Category: Wildman Journey (Page 1 of 85)

Parents.com and the New York Post have both reported,  “Young boys are reportedly feeling deprived of physical touch and affection, also know as “touch starvation.” It can  have a major impact on their emotional and social well-being. Experts like Drs Michael Thompson and Matt Engler-Carlson have noted, “American culture often discourages boys from experiencing nurturing touch, beginning in early childhood and reinforced by media and social norms.”  

The deep emotional, physical, and relational toll of affection deprivation has also been named as “skin hunger.”  The research of Dr. Kory Floyd has shown that “men who lack affectionate touch report higher rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and even immune system issues.”  There is a strong correlation between affection deprivation and mental and physical health problems.  “Boys who grow up without affectionate touch often internalize the belief that physical closeness is unmanly.  As they become fathers, these touch-deprived boys may struggle to express affection toward their own sons.  The  cycle repeats: men raised without touch become fathers who don’t hug

Boys who are physically affectionate with their fathers are less likely to struggle with substance abuse, have mental health struggles, criminal deviance, and are less likely to engage in sexual promiscuity.  Breaking this cycle will require intentional affirming that touch is compatible with masculinity.  Anthony Bradley noted, “By fostering emotionally safe spaces and challenging cultural taboos, we can help men reclaim a core part of their humanity and offer their sons what they themselves may have missed.” 

Parents should be encouraged to use positive touch intentionally and consistently as a way to foster emotional connection and security.   Creating a “family counter-narrative” regarding affection can be a buffer against many of the harmful cultural messages. “The truth is, much of America doesn’t really like boys – and in many cases, not even their own parents do.  This needs to change.”

The article listed the following strategies:  Overcoming personal discomfort with affection/ Using touch (like hugs) to soothe or connect/ Learning a child’s preferred form of physical closeness/ Normalizing touch through routines and modeling affectionate friendships/ Talking openly about healthy boundaries and cultural differences/ Negotiating age-appropriate forms of affection as boys grow older. 

Like many men, I grew up in a culture where men did not show physical affection.  My folks were  the second generation of Finnish immigrants.  They represented an ethic of responsibility and hard work.  They simply wanted to provide a healthy, safe environment for their families.  As the oldest in my family, I received little physical affection from my father.  I absorbed the message that grown men do not show outward affection.  It is interesting to note that many of my Italian buddies spoke openly about their affections and were very demonstrative in showing affection.

My personal struggle also involved being a “heart” relating man.  I learned to be shy and halting in sharing my affections in my family. When I read Bradley’s article, I certainly could identify with “touch starvation” and “skin hunger.”  I agree with the strategies listed above.  Over the years I learned to function in the male culture as a “feeling” guy.  It meant at times feeling out of place. But it also meant that I have helped men be comfortable with physical touch.

A word of caution on men and “touch starvation.”  Be genuine in sharing physical affection.  Knowing other men on a deeper level (heart) is helpful.  It is vital for men to develop deeper friendships.  My testimony –  genuine hugs can help a man release a great deal of his negative emotions.  There is something about hugging  each other that brings freedom.      

Anthony Bradley reflected on his experience being in college fraternities.  Bradley remembers the adventure of college of not knowing anyone.  It forced him to build relationships, confront discomfort, and develop resilience.  But for young men today, the sense of adventure seemed entirely absent. They are building their adult lives on one operating principle: “stay safe, stay familiar.” 

If a young man is to grow, he needs an “Abraham  experience.”  God told Abraham, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you” (Gen 12:1-3).  In other words, “leave everything you know and enter into something unknown – something filled of uncertainty, risk, and even danger.”

Bradley believes younger men are not being exposed to enough real risk, challenge, or responsibility to mature into capable men.  “We are engineering a culture that allows young men to extend the comforts of childhood indefinitely…. we insulate them from hardship with a steady diet of familiarity. safety, and predictability.”  He notes that throughout history, healthy societies require young men to separate….. break from the safety of childhood into the discomfort and danger of the unknown.” 

