Category: Wildman Journey (Page 76 of 85)

Ronald Rolheiser, a Catholic spiritual director has warned that there is a “gender alienation” in the church.  According to Rolheiser this alienation is expressed in anger and grief.  The anger is expressive more among the women, while the grief is more expressive of the men.  The reason for this anger and grief is due to woman being alientated from the structures of the church, while menare alienated from the soul of the church. “Among the many things it (the anger and grief) suggest,” observes Rolheiser, “is that in Western Christianity today the structure is masculine, while the soul is feminine.  This creates problems and also suggests that the solution to the issue of gender alienation is extremely complex.”   

My spiritual journey has been mostly in the Lutheran church.  In these latter years I have had more contact with Catholics, especially Catholic women.  I definitely sense this anger among them.  I don’t sense as much anger among protestant women.  But I do believe that there is a patriarchal tendency in protestantism that women have a right to react against.  I have to confess that in my early years as a pastor I was definitely guilty of  being part of the problem.  It was evidenced in my marriage.  I have learned to see things differently.  But it took some time.  I wonder if the faithful, sincere spiritual women in our churches have been hindered from speaking what is in their hearts, because they do not think that they have “a voice.”  Women need to have their voices heard without feeling guilty about being “rebellious.”  I for one have to confess my immature fear in the past of  “strong” women. 

On the other hand, I know first hand of the “grief” in the hearts of men.  I do believe that the church often has a more feminine tone because the women do the teaching and nurturing of the children. They seem to be the ones who pray and teach bible studies.  Every church has an organized women group.  Men are just not as involved in the spiritual life of the church. It is hard to organize a men group, especially for prayer and study.  So the Church takes on a feminine spirit.  Men have come to believe that church is not a place where they can be themselves.  They are not able to express their faith as articulately as women.  They would rather be doing then praying.  There are few male voices, who can be mentor to call young men out of their “spiritual slumber.”

Listen again to Rolheiser, “The problem is not that men are more religious or irreligious than woman, it is rather that, within Christianity in the Western world, men have a spiritual inferiority complex….and this wound is further exacerbated by the fact that Christianity, for the main part, has taken on a female soul.”  If Roheiser is even partly accurate in his assessment of the church, then we have some issues of alienation between male and female to be addressed in the church. I would suggest that we men need to take the lead.  Our demeanor should be that of our Lord.  “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but make himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant..” (Phil 2:5-6a)

What would this look like in the church?  Let me be brief, as I speak from personal experience.  First, men need to become secure in knowing they are God’s beloved.  Men have to be comfortable with their masculine soul.  Second, men need to learn how to listening to “the voice” of the women in the church.  Thirdly, men need to lead by example, in being a servant to women, especially to the hurts they carry from the patriarchal past.  Finally, men need to humbly see and appreciate the tremendous gift that women are in the church and the great sacrifices they have made as wives,  moms, grandmothers and workers in the church.  They have nurtured the spiritual life of the church far more then we men are willing to admit.  So let’s be men who honor the women in our midst, by treating them with dignity and respect.

Richard Rohr makes this observation, which for him expresses the essence of the male spiritual journey.  “A young man who cannot cry is a savage, and an old man who cannot laugh is a fool.”  Rohr in his work with men has found that a man who cannot feel human suffering when he is young, will normally not be able to smile with contentment when he is old.  One has to only go to a nursing home to see that evidence of this truth.  Both of my parents were in two different nursing homes in Northern Michigan.  I remember well those old, cranky Finnish men, who didn’t get along with anyone.  Then there were the old men who everybody loved to be around.

I went away from those experiences, praying that when I got old I would be fun to be with.  When I was a young father I will never forget the words of Methodist writer, Charlie Shedd, asking, “When you are old will you be fun to be with.”  What you see at the nursing home is the product of of life lived either with an open heart or a closed heart.  That is what Rohr is trying point out.  A young man who has not descended into his pain, will not have a heart that is sensitive to the pain of others.  He will be a self-enclosed man; a savage.   But when a young man descends into his heart and makes peace with his pain, a space is created within to welcome others.  He will not have to take himself to seriously

When the young man is older, he will have cleared enough emotional and spiritual space within that he will be able to welcome whatever comes his way.  In the words of Rohr he will learn that “everything belongs.”  I, to some small degree, understand what Rohr is getting at with his comment.  I can testify to a greater freedom in my life as I grow older, a freedom that has brought a joy that I never knew as a young man.  I always wondered about the joy that Jesus said we were able to have as his followers.  This joy has produced a lightness about life, that has allowed me to have more laughter in my life, including not taking myself so seriously.

I confess that I have a long ways to go in being a truly joyful person.  But I have experienced in some small measure what Rohr is talking about.  Proverbs 15 13 tells us that, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”  My heart has become happier as I have been able to clean my inner house of the bad and the ugly.  The memory of past hurt and pain will never leave.  They are part of my story.  But as I have been able to “befriend” my darkness, life is lived with a lightness that can absorb the bumps and blows of life. 

So men, I recommend and encourage you to do your inner house cleaning.  Allow yourself to descend into your heart, and with the help of the Lord clear out a space, so that you can respond with grace to what comes your way. I am convinced that one of the greatest witnesses of our day, among Christian men, is that a “joyful exile.”  This is a description that James Houston give to a follower of Jesus in our day.

What is the foundation stone of your life?  We read in I Peter 2:7, “The stone the workmen threw out is now the chief foundation stone” (The Message).  The implications of this statement are significant when men consider how their lives have been shaped more by the culture rather then by the gospel.  The foundation stone is the most important part of the foundation.  When it is not in place the rest of the foundation and whatever else is built on it is unstable.  Those who have shaped our culture have thrown out the foundation stone.  In other words, Jesus has been regarded as having little influence in the shaping of our lives.  This means that we will need to continually examine the foundations of our life in relation to the foundation stone. 

I would suggest that men need to do the work of excavating in order the examine the foundation on which their lives are built.  The foundations of our life are hidden and rarely noticed.  But when there are cracks in the foundation of our lives we feel it and life become more difficult.  We easily go into “damage control” trying secure the foundations.  But if Jesus isn’t our foundation stone, we are pretty much on our own, trying to make sense of what is going on.  Earlier in Chapter 2 of I Peter, Jesus is referred to as “the stone, the source of life.”  “Whoever trusts in this stone as a foundation, will never have cause to regret it.”  Notice the word “trust.”  When we trust Jesus as the foundation stone, even if we don’t fully understand all that is going on, we have the promise that there will be no regret because he is the source of life  

So when life gets difficult and you feel insecure and fearful, it might be a good idea to examine the foundations of your life.  Is Jesus still at the center or are you focused on something else.  If you are then you are moving away from the foundation stone.  You are building your career and lifestyle on  an insecure foundation.  This can happen almost unnoticed.  We begin to give our time, energy and resources to something that takes the place of Jesus as Lord of our life.  When this happens the foundation stone is being neglected.  Soon the cracks begin to appear and we have to go into manage control.

But when we take regular inventory of our foundations by doing some spiritual excavating we can become aware of our focus moving away from the foundation stone.  Peter tells us that the workmen took one look at the foundation stone and throw it out, but “God set it in the place of honor.”  This means that God’s favor and grace is found in the life that has Jesus as the foundation stone.  As long as the foundation stone is in place, the foundations will remain stable, even in the most difficult of circumstances.

I read this phrase on the front of one of the clothing stores in the Mall of America during the last Christmas Season.  I copied it down and put in my wallet and then forgot about it, till I discovered it last week as I was going through some stuff I wanted to get rid of.  I took note of the phrase because it seems to be so  contradictory to the way of Jesus.  The love of God in Jesus does not kill love, but rather place love in our hearts.  We read in Romans 5:5, “And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his  love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  Image your heart, not so much your head, as a container that can receive love.  Paul prayed that we might be “rooted and established in love” and that we might have power, “to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” and that we might “know this love that surpasses knowledge”  (Eph 3:18-19).  The result is that we “may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Eph 3:19). 

If the love of God has already been poured into our hearts, our prayer should be that we become rooted and established in this love.  For me this means that I become more assured that this is the truest reality in my life as a follower of Jesus.  As I focus on God love for me, just as I am, not as I should be or even hope to be, I become more rooted and established in his love.  Then I will have power to grasp more fully how great the love of God is for me.  To know that I am loved in such a profound way has truly surpassed any knowledge I might have of myself and that of God.  But as I come to rest in that love, I find that I am experiencing a greater awareness of God in my life.  It has nothing to do with what I accomplish, but rather has everything to do with how I perceive myself as being loved by God. 

So love does not kill slowly, but rather allows me to know who I am so that I might become fully alive.  David Benner reminds us that prayer as our life with God can be thought of as “being in love.”  This implies that in prayer we are able to know “our being-in-love.”  Listen to what Benner has to say about this being in love. “Prayer is not simply what we do. It is a way of being…it is resting in the reality of our being-in-God.  This is our fundamental identity.  It is the hidden but deepest truth of our existence.  Our being has no meaning apart from its relationship to God’s being.  The only possibility of being who I most deeply am rests in the eternal I Am.  Because of the I Am, I can be.   Because the eternal I Am is love, I can experience communion with God in love.  This is what makes it possible for me to become truly and fully human, for me to become truly and fully who I am in Christ.”

The only possible way that love might kill slowly in my walk with Jesus is the death that occurs to my old nature.  As I experience more of the reality of God’s love in our hearts, the more we will be willing to let go of the patterns and practices of our old nature.  “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires” (Gal 5:24).  I guess I would say as I come to know God’s love for me, there is a sense in which this  love kills slowly in that I am less dominated by my old nature.  It is not by my will power that this death takes place, but rather it is God’s work in me as I surrender to love.

I have mentioned David Benner on this blog site in the past.  He has helped me a great deal in thinking through the issues regarding Christian spirituality.  I highly recommand all of his writings.  His latest book “Opening to God” is a great book on prayer.  I will be going back to it often.  There is some much to digest. But here is one comment he makes early in the book. “The real problem (with prayer) and the core of the misunderstanding lies in thinking of prayer as something that we do.  Understood more correctly, prayer is what God does in us. Our part has much more to do with consent than initiative.  That consent……is most simply saying yes to God’s invitation to loving encounter.”

I assume that prayer as consent on our part as men is more difficult then for women.  Mary, of course, is the model of consent when she responded to God, “May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38).   It is not easy for men to be lead to the place spiritually where effort and achievement are no longer the primary motivating  factors in our prayer life.  We spend to much time evaluated how we are doing, rather then just being.  Prayer is a transforming relationship that God has already initiated with each of us.   Our part, “is simply making space for God, turning to God with attentiveness and openness” (Benner).  God is much more interested in have a relationship with us then we are.  What a difference when we can see prayer as an invitation to a loving relationship that is already present rather then an obligation or task on our part.  God simply waits for our consent to his deep desire of wanting to reveal  himself to us.  

What is needed on our part in  openness before God.  This is not easy.  I still work at this in  my relationship with God.  I am always trying to put my best self forward, while trying to hiding my “junk.”  God lovingly, “invites us to come in faith that expresses itself in vulnerability and brutal self-honestly”.   With my growing assurance that God loves me in my junk, I can come to him with more openness and trust,  knowing he is the one who is initiating the relationship.  I must always remember that this relationship is first and foremost based on love.  This allows prayer then becomes an encounter of my true self with the true God.  Too often it is my false self  being present to a God of my own imagination.  What a difference when there is no fear of being real and truthful in prayer.  This is what will make prayer transformative.  In greater honesty I am opening hidden parts of my life to God.  He has always been at the center waiting for me to become “real.”  It is God who does the healing in my heart, thus bringing about transformation.

So men I encourage you not to think of prayer as an obligation, but rather as an invitation.  Think of prayer as an invitation to encounter love.  I close with one more quote from Benner.  I encourage you to take this to heart.  “Settle for nothing less than knowing God in love.  This begins by knowing the depths of God’s love for you.  All of us need to regularly return to this knowing.  In fact, you can never get enough of it.  Everything else that is required of you in life – your love of God, yourself and others – all flows out of your personal knowing of God’s extravagant love for you”

One of the issues related to ministry with men that is not given enough attention is the affirmation that every man needs regarding his masculinity.  Richard Rohr who has worked with men all over the world has observed, “in almost all cultures men are not born; they are made.”  “Masculinity” maintains Leanne Payne, “is a quality that is bestowed.” My own journey into greater integration with my masculine soul has involved affirmation of who I am as a man.  I remember in the early 80’s reading about depravation that occurs in the soul.  I had not ever been exposed to such a concept.  At first it was uncomfortable for me to face my own depravation.  It was like a hole in my soul.  But slowly by the grace of God I came to see my emptiness.  I was in deep need of affirmation as a man.

