Jeremiah was called by God to be a prophet.  He became known as “the weeping prophet” because his words of warning were never accepted.  He expresses his exasperation. “Oh, that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people.” (Jer. 9:1) He had a front row seat to the judgment of God upon his own people.

God gave him a  daunting assignment. “I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant” (Jer. 1:9-10).  He was to  warn both nations and kingdoms of  coming judgment.  But, he was forewarned, “they did not listen or pay attention;  they were stiff-necked and would not listen or respond to discipline” (Jer. 17:23).  He had to live with the consequences of a rejected message.  He cried, “Oh, my anguish, my anguish!  I writhe in pain.  Oh, the agony of my heart!  My heart pounds within me. I cannot keep silent.” (Jer. 4:19).  He know what was coming. “For I have heard the sound of the trumpet; I have heard the battle cry.” (v 21). 

He message only hardened their hearts. “But these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts; they have turned aside and gone away.” (Jer. 5:23)  It was not easy for the prophet to say, “They are all hardened rebels, going about to slander. They are bronze and iron; they all act corruptly.” (Jer. 6:28) 

Imagine if what you had to speak as God’s messenger to people who were characterized as “bronze and iron.”  Jeremiah, however had to accept his mission as a “tester of metals.” (Jer 6:27)  This seems like a thankless job.  But He had God’s  assurance, “Today I  have made you a fortified city, and iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land…….They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” (Jer 1:18-19)

One phrase used by Jeremiah is the word “backsliding.”  The implication was the spiritual life of the people was going backward, not forward in the Lord.  They were not listening to the call of God to move forward in obedience.  Rather they had become enculturated in accommodating their belief and practice with the popular culture.  “Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you; Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me.” (Jer2:19). “‘You have rejected me,'” declares the Lord.  “‘You  keep on backsliding.  So I will lay hands on you and destroy you.  I can no longer show compassion.'” (Jer. 15:6). The Lord continued to call the people back. “Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.” (Jer. 3:22)

 One way Jeremiah visualized turning back, was for the people to break up their heartened hearts.  “Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns.  Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, circumcise your hearts” (Jer. 4:5)  Hosea painted a similar picture,  “Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you” ( Hosea 10: 12).  The people were not paying attention to their hearts. 

I wonder with all the talk of a “new vibe” in our culture, if we don’t need  to go deeper, plowing up the hardness of our hearts?  How far have we backslidden, with hardened hearts.  The “new vibe” is only temporary.  

Parents.com and the New York Post have both reported,  “Young boys are reportedly feeling deprived of physical touch and affection, also know as “touch starvation.” It can  have a major impact on their emotional and social well-being. Experts like Drs Michael Thompson and Matt Engler-Carlson have noted, “American culture often discourages boys from experiencing nurturing touch, beginning in early childhood and reinforced by media and social norms.”  

The deep emotional, physical, and relational toll of affection deprivation has also been named as “skin hunger.”  The research of Dr. Kory Floyd has shown that “men who lack affectionate touch report higher rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and even immune system issues.”  There is a strong correlation between affection deprivation and mental and physical health problems.  “Boys who grow up without affectionate touch often internalize the belief that physical closeness is unmanly.  As they become fathers, these touch-deprived boys may struggle to express affection toward their own sons.  The  cycle repeats: men raised without touch become fathers who don’t hug

Boys who are physically affectionate with their fathers are less likely to struggle with substance abuse, have mental health struggles, criminal deviance, and are less likely to engage in sexual promiscuity.  Breaking this cycle will require intentional affirming that touch is compatible with masculinity.  Anthony Bradley noted, “By fostering emotionally safe spaces and challenging cultural taboos, we can help men reclaim a core part of their humanity and offer their sons what they themselves may have missed.” 

Parents should be encouraged to use positive touch intentionally and consistently as a way to foster emotional connection and security.   Creating a “family counter-narrative” regarding affection can be a buffer against many of the harmful cultural messages. “The truth is, much of America doesn’t really like boys – and in many cases, not even their own parents do.  This needs to change.”

The article listed the following strategies:  Overcoming personal discomfort with affection/ Using touch (like hugs) to soothe or connect/ Learning a child’s preferred form of physical closeness/ Normalizing touch through routines and modeling affectionate friendships/ Talking openly about healthy boundaries and cultural differences/ Negotiating age-appropriate forms of affection as boys grow older. 

Like many men, I grew up in a culture where men did not show physical affection.  My folks were  the second generation of Finnish immigrants.  They represented an ethic of responsibility and hard work.  They simply wanted to provide a healthy, safe environment for their families.  As the oldest in my family, I received little physical affection from my father.  I absorbed the message that grown men do not show outward affection.  It is interesting to note that many of my Italian buddies spoke openly about their affections and were very demonstrative in showing affection.

My personal struggle also involved being a “heart” relating man.  I learned to be shy and halting in sharing my affections in my family. When I read Bradley’s article, I certainly could identify with “touch starvation” and “skin hunger.”  I agree with the strategies listed above.  Over the years I learned to function in the male culture as a “feeling” guy.  It meant at times feeling out of place. But it also meant that I have helped men be comfortable with physical touch.

A word of caution on men and “touch starvation.”  Be genuine in sharing physical affection.  Knowing other men on a deeper level (heart) is helpful.  It is vital for men to develop deeper friendships.  My testimony –  genuine hugs can help a man release a great deal of his negative emotions.  There is something about hugging  each other that brings freedom.