Category: Wildman Journey (Page 77 of 85)

I have not written for over a week.  As I have mentioned before, I am not sure if there are many readers of this post, but I believe that I am supposed to keep writing this blog, if for no other reasonthen out of sheer obedience.  I believe strongly that there needs to be voices out their in the cultrual wilderness that are speaking to men struggling  to understand the nature of the masculine soul.  These are men who want to be able to discern and listen for the “movements” of their souls.  It is difficult when men don’t have the language and guidance for such a vital practice.  This is why I keep writing. 

Last Sunday as I was preaching ion the gospel text from John 1:1-18, I was struck by the sense in which we as persons, who are embodied souls are invited into the life of the Trinity.  In his prologue to his story of Jesus, John is already giving us an outline of the Trinitarian life.  This is the life that we are invited to join; the “great dance” as C. S Lewis calls it.  Imagine, men, being invited to dance with the life found within the community of  Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  For this we were created.  As I was reflecting on that thought in the sermon, it stuck me rather forcefully,  “Why do we hold back as embodied souls from joyfully entering into the life of the trinity.’  Why do so many of us stay on the sidelines.  By “embodied soul” I mean joining in with our whole body – mind, will, spirit, emotions, and physical expressions. 

Later on Sunday afternoon, I reflected further on this idea, and thought it would be a good idea to present this question to men.  Why do we stay on the sideline as it were, thinking about God, trying to stay in control while managing our lives.  I have been on the sidelines for years, in the sense of not fully entering into the life afforded to me within the Trinity.  Some of it has to do with not being aware of life within the Trinity, but more so with the difficulty I have in seeing myself as an embodied soul.   In these days I am at least seeing that life in the Trinity is for me.  I also am moving off the sidelines, learning to enter into this life with my whole self.

For me, one of the best ways it illustrate this in my life, is to recall dancing with my three grand kidsin Kansas City.  My son, Kurt has a new found fondness for of all things, the music of Elvis Presley.  Well, when I was a teen-ager  I owned every 45 record of Elvis’.  So we turn on Kurt’s I-pod station ( I think that is what you call it) and dance.  Now I could be a “sideline Grandpa” and let them dance to Elvis.  But when I dance with them, it is pure joy.  There is Grandpa, as an embodied soul dance with the grand kids.   Think of it men, we are invited into  life within the dance.  The Father takes delight, when we get off the sidelines and fully enter into the life He offers to us in Jesus, his Son.  So get up and start dancing.  See what happens to your spirit and soul.

During this Christmas season as believers we spend extra time reflecting on the meaning of God become a human being.  This is the greatest miracle of our faith and the story that we have to tell to a dying world.  God became human flesh in the baby Jesus. We read in Gal 4:4, “But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.”  God allowed himself to be fully known in human form.  Through the gospel story we experience Jesus going through all of the same issues of life that we face.  “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested” (Heb 2:18).  This is how we come to know God.  We see him in the face of Jesus.  “If you know me, you would also know my Father” (John 8:18) Jesus tells us.

But what about our being known by God.  Is that a strange and even unsettling concept for you.  I know for us men, who are more secure in our “control tower of reason” we struggle with being known, especially by God. In a new book entitled “Anatony of the Soul,”  Curt Thompson, M.D. talks about being known by God.  He points out that we spend much more emphasis on the ways and the degree to which we know God or things about God.   Most of the time we reflect on what or how much you know or know about God.  We seldom ask the question, “What is my experience of being know by God? 

Because of the enlightenment focus on thinking, “knowing things” has held first place in our culture.  We place value on the facts, knowing the “truth” and knowing that we are right.  Thompson observes, “….not just any way of knowing.  We have most valued knowing facts, knowing the “truth” and knowing that we are right.  Right about the way things work, the way to behave, and the way to think about issues of faith…..We even subject our experience of faith to research scrutiny in ordr to give it more weight apologically.”  But an over emphasis on this way of knowing can prevent us from the experience of being known, of loving and being loved.  This relates back to something that I blog about often; the ability of men to simply receive from God.  By that I mean, being about to hear the still, small voice of God declaring our belovedness.