“Real adulthood,” observes Bradley, “does not emerge out of comfort – it is forged through separation and struggle.” In the Biblical narrative, God calls men out of comfort and into real risk.  It is demonstrated in the lives of Abraham, Elisha, Isaiah, Paul and Jesus.  “These individuals grew not because they avoided danger, but because they endured it.”  Manageable adversity builds “psychological immune system” and a form of “stress inoculation” By overcoming real challenges, young men can develop the resilience to face future adversities with greater confidence and stability. 

Observing  Abraham and Moses we find a biblical pattern of just not brief discomfort but rather a prolonged wilderness.  Character formation requires real exposure.  We are then forced to fall on our knees and cry out to God for help.  Bradley is very pointed when he says, “I struggle to trust any man who has never been driven to his knees in desperate need.”  He quotes Michael Meade: “If the fires that innately burn inside youths are not intentionally and lovingly added to the hearth of community, they will burn down the structures of culture, just to feel the warmth.” 

Bradley then observes, “We see this playing out everywhere: young men channeling their untapped need for danger and purpose into destructive outlets – addiction, escapism, ideological extremism, crime, sexually assaulting women, and perpetual adolescence.”   The journey to manhood has never change.  It involves, “separation, struggle, vulnerability, and return.”  Bradley gives this challenge, “If we want our sons to become the kind of men who can lead, love, and sacrifice, we must allow them to suffer.  We must send them into the wilderness – not to destroy them, but to make them.” 

I am so thankful that my parents let me go, when I went out to California in 1960 as a young man of 20.  I grew and matured as a man through the “hard knocks” of life.  I remember period of loneliness, despair and great insecurity as a young man.  I came to know Jesus out in California, found a wonderful future wife, and surrounded myself with fellow believers.  Mentors such as Maynard Force and Pastor Hax pointed the way for me.  

Those early years in California and then in college, forced me to grow up into manhood.  It was difficult because of all my insecurities.  I remember well the words of Eccl 12:1 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.'” 

When I read recently about the Democratic Party being informed by SAM, code-name for “Speaking with American Men: A Strategic Plan.” I know I had to do a blog on an effort to influence men.  Again, my focus in life is threefold: Scripture, Jesus and the Kingdom reign of Jesus (incarnational reality).  This focus cuts across political parties and cultural issues.  There will be times when I will view a subject through this threefold Prizm that will be critical of one of the political parties.  In this case, it is the democratic party.

It was revealed that this prospectus, costing $20 million, was being studied in order to find ways, “to reverse the erosion of Democratic support among young men, especially online.”  The plan was to “study the syntax, language and content that gain attention and virality in these spaces.”   As former Democratic staffer, Rotimi Adeoye noted, “Democratic donors treating men like an endangered species on a remote island. The need to study probably won’t rebuild trust.”  He added, “People don’t want to be decoded, they want to be understood and met where they are.” Another strategist said frankly, “We need authenticity, and you can’t manufacture it in a lab, a war room or a donor meeting.  We can’t figure this out in a week or two. It has to be part of an ongoing conversation, and we’ve just not there yet.”  

I contrast this report to a recent essay by catholic sociologist, Mary Eberstadt, entitled “Beyond Jeremiads: Signs of Cultural Revival, Circa 2025.”  She wrote, “Perhaps the time has come to set aside jeremiads.  Perhaps the time for recitation is over, and the time for joyous defiance has begun………Christianity today is being rejected in large part because it is more demanding than people weakened by the sexual revolution’s indiscipline want it to be.”

She goes on to point out that living in opposition to religion is not liberating people.  It is rather making people miserable and lonely.  “Today’s troubled voices do not rage in vain. …..They amount to primal screams for a world more ordered than many of today’s people now know – a world ordered to some of Christianity’s essential principles, like mercy, community, and redemption.” She quotes Pope Benedict, “when the trial of this shifting is past, a great power will flow from a more spiritualized and simplified Church.”

