely as a result of using terms that may be deemed offensive to some,”  yet wanting to, “cultivate diversity of expression while protecting individual rights and safety.  This creates a real dilemma.

These are  examples of “the coddling of the American Mind” according to an article in The Atlantic.  The article maintains that the issue is more then restricting hate speech.  “The current movement is largely about emotional well-being….it presumes an extraordinary fragility of the collegiate psyche, and therefore elevates the goal of protecting students from psychological harm.”  The goal is to turn campuses into “safe spaces,” “where young adults are shielded from words and ideas that make some uncomfortable.”

The creation story is the true view of reality, which gives us the original blueprint for male and female relations.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). Jesus affirms this view of reality when he said, “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female” (Mark 10:6).  Men, don’t let the rapid cultural decay in which the light of reason has gone dim,  shake your confidence and cloud your view of reality.  We are either male or female, period.

Men, in the midst of all this cultural confusion regarding gender, let us be “cultural warriors” in our own quiet manner.  What do I mean by this suggestion.  First, get it straight in your mind and heart that as men we will maintain a biblical view of reality.  We don’t have to be apologetic or defensive of our maleness.   We joyfully declare that our personhood as a male is a gift of God.  We cannot tamper with who we are, without serious consequences.  So as cultural warriors, we will celebrate our maleness, and make no apologizes for being a man.

Secondly, we will have a healthy and respectful view of the feminine as a proper balance to our maleness.  We will not flee from the feminine, nor disparage its importance to bring balance and harmony in relationships.  Thirdly, we will humbly admit the failure of men to respect and honor the feminine in the past.  Finally, we will live with open hearts before God, allowing God to bring healing to our male souls, in order that we might be more like Jesus, both “tough and tender” in his relationship with others, embracing the demeanor both of the “lion” and the “lamb”.

“To ask a man to become relationally aware, without being first of all secure in his maleness, is to ask a man to be less than a man.  It is in some ways asking a man to act like a woman without first knowing what it is like to be a man.  A man must be sensitive from the heart of a truly secure man.”  Insecure men can become trapped in a sickly, passive mood that paralyzes male energy. Due to the cultural demands of a distorted feminine, men become “feminized” or “soft males.”

The reaction to Donald Trump brings this feminization of American culture to the surface .  Trust me,  I am in no way endorsing Mr. Trump.  But he exposes the feminizing tendency.  Psychologist Dr. Kent G. Bailey observes that Trump, “is the prototypical, archetypal and testosterone-driven alpha male who rules by sheer force of his personality, imposing physique, quick wit, mastery of repartee and almost hypnotic control over his gathering masses of adoring followers.”  Bailey maintains that the archetypal warrior male has virtually disappeared in the last 60 years as our nation has progressively become feminized. Trump, however, has “taken primal maleness to levels unseen for at least a half a century.”  Compare him to some modern politician and you begin to get a picture of the feminizing tendency.

Mr. Trump is a throwback to an expression of the masculine that is in full flight from the feminine.  We live in a time when the complementary masculine and feminine are seriously out of balance.  The Donald typifies the classic “Rambo mentality” in which men express their aggressive, outgoing, take charge mentality, but disregard the need to be sensitive and relational, while expressing depth of meaning and purpose. It’s force over matter.  Our cultural reaction over the past decades has produced men who feel forced to be more feminine.  Many people – men and women – intuitively sense The Donald challenging this tendency.  At one point around 2015, Gallup had a 14-point gender gap: 68% approval among men versus 54% for women.

So, how do we address the feminization of men that Donald Trump has brought to the fore?  The quote above that noted “a man must be sensitive from the heart of a truly secure man” is a key.  In my own stumbling manner, I have tried to address this over the years.  I believe the issue of feminized men does not get the attention it deserves. The best image I have found to express the balance needed in the male soul is “tough and tender” or that of “the lion and the lamb.” The masculine can be expressed in initiative, while the feminine can be expressed in response.  As a culture we have been reacting for the last 60 years to a distorted male initiative that has not been balanced with a feminine response.  The pendulum has swung to the extreme of more and more feminine sensitivity and less and less male initiative.  With The Donald it has been fascinating to watch our cultural response to an all-out Rambo Effect that is woefully lacking the sensitivity offered by the feminine.

