Every once and a while I run across a short article that just makes “plain sense” in this mixed up culture of ours.  One areas of great confusion is the stereotyping of the male and female roles.  While men have generally failed relationally to meet the needs of women  in our culture, I think the feminist have gone too far in their pained reaction .  So I was pleasantly surprised to read an article by Camile Paglia in “Time” magazine regarding some of her thoughts on men in our culture

Here is some of what she had to say.  “Is it any wonder that so many high-achieving young women….find themselves n the early stages of their careers in chronic uncertainty or anxiety about their prospects for an emotionally fulfilled private life?  When an educated culture routinely denigrates masculinity and manhood, then women will be perpetually stuck with boys, who have no incentive to mature or to honor their commitments.  And without strong men as models to either embrace or (for dissident lesbians) to resist, women will never attain a centered and profound sense of themselves as women.”

That in my humble estimation is a profound insight into our cultural confusion.  With the relentless pounding men have taken in our culture, men are fleeing emotionally and relationally, behaving as “boys” (think of the beer ads during football games).  They simply don’t want to grow up. A cultural vacuum is produced in which there are no male models standing up to the destructive winds of culture.  As a result women suffer for our immaturity. But we read in Genesis 2:15, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” Primary responsibility was given to the man.  But man needed help.  God said, “It ‘s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion” (Gen 2:20). In other words, men need help, not competition or “mothering.”  Male and female are to work together.

So I say to every may reading this blog, “Stand on your own two feet” and be a man, giving those feminist something to talk about.  They are dealing with “real men.”  Take the cultural mandate given to you by your heavenly Father, and with courage and grace fulfill your mandate.  I have always taken this seriously, while failing more then I would like to admit.  But by God grace, I will stand.  With all my heart I want to finish strong. But here is what I need to  remember.  First, “when I am weak, then I am strong” (II Cor 12:10).  Secondly, “In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence” (Eph. 3:12).  Thirdly, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit’ (Ps 34:18)

So what does this mean for every man reading this blog?  First, in the strength of Jesus you can stand.  Yes, you can stand.  Secondly, you can take your stand with confidence.  Your heavenly Father will never leave or forsake you. Thirdly, God knows the struggle of your wounded and broken heart. Yes, there are times when it gets real tough. But your heavenly Father knows your pain.  He is the healer of broken and wounded hearts.

I appreciate the words from Madeleine L’Engle’s poem “After Annunciation” when I think about the confused state of Christmas in our culture.  These words in particular help me understand our confusion: “This is the irrational season/ When love blooms bright and wild/Had Mary been filled with reason/ There’d have been no room for the child.”  The conception and birth of Jesus is God’s initiative going beyond anything we could dream of.  This is God getting involved in the particularities of life.  As Eugene Peterson puts it, “Birth is painful. Babies are inconvenient and messy. There is immense trouble in having children.  God having a baby?  It’s far easier to accept God as the creator of majestic mountains, the rolling sea, and the delicate wild flowers.”

The Incarnation, God becoming a human being for the sins of the world, is the heart of the gospel in my understanding of the story.  I  take time during each Advent season to just think about what God did when he came as the baby Jesus.  It truly brings a spirit of worship and awe.  A key to our sharing God’s  story in our day, is to keep the conversation on Jesus, who was God and man in human form.  Yes, it may seem irrational, but it is the truth.  He is God come in the flesh, the savior of the world. “So the Word became human, and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.” (John 1:14).  So men we have lots to celebrate about at Christmas

However, a recent Pew Research center poll found that while nine in ten Americans say they celebrate Christmas, only one half of Americans view Christmas mostly as a religious holiday.  Another one third viewed it as more of a cultural holiday. Young adults were less likely to believe in the virgin birth.  A total of 66% of adult between 18 and 29 believe that Jesus was miraculously begotten by God, compared with 76% of all other adults.  So it seems that we also have a vital message to share with others, in a culture that is losing the meaning of Christmas. So instead of being caught up in “the Christmas wars” we should simply be telling the story of what really happened.  It is still the good news

One other thought about this “irrational season.”  C.S. Lewis talked about the incarnation as an “invasion.”  The Son of God came as an infant baby to invade enemy territory.  He live of obedience to his Heavenly Father.  He defeated the devil.  Our enemy has no authority in our life.  Listen to these words from The Message. “When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God.  God brought you alive – right along with Christ. Think of it!   All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ’s cross.  He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets:”(Col 2:13-15).  So go and celebrate your liberation during this “irrational” season.

