I am a “feeling-intuitive guy,” according to the Myers-Briggs.  It took many years before I could accept being a male, who just never seemed to fit in the male culture.  I didn’t fit with the stereotype.  As I grew older, becoming more acquainted with personality types, I gained the liberating realization that I was a feeling-intuitive man.  Beside my type, I am left-handed.  I’m OK, just wired differently.   I discovered my feminine side was naturally more developed.  In my family of origins, I am thankful for my mother.  She was a straight, no-nonsense women, who toughened me up as a young man.  I am most thankful for my wife, who loves me for who I am. 

Having given you a thumb-nail sketch of my personality, I need to add – I have worked mightily on my labilities.  I am not intellectual, practical, nor am I linear in my thinking.  I have studied continually, worked at being practical, while striving to be consistent.  I was deeply moved by an article in First Things by Freya India entitled “The right has forgotten feeling.”  Ms. India, in her journey, is once again embracing conservative Christianity.  But she laments the lack of real feeling for the hurts of women. 

I must confess, in writing this blog for 15 years, I have been reluctant to admit I am a “heart guy” first rather than a “head guy.” But the article stuck a deep nerve in my heart.  “Girls and young women are hurting,” notes India. “They are suffering from record rates of anxiety and depression.  Some are starving themselves……. Many feel alone with few friends, little face-to-face interaction, often without a father or mother in the picture.  They feel hopeless, powerless.”  

These feelings seem to have little appreciation in the modern world.  India stresses, “by feeling I mean not just emotion but intuition, a nagging sense that something was wrong, that my needs weren’t being met.  Conservative commentators, who seem to be over reliant on intellect and argument, on numbers and logic are not reaching hurting young women.”  Ms. India experiences, “endless abstract arguments for marriage, but very little talking to young women who ache…….Commentators quote obscure theological texts to prove their intellect, rarely to persuade.”     

India encounters too much blaming of girls and young women for their struggles. “Maybe,” wonders India, “young girls behave as they do because they are desperate, wired, to be seen, to be accepted, to belong.  They need refuge, not ridicule.”  She suggests arguing from feelings, for painful realities, are matters of the heart. “Besides forgetting how to speak about feelings, the right has forgotten to listen….. (if you) listen to young women long enough, you will often hear pain.” 

She challenges Christians, “In a world that denies and confuses young women’s every instinct, show them another way.”  Give young women permission to say no. They are, “not insecure for having strong moral instincts.” Our mission “must be to heal their troubled hearts, to still their racing minds, to mend their broken trust.”  India closes with this thought, “How hard it is to discuss instincts.  It is harder still to defend them.  But that is our battle.  Our fight is to put feelings into words.  To articulate the pain, the loss, the abandonment.  Find the words, because those words might finally reach young women, might finally bring them home.”

Men, I have spent a lifetime, fighting “to put feelings into words.”  Therefore, I would say; First, we need to affirm the intuition of woman, rather than make a joke of its expression.  Secondly, remember there are hurting young women, who are casualties of our left-brain society.  Thirdly, be a loving presence among young women.   

Pastor Alexander Sosler in an article entitled “You can’t hustle your way to holiness” in Christianity Today, used the phrase “rise and grind.”  He is talking about the new generation of influencers, who are targeting younger men, with the thought of getting Christian men out of their heads and into the real world around them.  But pastor Sosler wonders, “But in the life of faith, I also think my drive to be the best can make me the spiritually worst.”

He gives this caution,  “… underneath these modern messages is also a deeper, more distorted desire; There’s always more to do, more to read, more money to make, more experiences to have, more people to beat.  Life is set up for the grind. Perform. Do better. Money is power, so get some. And what young people can’t know yet is that this mindset leaves you exhausted.”

He goes on to rightly suggest, “In Christianity, we call upon a higher standard of grace, which has nothing to do with our effort or striving.  You can’t hack your way to holiness because holiness is slow work.  Formation is less about productivity and more about stillness.  This way of life requires discipline, but it’s a discipline of absence not performance.  The battle cry of formation isn’t necessarily ‘Fight for the Lord’ but ‘the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still'” (Ex. 14:14)……These words don’t excite my Western sensibilities.  I want to be deserving of what I get.”

He goes on to focus on “deserving.”  He quotes Thomas Merton on perseverance.  “Perseverance is not hanging on to some course which we have set our mind to, and refusing to let go……I am coming to think that God …. loves and helps best those who are so beat and have so much nothing when they come to die that it is almost as if they had persevered in nothing but had gradually lost everything, piece by piece, until there was nothing left but God.  Hence perseverance is not hanging on, but letting go.” 

Sosler reminds us of Paul’s words, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness: (II Cor. 12:9).  “For Paul,” notes Sosler, “perseverance involved letting go.  Formation was submission. His weakness proved God’s power, which means the scandal of perseverance is this: Even in the emptiness, God loves us.”  

The author ends his article with these words. “So in those moments when you’re at the end of your proverbial rope, God is there, and you are still his beloved.”  He quotes Henri Nouwen, “We are not what we do.  We are not what we have.  We are not what others think of us.  Coming home is claiming the truth, I am the beloved of a loving Creator.”

The quote from Nouwen was instrumental in my formation some years ago, when I was caught up in a “spiritual performance” trap. I still can feel and picture myself as a earnest, sincere pastor wanting to be holy and spiritual effective at the same time.  I was on a treadmill, with little awareness of how to get off.  Thank God, I had a spiritual friend who taught me how to slow down and allow the Lord to do his work in my heart.  

That transition for me happened over thirty years ago.  But even at my age (83), I still get caught in the “performance trap.”   I have my unique “conveyer belt” that I get on, carrying me along in my own energy and strength.  I have had the learn patience the hard way.  God work of transformation is a “slow process.”