My story is typical of many men in our culture.  I received little affirmation from my fatheror any other significant male in my formative years.  This left a void in my soul causing me to go searching for affirmation from others and hoping to receive affirmation in what  I did.  I had to come to the realization that I was seeking  affirmation from those around me and what I was able to accomplish.  But this did not fill the hole in my soul.  My greatest help come from Leanne Payne.  She clearly has shown men that they can receive the affirmation they need from their heavenly Father.  We have a Father in heaven who delights in us. I began to learn that as I looked “up and out” Icould receive the healing, affirming word that was coming to me from my Father.  I began to see myself as God’s beloved.   

As my soul was  healed I found strength to move from a strong center within into the truth.  Without a strong, secure center within men will have difficulty to move forward in the truth.  We will either compromise the truth or just remain silent.  Leanne Payne makes a statement that I think is very significant in addressing  men’s ministry today.  “The crisis in masculinity is a crisis of the unaffirmed masculine and the inability to initate and stand for the truth.  For the power to honor the truth, to speak and to stand for the truth is at the heart of the masculine”  I am convinced that the unaffirmed masculine is one of the vital keys in restoring truth and integrity among men in the church today.  Men are being asked to do what they have no inner strenght to do.  Men are being asked to believe aspects of being a man that they cannot fully integrated because of the hole in their souls. 

For any man reading this post today, who knows that he has a hole in his soul, because his masculine soul has never received the healing word of affirmation, my best and simpliest advise is to just sit in the presence of God and learn to receive His word of affirmation for you.  Remember you can’t earn your affirmation.  You don’t even deserve affirmation.   It is purely a gift of grace coming from the heart of a heavenly Father who simply thinks you are worth loving for just who you are.  The words of the Father to Jesus are good words to continually to meditate upon until the truth reaches your heart.  “This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17).

Richard Rohr, one of my favorite writers on male spirituality, has a meditation on blind Bartimaeus in Mark 1o:46-52.  If you remember the story, Bartimaeus is desperate to get to the feet of Jesus.  He shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”  He was rebuked and told to be quiet.  But he shouted all the more.  Jesus stopped and asked him what he wanted.   He said that he wanted to see.  Jesus said to him, “your faith has healed you.”  “Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.”

Rohr notes that for a blind man, his cloak represents security.  “A blind man was considered cursed by God”  observed Rohr.  “Their only protection against the elements was their cloak.”  The blind man dropped his cloak.  “In doing so, he dropped all the security he had even known to follow the one named Jesus.”   I wonder what our security blankets are as men.  I suppose it will vary for each of us.  But certainly our security blanket brings us a sense of the familiar and some sense of assurance that we can protect ourselves.

Why do we have security blankets?  Isn’t part of the reason our hidden fears that we find hard to admit and face.  I know for myself when I think of my security blanket I have to acknowledge there is a little boy inside who is afraid that he will not be understood.   I especially begin to have these feelings when I am threatened or misunderstood.  These are moments when I reach for my security blanket to provide  protection from what I consider a cruel world that does not seem to understand.  This is the response of a immature boy, who has not yet grown up.  This is very hard for me to admit.  But time and time again these are my responses

What an example Bartimaeus can be to us.  He wants to see.  He is willing to give up his only security to have the opportunity to come before Jesus.  First, he had to have faith that is was going to be ok to leave his security.  Second, he wanted very badly to receive his sight.  Even when he was told to be quiet, he kept on calling out to Jesus.  Third, his cry was for mercy.  He had nothing to offer Jesus.  He was totally dependent on Jesus to help him.

Men this is a wonderful example for us to ponder.  Like Bartimaeus we have to set aside our security blanket, whatever than may be.  It will prevent us from coming to Jesus.  Bartimaeus might have missed Jesus if he had not  throw off his blanket.  We, like Bartimaeus have to be somewhat desperate.  His prayer is one of the most heartfelt in all the gospels.  It was short and to the point.  That’s says something to us men.  Make our prayer sincere and from the heart.  Probably the greatest witness for me, as that fact the Bartimaeus believed that Jesus could help him.  So with us men.  We will not move toward Jesus till we believe he will take care of us.   We have to get up, throw off the blanket we hide behind, cry out in desperation, and come to Jesus.  He will receive us.  We will never be denied when we come in such simple, heartfelt faith.

