Bonnie Kristian had an article in Christianity Today entitled, “We are obsessed with Gender.” She thinks we talk, “endlessly about manhood and womanhood (biblical or otherwise), masculinity and femininity, gender roles and whether our conception and execution of them is Christlike or worldly.” She maintains, “The way we now speak about gender in popular conversation is downstream of the convoluted work of academic gender theorists…..The exact schema of gender theory depends on the thinker.” For some, gender is an expression of sex; while for others it is wholly independent of sex.
Kristian maintains, “Sex is the biological fact, while gender is about the cultural expectations, norms, and habits related to each sex. Gender as ‘social construct’ is the common phrase.” Being a man or a woman is a “biological reality, a relational necessity, a given, and a gift of God, through a gift we may sometimes struggle to understand.” However, quoting Leah Libresco, she wonders if, “being a man or a woman is something you can fail at.” This made me think about my being a man. She points out the need of virtue. “Sex is a given, but virtue is not, and our individual pursuits of virtue may well be shaped by our sex and gender.”
Kristian then asks, “What would it mean to understand that we can’t fail in being a man or a woman?” It’s a given in the creation story: “male and female He created” us (Gen 1:27)? How could this reality break our culture’s gender fixation. It could free us from the idea of gender affirmation. According to Alastair Roberts, “Most people have a strong sense of being men or women.” But young men today are in great need for direction, norms for how to be a man. They are looking for something “thick enough to live on.” Kristian believes, “we need virtue not in the abstract, but, suitably to the subject at hand, embodied in relationship.”
Kristian suggests, “Rather than meet overthinking with even more thinking, or answering anxiety about measuring up with another standard to reach, we should focus on growing in grace and love in the relationships God gives us. Focus on life in community – especially family, but also in friendship, neighborhood, school, work, and church.” It is in community where we find virtues being lived out.
Kristian gives men a challenge. “Learn from elderly couples with long marriages. Invest in institutions and help young people get their start. Aspire to imitate the good men and good women you know, to emulate their model of maleness or femaleness conformed not to stereotypes but to Christ.”
I am struck by the thought of focusing on virtues being expressed in community. In an embodied group of believers, we will find male and female lived out, not just talked about in the abstract. For me this has meant to following:
First, I am eternally thankful for me wife, Judy. Together we desire to embody the truth of God creating a man and a woman. Our marriage has attempted to live out that reality, in a way unique for us.
Secondly, I am very grateful for the authors, whose insights have helped me in my masculinity, especially Leanne Payne and Richard Rohr. They were available for me during my formative years.
Thirdly, I am eternally grateful for the godly men, who have feed the “father hunger” in my soul. Men, like Dick Denny, John Sandford, Chuck Metleman and Dave Anderson.
Fourthly, now as a man on the tail end of his journey, I pray with all my heart, that I might still be a man of virtue, able to encourage younger men on the journey.
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