On International Pronouns Day (Oct. 20), the State Department tweeted to explain that many Americans use pronouns as a form of gender expression. This day was created by Shige Sakurai, who believes that pronouns, like names, allow people to express themselves and their identity to the rest of the world.

Remember President Biden’s executive order issued during his first days in office seeking to prevent discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation: “It is the policy of my administration to prevent and combat discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation, and to fully enforce Title VII and other laws that prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation.” This is now reflected in the policy of our State Department and the stance of America in the world.

“Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Being referred to by the wrong pronouns particularly affects transgender and gender nonconforming people,” Sakurai wrote. With this in mind, Secretary of State Antony Blinken confirmed that the State Department would allow people to choose their gender identity on passports even if it contradicts with the sex or gender identity listed on other official documents. 

For those individuals with official documents and medical forms identifying them as either male or female, no longer is any official confirmation needed to show they have a medical condition warranting the nonbinary option. According to the government, their word is as good as gold. 

The U.S. special diplomatic envoy for LGBTQ rights, Jessica Stern, said the passport was “historic” and puts the government in touch with the “lived reality” of Americans who identify as something other than male or female. “When a person obtains identity documents that reflect their true identity, they live with greater dignity and respect,” Stern said. A spokesperson for the State Dept. explained, “The Department also continues to work closely with other U.S. government agencies to ensure as smooth a travel experience as possible for all passport holders, regardless of their gender identity.”  

We are referring to a very small segment of people in the world who believe someone actually is the sex or gender they believe they are, rather than the one their body says they are. To date there is no new scientific evidence requiring this belief. “Yet,” notes The Daily Citizen, “many are trying to force the belief on others with brutal rigidity. That is why the gender pronoun issue is such a contentious issue.” 

Men, this is the world in which we live. Reality is not what we make it to be but is objective and unchanging based on the revealed Word of our Creator. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). The NET states, “This verse constitutes the most concise statement of the incarnation in the New Testament.”  The Message proclaims, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.” 

The Word became a man. Jesus loved men and women equally, accepting them with all their flaws, but never confusing reality with their identity as Man and Woman, reminding us, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matt 19:4). May Jesus be our guide in this confusing time. 

Our identity is in Christ. “…Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously towards others, the way God lives toward you” (Matt 5:48 – Message). 

Robert Bly died recently (Nov. 21, 2021) at the age of 94. Bly was one of the early leaders of the Men’s Movement. While some of what he advocated in his retreats for men was outside a biblical framework, he persuasively called men to become aware of their hearts. I vividly remember one interview with Bill Moyers on PBS when he said, “The way to a man’s heart is through his pain.”  

After that interview, I knew a major focus of my ministry would be directed to the broken hearts of men. “It never occurred,” wrote Bly, “to think that men had feelings, or could be easily hurt… You never notice that in any of the commercials that are on television or radio. Men are regarded as something useful and ridiculous. There is a tremendous amount of belittling of men that has been going on for a long time in our culture.”

I felt Bly was speaking right to my heart as I was working through father wounds and father hunger: “With no male mode of feeling, some sons give up, collapse and become numb, for they received only the temperament of their father and not his blessing and energy.”  

Bly’s book, “Iron John” had a deep impact on me. I was able to locate much of my pain through his story telling.  One way in particular spoke to my family of origin: My mother was the dominant figure in my youth. My dad was distant. As an intuitive “feeler” by personality, I learned from Bly my natural tendency was to absorb the emotional environment in my home. 

“The child,” observed Bly, “in a messed-up family may feel a ghastly tension between the addicted parent and the clean parent, between the cold of the angry father and the heat of the loving mother, or between the cold of the furious mother and the heat of the sorrowing father.”

Bly spoke directly to my confused heart: “In such a situation it’s relatively easy to give up iron work and take up copper work. A child can easily become a professional bridge. The child can become a conductor made of that good conducting metal, copper.”

For the first time in my life, I realized that I had allowed myself to be the conductor of all the dysfunctional emotions in my home. I learned to visualize the copper wiring in my body, absorbing and storing emotions that I needed to release through confession and forgiveness. I slowly began to give up “chairmanship of the universe” knowing that I could not “fix” the emotional needs of people in my own strength. I will be forever grateful for this singular insight from Iron John.

Some of the readers of this blog are probably too young to remember the influence of Bly on the early men’s movement. In my opinion, a comment by Bly in the beginning of his book is even more telling today in light of so much focus on “toxic masculinity.” He wrote: “The grief in men has been increasing steadily since the start of the Industrial Revolution and the grief has reached a depth now that cannot be ignored.”

I am very thankful for the courage Robert Bly had to speak out on behalf of men during the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. He faced much hostility and ridicule. “The best effect we’ve had is on young men who are becoming fathers who are determined not to be the remote fathers that their own fathers were.”  I was one of those fathers. Thank you, Robert Bly. I owe you a debt of gratitude.