In the first chapter of John’s gospel, we find two of John the Baptist’s disciples beginning to follow Jesus.  “Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, ‘What are you after?'”  That question remains throughout the rest of John’s gospel, suggesting that beneath everything else there is a search taking place.  At the end of John, Mary Magdalene, encounters the risen Lord.  Jesus asks her the same question, “What do you  want?”  With deep affection, Jesus says, “Mary.”  As we journey with Jesus our heart longs to be addressed in a similar manner.  Think of the most intimate relationship that you have.  Doesn’t it go far beyond word and thoughts, to matters of the heart.

Prayer is a personal relationship with the Lord, involving our head (thoughts) as well as our hearts (affections).  When prayer does not touch our hearts, we will offer niece, religious words to the Lord. This results in a  tendency to be talking with ourselves rather than God, because we not speaking from our hearts. Men, we need to allow God to touch our hearts.  What we need most is to hear God’s voice within saying, “I love you.”  “Nothing will heal us more and nothing will make us more bold before life’s mystery and goodness than hearing those words from God.  Our very capacity to love depends upon it” ( Rolheiser).

So why is it so hard for me to be real and share my true feelings?  Well, here are some things I have found out for myself.  First, I make my relationship with God too complicated.  I preform rather than relate.  The truth is that if I have  trusted in Christ as my Savior, he already lives at the deepest place in me (His Spirit witnessing with my spirit -Rom 8:16), far beyond my understanding.  So he knows more about me then I do about myself, while loving me unconditionally. So I don’t have to hide, I can be real.  Secondly, life has taught me as a man to withhold my true feelings and affections, for fear of being hurt.  But God, who is merciful, isn’t going to hurt me. He waits for me to be real.  Thirdly, I have always  put on my best “religious face” when I think I am relating to the Lord.  What happens is that I end up talking to myself.  How unreal can I get? If I can’t share my heart with God, then I will not be able to receive his love for me.  Isn’t that what an intimate relationship is all about.

I know that I have stepped  into some deep water.  My burden for men reading this blog today is that you can have an intimate relationship Jesus.  I’ll make it as simply as I can:  1) You have a father who delights in you, 2) You have a Savior who is your friend (John 14:15) and 3) you have the Holy Spirit who is your helper (John 16:12).  So relax, be honest, share your whole heart with the Lord, and allow him to love you.  He waits for you to come home to him.  I know this is a daily practice for me.

Is it true that anxiety rather than doubt could be understood as being the opposite of faith in our walk with God.  I certainly can see this as being true in my journey.  If I pay attention to my soul life, anxiety and fear, gets a grip on my soul more often than doubts about my heavenly Father.   This quote from Ronald Rolheiser as made me do some soul searching.  “What opposes faith is not so much worry about this or that particular thing as worry that God has forgotten us…that there is every reason to fear and be anxious because, at the core of things, there isn’t a benevolent, all-powerful goodness who is concerned about us.”  Oh, yes!!!  The dreaded thought that I am alone, adrift on the sea of life, not sure how I will make it through the next passage.

Is there a fear that at times on the journey God seems to have slipped of the radar screen?  “It is this kind of anxiety,” observes Rolheiser, “the deep fear that we have been forgotten, that pushes any of us to make as assertion of our lives.”  In other words, we take matters into our own hands, rather than trusting, because deep inside we are not confident that God will come through for us.  We become anxious and fearful.  “This anxiety is the opposite of faith.  It is not so much the fear that God doesn’t exist, as the fear that God does not notice our existence.”

Here is what Rolheiser has to say about faith.  “What faith gives you is the assurance that God is good, that God can be trusted, that God won’t forget you, and that, despite any indication to the contrary, God is still in charge of this universe.  Faith says that God is real and God is Lord and, because of this, there is ultimately nothing to fear.  We are in safe hands.  Reality is gracious, forgiving, loving, redeeming, and absolutely trustworthy.  Our task is to surrender to that.”

So there you have it.  I usually don’t quote another author as much as I have in this blog. But it seems to me, that in our day of so much uncertainty regarding the future stability of our culture, along with the brake down in trust of our public institutions, we all need to reminded that our heavenly Father is in control and that he can be trusted.  I close with the image of God as a loving, caring parent.  This image comes from Isaiah 49:15, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”  Men, God has not forgotten you.  His very presence dwells within you.  He is loving you intimately in this very moment.  Our posture is that of awareness and coming to rest in his love.