Men, Jesus put it very plainly, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matt 19:4).  C.S. Lewis observed that, “gender is a reality and a more fundamental reality than sex.” Masculinity and femininity, being rooted in God, have transcendent dimensions.  That is why it so dangerous for a culture to let this get out of balance.  Leanne Payne, from whom I have learned so much, gives this warning: “A culture will never become decadent in the face of a healthy, balanced masculinity.  When a nation… backslides, it is the masculine which is the first to decline.”

We read in Isaiah 57:15, “The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One says this: I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble.  I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.”  God, the Holy One, is found among the contrite and humble.  Proverbs 18:12 reminds us, “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor,” while Proverbs 29: 23 warms us, “Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.” To be honored is to be respected and thought of as a person of integrity.  We all want that as men, but it comes through humility.

These verses took on new meaning for me during a recent visit of my three teenage grandsons.  I certainly wanted them to think well of me as grandpa.  I was being tested about being present and open with them.  My wife and I had prayed before hand that we might be used of God to bear witness of God’s love for them. I was learning again that “honesty” and “openness” were key in communicating with them.  God provided a good incident in this regard.

This is what happened.  Two of my grandsons and myself were coming in from fishing just before our noon meal.  The boys had already gone up the hill, while I put the boat away.  All of sudden I had to do “a dump.” I knew I would not make it.  So I stayed in the water and cleaned up as best I could.  I came to the meal with a clean pair of shorts on, but I was unaware that I still smelled.  As we were eating, my two grandsons could detect a smell.  I was totally humiliated.  So for desert, I suggested we go out on the deck.  That saved me.

After desert, I made my confession of not being able to made it up the hill to go to the bathroom.  I acknowledged my humiliation.  We all had a great laugh.  I said that I had been convicted of my spiritual pride.  I told my daughter’s family that God was using the incident to humble me. Instead of neglecting to talk about “the smell,” I owned up to what had happen. More was accomplished in my publicly embracing my humiliation, rather then hiding  the cause of the smell.  By God’s grace I could shallow my pride, leaving my grandsons an example of humiliation, hoping that God could use my confession as a witness to them, remembering the humility comes before honor.

Men, I am  thankful for the freedom to be able to admit such a humiliating experience as that “smell” at the dinner table.  Words can not convey how uncomfortable and humiliated I felt.  I knew I would have to say something.  Being out on the deck, with the fresh breezes blowing, gave me my opportunity.  I am just “grandpa” not a “spiritual” elder in the church in the eyes of those boys.  I wanted to be a grandfather who was fully present to them.  It can be humbling at times.

Remember men, God has called you to be faithful in being both physically and emotionally present to your family.  It calls for real humility. It is through humility that we connect with our children and grandchildren.  If you want to be honored and respected as father or grandfather, the Spirit of God uses the posture of humility to communicate empathy to those we love and are called to influence, not a cold, indifferent, “performance orientated” spirituality.  Your family wants to connect with a real man.  Humility  will cause you to be real.

In the late 80’s many of you remember Bono of U2 singing with passion, “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” He called it, “a gospel song for the restless spirit.”  Back then I was in my late 40’s, going through a significant spiritual shift in my soul  life.  It was both renewing and unsettling.  I didn’t realize that at the time, but intuitively  I was breaking out of my “evangelical-charismatic box” so as to incorporate the “contemplative” dimension into my journey with Jesus.  Dr. James Houston, in his book “Heart’s Desire” expressed in one sentence what I was struggling to understand.  “The unsatisfied longing for God is what drives human being above all else.”

He quoted Augustine: “Longing is the heart’s treasury.  The whole life of the good Christian is a holy longing.  What you desire ardently, as yet you do not see…. God extends the longing; through longing he extends the soul, by extending it he makes room in it….So….let us long because we are to be filled…that is our life, to be exercised by longing.”  The Psalmist expressed his longing for God when he prayed, “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Ps. 63:1-2).

Men, it took me a long time to acknowledge the fire of desire and longing in my soul.  Christopher West in a book entitled “Fill These Hearts” writes,  “Despite all the widespread impressions to the contrary, we must impress the truth upon our souls and allow it to settle in our bones: Christianity is the religion of desire….”  I am more convinced then ever that it is not will power, right thinking, or correct behavior that will capture the hearts of men.  It’s acknowledging, embracing, tasting, and living out of our desire for God.  After all, God put that desire there, so that we might long for fellowship with him.

