Category: Wildman Journey (Page 47 of 87)

Francois Fenelon, a 17th century French archbishop, has helped me over the years on my spiritual journey.  He had this to say about the soul.  “In order to make your prayer more profitable, it would be well from the beginning to picture yourself as a poor, naked, miserable wretch, perishing of hunger, who knows but one man of whom he can ask or hope for help; or as a sick person, covered with sores and ready to die unless some pitiful physician will take him in hand and heal him.  These are true pictures of our condition before God.. ….your soul is infinitely more sin-sick than that sore stricken patient, and God alone can heal you.”

I assume that most men reading this blog have not been told they have a “sin sick” soul.  The “lukewarm” believers in the Laodicean church, who said, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing,” are described by Jesus as  “wretched, pitful, poor, blind and naked”  (Rev 3:16-17).   When you are lukewarm, you  neglect the health of your soul and become sin-sick.  Speaking to the Pharisees, who assumed they were spiritual healthy, Jesus observed, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”  We are “sin-sick,” in need 0f the great Physician, who “took up our infirmities and carried our diseases” (Matt. 8:17).

The Psalmist was very aware of his needy soul. He described it as being thirsty.  “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?” (Ps 42:2).  He is describing a withered landscape in which he is longing for relief.  He is aware that only God can satisfy his thirst.  Remember Jesus said, “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13).  The invitation is to come.  “”The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’  And let him who hears say, ‘Come!’ Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.” (Rev 22:17).  So in simple terms – admit your neediness and come to Jesus to find relief.

The Psalmist also talked about yearning for God.  He knew his deepest desires were for God.  “”My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (Ps. 84:2).  A loud vocal crying for God is implied.   In Psalm 6:3 the Psalmist declares, “My soul is in deep anguish.  How long, Lord, how long.”  Men, take time to monitor your inner life.  Learn to slow down to hear what your soul is telling you.  Below the inner chatter is the deep longing of your soul for fellowship with God.  It is like a “soul-ache.”

Pay attention to your soul.  This means taking some time to just wait.  In Ps 130 the Psalmist begins with a cry for help. “Help God – the bottom has fallen out of my life!  Master, hear my cry for help!  Listen hard! Open your ears!  Listen to my cries for mercy” (Ps 130:1-2 – Message).  Then he adds, “I pray to God – my life a prayer – and wait for what he’ll say and do.  My life’s on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning ” (vs. 5-6).

Men, it is in the waiting that healing comes to a sin-sick soul.  “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” (Ps 23:1-3)

“We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped.  Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Ps 124:7-8).  This blog site is committed to helping men escape the fowler’s snare of the constant laments of radical feminism. While equality between male and female is assumed, I am  concerned about the effects of what Christian Hoff Sommers calls ‘fainting couch feminism,” which views women as, “fragile flowers who require safe spaces, trigger warnings, and special protection from micr0-invalidations.”  There is the belief among these feminists that the most destructive words a boy can hear growing up are “be a man.”

My concern is that men are lagging behind in our society when it comes to male liberation.  Women have done a lot of their homework on this issue.  The challenge is  for men to respond in kind.  It is a new day for both male and female. We can’t go back to the old patterns of relating.  Instead of being reactive, defensive or passive, men need to do their homework.  Otherwise they will allow themselves to be caught in the “fowler’s snare.”

Many men don’t even know they are caught in the snare since they have not been intentional about coming home to their God given masculine soul.  It is out of fear and insecurity that feminists expect men to be more like them.  Listen to what one feminist observer wrote after the election, “Many who care about the place of women in American society are gripped by fears that men will now feel they have a free pass to demean women at home or in the workplace, that women’s heath, economic security and reproductive rights will be dealt sever blows.”

