I read an informative review of a book for men entitled, “Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 lies that keep men from becoming fully alive.”  I was intrigued with the premise of the book.  “There’s a shadow that’s settled over the hearts of men today.  Masculinity is in crisis.  Critiques about the dangers of toxic masculinity and the abuses of patriarchal systems have grown louder than ever.  The very notions of masculinity and manhood are under attack.  In response to cultural shifts, some have doubled down on old stereotypes in ways that just add to the conflict and confusion.” As a result many men are confused and in the dark about manhood.

When did talk about masculinity became controversial it is hard to pinpoint ?  Certainly in the last decade,  men have moved into the darkness and shadows regarding their maleness.  Using metaphors such as “fighting shadows” and being “shadow men” gives the impression that men are confused about modern masculinity.  The authors Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson talk about the dark places as shadows in the lives of men.  They list lust, worldly ambition, loneliness, shame, apathy and despair.  

The book looks at external explanations for the crisis of masculinity.  “Men face problems because they believe cultural lies.”  The authors blame the shadowy lies on sin and Satan.  But they are also critical of the church.  “Unfortunately, much of what is taught at church about masculinity is so theoretical that it doesn’t seem to work in real life.  In the absence of effective mentors and models, not to mention the lack of margin to really work on ourselves, we just drift to the edge – out of the light.” 

While it is helpful to be aware of how the lies of our secular culture keeps men in the shadows, we need to be careful not to point the finger away from our responsibility before the Lord.  Men, indeed, feel beaten up by a hostile culture.  They need support and especially affirmation as men.  To help them interpret the negative message they are continually facing in the culture,  men will need help in being a godly man in a hostile culture.  The authors maintain, “the greatest problem facing men today isn’t our culture or the church; it’s our need for repentance and submission to Christ. What’s wrong with the world is also what’s wrong inside each of us.”

Richard Rohr is known for accusing men of “shadow boxing”  He observes, “It takes so much energy and effort to suppress what we find unacceptable in ourselves that we can have very little energy left for anything else.”  We end up shadow boxing when we place “a great portion of our unacceptable self in exile.”    

It takes courage for a man to face his real self, and not be afraid of those misconceptions of maleness internalized by the culture.  Rohr gives this warning, “We need to acknowledge, forgive, and heal all that lurks in our shadow, or we will continue to distort reality by projecting all that we hate from within ourselves onto other people and the world around us.”

In our day there is a need for men to be gathering in support groups so as to help one another with how we distort reality by avoiding the unacceptable parts of our story.  AA as a saying that speaks to this condition: “You are only as sick as your secrets.” A lot of the male influencers in the media have become well versed in projecting their shadows on younger, unsuspecting men, who are struggling with their shadow.  We need what Rohr calls, “male mothers.”  These are older mentor who can name the shadow-boxing taking place.

Anthony B. Bradley has an interesting article on the hoodie worn by young men, entitled, “Hoodie Nation; The official uniform of the crisis of boys and men.”  He notes the hoodie, “has become the all-purpose, all-season expression of conformist, homogeneous masculinity.”  It has become a symbol of resignation.  It’s like the uniform of boys and young men in hiding.  It’s a signal that reads, ‘”Do Not Disturb.”  It has become an easy way for young men to send a message when they pull it over their heads: “Leave me alone.” Wearing a hoodie says, “I Don’t want to be bothered.”  The hoodie nation is, “telling the story of a nation of hurting boys and men.”

Bradley refers to Dr. Karen Horney, who describes  “basic anxiety.”  This is “a pervasive feeling of isolation and helplessness in a potentially hostile world.”  Bradley theorizes many boys grow up in “the parental environment that creates the conditions for children to look at their futures being afraid of uncertainty and discomfort.  Today, it’s nearly impossible to escape childhood without some level of fear about the future thanks to what children experience at home and on social media.”  The result often is moving away from people (resignation or detachment). 

Bradley believes “the crisis today for young men and boys is largely one of resignation.  Boys and men are checking out, responding to basic anxiety by withdrawing from social interactions, emotional investment, and having demands placed upon them.”  Resignation is really an act of resistance.  The resigned man according to Horney, “is a composite of self-sufficiency, independence, self-contained serenity, freedom from desires and passions, stoicism, and the idealization of noncommitment.” 

Bradley sees this crisis symbolized by “the fashion choice of pulling a hoodie over one’s head.” “The hoodie,” in Bradley’s view, “allows for easy detachment, self-sufficiency, apathy, isolation, and cynicism….”  It’s a way of saying, “I just want to be left alone to do whatever I want, on my terms.”  The hoodie is a symbol of being resigned from the expectations and demands others. 

Bradley wonders when the crisis will end for boys and men.  He ponders, “when boys and men are free to build genuine connections, develop emotional resilience and spiritual confidence, find meaning and purpose, feel needed and respected, and challenge the beliefs that underpin their resignation and detachment, we may see them moving away from checking out.”   

There will be a shift when, “apathy ends, when striving for achievement and effort returns for its own sake and to serve others and when enthusiastic goal-setting and future planning take hold.”  Then hoodies may fade.  They could be replaced by attire that  “encourages being seen, known, admired respected and sought after.”  Bradley notes that engagement is the opposite of resignation.  This is “where individuals actively participate in social interactions, pursue relationships, and invest emotionally, spiritually, and professionally.”   

Here are some takeaways from this article.  First, men need to beware of “basic anxiety” in men of all ages.  Culture is not supportive in helping  emotionally “wounded” men.  Men need to  find support groups for males.  Secondly, we each need to evaluate our level of engagement, reaching beyond our own “silos of protection.”  Thirdly, what is my equivalent of “the hoodie.”  What do I do to protect myself in an unfriendly culture.  And finally,  this article cries out for older men to be available to younger men, with  the pain and hurt they carry in their masculine souls.

Men, take Ecclesiastes 4:12 to heart.  Don’t be a “lone ranger.”  “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.  Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken”