Category: Wildman Journey (Page 53 of 85)

I am sure you are wondering what “zer” and “hir” mean.  Well, Harvard University’s arts and science college are giving students the chance to indicate whether they prefer to use the traditional pronouns “he” and “she” or alternatives including “zer, “hir,” or variants of “they.”  “If faculty or advisers are inadvertently outing someone by using a name or pronoun that doesn’t reflect their authentic self, that is a problem,”said Michael Burke, registrar for the university’s school of arts and sciences.  Burke noted that it was not uncommon, “to go to a meeting where people introduce themselves not only by their name and title, but by their gender pronoun.”  But what exactly is an “authentic self.”

Men, this is how crazy it has gotten on our college campus. But thankfully there are exceptions, like at Washington State University, where a professor in her syllabus entitled, “Women & Popular Culture” warned that offensive language would not be tolerated. “This includes [phrases such as] ‘the man'” and “reference to women-men as females or males.”  There was a reaction.  WSU released a statement reaffirming its commitment to free speech and announcing that “no student will have points docked merely as a result of using terms that may be deemed offensive to some,”  yet wanting to, “cultivate diversity of expression while protecting individual rights and safety.  This creates a real dilemma.

These are  examples of “the coddling of the American Mind” according to an article in The Atlantic.  The article maintains that the issue is more then restricting hate speech.  “The current movement is largely about emotional well-being….it presumes an extraordinary fragility of the collegiate psyche, and therefore elevates the goal of protecting students from psychological harm.”  The goal is to turn campuses into “safe spaces,” “where young adults are shielded from words and ideas that make some uncomfortable.”

The creation story is the true view of reality, which gives us the original blueprint for male and female relations.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). Jesus affirms this view of reality when he said, “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female” (Mark 10:6).  Men, don’t let the rapid cultural decay in which the light of reason has gone dim,  shake your confidence and cloud your view of reality.  We are either male or female, period.

Men, in the midst of all this cultural confusion regarding gender, let us be “cultural warriors” in our own quiet manner.  What do I mean by this suggestion.  First, get it straight in your mind and heart that as men we will maintain a biblical view of reality.  We don’t have to be apologetic or defensive of our maleness.   We joyfully declare that our personhood as a male is a gift of God.  We cannot tamper with who we are, without serious consequences.  So as cultural warriors, we will celebrate our maleness, and make no apologizes for being a man.

Secondly, we will have a healthy and respectful view of the feminine as a proper balance to our maleness.  We will not flee from the feminine, nor disparage its importance to bring balance and harmony in relationships.  Thirdly, we will humbly admit the failure of men to respect and honor the feminine in the past.  Finally, we will live with open hearts before God, allowing God to bring healing to our male souls, in order that we might be more like Jesus, both “tough and tender” in his relationship with others, embracing the demeanor both of the “lion” and the “lamb”.

“To ask a man to become relationally aware, without being first of all secure in his maleness, is to ask a man to be less than a man.  It is in some ways asking a man to act like a woman without first knowing what it is like to be a man.  A man must be sensitive from the heart of a truly secure man.”  Insecure men can become trapped in a sickly, passive mood that paralyzes male energy. Due to the cultural demands of a distorted feminine, men become “feminized” or “soft males.”

The reaction to Donald Trump brings this feminization of American culture to the surface .  Trust me,  I am in no way endorsing Mr. Trump.  But he exposes the feminizing tendency.  Psychologist Dr. Kent G. Bailey observes that Trump, “is the prototypical, archetypal and testosterone-driven alpha male who rules by sheer force of his personality, imposing physique, quick wit, mastery of repartee and almost hypnotic control over his gathering masses of adoring followers.”  Bailey maintains that the archetypal warrior male has virtually disappeared in the last 60 years as our nation has progressively become feminized. Trump, however, has “taken primal maleness to levels unseen for at least a half a century.”  Compare him to some modern politician and you begin to get a picture of the feminizing tendency.

Mr. Trump is a throwback to an expression of the masculine that is in full flight from the feminine.  We live in a time when the complementary masculine and feminine are seriously out of balance.  The Donald typifies the classic “Rambo mentality” in which men express their aggressive, outgoing, take charge mentality, but disregard the need to be sensitive and relational, while expressing depth of meaning and purpose. It’s force over matter.  Our cultural reaction over the past decades has produced men who feel forced to be more feminine.  Many people – men and women – intuitively sense The Donald challenging this tendency.  At one point around 2015, Gallup had a 14-point gender gap: 68% approval among men versus 54% for women.

