“Teach them friendship” is the title of an article by college professor, Bryan Baise in Mere Orthodoxy.  At the end of his discussion he notes, “Masculinity cannot be fixed by presidents, politicians, or platformed theologians clamoring into the void that ‘they alone can fix it.’  It will take slow, deliberate work that recognizes men are good for society, they are worth the time and investment, and there are mediating institutions worth investing one’s life and energy into forming and building for the common good.”  

The author believes a lot of the chatter about masculinity is a “mirrored recklessness.”  One opinion holds that masculinity has no original content.  But the author cautions, “We should be able to say something about what it means to be men that is not merely culturally informed,” but is unique to men, created in the image of God.  The concept of a man can have different  expressions at various stages of history, but we can recognize a “unity of concept with different kinds of expression.”  We must be careful in not demoting masculinity.  Men need help in living out their unique masculine story.  Mirrored recklessness can express “the fatal conceit that suggests masculinity must  be express in a certain kind of external posture.”  In the confusion of forcing men into certain expectations  can result in emotional confusion.  

Then there is the concern about male connection. The focus is usually on shared activity, rather than hearing men’s stories, especially the emotional pain  of the soul.   But what does friendship look like in the “current malaise of masculinity.”  “Friendship is a fabric of created order that shapes both person and place.”  Baise suggests, “Men’s existence is good, they are more than mere utility and their life is valuable.  Friendship offers the promise of helping men see their uniqueness, if only they will have the ears to hear.  It offers a window into the world of sacrifice, love, courage, and vulnerability, where  dying to self means taking up responsibilities.” 

“A recovery of manhood is a recovery of a unique expression of human dignity.”  In friendship, beliefs and friends are embodied in a unique rhythm of life.   There is something good about masculinity that cannot be reduced to its function.  But this will be slow work.  “There is no set agenda, no end or purpose beyond just being together.”  Through friendship men “can begin the slow remaking of what has been unmade.”  It can be a tool in helping men understand their masculinity as being more than bravado, not explained away by cultural mythos.  

Male friendship can teach men they have something unique to contribute to our culture.  By focusing on male character and inviting men into the process, we can “begin the slow work of removing their chains, inviting them out of the graveyard and into a life of cultivating the goods of friendship and in doing so become more like men.”

Proverbs 17:17 tells us, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”  Proverbs 18:24 reminds us, “….there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” while Prov.27:6 declares, “wounds from a friend can be trusted.”  Male friendship is a gift from the Lord.  My friendship with Dan. Bruce and now Scott has been a  slow, deliberate work.   We have met regularly for over three years. We are soul mates who share our stories of faith and our struggles to be men of God.  I am grateful for my male soul mates.  I can be myself, knowing I am loved for who I really am.  I sincerely desire to be authentic and real.