The following is a poem from St. Augustine.  It is the work of God’s grace and mercy in my spiritual journey, that I would dare post one of Augustine’s poems.  He has always been far above me in intellect, experience and spiritual insight.  But I can now testify that the words of this poem are alive with meaning for me.  Here is the poem:  

Late have I love you, / Beauty so ancient and so new, / late have I loved you!     Lo, you were within, / but I outside, seeking there for you, / and upon the shapely things you have made / I rushed headlong, / I, misshapen. / You were with me but I was not with you. /They held me back far from you, / those things which would have no being / were they not in you.        You called, shouted, broke through my deafness; /you flared, blazed, banished my blindness; / you lavished your fragrance, / I grasped, and now I pant for you; / I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst; / you touched me, and I burned for your peace. 

It was in the early 80’s that I discovered the rich spiritual stream in the early church.  I had never be exposed to this stream.  Most of what I had learned and experienced was from the Reformation and to the present.  At first it was very difficult for me to integrate this contemplative, mystical stream.  But slowly over the years through much soul searching, I have at my age become comfortable with the contemplative tradition.  The words of Karl Rahner has stuck with me over the years. “The Christian of tomorrow will be a mystic, or he will be nothing.”  I believe that time has come.

I now know the love of God that goes deeper, while knowing how far I still have grow in being a loving person.  I was in my 40’s when I came to the realization that God delighted in me.  Beyond my shame and vulnerability I was indeed “God beloved.”  God has always loved me, even without my trying to win his approval.  

Another awakening for me, was the realization that “God was within me.”  I had sought him “outside” while he was “within.”  Jesus’ final words in the high priestly prayer, took on new life for me.  “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:26).  I often would quote John 14:23 in my sermons. “My Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him.”  For a long time I would put my hand on my heart and say, “God lives within me.”  It was a major spiritual breakthrough for me

Augustine confessed, “Lo, you were within, but I outside, seeking there for you….”  I now know better.  But I still get caught in my old patterns.  It is not who I am, what I have and what I do that counts.  It is the fact that God is within me and loves me in spite of myself.  He will give the grace to stand strong in him.  

Finally, the last part of Augustine’s poem resonate with me today.  God continues to break through my deafness and blindness.  These days are days of expanding my soul life.  I now can truthfully say, “I pant for God.”  I have learned to taste the goodness of God.  “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” (Ps 34:7)