Now here is a word you probably never heard before.  I came across it when I was reading Rhett Smith’s book, “What it Means to be a Man.”  Here is the paragraph: “Many boys are taught to be so proficient at burying their exuberance that they manage to bury it even from themselves. Recent research indicates that in American society most males have difficulty not just in expressing, but even in identifying, their feelings.  The psychiatric term for this impairment is alexithymia. Ron Levent estimates that close to 80% of men in our society have a mild or severe form of it.”

I have to confess that I have some major symptoms of this impairment.  It has been a long journey identifying and becoming comfortable with my feelings, even though on the Myers-Briggs inventory I score highest on “feelings.”  I have spent years denying some of my deepest feelings, even before God (silly, but true).  I have justified how I feel, while blaming others or a particular circumstance.  I have not expressed myself honestly, but rather have tried to be “nice and spiritual.”  I could say more, but you get the picture.  And I wouldn’t be surprised if every man reading this blog has his owns struggles based on his personality type, family history and the arrows stuck in his heart.

But the point is, our feelings are real.  They are a part of who we are.  They tell us what is going on in our soul.  They are like “the red light” on the dashboard telling us to check on the condition of our soul.  Men, let’s face it: we are full of a real “stew” of emotions.  David was a man of God who struggled with his emotions very openly before others and before God. He recorded his struggles in many of the Psalms.  Listen to David: “‘Mum’s the word,’ I said, and kept quiet.  But the longer I kept silent, the worse it got – my insides got hotter and hotter; my thoughts boiled over; I spilled my guts.”  (Ps. 39:2-3 – The Message).  If we do not “identify” and “befriend” our emotions, they will “boil over” in harmful ways.

So what do we do?  Well, a lot could be said. One aspect that I have struggled with on my own journey is to be honest with God about my emotions, especially in prayer.  The reality is that God longs for intimate fellowship with me.  He knows the chaos of my soul. Nothing surprises him about my “soul condition.”  He simply waits for me to be honest about my feelings in relation to my daily life and my relationship with Him.   Men, tell God just how you are feeling.  Don’t come to him telling him what you think he would want you to say.  One of the keys for continual healing in my life is the relief I have found in being about to be honest before God.  It is in authentic communication with Him that I can begin to sort out my feelings. Remember God loves you deeply and unconditionally right in your “stew.”  He is right there observing it all.  Let Him in to help you sort it all out.

We got a Costco advertisement recently in the mail.  They were advertising the new Intel Core Processors, that will allow you to do more with “blazing fast processing speeds and connect  confidently with built-in security.”  This will enable you to “unleash your power within.” It must mean from within your computer. Wow! What an appeal to the male ego; unleashing power,while having security. It got me to thinking about the actual “power” within the soul of a man who is a follower of Jesus.  How do we as men, unleash this inner power.  Here are some thoughts.

First realize there is spiritual power to be unleashed. Yes, it is within.  But it is God’s power.  It is resurrection power meant to live the “new life” in the Spirit.  Paul understood this when he prayed for himself, “I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead” (Phil 3:10).  He prayed that the Ephesians might understand this resurrection power. “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe in him” (Eph. 1:19).  Remember Jesus said, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart” (John 7:38).  Men can easily minimize who is within them.  John reminds us that we are overcomers ” because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” ( I John 4:4)

When you become aware of  the “resurrection power,”  allow yourself to come to rest in what God is doing in your life.  Listen to The Message.  “It stands to reason, doesn’t it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he’ll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself?  When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life.  With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ’s! (Rom 8:10-11).  When we allow God’s power to work within us, I like to say that “he begins to rearrange the furniture” to make us a new man.

It is his work – resurrection power at work. But for that to take place we have to put to death, that is, crucify the old in us.  We do this by bringing sinful patterns to the cross and allow them to die with Jesus on the cross.  This is a continual practice.  Then and only then, will the resurrection power be unleashed in our lives.  What is unleashed is the resurrection life of Jesus.  This is the new man in Christ.  It is best seen in the fruit of the Spirit.

Listen again the The Message. “But what happens when we live God’s way?  He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard – things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.  We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.  We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely (Gal 5: 22-23).  This is an example of unleashed inner power.

What would you say is the most frequent command in the bible?  N. T. Wright, a leading evangelical bible scholar, had this surprising answer. “What instruction, what order, is given, again and again, by God, by angels, by Jesus, by prophets and apostles?  What do you think – “Be good”? Be holy”?  Or, negatively, “Don’t sin”?  Don’t be immoral”?  No.  The most frequent command in the Bible is: “Don’t be afraid.”  “Fear not.”