So, how do we address the feminization of men that Donald Trump has brought to the fore?  The quote above that noted “a man must be sensitive from the heart of a truly secure man” is a key.  In my own stumbling manner, I have tried to address this over the years.  I believe the issue of feminized men does not get the attention it deserves. The best image I have found to express the balance needed in the male soul is “tough and tender” or that of “the lion and the lamb.” The masculine can be expressed in initiative, while the feminine can be expressed in response.  As a culture we have been reacting for the last 60 years to a distorted male initiative that has not been balanced with a feminine response.  The pendulum has swung to the extreme of more and more feminine sensitivity and less and less male initiative.  With The Donald it has been fascinating to watch our cultural response to an all-out Rambo Effect that is woefully lacking the sensitivity offered by the feminine.

Men, Jesus put it very plainly, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matt 19:4).  C.S. Lewis observed that, “gender is a reality and a more fundamental reality than sex.” Masculinity and femininity, being rooted in God, have transcendent dimensions.  That is why it so dangerous for a culture to let this get out of balance.  Leanne Payne, from whom I have learned so much, gives this warning: “A culture will never become decadent in the face of a healthy, balanced masculinity.  When a nation… backslides, it is the masculine which is the first to decline.”

We read in Isaiah 57:15, “The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One says this: I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble.  I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.”  God, the Holy One, is found among the contrite and humble.  Proverbs 18:12 reminds us, “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor,” while Proverbs 29: 23 warms us, “Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.” To be honored is to be respected and thought of as a person of integrity.  We all want that as men, but it comes through humility.

These verses took on new meaning for me during a recent visit of my three teenage grandsons.  I certainly wanted them to think well of me as grandpa.  I was being tested about being present and open with them.  My wife and I had prayed before hand that we might be used of God to bear witness of God’s love for them. I was learning again that “honesty” and “openness” were key in communicating with them.  God provided a good incident in this regard.

This is what happened.  Two of my grandsons and myself were coming in from fishing just before our noon meal.  The boys had already gone up the hill, while I put the boat away.  All of sudden I had to do “a dump.” I knew I would not make it.  So I stayed in the water and cleaned up as best I could.  I came to the meal with a clean pair of shorts on, but I was unaware that I still smelled.  As we were eating, my two grandsons could detect a smell.  I was totally humiliated.  So for desert, I suggested we go out on the deck.  That saved me.

After desert, I made my confession of not being able to made it up the hill to go to the bathroom.  I acknowledged my humiliation.  We all had a great laugh.  I said that I had been convicted of my spiritual pride.  I told my daughter’s family that God was using the incident to humble me. Instead of neglecting to talk about “the smell,” I owned up to what had happen. More was accomplished in my publicly embracing my humiliation, rather then hiding  the cause of the smell.  By God’s grace I could shallow my pride, leaving my grandsons an example of humiliation, hoping that God could use my confession as a witness to them, remembering the humility comes before honor.

Men, I am  thankful for the freedom to be able to admit such a humiliating experience as that “smell” at the dinner table.  Words can not convey how uncomfortable and humiliated I felt.  I knew I would have to say something.  Being out on the deck, with the fresh breezes blowing, gave me my opportunity.  I am just “grandpa” not a “spiritual” elder in the church in the eyes of those boys.  I wanted to be a grandfather who was fully present to them.  It can be humbling at times.

Remember men, God has called you to be faithful in being both physically and emotionally present to your family.  It calls for real humility. It is through humility that we connect with our children and grandchildren.  If you want to be honored and respected as father or grandfather, the Spirit of God uses the posture of humility to communicate empathy to those we love and are called to influence, not a cold, indifferent, “performance orientated” spirituality.  Your family wants to connect with a real man.  Humility  will cause you to be real.

In the late 80’s many of you remember Bono of U2 singing with passion, “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” He called it, “a gospel song for the restless spirit.”  Back then I was in my late 40’s, going through a significant spiritual shift in my soul  life.  It was both renewing and unsettling.  I didn’t realize that at the time, but intuitively  I was breaking out of my “evangelical-charismatic box” so as to incorporate the “contemplative” dimension into my journey with Jesus.  Dr. James Houston, in his book “Heart’s Desire” expressed in one sentence what I was struggling to understand.  “The unsatisfied longing for God is what drives human being above all else.”