Our desires, of course,  can be disordered. But beyond the distortion is a true passion for God.  We need men with fire, not men who smolder.  A strong, objective framework built on scripture, along with good orthodox teaching handed down over the years will guide and lead us.  But we have an unattended “a fire in our belly”  that needs our attention.  G. K. Chesterton observed: “And the more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.”  Remember John said Jesus would baptize, “with the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matt. 3:11). Men, what will you do about your fire?

Over the years I have come into a “spacious place” (Ps 18:18) regarding to my own longing and desire for God.  I am more willing to “taste” this longing, without being fearful  of the energy and mystery of this movement in my soul. I am still learning to integrate this spiritual energy with the sexual energy I know resides within my soul.  I now know that I will never be filled, but that the longing for God will continue to be a driving force in my life.  It brings freedom and spiritual energy for the journey.

So men, my advice is to ease up on your intellectual and habitual controls, while allowing yourself to “taste” your inner longing for God.  Trust that your deepest longings are from Him.  Allow yourself to pray as the Psalmist, “All my longings lie open before you,  Lord: my sighing is not hidden from you.  My heart pound for you” (Ps. 38:9-10).

I have recently been reading a New Testament translation by a leading New Testament scholar, N.T. Wright.  I Cor. 4:15 reads as follows, “You’ve got a thousand babysitters in Christ, I know, but you haven’t got many fathers – because I became your father in the Messiah, Jesus, through the gospel.”  When I read those words, I knew I had to write a blog for men. The word “babysitter” grabbed my attention. Earlier in I Cor 3: 1 Paul made  reference to some in the Corinthian church,  “…I couldn’t speak to you as spiritual people, but as people who were all too obviously merely human, like babies in the Messiah.”  Paul goes on the say , “I fed you with milk, not solid food, because your weren’t able to take it – and you still can’t, even now!” (I Cor 3:2)   Obviously Paul was working with some immature believers.

Men, if we are honest there are times when we prefer a babysitter to be with us on our  journey.  We don’t want solid spiritual  food offered by another mature believer.  When have you preferred a spiritual babysitter?  You want a baby sitter first of all, when you don’t want to be responsible for your behavior.  We look to an adult to sympathize with us when we are justifying our childish behavior. This leads to a second response.  We want someone to enter into our pouting.  We feel sorry for ourselves and look to others to join our “pity party.”  We’re wanting empathy for our childish behavior. Mind you, it is subtle, but it is childish.  We can make it seem so spiritual.

Thirdly, we have a preference  for a babysitter when we don’t want to face reality. We simply want someone to agree with our  immature behavior and attitude, even while we pose as a spiritual guy.  We are afraid or ashamed to face the reality of our  fallen nature.  Fourthly, we wish adults around us would just give us some easy answers to the issues of life.  We resist doing the difficult inner work of facing our”ingrained habits of sin” (Foster).   One more – we want someone to make us feel good.  We have worked  so hard at being good.  We need affirmation for our”dysfunctional” behavior as a man of God.

Men, these are some of the reasons why I look for a babysitter.  How about you?  It will vary due to personality, background and life story.  We all need spiritual fathers in the faith.  Who has been a father for you?  It could be for a short time, during a critical period of your journey or someone who has traveled with you for a long time.  Spiritual fathers are mature, caring men who have been on the journey longer then you, whom you allow to speak into your life.  A spiritual father, first of all, will know how to give affirmation,  encouraging you, while giving you honest feed back. He will know when to be “soft” and when to be “hard.”  He will  secondly, be in your life to bring needed correction. He will be used to lovingly point out your “flaws.”

Thirdly, he will act as your confessor and stand with you when the times are tough. He will love you at your worst while hearing you confess your “spiritual junk.”  Fourthly, he will defend you and speak well of you when you feel the most vulnerable and broken.  That kind of spiritual father is rare, but will be much need in the days to come. Finally, a spiritual father, will help fill “the hole” in your male soul.  Only a spiritual father can do this for a younger man.  Rohr calls them “male mothers.”