What can this snare feel like? Notice I use the word feeling- a kind of inner foreboding that is felt in the soul.  Listen to what is deep in your soul, not how you feel obligated or conditioned to act in  the gender wars..  First, the shame of being a man.  While guilt for wrong behavior and attitudes is appropriate, even remorse for how men have wronged women, shame is crippling.  It is demeaning to a man.  Men today desperately need to know the affirmation of their  masculine soul in the presence of a loving heavenly Father.  You are loved for who you are, not for how you might perform.

Secondly, feelings of be the victim.  Some man could be reading this blog today, having to admit that he feels victimized, that is, wrongly faulted, simply for being a man at his place of employment.  He shares space with others that has been feminized by the assumption that men are to blame.  He has become passive, playing the victim, thus violating  his masculine soul.

Thirdly, a kind of floating anger and bitterness.  If a man has not done his work of being liberated, their will be a defensive response that goes underground.  His anger is like trying to keep an inflated ball under water.  It takes a lot of work not to let his true feeling known.  He comes home exhausted for just surviving another day.

One more feeling to consider; that of grief and sadness. As I have said before, grief can be mistaken for anger.  The unhealed soul of a man can often dwell in a deep well of grieving.  I know!  I watch my father in his last years live in this silent suffering of grief.  It caused me to become aware of my own need to grieve as a man.

Men, if there was one word that would have defined my early self image it would have been “nice.”  I prided myself in being nice.  As an ENFJ, who is a two on the enneagram, I was compulsive about my being nice.  Some of you who have a different core compulsion can’t relate.  Part of the motivation for becoming an ordained Lutheran Pastor, was to be nice to people in a spiritual manner.  It was a lot of work. I finally came to see that I was not such a nice guy, rather I had to need to be nice. So I know about being nice as a man.  Mark this – being nice can be a trap for men when dealing with the feminist accusation of “sexism.”

Therefore, I read with  interest an article by Kyle Smith over at the Acculturated web site.  He asked, “What if nice is not just vague but destructive?  What if niceness is just an excuse for selfishness?”  He quotes a professor Peter Augustine Lawler, who maintains that niceness is not a virtue but more of a moral shrug or cop-out, implying “I let you do – and even affirm – whatever you do, because I don’t care what you do.” “A nice person won’t fight for you,” Lawler points out. “A nice person isn’t animated by love or honor or God.  Niceness….is the most selfish of virtues….rooted in a deep indifference to the well-being of others.” It’s a quality that seen more like a  “flatness of soul” (Allan Bloom).  Wow!  That nails my compulsion.

I write wondering about all the younger men, working in corporate life in cities around our country.  I have a burden to “call them forth” from a kind of  emotional and spiritual foxhole they have been hiding in because of the gender wars.  Some are confused about their masculinity, others are angry for being labeled as sexist, while others simply grieve in silence because they feel they have to deny their basics instincts as a man.  Like myself they have made peace with the disappear of patriarchy and they are committed to working with women on “gender equality.”  They realize that women have done their inner work, while men have not come to grips with how to live out maleness in post-Christian America..

The answer is not to feel forced into being nice.  Men, don’t fall for such movements as the #AllMenCan movement, in which men are trying to show how sensitive they are to women’s rights.   Denise C. McAllister give this warning to men. “When you try to prove you’re not a misogynist, you will become enslaved to women’s will and whims….You will never be able to do enough to prove that in the deep recesses of your heart you’re not what these women think you are – a sexist pig.”  There you have it from a female observer.  I agree.  Her advice to men, “respect themselves as men and show women love and respect in their personal lives.”

From my perch in the northwoods, I cry out to men, “don’t become angry, passive or let yourself be intimidated.  Resist the temptation to resign yourself to flatness of soul, while wasting  energy on being “nice.”  You are violating your masculine soul.  My continuing advice is to come to Jesus, allowing him to bring you to your heavenly Father so you can hear to words, “I am well pleased with you.”  Your hidden masculine soul is good.  It needs healing.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18).   Through brokenness God is raising up men who are both “strong and tender,” not “soft and sensitive.”