He quoted Augustine: “Longing is the heart’s treasury.  The whole life of the good Christian is a holy longing.  What you desire ardently, as yet you do not see…. God extends the longing; through longing he extends the soul, by extending it he makes room in it….So….let us long because we are to be filled…that is our life, to be exercised by longing.”  The Psalmist expressed his longing for God when he prayed, “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Ps. 63:1-2).

Men, it took me a long time to acknowledge the fire of desire and longing in my soul.  Christopher West in a book entitled “Fill These Hearts” writes,  “Despite all the widespread impressions to the contrary, we must impress the truth upon our souls and allow it to settle in our bones: Christianity is the religion of desire….”  I am more convinced then ever that it is not will power, right thinking, or correct behavior that will capture the hearts of men.  It’s acknowledging, embracing, tasting, and living out of our desire for God.  After all, God put that desire there, so that we might long for fellowship with him.

Our desires, of course,  can be disordered. But beyond the distortion is a true passion for God.  We need men with fire, not men who smolder.  A strong, objective framework built on scripture, along with good orthodox teaching handed down over the years will guide and lead us.  But we have an unattended “a fire in our belly”  that needs our attention.  G. K. Chesterton observed: “And the more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.”  Remember John said Jesus would baptize, “with the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matt. 3:11). Men, what will you do about your fire?

Over the years I have come into a “spacious place” (Ps 18:18) regarding to my own longing and desire for God.  I am more willing to “taste” this longing, without being fearful  of the energy and mystery of this movement in my soul. I am still learning to integrate this spiritual energy with the sexual energy I know resides within my soul.  I now know that I will never be filled, but that the longing for God will continue to be a driving force in my life.  It brings freedom and spiritual energy for the journey.

So men, my advice is to ease up on your intellectual and habitual controls, while allowing yourself to “taste” your inner longing for God.  Trust that your deepest longings are from Him.  Allow yourself to pray as the Psalmist, “All my longings lie open before you,  Lord: my sighing is not hidden from you.  My heart pound for you” (Ps. 38:9-10).

I have recently been reading a New Testament translation by a leading New Testament scholar, N.T. Wright.  I Cor. 4:15 reads as follows, “You’ve got a thousand babysitters in Christ, I know, but you haven’t got many fathers – because I became your father in the Messiah, Jesus, through the gospel.”  When I read those words, I knew I had to write a blog for men. The word “babysitter” grabbed my attention. Earlier in I Cor 3: 1 Paul made  reference to some in the Corinthian church,  “…I couldn’t speak to you as spiritual people, but as people who were all too obviously merely human, like babies in the Messiah.”  Paul goes on the say , “I fed you with milk, not solid food, because your weren’t able to take it – and you still can’t, even now!” (I Cor 3:2)   Obviously Paul was working with some immature believers.

Men, if we are honest there are times when we prefer a babysitter to be with us on our  journey.  We don’t want solid spiritual  food offered by another mature believer.  When have you preferred a spiritual babysitter?  You want a baby sitter first of all, when you don’t want to be responsible for your behavior.  We look to an adult to sympathize with us when we are justifying our childish behavior. This leads to a second response.  We want someone to enter into our pouting.  We feel sorry for ourselves and look to others to join our “pity party.”  We’re wanting empathy for our childish behavior. Mind you, it is subtle, but it is childish.  We can make it seem so spiritual.

Thirdly, we have a preference  for a babysitter when we don’t want to face reality. We simply want someone to agree with our  immature behavior and attitude, even while we pose as a spiritual guy.  We are afraid or ashamed to face the reality of our  fallen nature.  Fourthly, we wish adults around us would just give us some easy answers to the issues of life.  We resist doing the difficult inner work of facing our”ingrained habits of sin” (Foster).   One more – we want someone to make us feel good.  We have worked  so hard at being good.  We need affirmation for our”dysfunctional” behavior as a man of God.

Men, these are some of the reasons why I look for a babysitter.  How about you?  It will vary due to personality, background and life story.  We all need spiritual fathers in the faith.  Who has been a father for you?  It could be for a short time, during a critical period of your journey or someone who has traveled with you for a long time.  Spiritual fathers are mature, caring men who have been on the journey longer then you, whom you allow to speak into your life.  A spiritual father, first of all, will know how to give affirmation,  encouraging you, while giving you honest feed back. He will know when to be “soft” and when to be “hard.”  He will  secondly, be in your life to bring needed correction. He will be used to lovingly point out your “flaws.”