I have been giving quite a bit of attention to a week-end retreat I will be doing this week-end.  One of the components of our retreat for about a dozen guys as to do with the affirmation of our masculine soul and the incorporation of the feminine complement.  It seems to me that this is not talked about as much as it should in men’s ministry.  I personally have found much insight and healing from two authors in particular on this subject.  These two authors are Leanne Payne and the other a Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr. 

I first began to digest Leanne Payne’s material in the early 90’s.  So I have lived with her material for over 20 years.  I discovered Richard Rohr a few years later.  What I would like to highlight in this post is the need for men, after they become secure in their masculine identity, to then embrace the feminine counterpart of their person hood.  Genesis 2:27 tells us of God created man in his image.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  (Genesis 2:27).  The image of God is reflected in both male and female. These are transcendent qualites that we have from God.  

Men we find  true affirmation in relationship to our heavenly Father.  Having found their affirmation in their relationship to God, there is a need to find the balance of the feminine.  Rohr observes, “A man who is secure in his gender identity will have a healthy masculine gender identity as well as the balance of the complementary feminine”.  This can be expressed in such phrase as “head and heart”, “tough and tender”, “rational and intuitive” “doing and being” and “courage and compassion.”   In a culture such as ours, where the feminine voice has been raising a lot of protest over the wrongful dominance of men, men are being forced to look at the feminine complement in their lives.  The problem is that many men are doing so without being secure in their own male identity.  The result are men who are weak and passive. 

There are some leaders in men’s minstry who have pointed out, that the message of the church is geared more for a feminine response.  Surrender and being loving, while showing compassion in relationships is a common theme.  While this is a necessary expression for men, who are followers of Jesus, this can’t be the only message men hear.  Men are naturally geared toward doing.  Payne believes that “at the heart of the masculine is energy to honor the truth and move forward in the truth.”  The masculine is resolute, orientated to work, order and accomplishment.  This needs to be affirmed in a healthy male identity.  Out of this identity comes the capacity to embrace the more feminine qualites of connecting, relating and responding.  But these will be best integrated in the heart of a man who has found his masculine identity in Christ.

Did you know that Starbucks is dropping the word “Starbuck” from it logo.  This is happening in time for its 40th anniversary in March.  A company spokesperson observed  that people can now recognize the logo without the words.  It was stated that the new logo is a “metaphor for the company dropping the boundaries of itsown business and growing into new areas.”  Being associated only with coffee is to confining and restrictive.  The idea is to keep selling experience with coffee being only a part of the experience.

As I read that article I was preparing my sermon for last Sunday.  The text for last Sunday, which was the Baptism of Our Lord, was from Matt 3:13-17.  It is the story of Jesus’ baptism.  I made the point that there is nothing restricting about the way of Jesus.  If our spiritual life seems restrictive, not giving us life and energy to live for God, we have misunderstood the nature of the gospel.  The same Holy Spirit that came upon Jesus that day, is the same Spirit that fills us with the presence of God when we put our trust in Jesus

I kept thinking about men who read this blog site. The text declares that in Jesus all righteousness in being fulfilled.  The message puts it this way, “God’s work, putting things right all these centuries, is coming together now in this baptism.”  All the preparations that God had made for us to enter into abundant life was now going to be fulfilled when Jesus entered into his baptism experience.  It as after he came up out of the water that he was himself was baptized with the Holy Spirit. Mark tells us, “As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove” (Mark 1:10).  Matthew tells us that, “at that moment heaven was opened.”

The implication from the baptism of Jesus is that heaven was opening up in a new way.  God was now becoming involved in the lives of his people in a new way.  Jesus, John tells us, would now be the one who would baptism us with the same Holy Spirit.  The very presence of God would now take up residence in our lives.  Peter in his sermon recalls Jesus baptism, remembering, “how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him” (Acts 10:38).  That same power for doing good could now reside in each of us. 

 One of the continually questions men ask in the secret place of the heart is, “Do I have what it takes?”  This question causes a lot of men to stand on the sidelines, living a passive and silent life spiritually.  They so often think that the spirituality of their wives is much more affective then their own.  But the good news from this text is that we have been given in the person of the Holy Spirit that very presence of God.  Jesus baptizes in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.  When we put our trust in him, he will carry us through, giving all we need through the work of His Spirit in us.  So don’t restrict your spiritual life and practice.  Turn your heart to heaven, asking Jesus to come a fill you will all you need for the journey. All the requirements have been met.  Our posture is that of being able to receive what is being given.