I watched the Super Bowl Ads at my son Kurt’s home.  The next day we left, driving to South Padre in Texas for two weeks, so I can only share some impressions. I kept coming back to Ecclesiastes 1:10-11 (The Message).  “There’s nothing new on this earth.  Year after year it’s the same old thing.  Does someone call out, ‘Hey, this is new’?  Don’t get excited – it’s the same old story.  Nobody remembers what happened yesterday.  And the things that will happen tomorrow?  Nobody’ll  remembers them either.  Don’t count on being remembered.” All those ads that attract so much attention are intended to manipulate our basic desires with a total focus on self.  This is not a new business.  Men, this has being going on since the serpent  offered the apple to Eve.

It is amazing  how the ads have taken on a life of their own.  In the years that I have been writing this blog, I watch the ads for insight on how the culture views the masculine.  I have watched with a critical eye, knowing the ads industry is  aware of how the masculine in viewed in society.   In the recent past men have been portrayed in a rather condescending manner.  Men live with the curse of Adam. “The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you’ll be working in pain all your life long” ( Genesis 3:18 – Message).  The ad business  makes this apparent by suggesting  ways to relieve some of  the pain.

Compared to other years, I was disappointed.  They seemed to be more political in nature. The best one liner was from Mr. Clean,. “You gotta love a man who cleans.” I have been asking myself, “Why the change?”  The advertising industry, which keeps its finger to the cultural wind, giving it a good read out on the  mood of the nation, might  be detecting a change.  Could it be that the “anti-male” emphasis of the feminist movement has gone too far?  I wonder.  After all, for a culture to function as God intended, there has to be both the healthy male and female.  As one observer noted, “The movement (feminist) has morphed into something that is less about equality and more about the oppression of the group who have historically oppressed women.  Namely men.”

Could it be that we might be coming to a  stalemate in the gender wars?  Our culture desperately needs a healthy masculine presence. If this is to become a reality, I want to repeat what I have said often in this blog.  Men are going to have do their “soul work” enabling them to become secure in their masculinity, so they can be both “strong and tender.”  I say this in the light of the recent remarks of Hillary Clinton.  “Despite all the challenges we face, I remain convinced that, yes, the future is female“.  That phrase first appeared on a t-shirt back in 1975.  It reappeared again in 2015.  “The shirt,” noted a feminist, “is about a reaction to a misogynist and patriarchal culture that affects a lot of people.  People are re-contextualizing it – trans-women, men and moms with sons.”

Men if we are ever going to break the stalemate we will need to have a servant heart expressed in love and humility.  Paul reminds us of Jesus’ attitude. “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.  He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what” ( Phil 2:5-6 – Message). What matter is not our status as men, but our servanthood, especially toward women.

Vince Lombardi, the legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers, was s tough, demanding coach, who brought the best out of  his players.  But he also cared for each of them.  He pushed them to reach their potential as men and football players .  He also saw the need for pro football players to care for each other as a team. He talked about “love.”  “You’ve got to care for one another.  You have to love another.  Each player has to be thinking about the next guy.  The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these players have for one another.  Most people call it team spirit.  When the players are imbued with that special feeling you know you have yourself a winning team.”

Often you hear players use terms like  “the brotherhood” or even “the family” when they talk about their teammates.  This is evidence of genuine affection for each other. This kind of a culture is  cultivated over a period of time by a relationally aware coach.  Real “team chemistry” happens  when the players stop being simply individuals and begin to care for each other as a teammates.  These “bonds of a brotherhood” can take a team to victory in the midst of adversity.  The bonds can be the difference between victory or defeat. College sports can make a man out of a boy, through the bonds of brotherhood.

Paul spoke of having “a fond affection” for those with whom he shared the gospel. “We proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.  Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleasing to impart to you not only the Gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us” ( I Thess. 2:7-8).  The Phillips translation says, “Our attitude among you was one of tenderness….because we loved you.”   “Fond affection” describes the tenderness between a  mother and her nursing child.  Paul, the strong, courageous apostle uses the language of the nursery and child care to express his fond affections for  the believers in Thessalonica. Paul was not afraid to show his heart-felt affection.  The Message tells us Paul was not “patronizing, never condescending.”  It was genuine and heart felt.  His attitude communicated affection.

This is the language of tenderness, rather then being seen as soft.  There is a difference.  Strong men can have a tender heart. Men, we can  connect from our heart, and not be seen as a feminized, wimpy man.  I remember reading Robert Bly’s description of a “soft male.”  “The sensitive man of the 90’s is fine tuned, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, unwilling to start wars or hurt anyone; yet himself has little energy to offer.  Too often he is life preserving but not exactly life-giving.” I knew then, that I wanted to be tender, but not soft.  I wanted to project masculine energy that was life-preserving, not a  timid, apologetic, a so called “sensitivity” presence.

In the  past, I have felt the disapprove of women, who have interpreted my firmness as being harsh and condescending, in my role as pastor.  I felt judge for speaking as a man. But I knew, even though I had to be firm, that I was speaking from a heart of love and concern for my sisters in the Lord. I refused to be a soft male.

Men, I want to encourage you to check your own heart for any negative attitude you might have toward  women, especially in your family and church.  Then speak from your masculine heart.  Ask the Lord to give you the affection that Paul talked about.

The 2017 Women’s March on Washington, D.C is history.  Many women were able to vent their collective discontent regarding more than just women’s rights.  Madonna was the public face of their anger.  A movement was launched leading up to the march called the Pussyhat Project.  The website at the time declared, “We love the clever wordplay of ‘pussyhat’ and ‘pussycat,’ but yes, ‘pussy’ is also a derogatory term for female genitalia.”  The word was used as a means of empowerment.  “Women, whether transgender or cisgender, are mistreated in this society… the answer is not to take away our pussies, the answer is not to deny our femaleness and femininity, the answer is to demand fair treatment.”  The knitting circles that make these pussyhats are visualized as “a safe place to talk, a place where women support women.”

Men, patriarchy as a system in society where men hold the power and women do not, is dead.  Women have been demanding “gender equality” for a long time.  I have come to affirm “equality feminism” with its focus on fair treatment, respect, and dignity. But when you look at the video of the march, you see angry expressions of “gender identity politics,” which Camille Paglia sees as “self-absorption” with gender identity.  She believes all the “hyper-self-consciousness about ‘Who am I? Where exactly am I on the gender spectrum?’ is mere navel-gazing.”  In Paglia’s opinion, it does not deserve the media attention it is getting. I agree.  The march helps me understand more fully the work both men and women have to do in becoming secure in their male and female identities.

Pink as a very female color representing “caring, compassion, and love” has been thought of as weak, but is now being declared by the movement as strong. Wearing pink together, “is a powerful statement that we [women] are unapologetically feminine and we unapologetically stand for women’s rights.” Knitting circles have been thought of as frivolous “gossiping circles” but now can be seen as “powerful gatherings of women.”  

I applaud these women and their attempts to show strength as women.  “A women’s body is her own.  We are honoring this truth and standing up for our rights.”  My questions are, “What is meant by ‘strong’ and ‘powerful’ and ‘empowerment?”  What are their rights?  Are historically masculine traits perhaps valued above the historically feminine ones?  And how do women come to a healthy balance of the feminine and the masculine?” masculine.  The image of God in humans is both male and female (Gen 1:27) and we are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:28).