Thirdly, he will act as your confessor and stand with you when the times are tough. He will love you at your worst while hearing you confess your “spiritual junk.”  Fourthly, he will defend you and speak well of you when you feel the most vulnerable and broken.  That kind of spiritual father is rare, but will be much need in the days to come. Finally, a spiritual father, will help fill “the hole” in your male soul.  Only a spiritual father can do this for a younger man.  Rohr calls them “male mothers.”

Randy Stinson, executive director of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood has observed, “The current feminization of Christianity reflects a larger trend in pop culture where women are pushed to be more masculine and men are pushed to be more feminine.”  He lamented that men are being  marginalized,  becoming passive,while being pushed to the side.  “Men,” he contends, “should not be made to feel that having a relationship with Christ mean that you have to check your masculinity at the door.”  Stinson maintains, “Men generally do not verbalize all their feelings….Men do relate differently, but they shouldn’t have to change all that in order to be a success in the local church.”

I take exception to his last comments.  While I agree with the notion of feminization being a problem in the church (I have written about this issue), I firmly believe that the church needs to be a place where men can explore their emotion life. “Men need to rediscover and accept, not deny and repress, their own range of feelings.” (Rohr)  The church should be in the forefront in helping with emotional intelligence, being a safe place for men to gain a healthy view of a  “male mode of feeling.”

Men are fragmented, confused, and even frightened by their emotions.  This is a reality that needs to be embraced, not brushed aside as feminine or the evidence of weakness.  Men have for too long been taught to be detached from their emotions. The testimony of Scripture is that we are “embodied souls,” every bit an emotional being as women. Just read the Psalms with an open heart.  For example – “All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you” (Ps. 38:9).

What is needed are churches in which the male leadership, lives out a life that demonstrated an integration of heart and mind.  But in so many cases those in leadership have never done their own”inner work.”  The emotional life is held in suspect as a dangerous place to visit.  This is a false narrative that has caused many men to leave the church because they receive little help in the integration of their emotional life with every day relationships, especially at home.

It is far to easy for men to hide behind the stereotype of having to control of their emotions.  That is exactly the problem.  Many men dutifully come to church full of emotions that they have tried for years to hide. The church has not been seen as a place where men can  gather to talk about and process their emotional life.  The evangelical church, far to often, has taught men to stay in their heads, thinking about God, while trying to be “good.”

I realize that some of my readers will not appreciate my  commentary on men’s emotions and the church. But I contend that there are men who are tired of playing the game of “having it all” together.  They are ready for the inner journey that is so vital for Christian maturity. Men, we have to do this deep and painful work of cleansing our souls, without the nurture of our wives.  This is a man thing.  We have to do it for ourselves, so that we can be secure in our maleness, allowing ourselves to be there for our wives and children.  I exhort you not to look to your wife for  your healing.  This needs to come from a “band of brothers” who will fight for each other’s soul.  I strongly encourage you to find a few guys who will join you on this journey.

As biblical Christians we are being told that we have lost the “cultural war.”  This will continue to be debated for some time. One certainty, however, is that we will see more “wounded warriors” in the days to come. As good soldiers, following Jesus, we will suffer.  “Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  No one serving as a solider gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer” (II Tim.2:3-4).  What will this suffering look like?  How will we respond to adversity?  How are we to “fight the good fight of the faith?” (I Tim.6:12)  We are told to take our stand. “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand” (Eph. 6:13). Since the days are becoming more evil, what will our stand imply.  Here are some are a few considerations on being wounded.

First, establish your calling as a warrior.  Paul reminded young Timothy of his calling. “The prophetic word that was directed to you prepared us for this.  All those prayers are coming together now so you will do this well, fearless in your struggle, keeping a firm grip on your faith and on yourself.  After all, this is a fight we’re in” (I Tim 1:18 – Message).  I believe many men reading this blog will receive a prophetic call to be a warrior.  Your time has come. You are being called to stand.  The call will be different for every man.  My exhortation is to be obedient to this call.  You have been prepared to stand in your present life circumstance.  God will lead you to other warriors.  They will be unmistakable in their resolve to be faithful to their “commanding officer.”