Our “knowing about” gives us the illusion that we are secure and in charge.  This is something that seems to be built into the DNA of  men.  But we fear being know for who we are.  We don’t like to think of being found out.  We especially don’t like to be brought to the edge of deepening relationship with God and significant others.  For then in our understanding of reality we have to enter into the “chaos and mystery” of relationships.  But this will need to happen if we are to be known by God.  We have to let go of our understanding and having to be in control.  It is in those intimate times of vulnerability that we are able to hear the voice of God, calling us his beloved.  It is once again the call to childlike surrender.  Paul reminds us that we don’t have to always have the answer.  “We sometimes tend to think we know all we need to know to answer these kinds of questions – but sometimes our humble hearts can help us more than our proud minds.  We never really know enough until we recognize that God alone knows it all”  ( I Cor 8:3 – The Message).  So let us listen with a humble heart, not with a proud mind.

E. Scott Peck in one of his books quotes St. Therese of Lisieux as saying, “If you are willing to serenely bear the trial of being displeased to yourself, then you will be for Jesus a pleasant place of shelter.”  Peck says this is one of the most profound pieces of psychological wisdom he has ever read.  This is the opposite of what most religious folks believe.  We have a hard time to admit, while living with the reality that we are displeased with ourselves.  This is especially true for us men.  Fear on our spiritual journey can almost paralyze us, especially the fear of not measuring up what we think might be a “spiritual” standard for our walk with God.  Again the words of I John 4:18 come to mind.  “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love”  The Message reads in part, “There is no room in love for fear.  Well-formed love banishes fear.”

One of the greatest struggles on my spiritual journey has been wanting to become a better Christian man, yet struggling with my “badness.”  It seemed easier to just deny the bad in myself and push it into the dark recesses of my soul, then go on trying to measure up.  This became a great burden when I felt I had to preform well spiritual as a pastor.  How could I accept and acknowledge that I had a “dark side” that was hidden as I presented an outward “shining” spiritual self.  I tried to live with “the lid” on the bad inside.  This caused me to live in shame and guilt.  I was not sincere and open in my responses to people.  I was trying to be someone, while  attempting to deny who I was on the inside

Thankfully, I have, in these latter years, begun to take “the lid” of the bad inside.  This has resulted in several significant changes, that the Holy Spirit has formed in my character.  I do not take any of the credit.  My part is to respond in love and obedience to the Lord in the order.  First, I sense that I am more authentic.  I can just be me.  I am not as afraid to admit and share the struggles I have had and continue to have with my “dark side.”  That takes a lot of pressure off my preforming.  One more noticeable aspect of my daily walk has been the evidence of joy.  Since I can be myself with other people, there seems to be the emergance of a more joyful spirit.  I can take myself more lightly, while being more focused on those  I am with.  The result is more freedom to just enjoy relating to others.  The result seems to be joy, something that I always wondered about in my walk with God.  Jesus promised us joy.  “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:11)

So men, take heart.  No matter how dark you might think your inner life may be, you can be for Jesus, “a pleasant place of shelter.”  In other words, Jesus will not adandon you.  He has come to take up residence in the deepest part of your being.  He sees the good, the bad and the ugly.  It is his love for you, in those deepest parts of your soul, that will persuade you to open up the door to those places within and let his love bring healing.  This was part of Paul’s prayer when he prayed that we might have power, “together with all the saints, to grasp how wide, and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Eph 3:18).  This love abides in your deepest soul.  It forms a “pleasant place of shelter” for Jesus.  So don’t be afraid of the darkness within.  Jesus is already there.

As some of you know who read the posts on this blog, I am a Lutheran Pastor.  I have been at it for 40 years.  One of my great joy within the Lutheran Church these days is the research that Finnish theologians have been engaged in as they present new insights into  the theology of Martin Luther.  The “Mannermaa school” of Finnish theology under the leadership of Tuomo Mannnermaa has created a lot of interest in rethinking how we have interpreted Luther.  For example, Mannermaa maintains that love, not “faith alone” is the actual key to understanding Luther’s entire theology. “Faith without love remains an abstract principle principle in Luther’s thinking.” 

