Dear Ones,
Hope you had a great weekend. Today I plan to bake S.F. choc chip cookies and to go to Aldi’s and my exercise class etc.
Devotions from Judy’s heart
Today I would like to address something that is close to my heart. Recently, I read an article by Anthony Bradley who gives a word of wisdom from Erica Komisar who is a Psychoanalyst with over thirty years of clinical experience. She speaks of “The Unspoken Cost of Daycare: How We’re Engineering a Generation of Unattached Children.” I have always believed those first years of a child’s life are especially important: to have a safe environment with loving parents and not to be put into child care. I realize that for some it is not an option, but I am writing to impress on families to ask the Lord how you can sacrifice in other areas to be home with your child for at least the first three years. I was a Registered Nurse when our first son was born and quit to stay home with him. Al was in seminary and we were 2,000 miles away from relatives who could help. We lived on a shoestring: no eating out, everything made from scratch, hand-made clothes, and I babysat the pastor’s five children so that I could be with mine. But we never suffered from lack of any essentials and I was thankful to able to be a stay-at-home mom for all three of our children.

There is a lie that Gen Xers have believed, and that is that daycare is necessary and even beneficial for modern family life. But the truth is, later statistics show that 1 in 5 children develop a serious mental illness. Gen Z and Gen Alpha have mental health issues as well, result of screen exposure and daycare in infancy. Komisar says there is no such thing as “good daycare” for a mother’s presence can’t be replaced, especially in those first three years when 85% of a child’s right brain is developed, the part that has to do with emotions and social understanding. When an infant is held by the mother, the baby’s nervous system is soothed, building emotional resilience.
Fathers are important and Kosim describes them as playful, tactile stimulators who encourage risk-taking and exploration. They are protectors against external threats. No wonder, a mother wakes up when the baby cries while the father sleeps, unless he hears danger which alerts him quickly.

When an infant is put in daycare with different caregivers, their developing brain goes into a state of stress. Left for eight hours, the baby perceives abandonment, resulting in a diminished capacity to handle adversity. Komisar writes that ADHD is not a disorder, but a symptom of a nervous system stuck in a hyper-vigilant, flight-or-flight state. Attachment disorder may result, and in later life, depression, anxiety disorders, and even borderline personality disorder. Before the age of three, children need a secure one-on-one bond with a consistent caregiver, which is hard to achieve in any day care center.

I want to encourage women today not to feel they have to work as a prerequisite for equality, but think more of the developmental needs of their children. There are years later to be in the workforce when children are in school. For some it is not possible because of circumstances, but one option named is a loving relative filling the spot or a long-term nanny. Let us be willing to make personal sacrifices to give our children what they need most: the consistent, loving presence of their parents, especially in the first three years of life.

Challenge for today: Encourage new parents, sharing how important their consistent, loving presence is for the health and security of their child. You might even babysit and give them a night off!
Blessings on your week and prayers and love, Judy