Secondly expect to take some arrows.  “Look, the wicked bend their bows, they set their arrows against the strings to shoot from the shadows at the upright in heart” (Ps. 11:2).  The warfare will be deceptive but intense.  Be ready for the arrows.  “Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from that noisy crowd of evildoers.  They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows. They shoot from ambush at the innocent man; they shoot at him suddenly, without fear” (Ps 64:2-4).  I call this being “broad-sided.”  Elsewhere the Psalmist said he will not fear, “the arrow that flies by day” (Ps 91: 5). Are you ready to  take the arrows?  Jesus said we are blessed when the arrows come. “Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man” (Matt. 5:22).

Thirdly, prepare yourself for having a wounded heart.  I am not talking about physical wounds, although that might be true for some  warriors in the days to come.  Rather, I am referring to the pain of betrayal, disappointment, slander, and rejection that will come from some who are close to you.  Jesus warned of this. “You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put you some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me” (Luke 21:16-17).

Fourthly, find healing for your heart, by doing your inner soul work.  Be honest, open and transparent about your inner wounds.  Ps 51 helps us greatly in this process.  David was honest, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight'” (Ps 51:4).  Find another brother to pray about your healing, and then go an help another “wounded warrior.”  There will be many needing your help.

On Pope Francis’ recent trip to South America he made a visit to Bolivia. While there he used a Burger King as a sacristy and a location to store the chair he sat on during the mass, along with other items used during the Mass.  His attendants asked for Burger King’s help because  it was an appropriate place near the site of the open door Mass and it had closed for the event.   Afterwords, Burger King put out a facebook post which read, “Welcome Pope Francis, thank you for choosing the restaurant BK Cristo as your sacristy.  Burger King receives you with open arms.”  Another post had a picture of the Pope beneath the Burger King logo with these words, “There are visits that don’t just bring joy to your spirit but also feed it”

I see this story of the Burger King as a parable to help “church people” think outside our “church box.”   Pope Francis has gained many admirers in the Protestant church,while he has confounded members of his own church.  But one thing is unmistakable; he has brought media attention to his views and agenda.  It should not be surprising that the Pope broke “out of the box” and was found using the BK before his Mass.  So here are three learnings from the Pope’s use of the BK

First, the BK was used as his Sacristy.  A Sacristy in special room set aside for the priest to prepare for Mass. The Pope saw the BK as a sacristy for his use before his outdoor Mass.  He  acted outside “the religious box.” The more comfortable you are in your walk with Jesus the more seamless it will become, enabling you to be outside the religious box of performance and posturing.   Paul said of himself, “Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized – whoever.  I didn’t take on their way of life.  I kept my bearing in Christ” (I Cor 9:19-22 – Message)

Secondly, the Pope being photographed under the logo of a BK, was for  some religious folks almost sacrilegious.  But not for the Pope.  He was free enough in his spirit to be seen dressed in his liturgical  robes under the familiar sign of a BK.  Are we free to let our light shine wherever we are.  Or do we restrict our witness in public.   Jesus tells us, “You’re here to be light, bringing out the God colors in the world.  God is not a secret to be kept.  We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.  If I make you a light-bearer, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you?  I’m putting you on a light stand.  Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand – shine! (Matt 5:14-15 – Message)

Thirdly, can a BK freely feed the spirit.  Of course not!  This is an example of wishful thinking, hoping that some of the Pope’s spiritual influence can be used to promote business at BK.  A visit to BK might bring joy, but it will not likely feed our spirit.  But the point is – the Pope’s visit got folks at the BK and other pilgrims to think in religious terms about the condition of their soul. “Be gracious in your speech.  The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (Col 4:6 – Message).

I am proudly wearing my Twins Cap again.  Our beloved Twins, after some bad years, at the writing of this blog have the third best record in the AL.  The new manager Paul Molitor has something to do with our resurgence.  A Twin Cities sport writer recently wrote, “Paul Molitor is a baseball Hall of Famer whose managerial style is defined by ‘humility'”.  Molitor says of himself, “I’ve made many mistakes along the way that I hope, with the things I’ve gone through, I can communicate those to people to help them just become better.”  He sees leadership as trying to help his players with  their skills and become better persons.  He seems to have everyone believing in themselves and each other.  That’s a definition of a team.

Molitor is an example of what humility can accomplish in relationships, even among “pampered” young millionaires.   Every man is a manger or coach to some degree because of his relationships.  Humility is a vital ingredient in these relationships.  In the moral ecology of our day, humility among leaders is in short supply.  “Over the past several decades we have built a moral ecology around the Big Me” (David Brooks).  Genuine humility is more “other” centered then “self” centered.  “In humility values others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interest of the others” (Phil 2:3-4).  Others become more important than ourselves.