Ms. Eberstadt wrote back in 2020 on the “The fury of the Fatherless.” She sees a wide spread of social disorder as a “crisis of filial attachment that has beset the Western world for more than a half a century.  Deprived of father, Father, and patria, a critical mass of humanity has become socially dysfunctional on a scale not seen before.” She goes on the say, “father, Father, and filial piety toward country …….[are] the sinkhole into which all three have collapsed is now a public hazard.  The threefold crisis of paternity is depriving many young people – especially young men – of reasons to live as rational and productive citizens.”  America’s youth have been “left alone in a cosmos with nothing to guide them, not even a firm grasp of what constitutes their basic humanity, and no means of finding the way home”  

Young men are not an “endangered species.”  They are looking for authenticity.  It could be, that in our day, we are witnessing the defiance of young men. The “primal screams” and “the fury of the fatherless” is being heard.  Through all the voices of our cultural wars, the voice of the heavenly Father is calling men home.  Men are not left alone in the cosmos.   Jesus is saying, “Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep” (Luke 15:6).

Have you ever seen one of those “old guys rule” shirts or hats.  I am an old guys rule fan.  I have several shirts.  Often when I have been wearing a shirt, other guys will greet me, wearing their attire.  I realize, wearing such a t-shirt makes me very suspect with the younger generation, especially young women.  I accept the challenge, because as an “old guy” myself, I want to be counter-cultural.

I went to the Old Guys Rule site to learned a little more about the brand.  It was started by a surfer in California, by the name of Don Craig.  “Old Guys Rule was created to embrace a new breed of guys who have incredible energy, a passion for life, wisdom gained from years of experience and the time to spend doing the activities they enjoy.  Old Guys Rule should be worn as a badge of honor for a life well-spent, but not nearly over.”  Shortly after Don started his brand in early 2003, he realized the “Old Guys Rule” motto extended beyond the surfing community to men from all walks of life who saw age as a “Badge of Honor,” not an impediment.

The phrase, “Old Guys Rule” cries loudly in behalf of  patriarchy.  Culturally, patriarchy is seen as “a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded.”  Patriarchy is “a system of oppression that affects women’s live negatively, highlighting the need to challenge and dismantle it.”  Ouch!!  Wearing my shirt, puts me in the cross-hairs of the feminists in our culture.  Yet I insist on wearing my shirt as a “badge of honor” now that I am 84 and happily married for 60 years.  Besides, my wife approves. 

As a follower of Jesus, I have a different view of patriarchy.  In the story of the Bible, we find God choosing Abraham as the first patriarch.  God told him, “All the families of the earth will be blessed through you” (Gen 12:3).  Matthew’s lineage of Jesus begins with these words, “This is a record of the ancestors of Jesus the Messiah, a descendent of King David and of Abraham” (Matt. 1:1).  Since I have been adopted by Jesus into God’s family, I can trace my spiritual heritage back to father Abraham, and since I was born a man and am married with three adult children, I belong to the biblical patriarchy.  This is the reality I accept.

As a follower of Jesus, I embrace the term “Old Guys Rule” as a badge of honor.  It has not been an easy road to travel as a patriarch.  In my early marriage to Judy, I choose and she accepted my being the head of our family.  This summer, my three grown children and their spouses, gathered to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.  I shared as the patriarch of my family.  I acknowledge, accept and lean into that role.  By God’s mercy and his abundant grace extended to me as a fallen man, I  have humbly journeyed all these years as a patriarch.  There have been bumps on the trail and wrong turns for which I ask forgiveness.

But with all my heart I have wanted to set the spiritual tone for my family.  I have sought to be both “tough and tender.”  My life verse in this role has been Ps 71:18.  “Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God.  Let me proclaim your power to this new generation, your mighty miracles to all who come after me.”   I wear my “Old Guys Rule” t-shirt as a “badge of honor” as I journey through the 4th quarter of my life.    

In my opinion, Anthony B. Bradley, is a very keen observer and advocate for the growing crisis of fatherlessness in our nation.  One of his conclusions is “presence matters.” He writes, “boys need consistent, caring male presence not just for guidance, but for their emotional regulation, identity formation, and even biological resilience.”  Boys don’t thrive on lectures or discipline alone.  Boys will grow up when men show up, build something with them, spend time listening and calling them into maturity.  The role of men in nurturing and resilience-building is vital. The science is clear: presence matters.” 