Men, don’t let the feminist movement dictate how you view yourself as a man.  Could it be that the movement is emulating masculine traits at the expense of the feminine?   A 2008 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reported this in a study of gender and personality in 55 nations:  “In all the countries studied, women tended to be more nurturing, risk-averse, and emotionally expressive.  Men were more competitive, reckless, and emotionally flat.” Feminist Christina Hoff Sommers has observed, “Overall, I think we have enough studies to show that men tend to be, on average, more risk-taking and rule-breaking, and women on average, tend to be more nurturing – and this manifests across cultures.”

While men do not typically gather to knit, they do need “safe places” with elders and father figures, to find affirmation for their masculine souls, with an honest recognition of emotional wounds and baggage from the past, including an embrace of the nurturing and vulnerable side of the masculine soul.  The old paradigm of the masculine is no longer accepted. The new masculine includes a secure affirmation of the masculine that is balanced with a complementary feminine.  The best words I can come up with are, “tough yet tender.”

As many of you know I live in the northwoods of  Minnesota.  I am a fair-weather Minnesota Golden Gopher fan.  We recently got a new coach.  You may have heard of him.  He is P. J Fleck, formerly of Western Michigan,  one of the hottest young coaches in college football.  He is really energetic and innovative.  He is  known for his motivating phrase, “Row The Boat.”

Here is an explanation: “When you’re rowing a boat, you can’t see where you’re going.  Your back is toward the future, you can’t control it.  You’re rowing in the present, which is the only thing you can control.  But you’re looking at the past, which is the only thing you can’t change – but you can learn from.”  The oar is the energy expended rowing; the boat is the sacrifice made with others, and a compass gives the direction. The coach declares, “either choose to take your oars and put them back in the boat and stop or you put them back in the water and continue to go.”

I thought of Paul words in I Cor. 9:26-7, “I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line.  I’m giving it everything I’ve got.  No sloppy living for me.  I’m staying alert and in top condition.  I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself” (Message).  The writer to the Hebrews encourages us on with the words, “Strip down, start running – and never quit!  No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.  Keep your eyes on Jesus who both began and finished this race we’re in” (Heb 12:2 – Message). Men, keep rowing, while keeping your eyes on Jesus.  Help others in the boat do the same.

The young coach has some good points regarding the past, presence and future.  First,  we can’t change our past, but we certainly can learn from it.  Men, it is bad advice to be told to forget the past.  No, we need to remember our past, so that we can bring the dark, painful parts to Jesus for healing and forgiveness. It’s part of who you are. Think of it as your sacred wound.  Secondly, all we have is the present.  We don’t necessarily control the present, but we are open and aware of all that it offers, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Remember Jesus is with you in the boat.  You will face adversity.  Thirdly, we have our backs to the future.  It is good for men to be reminded that they are not in charge. We need to trust the future to the Lord, who pilots the boat through any storm.

I have seen pictures of the Western Michigan players with an oar in their hands.  This is a reminder of the energy it will take to accomplish the team’s goal.  When your rowing,  don’t turn around and look where you are going.  You will soon get off course.  Rowing is not  about you, but about contributing to the success of the team.  Make sure you have a compass.  This, of course, is the Word of God. Listen to the Lord in order to get  your bearings. The challenge is to keep rowing.  You either take the oar out of water, or you keep rowing.

Let me ask each of you men, “Are  you in the boat rowing?”  I know for myself – I am rowing as best I can for Jesus. No looking back, living in the present moment and trust Jesus with my future.   I’m in the boat with other concerned men, like many who read this blog.

Workers preparing for the presidential inauguration have taped over the name of the company – Don’s Johns” – that has long supplied portable restrooms.  The name apparently strikes too close to home for the organizers of the inauguration of Donald John Trump.  Workers have placed blue tape over the company name on dozens of portable restrooms installed near the Capital of the inauguration.  The company does not know who did the cover up, saying, “We’re proud to have name on the units.”