Men, those around you – your family, co-workers and friends know when you are interest in wanting the very best for them.  You can’t do it without humility. So what can we learn from Paul Molitor.  I see three ingredients in his comments that can be helpful for us as we “manage” our relationships.  First of all, the manager saw himself as a “flawed” man.  Having an accurate assessment of yourself makes a man secure in the presence of others.  Knowing and acknowledging your “flaws” makes you believable.   You can be open, vulnerable and present to others when you are not protecting  your secret “flaws.” Especially,teach your children,  out of your vulnerability.

Secondly, Molitor wants to pass on what he has learned through his mistakes.  Not only should we acknowledge our flaws, but also use them as visuals in telling your story.  Each of us has a story, that can breath life into others.  Don’t hide your story from others.  It is out of your weakness that your real strength is displayed before others.  Learn to boast of your weaknesses not your strengths.   Paul said, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (II Cor 11:30).  He believed his weaknesses showed God’s power. “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (II Cor 12:9). Men, vulnerability makes you believable

Thirdly,  the manager of the Twins sees his leadership not only as  helping players with their skills but also in wanted to make them better persons. Those around you, and especially those who you are responsible for, need you support and encouragement.  I assume most of the men who read this blog, are middle-aged.  You are at the point in your careers when it is time to give back.  You have climbed the tower and had some success.  But your achievements are not only about you.  Who are the persons, with whom you are to pass on what has been imparted to you.   Who has God put in your life to invest in, so that they might become a better persons.

In a recent online survey conducted by Hart Research Associates and covered in the Wall Street Journal, 44 percent of American men said they are finding it “harder to be a man today compared with their father’s generation.”  The most common explanation pointed to the rise of women: “Women attaining a stronger position in the workplace, a stronger position financially, and greater gender equity.”  Nearly a third conceded that as women take greater responsibility outside the home the confidence of American men is eroding.  “While the old mold in male-female relationships has been broken” observes Jeff Horwitt, “it’s clear that the new shape has yet to be set.”

Many of the advances of women has been necessary and favorable in complementing the genders.   The extreme feminist movement is another issue. My concern, however, is how Christian men respond to the new reality.  What will the “new shape” be like? My generation  lived comfortably, with minimal challenges to a patriarchy which privileged men, assuming male authority over women. while expecting their submission.  But not today.  For better or worse, Christian men are being forced to grapple with  their gender identity.  It no longer can be just assumed. It will be a continuing issue when, for example, Facebook provides more than 50 choices for gender identification.  This will only make it more confusing and contentious.

So here is some advise from someone who has struggled with his gender identity as a man.  I have had to repent and change many of my attitudes and behavior towards women. This began in my early 30’s and continues to this day.  Just ask my wife. First and foremost, settle in your heart that your identity as a man is found in God, not how others see you or how you see yourself.  Your personhood is not your creation but a gift granted to you by your heavenly father.  “I no longer live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal 2:20).  Let Jesus be the key to your true identity as a man.  Give him all of your broken heart.  “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Ps. 147:3). Secure maleness begins with a healed heart.

Secondly, work out your lifestyle in relation to the contemporary gender roles. Richard Rohr give this warning. “Men’s liberation is….more difficult than women’s liberation.  Women know that they are oppressed and that in itself is the beginning of liberation.” But men have neglect to see their need for liberation from old patterns and habits.  Learn to  celebrate and rejoice in your identity as a man, while being accepting and affirming of women.  There is a complimentary, balanced way of relating to the feminine for each of us.

Thirdly, be intentional about learning the shape of your masculine soul.  For example  I am not as practical and rational. I am more feeling and intuitive then a lot of guys.  I have felt like a “misfit” in the male culture.  But over the years I have come to peace with who I am as man.  I celebrate my strengths, and have worked hard on  my “inferiors.”  “Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us” (Rom 12:3).

One final thought.  Often these blogs are too short to explain what is on my heart.  My three points might not give much clarity.  But if you keep reading or look back at previous blogs, you will sense my passion for helping men to live out of their true masculine soul, while  discovering and embracing the feminine which bring balance to our masculinity.  The masculine out of balance has been the source of much pain in relationships for many years.