The command to not be afraid or fearful fits well with another major biblical theme: trusting God.  As Jan Johnson has observed, “The Bible’s subtitle could be  Holy Bible: Trust me! Brennan Manning, an author who has been of help to me, has observed, “that childlike surrender in trust is the defining spirit of authentic discipleship” along with, “the need for an uncompromising trust in the love of God.” I read this quote some years ago.  It has stuck with me.  Now, 10 years later, after some maturing on the journey, I would wholeheartedly agree.

I would say that moving from mistrust to truly trusting in the love of God is similar to conversion, in that, it is on going.  I trust in Jesus more now then 10 years ago.  But I still can get caught in the grip of fear, causing me to be shaken in my trust.  I know it will be tested on the rest of my journey.  The word of Jesus to me is a challenge.  “Don’t let this throw you.  You trust God, don’t you?  Trust me.  (John 14:1- Message).

A spiritual pilgrim went to see Mother Teresa of Calcutta seeking a clear answer for the rest of his life.  He wanted her to pray for clarity.  Her answer may surprise you.  She said, “No, I will not do that.  Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.  I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.  So I will pray that you trust God.”  Wow!  That is convicting to any man of God who is struggling with trust.  We want clarity and some kind of assurance.  Wanting clarity, we can so easily eliminate the risk of trusting in God.  We forget that the circumstance is being used to help us trust, rather take control.  It is just so hard to let go of the controls.  But there comes a time when you will just have to “jump.”

When I was going through a rough time recently the words of Psalm 143:3 became words the I hung onto as I awoke each morning, sometimes after a rather restless night. “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust me life.”  There could be a man reading this blog, who has gone into the pit of fear and worry.  I know that feeling.  My advice – pray this as a prayer.  Cling to these words and cry out for mercy.  As you do you will find strength and grace to get through the rough time you are in at present.

No long ago I started reading a small book on prayer by Ronald Rolheiser, entitled  “Prayer – Our Deepest Longing.”  I was reading in the mall, while waiting for my wife.  I read the following quote.  It struck me powerfully because it said a lot about my journey in prayer. I want to share it with you  and then make a comment.  “You must  try to pray so that, in your prayer, you open yourself in such a way that sometime – perhaps not today, but sometime – you are able to hear God say to you, ‘I love you!’  These words addressed to you by God, are the most important words you will ever hear because, before you hear them, nothing is ever completely right with you, but after you hear them, something will be right in your life at a very deep level.”  I say, “Amen.”

I almost weep as I read these words.  Men, don’t give up on your personal prayer time with God.  Personal prayer is not a task or a necessary duty, but primarily a relationship with the one who loves you.  Your heavenly Father longs for a relationship  with you.  He longs to share his heart with you.  Don’t be afraid.  He wants us to come to him in all our shame, vulnerability and insecurity.  He wants you to be yourself.  He wants you to know that you are loved just as you are, in all your stink.  Be honest.  Pray and  let God know what is really going on in your soul, not what you think God would like to see inside of you.

I want to quote Rolheiser on this point, because I think it will help men in their struggle with making prayer a real experience.  “What God is asking is that we bring our helplessness, weaknesses, imperfections, and sin constantly to him, that we talk with him, and that we never hide from him.  God is a good parent.  He understands that we will make mistakes and disappoint him and ourselves.  What God asks is simply that we come home, that we share our lives with him, that we let him help us in those ways in which we are powerless to help ourselves.”

As it says in the earlier quote, at some point on the journey you will hear the voice of God saying “I love you.”  Don’t give up.  Just keep showing up each day.  The day will come when you will know in your heart that you are truly loved by your heavenly Father.  Then everything changes.   In a lot of ways you are still the same person, with all the same struggles with your imperfections.  But one thing has changed.  You know you are loved.  Men, I can share from my own journey –  that changes everything.  So again I say.  Don’t stop showing up and sharing your heart with God.  If you get worried about not doing it right, remember the word of a holy peasant who, when asked to share his secret to deep prayer, said simply, “I just look at God, and I let God look at me.”  It’s that simple.  Men don’t make it complicated.  Stay at the heart level and it will come to you.

I read an article about John Croyle, who played for “Bear” Bryant at Alabama and became an All-American defensive end.  He has written a book entitled, “The Two-Minute Drill to Manhood: A Proven Game Plan for Raising Sons.”  He has worked for years with abused, neglected and abandoned boys at his Big Oak Ranch.  The lessons he has learned working with hurting boys is the foundation for his book on parenting.  “We are rising a generation of boys who don’t know what real manhood looks like,” Croyle observes.  “Our girls have no idea what to look for in a husband.”  He wants to change these perceptions.