He challenges the church.  “If the church wants to respond seriously to the crisis of fatherlessness, the boy crisis, and the breakdown of male development, it begins here: support the fathers and embed the boys in intergenerational relationships in the life of the church.  Create a culture where men see the spiritual formation of the next generation as an ordinary, expected part of Christian maturity.  And when you baptize a child, mean it.  There must be a clear rite of passage into the adult community – long before high school graduation.” 

We usually see parenting in terms of love, guidance and support.  But in recent research, “the influence of fatherhood may go even deeper – into the very wiring of a child’s stress response system.”  Cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, plays a central role in the regulation of mood, immunity, and long-term health.  This effect is specific to fathers.  Bradley observes, “maternal engagement, though crucial in other domains, did not predict changes in cortisol levels….The benefits of engaged fathering cut across lines of ethnicity, gender, and family structure…….fathers have a biologically measurable impact simply by showing up – in small, consistent ways.” 

Shared activity is more than just pleasant memories.  They are physiological investments.  “They tell a developing nervous system something critical,” observes Bradley. “You are not alone.”  Repeating this message by a father will shape a young man as he meets the world with steadiness, confidence, and calm under pressure. “If father presence is a public health concern,” Bradley observes,  then “the father can make a difference.”  His advice, “Engage. Invite. Share life. The body remembers.” 

Bradley is blunt in his challenge to the church.  The programming in most churches is not built for the current crisis of boys and men.  “It wasn’t built for boys having to navigate a world saturated in social media messaging.  It wasn’t built for the kind of spiritual formation your sons actually need.”   

I began learning in the early 80’s about male presence, from Leanne Payne.  She taught me that masculinity is more caught then taught.  She spoke about “father hunger” in the lives of young men.  I never know the longing in my soul was really a “father hunger.”  I was in my early 40’s, finding myself being drawn to godly men, who I respected,  wanting to simply absorb their spiritual presence.  It was more about who they were and not what they had to say.  It was my hunger for a Godly father figure.

At this stage in my life, as an old timer, I can only affirm what Bradley is vouching for among men, “Engage, Invite. Share life.  The body remembers.”   These are relational words.  Filling the needs of father hunger, will take on going relational interaction.   Bradley’s words, “the body remembers” is of significance.  Young men need to be with older saints on a regular basis, so they can absorb what God has formed in the life of an older man.  In our day we call it “spiritual formation.”  It simply happens when older men take a vital interest in young men. 

I have an admission to make as I write this blog.  I look forward to watching the pro football hall of fame enshrinement ceremony each year.  This year my favorite team, the Minnesota Vikings, had Jared Allen, who played defensive end, go into the hall of fame.  My wife knows when I am been watching the ceremony.  I usually am crying like a baby.  It is inspiring to observe a completive, no-nonse guy stand before the mike with the sports world listening intently to his prepared speech speak from the heart.   

Sometimes, it seems like the football player is emulating himself and his accomplishments.  But most of the time, when a man stands before the world, giving his acceptance speech, his words are deep, heartfelt and sincere.  He remembers the hard work, the guys he played with, along with those who have supported him.  Often the man standing at the podium will give a clear witness of strength found in the Lord. When I sense the sincere gratitude, often filled with heartfelt emotions, it brings me to tears.  Here are men, admired by the sports world, for being a tough and determined football player, yet when the spotlight is on them, they give gratitude and thanksgiving to others, and often filled with emotion.  “Wow.”

Jared Allen, in the last minutes of his speech, gave a bold and clear testimony regarding the place of Jesus in his life.  He began by remembering the premarital advice given to him and his wife.  He referred to the two most important decisions a man will make.  First, the decision to follow Jesus and who will he marry.  He also recalled the advice of knowing there are two different people in life. First, those who are like a boat anchor, who drag you down and second, those who elevate you.  He then gives high praise for his wife, calling her, “a true game elevator.”