I was struggling with this blog, when I read  this short piece at Fox News online.  I was wanting to write about our “shadow,” those parts of our personality that we try to eliminate from consciousness, which keep popping up, even though we spend a lot of energy denying their presence in our personality.   The port-a-potty gave me a way to grab the attention of some men.  Men, it is a danger to our spiritual growth  to attempt to eliminate unacceptable aspects of our personality by living in denial.    AA has a saying – “You are as sick as your secrets.”  Always remember God loves you in your stink, even hidden stink.

Richard Rohr in his discussion of the  shadow references Jesus’ words in Matt. 5:25-26 to help visualize the consequences of our faulty shadow boxing.  “Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you.  Don’t lose a minute.  Make the first move, make things right with him.  After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail.  If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine” ( Message).  Men, our shadow is the “old enemy” whom we need to befriend, or else we will become captive to our shadow and “won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny ( (NLT).

Our shadow is not necessarily sinful, but rather can be experienced  as unwanted and undesirable, having been sent into exile as part of our spiritual cover-up.  While we will always be in the process of conversion due to our fallen nature, we should not confuse sinfulness for being seen as undesirable.  Shame and sadness can be the result. This has been difficult for me.  The more I have learned to walk in the light the more my dark side has been  exposed.  “But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible” (Eph. 5:13-14). Shadow boxing – coming to terms with our illusive shadow self can be a humiliating practice.  It take courage to welcome home exiled, unwanted parts of our personality.

I had built an  image of myself as wanting  to be a spiritual “super-hero.”  I lived in denial of  my shadow self, wasting a lot of energy in self-denial, while living in the fear that my inner darkness would continue to ambush my attempts to be spiritual.  I finally realized that some of the guilt I was confessiong was not over my real sin, but rather my confusion over  those “lost fragments” of my inner life that I did not want to acknowledge.  It was not guilt, but sadness that I felt.

Men, I have experienced  more freedom, a spiritual lightness, now that I have been willing to embrace more of my shadow.  My advice is to welcome those lost members of your personality home.  By all means, do not fight with these members, trying to eliminate them, but rather show hospitality by being gentle with yourself.  A key to your progress in this spiritual  endeavor is the ability to have a sense of humor about your treatment of your shadow.

Men, how well are you doing with your New Year Resolutions.  Here is a quote from Mark Galli, editor in chief at Christianity Today, that is a good reminder that our resolutions can cause more harm than good if we don’t have the right perspective.  “This is a paradoxical reality that has been exploited effectively by Alcoholics Anonymous for decades.  The more a alcoholic strives to control her drinking, the more she is given to drink.  The moment she admits she has no control over alcohol, that’s when she can gain some freedom – as long as she continues to identify herself accordingly: ‘Hi, I’m Anne, and I’m an alcoholic”….it remains a paradox that many don’t make any progress in the spiritual life until they understand themselves by their failure: ‘Hi, I’m [ Al ], and I’m a sinner.'”

Beware, men – will power and determination will never be enough.   As David Zahel has observed, “We love the law because it promises us agency – it puts the keys to our wellbeing in our own hands.”  It has taken my a long time to escape the trap of “performance orientation.” I can still get caught.  Will power, determination and discipline will never be enough to carry out my resolutions.  The pressure to preform usually  throws me back on myself, causing me to fall into the pit of guilt, failure, discouragement and self-loathing.  It becomes all about how well or how badly I am performing.  The language of “if/then” indicates the tyranny of the law (oughts and shoulds).  Remember men, “The law tells us what we ought to do; the gospel tells us what God has done…..nothing that needs to be done, hasn’t already been done (Zahel).”

This year many in the church will be remembering the 500 anniversary of the Protestant Reformation, begun with the posting of  Martin Luther’s 95 thesis.  In #26 Luther stated, “The law says, ‘Do this,’ and it is never done.  Grace says, ‘Believe in this,’ and everything is already done.”   Zahl noted, “The pressure  to self-justify has been removed, and it has been replaced with freedom: freedom to die and yet to live, to fail and yet succeed.”