He himself had to ask the question,” What do you want to teach your son about manhood?”  The result were a set of seven life principles based on the acrostic M-A-N-H-O-O-D, which stands for “Master, Ask and Listen, Never Compromise, Handle Responsibility, One Purpose, One Body, Don’t Ever, Ever, Ever Give Up.”  Croyle, as a former football player, visualizes parenting as a two minute drill, with time winding down on our time to parent our children.  Croyle expressed confidence in his parenting experience as summed up in the Two Minute Drill.  “If you apply the seven aspects from this book, you will raise a thoroughbred.”  “Twenty years from now,” Croyle said, “I want young men to come up to me and say, ‘Thanks, my dad read your book and it changed our relationship and helped to make me who I am today.””

I want to make two comments about the article.  The first is about boys not knowing what real manhood looks like.  Like many of you, I enjoy watching football on TV.  It seems each years the depiction of men become even more uncouth, demeaning and just plain silly.  I watch the ads for the sit-coms about men, wondering what are boys really learning about grown men acting so irresponsibly, while being laughed at.  And the ads – they make men seem like men who have not grown up, especially in those beer ads.  We are fighting a perception of manhood, based on cultural norm that has little regard for the model of manhood found in scripture.  We can only change that one by one, as we go about being a godly father and husband.  This will make you truly counterculture in your lifestyle.

Secondly, the idea that time is running out.  We have only so much time to have a real impact on our sons.  We should not take this lightly.  “It is never too late to be a great parent,” Croyle suggests.  “Unless you or your child is in the grave, you still have time.”  I say “amen” to this observation.  When we were raising our children, I used to visualize the window of opportunity, which lasted till our child left home.  After that our influence would diminish.  So men I plead with you not to put off doing what you need to do as a Dad.  You still have time to be an influence.  As a matter of fact, your example and influence will go on for many years.  I find that to be true with all three children in their 40’s.  I still cry out for mercy and wisdom on a daily basis to be the dad God wants me to be.  It is a challenge.  But remember that as we lean into the challenge, God will give you the grace.  There is no grace, however, when you “bail-out.”  At 72, I do not intend to “bail out.”

Craig Groeschel, a pastor and popular author has written a new book for men entitled, “Fight: Winning the Battles That Matter Most.”  In an interview for the Christian Post he said something that got my attention.  He was asked, “What are some of the weapons that God has equipped men with to become warriors?”  This is part of what he said.  “…. we could also pray and as men that’s sometimes  harder to do for whatever reason but we can learn to fight on our knees in prayer, that’s the strongest place we can fight.  Sometimes, the strongest thing we can do and the best weapon you can have is to show unconditional love to someone and to apologize and ask for forgiveness when we’ve wronged someone…”

I agree with the focus on prayer, along with love and forgiveness.  When men are told they need to be warriors and fight, they often think of physical action and confrontational  behavior.  That is not how we are to fight as men. Paul warns us, “We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do.  We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the stronghold of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments'” (II Cor 10:3-4).  In Eph 6:12 we are told that “we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies…”   Paul talks of “weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense.” (II Cor 6:7)   Phillips translation reads, “Our sole defense, our only weapon, is a life of integrity.”  That says it well.  We are to be warriors who live with integrity as our greatest weapon.

Godly men are ready to fight for their families and other who are dear to them. In Nehemiah we read, “Don’t be afraid of them.  Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”  (Neh 4:14).  Men, we do this by prayer and our example of love and forgiveness  (“a life of integrity”).  Nothing is more powerful then integrity in your family. With integrity you fight in prayer by naming and remembering your loved ones.  I do this continually throughout the day as I remember my children and their families.  I cannot stress how vital your prayers are in the spiritual realm.  Don’t ever minimize your prayers. Your family needs your prayers.  You are the spiritual priest in your home.  No one can take your place.  Take you place in integrity

Furthermore, your example of love and forgiveness will send shock waves throughout the spiritual realm.  This is not the way men should fight.  But there were times  raising my family, when we were under attack spiritually, we needed to let some spiritual “air conditioning” into our family.  This happened when I took the lead by humbling myself and asking for forgiveness for my attitude.  Men, we fight by have a genuine heart of love and forgiveness for those closest to us.  Listen again to Jesus instruction to us in Mark 10.  “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.  Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave.  This is what the Son of Man has done: he came to serve, not to be served – and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage.”  We are to be servants in our families, not overlords or absent, passive fathers.