Then Allen speaks directly to his two lovely daughters before sports world.   He calls them, “his greatest accomplishment” and his “legacy.” He makes this remarkable statement, one in which I lost my composure.  “When I get called home to heaven one day, if all they talk about is my gold jacket, then I’ve failed miserably, failing as a father, husband and friend.”  He then gives this advice, which is very bold indeed.   “Always put Christ first and find your ‘why.’  Dream big dreams and always purse greatness in whatever you do.”

It is amazing how the light of the gospel shines through at unique times in our culture, as the message of “Good News” is told to millions of sports fans.  May Jared Allen’s words, speak to the hearts and souls of men.

To hear the name of “Jesus” mentioned on the stage of the pro football hall of fame, is powerful.  Phil 2:10-11 declares, “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  I agree wholehearted that our two most important decisions in life are accepting Jesus as Lord and who a man will marry.  Allen’s advice to his daughters, in putting Christ first is life is wise fatherly counsel.

Listen to his advice, men.  Your most important decision will be about the “Lordship of Jesus” and your choice of a life partner.  It seems to me; Allen was pleading with his daughters to put Jesus first.  May all the young men, who are football fans not forget this wise and heartfelt advice from pro hall of famer, Jared Allen. Skol

My wife and I, watched in amazement and joy as we sensed  the presence of the Lord this past Sunday, during the five-hour memorial for Charlie Kirk, held in Phoenix’s State Farm Stadium.  Both of us have spent the last couple of weeks, trying to discern what will be the impact of Charlie Kirk’s assassination.  Beyond a doubt Kirk is a martyr because of his example, spirit and courage.  He has captured the hearts of young men.  The movement is growing.

Two passages of Scripture help describe what participants experienced as a spiritual revival as well as a political rallying cry. Seldom in such a large gathering have such opposite expressions so blended together.  Political power and spiritual energy was produced by the testimonies to the life of Charlie Kirk and his belief in Jesus, as Lord and Savior.  It produced a momentum that will begin to capture our nation with the “Good News” that Jesus and His Kingdom is the ultimate answer to the brokenness felt in our nation.

The first passage is from Malachi 4:2-3, “But you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings.  And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture.”  As the TV cameras panned crowd of almost 100,000 in the stadium, you could see the energy as the crowd, freely  expressing their joy in the Lord.  They were like calves that had felt penned up.  They experienced  the healing presence of the Lord.

The second passage is from Isaiah 9:2, “The people who walk in darkness will see a great light.  For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine.”  The fourth verse goes on to say, “For you will break the yoke of their slavery and lift the heavy burden from their shoulders.  You will break the oppressor’s rod, just as you did when you destroyed the army of Midian.”  Many people once again saw that the darkness can not overcome the “light of Jesus” presence.  “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” (John 1:5).  The yoke of slavery to the voices of darkness was broken and the heavy burden of confusion, despair and uncertainty was lifted from the shoulders of many well meaning folks, who were previous blinded by the enemy of our souls.

This is what I take away from this spiritual revival meeting held in the desert of Arizona, watched by millions around the world.  First, Jesus is Lord.  This was the rock solid belief of Charlie Kirk.  Jesus declared,  “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End” (Rev. 22:13).  Jesus is “the Arc of History.”  Don’t try to bend it in any other direction, then his Kingdom Presence.

Secondly, the necessity and beauty of Charlie’s wife Erika confessing, “I forgive you” to her husband’s killer.  Her example is the model for our broken and divided nation at this moment in time.  Jesus taught us to pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those trespass against us.”

On a personal note – two challenges for me.  Charlie Kirk has challenged me to be a man of courage. He was not afraid of the opposition.  The second challenge was his on going comment to his wife, “What can I do today for you as my wife?” 

This revival in the desert will stick in the hearts and minds of Americans for long time.  May we all have the courage to choose the way of Jesus, as we face the opposition from those who have been  blinded to the truth of King Jesus.   