I say all this to introduce a pharse from Luther from Mannermaa’s book, “Two kinds of love: Martin Luther’s religious world.”  Listen to thes words from Luther. “Therefore sinners are beautiful because they are loved; they are not loved because they are beautiful.”  What does this have to do with men and their spiritual life.  A great deal.  God love according to Luther, “does not find but creates that which is lovable to it, it is not determined by the attributes of its object.”  In other words, God loves each of us in our sinful mess, just as we are.  We can do nothing.  We can only receive this love.  We can do nothing to clean ourselves up.  Rather the love of God does the cleaning up for us.  Luther declares, “This is the love of the cross, born of the cross, which turns in the dirction where it does not find good which it may enjoy, but where it may confer good upon the bad and needy person.”  Wow, isn’t that great. 

Men, there is, of course, much that we need to do in cooperating with the grace of God in our lives.  We need to practice the spiritual disciplines, we need to be servants in a dying work, we need to be spiritual leaders in our families, etc.  But prior to all this and more then what we do, we need to receive the love of God into the inner recesses of our hearts.  What a great thought.  I am beautiful in God’s sight, because I have received his love.  Yes, men you are beautiful.  Just sit there, ponder this thought and simply receive it.  Once a man trully realizes that God wants to be active in his life, no matter how messy it might seem, something happens to brakes the hold of shame and guilt that a man harbors in his heart.  It is like the light goes on and he can see.  It is like a veil is lifted

Listen to these words from the Message.  “Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are — face-to-face!  They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone.  And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete.  We’re free of it!  All of us!  Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face.  And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him’ (II Cor. 3:16-18)  There you have it.  As we turn to Jesus, His Spirit at work in our hearts makes us beautiful.  Don’t try to figure it out.  Just let it happen.

Pat Morley who founded “Man in the Mirror” has written many books to help men find meaning and purpose in life.  In his book “Pastoring Men” he makes this intriguing statement concerning men.  “Most men only know enough about God to be disappointed with Him.”  What do you think of such a statement?  Is this true for you?  Do you know other men in church or on the margins of the church who would express these same sentiments?  My sense is that a lot of men would say they are disappointed in God, but are not willing to share this secret, that has been held for years in their hearts. My question is – why would this be true?  I have a three observations regarding his statement.  

These two observations are my own.  So they can certainly be challenged.  First, I wonder if a lot of church men have merely a “head knowledge” of God.  A man can know through reasoning that God loves him.  But that will not convince him that he is OK in God’s sight.  Men are filled with shame-based guilt that comes from not being able to measure up to a preconceived standard.  This standard  drives men to prove they are worthy of God’s love.  It simply cannot be done.  After a time men will begin to see God as demanding to much of them.  Again, I say to men, we have to learn to “receive” God’s love for us.  It is the Good News – something that is too good to be true.  We don’t  have to prove anything to God or qualify for his love by our performance.  He simple lives us for who we are.  We are in the words of David Benner “beloved sinners.”

The second observation is simply “spiritual laziness” that is induced by a resignation brought about by having tried to measure up, then failing, which in turn produces a sense of failure.  So the thought is “What is the use, I can’t change who I am.  I will just go into coast and function outwardly as a “niece” Christian guy.  I will do my “duty” as best I can at home and church.”  In the work place the battle has already been lost.  In cases such as this, God is seen as upholding a standard that can never be reach.  While in one sense this is true, the good news is that God does not expect us to keep the rules on our own.  We need his Spirit to motivate, change and empower us.  We have to come to the point of admitting our weakness ( 12 steps – my life is unmanageable).  For when we are weak, then in God we can be strong.  Take heart from Jesus words to Paul, “My grace is enough; It’s al you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness” (II Cor 12:8 – The Message)