Willfulness can  produces a rigid stubbornness that is more against then for something.  A man can become brittle and inflexible, with little spiritual vitality in his walk with the Lord.  In some cases, he can be cut off from relationships and the truth about himself.  He will be prideful of his spiritual improvement project, while displaying a defensive, negative posture to those who disagree with him. We have a name for it – Pharisee.  I am personally  “a recovering Pharisee.”

Real change comes when a man admit that he is powerless to change; the first step in AA.  He lnows transformation comes from within, not tinkering on the outside.  The key is – surrender to love. Only love is powerful enough to bring transformation change. It’s not the will to love, but the openness to love that counts. In trust,  the choice is to open our hearts to the love of God.  This was the key in my life.  I began to accept God’s unconditional love for me, beyond my understanding and experience. I slowly came to the awareness that God loved me so that I might love him, through the love he has for me. Its all about relationship rather than compliance to a standard.

For men who can be so focused on accomplishment and achievement, based on performance, this is truly good news.  Remember Jesus words to Paul, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness” (II Cor. 12:8).

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You have probably heard enough about the” safe spaces” created for students on university campuses, who feel so traumatized by the social unrest that they need a safe  space to deal with their emotional responses.  Called “snowflakes,” they  behave as victims, unable to cope with the cultural wars.  Recently, universities have begun creating safe spaces for young men to deal with their “toxic masculinity.”  As one curriculum stated,  “Masculinity can be extremely toxic to our mental health, both to the people who are pressured to perform it and the people who are inevitably influenced by it.” I strongly object to such programs, since the agenda is intended to  deconstruct  male identity, making men more accountable to radical feminism, with its intention of creating a gender neutral society of feminized men and masculinized women.  I worry about men capitulating, causing a kind of paralyzing passivity.

Men of all ages need to stand against the wind of opposition coming from the voices of 3rd wave feminism.  Men don’t need safe spaces.  We need to renounce cultural  intimidation and the vestiges of victimhood, by standing strong in our  god given masculinity.  Instead of safe spaces, young men need older mentor to guide them.  Deep soul work is men’s work, not something left to feminists.  Again I remind each of us –  masculinity is not something to be learn, but a quality to be experienced. “The masculine within is called forth and blessed by the masculine without” (Leanne Payne).  It is a dangerous idea to assume that a course run by feminists will help men navigate the gender wars.

Instead of a safe space, I suggest  allowing God to creates a safe place in our souls, so we can hear the Father’s voice assuring us of being his beloved.   We are endowed with a God-given masculinity, and a complimentary  feminine, which our heavenly Father helps us to  recognize, embrace and celebrate.  Jesus promised that he would not leave us orphaned (John 14:18), but he and the Father would make their home with us ( John 14:23).  God desires to communicate to “the deep caverns of the soul” (St. John of the Cross) with his loving presence.

Our loving heavenly Father take the initiative by carrying men and giving them assurance of their maleness.  Embracing their longing for God, men are open to the inflow of God’s love.  Our part is the willingness to yield to his love. We let go, making room for a safe place in our souls for God.  Where space is given, God comes and fill us with his loving presence, allowing us to know our true masculine soul.  Our tendency as men is to flee from this emptiness, since it creates a  kind of unsettling darkness, which is contrary our need to understand and control.  Our part is to trust  that God is communicating his loving presence beneath our thoughts and feelings.  He is forming our masculine soul.

Men, I can not stress enough the danger of “walking alongside” ourselves. We naturally prefer to look in upon our soul, attempting to fill the space, thus overshadowing  God’s presence.  Don’t run from the darkness that is created by the emptiness.  The uncertainty we experience is the result of own preoccupation of self.  Embrace the darkness, as you experience  your own emptiness, so God can flow into the deepest parts of your masculine soul, allowing you to come forth as the man of God  you were created to be.  Remember, “It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa!’ God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.  We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children” (Rom. 8:15 – Message).