Richard Reeves is doing some insightful work regarding men and boys’ issues in today’s culture.  He recently posted an article entitled, “The case for male spaces,” with an interesting subtitle, “Fears of the Old Boys’ Club are now doing more harm than good.”   Reeves contends that male loneliness is not getting the attention that it needs. He notes, “You can’t neglect a friendship and expect it to just grow……my observation is that many women are just better at doing that and building it into their lives…..We do need to be intentional about male friendship. We need to be intentional about combating against loneliness, and that we have to create spaces that are not going to create themselves.”

Reeves is big on being intentional about creating male spaces. He made this observation. “Feminists’ suspicion of all-male spaces and male bonding rituals make sense given their sexist history.  But today, these spaces can make men stronger allies of women.  When men support each other, it relieves women of the burden of their emotion labor.  And it can teach men reciprocity and listening skills.” 

He quotes Brett Mckay with this humorous observation: “With every room co-opted in the house by women or children, and with few bastions of manliness in the public sphere left standing to escape to, men were relegated to claiming a solitary chair as their designated male space.”  Reeves wonders if it might be, “time to look much more findly on the case for male organizations, spaces and institutions.  I think we’ll look back on the decision of so many organizations, especially those focused on boys and young men, to abandon a single-sex approach as a mistake.”  

I am thankful for my first 18 years in the UP of Michigan, where having acceptable “male spaces.” was a fact of life.   I have fond memories of being with my male “buddies” on most occasions outside of sponsored social events.  When it came to girls, I was shy and insecure.  Through all the normal activities of boys, interacting on our own, I learned what it meant to be a boy.  I am eternally thankful that my parents let me enjoy and flourish in these “boyhood spaces.”

But when I left home, I had to learn what it was to be a man.  This was very difficult at times.  My youth offered little “male spaces” to learn from other men.  My Dad and those in my circle of influences never gave it much thought.  So, in my 20’s and early 30’s my heart was searching and hungering for “male presence” in my life.  I slowly got healing for my soul and I discovered the presence and joy of being with other Christian men in the churches that I served. 

Because of my lack of “male space” and being a relational guy, I became involved with other men in find healing for their souls and as a pastor, becoming naturally involved in soul care.  In my 30’s and early 40’s it was simply fellowship with other men, knowing that as men shared our stories, it could be healing for our souls.  Later I found a name for this work.  It was “The Care of Souls” for men.  Many women  in my churches hoped their husband would come to the soul care group for men, knowing that other men might help them with their issues, while learning to be transparent with their pain.

So, yes, the church needs a place where men can talk about their soul life.  Men being with other men can do wonders for a lonely, confused man.  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do” (Prov. 4:23 NLT).

Stuart Whatley in an essay for The New Statesman entitled “The West is Bored to Death,” contends our culture is weakening not from pain or poverty, but rather from boredom.  He believes, “a spiritual vacuum created by material abundance and the declining sense of meaning, has resulted in the rise of dangerous politics, aimless leisure, and hallow activism.”  While the comfort and convenience of modern life has reduced physical suffering, it has helped to produce a crisis of restlessness and discontent. 

Work has become detached from a sense of calling.  There are fewer people rooted in community or tradition.  More free time has brought about a state of boredom.  This free time is often filled with digital noise, outrage cycles, and fleeting pleasures.  Into this void, online movements and ideological crusades present a counterfeit purpose, creating the illusion of significance for people who feel lost, unheard, or unimportant.”  Whatley notes, “when people don’t know what to do with their freedom, they become easy prey for demagogues and tribal causes. 

Anthony Bradley in reviewing Whatley article, contends that the church can provide, “a context where men can build real friendships and live with direction.” rather than simple following a set of beliefs or rituals.  “In a culture of loneliness and atomization,” observes Bradley, “the church gives men something they’re rarely offered elsewhere: a place to be known, needed, and included.”  Generally, men have favored independence and isolation.  The result is many men are left aimless and disconnected.  The church is able to provide a relational context men need in our day – a circle of brothers.  This offers men something beyond themselves, “it can offer rhythm, a shared responsibilities and opportunities to grow through service, reflection, and collective purpose.”

Boredom will lessen when there is friendship, shared mission and encouragement among men.  Bradley makes the point of the church focusing on relating to men.  “When men have other men walking beside them……it changes everything.”   He strongly suggests, “Without those relationships, no amount of success, wealth, or free time will fill the void.”  All the political chaos in our culture today “isn’t just ideological; it’s relational.”  The church can meet this relational need among men, by providing a home, “for the men this culture has left drifting.

Peter Ostapko, founder of “Kinsmen” believes, “The overwhelming majority of men never move past the surface veneer of their friendships with others.  It’s almost like we need an unlearning of what has become our definition of friendship.”  Male friendship should include forgiveness, love, brotherhood and genuine affection.  Ostapko thinks we are afraid “because we’re parked in guilt and shame and don’t want to be exposed.”  Or we are too busy, obsessed with productivity and efficiency and the friendships we need simply take too much time and will become far too messy. 

He offers this challenge: “get away from the surface veneer, stop consuming and performing.  Create margin. Honor one another.  Embody forgiveness. Be willing to show up for one another for long enough that’ll even warrant the need for forgiveness.”  He believes “we have exchanged God’s design in brotherhood for a conditioned transaction of association that we call friendship.”  

Men need a safe space with other men in order to tell their stories.  Male voices, sharing the secrets of the soul, help men to unlearn many of their dysfunctional habits of being a lone ranger or a stoic personality who has lost a sense of being a soulful man.  May the Lord provide each men reading this blog a group of soulful men, who want to “look under the hood.”  Help us to be there for the “wounded warriors.”  

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There are times when I would like to include sports in blogs, but I don’t want to be over zealous in my interest of sports.  However, the following note in the Daily Caller, prompts me to comment on PJ Jules, a safety who survived the mandatory roster cut for the Cincinnati Bengals.  I am always looking for clues about the character of a player, who realizes he has been given a gift from God, as an athlete.  Even the NFL football commentators speak of players being “a character guy.”  Many have had an impact on the locker room by the way they live their life.  I imagine being a player with “high values” can be quite a challenge.    

Anyway, I sense from Jules’ post that he is a character guy.  For the whole 2024 season, Jules was a member of Cincinnati’s practice squad.  The team had signed him as an undrafted free agent.  He had played college football at Southern Illinois, where in the  2023 season he became a first-team FCS All-American.  But that all changed in 2025 when he landed a spot on the Bengals roster.  In a post, after he had received confirmation, Jules sent out a message in which he talked about his father. 

“I made the team, I’m active.  Thank you Lord for the opportunity.  I miss you so much Dad.  Wish you was here to see me.  You believed in me.  I know you watching.  I do this for you, from nothing to something.  This [is] just [the] beginning of something great.”

I, of course, don’t  know PJ Jules.  I  take at face value, what he is saying is from his heart in his excitement of making a professional football team.  After being cut the previous year, he is now celebrating his accomplishment.  I want to comment on his post. 

In relief after his disappointment of not making the team, he notes, “I made the team. I’m active.”  Then he thanks the Lord, “for the opportunity.”  It seems that this young man knows that he had the Lord’s help in his opportunity to play on a professional football team in the NFL.  He knows that life is bigger than his own success.  God has given him the platform to excel in his God given abilities.  

But most telling is how in this moment of success as a young football player, the young man speaks of his  departed father.  He evidently had a bonding relationship with his father.  He writes, “I miss you so much dad.  Wish you was here to see me. You believe in me. I know you watching.  I do this for you, from nothing to something.  This [is] just [the] beginning of something great.” 

Every young man needs to know his father is in his corner, cheering him on in life, as he seeks to make his mark as a man.  To say publicly in this moment of celebrating, that PJ had a father who believed in him, is very telling.  Many young men are fatherless and lonely.  Living without guidance and not knowing what it is to be a man.  Jules, in my discernment, is thanking his father, for helping him become a man.  When he says, “from nothing to something” he is realizing his dream of playing pro football, even when he wanted to quit.  It takes a father cheering on his son, for his son to make it.

For PF, ” This [is] just the beginning of something great.”  This young man  had the modeling and support of a Dad who believes in him.   Becoming a man is more caught than taught.