My third observation is wondering if men come to this point because we have a hard time rightly processing our “pain.”  Let’s face it, men.  Life will be hard.  There will be the dark and lonely times of pain, when we will try to endure the pain on our own.  Jesus says to us, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world” ( John 16:33).  A man can easily blame God for his pain, when the pain is meant to bring him to God for strength.  We might not get the answers we want to the pain we are enduring.  But God will take our pain and the situation we are in, and teach us whole new ways to respond.  “At the time, discipline isn’t much fun.  It always feels like it’s going against the grain.  Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in thier relationship with God’  (Heb 12: 11 – The Message)

I have been preparing a sermon for this Sunday based on Col 1:15-20.  This is one of the best descriptions and summaries of Jesus to be found in the New Testament.  Some think that Paul borrowed an early Christian hymn to express these wonderful words about Jesus.  This text is difficult to preach on because they are so packed with meaning and significance.  So I have decided to use power point to introduce each phrase of this hymn, make a brief remark, and then ask the congregation to just sit and reflect on each of these phrases.  I am going to encourage them to let the Word of God speak to them in the context of their everyday life.

In this post I would like to make two observations that I have been thinking about as I meditate on this wonderful text.  The first is the beauty of Jesus.  Thinking about the beauty of God and more specifically the beauty of Jesus is not an easy concept for me.  I have never been encouraged or challenged to look at the beauty of God.  But as I have worked with this text, I have come to a small measure of appreciation for the beauty of Jesus.  Beauty observes Eugene Peterson, “is evident and witness to the inherent wholeness and goodness of who God is and the way God works…The distinctive thing about beauty is that it reveals…the depth of what is just beneath the surface, and connects the remote with the present” 

Simply meditating on these words, without have to understand or figure out all of what is implied, only stretches my imagination and helps me to see how awesome is the Lordship of Jesus.  You can’t put it into words.  You have to just take it in and let the reality of the revelation do the work in your heart.  Men, if you have not considered the beauty of Jesus, I encourage you to use this text and just let these words sink into your soul.  I assure you that you will be caught up in the greatness and majesty of our God. You will in some measure be able, “to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” (Ps 27:4)

The second point from this text that I have been impressed with are the words of verse 17.  “Jesus holds all things together.  The message says, “He himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”  I guess for me I need this word, for myself personally and as I contemplate the condition of our culture.  I need Jesus to hold it together for me.  This means a daily humbling of myself, recognizing my total dependance on him.  When I have no idea of how it is going to work out, He will hold it together for me.  Culturally I place my hope in the kingdom of God, knowing the Lord Jesus Christ will hold it all together.  Our culture may collapse, but what is lasting will endure and hold together, because Christ is at the center.  So men, put your trust in the one who hold it together for you.

Again I am quoting from Wes Yoder’s “Bond of Brothers.”  I agree with Kenny Luck, who is quoted on the jacket of the book: “He says things in this book I have never heard anyone say about men and, more to the point, about me!”  Yoder maintains that often when a man is silent, he is fearful of revealing thethings that are most important in his life.  Often this can be traced to the silence of our fathers, in which case the silence is perpetuated from father to son.  Yoder believes that, “Men feel something most of us cannot describe.  It is a sense of being responsible for something we cannot control, for something we do not know.”  This is the manifestation of a “limping man.”  “We suspect,” observes Yoder, “our fathers knew something they could have told us but did not.  Whatever it was they did not tell us, we wish they had.  We see their limp, and we feel ours.”

I know this is very true of my relationship with my father.  I tried, I hope, in an honorable manner to have my father share some of his heart with me.  I wanted to know some of the secrets that were locked in his heart, so that I could understand myself better as a man.  But for some reason, my father was not able to brake his silence.  It well could have been that Yoder was describing my dad when he says, “Sometimes the loudest expression of a man’s longings is his silence, and it is that silence in generations of men that turns the world, for many, into an orphanage.”  It has taken me many years to come to peace with the simple fact that I will always be “Albert’s one and only son.”  My father was a classic expression of a silent man.  But I learned to love him and to accept that fact that I would never know his story.

So how do men break the silence.  We need a group of trusted friends, who will listen to the story of our lives.  Listen to the advise of Yoder.  “Uncover what a man is not talking about and you may just discover what he cares about most…..men aren’t talking much about things that matter, and our silence is quite disturbing.  But what you need to know about men is that they are more than willing to talk when they have the respect of those who are willing  to listen, provided the topic isn’t one more thing they really don’t care about.”  It is in the trusted circle of other men, who are braking their silence, that you will find support to tell you story of pain and lose, in  not knowing your father’s story. 

In the circle of trust, men are able to find affirmation and respect for being uniquely male.  Their story telling will be different from their wives and the other women in their lives.  As a matter of fact, men have learned to be silent because deep within they sense that a woman cannot share the pain of not being “fathered.”  But in the group of brothers, we are able to affirm each other, the way home to our heavenly Father, where our true affirmation is found.  It is in the company of other brothers that a man “will find his voice.”  Their in his presence we are able to find healing as his love and care fills in the gaps of our “lost stories” with our fathers.  The loving light of his presence brings healing to those dark and hidden places in our souls,  that we on our own are afraid to uncover.  To recover our true masculine soul, we must go to those places of pain and find healing in our Father’s  presence. I close with one  more quote from Yoder.  He quotes Ps. 18:35, “‘Your gentleness made me great.’  These five words buried in the Psalms provide a brilliant meditation for men.”  In a trusted circle of men this can be applied first of all to our heavenly Father and then to trusted male friends, as we tell our stories to regain our authentic male voice.

When it comes to “soul talk” men in general are silent, due in part to not being familiar with the idea.  We often do not have the language or even the courage to talk about our inner life.  We need a “soul friend.”   Writing about such a friend, Eugene Peterson made this observation:  “Each of us has contact with hundreds of people who never look beyond our surface appearance.  We have dealings with hundreds of people who the moment they set eyes on us begin calculating what use we can be to them, what they can get out of us….and then someone enters our life who isn’t looking for someone to use, is leisurely enough to find out what’s really going on in us….and understands the difficulty of living out our inner convictions…a friend.” 

I am reading a book by Wes Yoder entitled “Bond of Brothers.”  I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a reader of this blog.  Yoder has some very insightful observations about men that are stated in a fresh, new way.  I have read a lot of books on men.  But with Yoder’s book I found myself having many “aha moments.”   For me personally and for the men I have worked with over the years this book is like a fresh breeze and refreshing water.   Yoder has a great statement on the conversations that men have with each other. “The perfect conversation for men with little to say can be summed up in eight words, ‘Can you believe the weather at that game?'”  I find this to be so true.  Men are great at talking about the weather and sports.  Go to any coffee shop in the morning and you will find this to be true.  Just add a little politics and talk about women. 

What we so desperately need is to be able to break the silence of not talking about our soul life.  This will not happen till we find other men who are willing to share in soul talk.  We need the company of other soul mates to share our inner stuff without fear of rejection.  The fear of rejection can be great among men, who have shut down soul talk because of guilt and shame.  We don’t want others to know who we really are.  Yoder says we need to “declare war on shallowness.” To begin to do this we have to admit our weakness and brokenness when it comes to sharing out hearts.

Let me close with one more quote from Yoder.  “Many people will do almost anything to avoid to the openness of spiritual friendship.  Religion offers the perfect fix for your troubles, but as your friend, I must offer you my weakness.  Instead of perfection, I can promise you only brokenness.  Together we invite Jesus into our shared brokenness and he – the incarnate Christ of God alive within us – can do the work of remaking what is left of the mess we have made of ourselves.”  Yoder’s comments remind me of the 12 Steps of AA and our having to admit that our life is unmanageable.  Find a friend or find a group of guys who subscribe to the 12 Steps.  There you will find men who will share out of their brokenness.  If you can’t find a group, find one guy in your circle of acquaintances and make a commitment together to share you inner life, based on the 12 Step principles.

John Cole in an article published in the “Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care” warns Christians about falling into “moral tempation.”  He defines moral temptation as “the attempt to deal with our spiritual failure, guilt and shame by means of spiritual efforts, by attempting to perfect one’s self in the power of the self.”  Cole maintains that this is a form of moralism that actually protects us from God.  I find this insight very intriguing.  He refers to Dallas Willard in noting that we are all born legalist.  “What a waste of life,” says Willard, “to spend it trying to be good just to keep from seeing the truth of oneself.”  We don’t start out being a moralist spiritually.  It starts to occur when we don’t believe that God will accept us in a postion of honest vulnerability.  We then begin to use spiritual practices to protect us from God

How do we do this?  We can  use religious practices to first,  hide from feelings of failure and guilt by repression of the truth about ourselves.  Second, we cover deep feelings of shame over sin by trying to be good.  It will become apparent that we are practicing hiding from the truth about ourselves and trying to cover up our feelings of shame, if we feel that we must do better in our spiritual life.  This is a sure sign of moralism – we are forgiven but still feel unacceptable.  Thus we use religious practice to make ourselves acceptable.  It can’t be do.  Cole points out that, “using obedience as a means to avoid painful self-awareness in an awful burden to bear.”  It is a waste of much spiritual energy.

The remedy for this kind of moral temption, is to pray from our hearts the prayer of the tax collector, who was in church praying with the pharisee, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:12).  This was honest, sincere praying.  A real man praying to the real God. Three realities are found in this heart-felt prayer.  First of all, by addressing God in earnestness he was not hiding from God.  He was saying, “God, I am being honest and open with you.”   Second, the tax man, know he could not achieve an open relationship with God on his own.  He was saying, “God only you can save me from myself.”  Third, he was honest about who he was.  “Lord,” he is saying, “I am sinful.  I am not pretending to something else.” 

Again, men, none of us start out to become a spiritual moralist.  It happens when we are not willing to be honest and vulnerable before the Lord for fear of being exposed and rejection.  But the fact is that our heavenly Father knows all of our attempts to hide and cover up.  He waits for us to get tired enough of our “spiritual preforming” so that we can open our hearts to his deep love for us not like we should be but as we are.  It does not means that we don’t have to change.  But  real change will not happen till know that we loved in all of our shame and vulnerability.  Then we will feel free to stop performing and have the courage to bring our real selves into God’s presence for healing and restoration.

Often when men gather for “wildman” saturdays the conversation will often turn to the struggle  men have with feeling inferior “spiritually”, especially to our wives.  I suppose this reflects part of our competitive nature.  That is why it is good for men to process their feelings about spirituality with other men, since most men have the same struggles.  We can help affirmed in each other healthy expressions of the spiritual life, which is obviously different from our wives.  But because women seem to be able to express themselves more confidently spiritual, men tend to take a “back seat” to our wives.  As Parker Palmer observed “the soul is shy.”  This is very true of men. 

It comes as a breath of fresh air, for men to be able to acknowledge their weakness and feelings of powerlessness, knowing that God works through weakness.  We are reminded of the words Paul received from the Lord, when he was struggling with his weakness.  The Lord said to Paul, “‘My grace is enough; it’s all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’  Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.  I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.” (II Cor 12:9 – The Message).  What a relief for men.  We can actually give our weakness to Christ and gain his strength

I was reminded of this fact, when I was meditating recently in Hebrews.  Several times writer of Hebrews exhorts us to be confident.  Again because our male tendencies, we have a hard time admitting that we don’t feel very confident in our walk with God.  We wonder more about failure then walking humbly and loving with the Lord.  In Hebrews 4:16 we have this encouragement given to  us.  “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Heb. 4:16)  The Message puts it this way.  “So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give.  Take the mercy, accept the help”

What can we take from this verse?  It seems that God far more ready to give us the help that we need then we are willing to ask.  We are able to come with confidence.  Th help that we need is available.  But to receive the help, we must admit our weakness and need.  Grace and mercy are available to those who have a need.   So God doesn’t expect us to come to him all “cleaned up and polished.”  We are to come as we are.  We come in our need and and our weakness.  It is then that we can experience the strength and power of God in our lives.