Category: Wildman Journey (Page 47 of 85)

I confess to being a country western fan.  I like the old stuff –  Merle Haggard, George Jones, The Oak Ridge Boys.   In my humble opinion, present day country doesn’t speak to the pain and struggle of life like the old stuff.  Anyway, during the recent CMA awards, the song of the year was “Humble and Kind,” recorded by Tim McGraw.  The songwriter Lori McKenna, wrote the song for her own children to remind them of what’s truly important as they make their way out into the world.  The song has launched a humble and kind movement in which fans were paying forward good deeds and sharing about it on line.

Could it be more then coincidence that the song’s popularity is occurring  as we experience deep divisions in our nation? The artist, Tim McGraw, does not come across as a wimp of a guy. In a day when there is so much distain for “toxic masculinity” and the “amoral” expressions of masculinity, we have Tim McGraw singing words like: “Don’t expect a free ride from no one/don’t hold a grudge or a chip and here’s why/Bitterness keeps you from flyin’/Always stay humble and kind.” The whole song is reminding us that all of life is build on relationships.  Put simply, “How we relate, is who we truly are.”

If there is going to be a “humble and kind” movement it will be expressed in relationships.  I suggest that men will need to take the initiative.  I take my cue from Gen 3:16, where we read, “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.” Male initiative and female response is implied in this relational description after the fall.  In I Tim 2:13 Paul reminds us, ” God made Adam first and afterward he made Eve.”  In the order of creation man is first and then woman. Romans 5:12 suggests responsibility rest with man. “Sin entered the world through one man.” Women should not be expected to set the tone of being humble and kind. Men need to take the first step.  Jesus is our example.  “He came to serve, not to be served – and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage” (Mark 10:45 – Message).  Godly men can help heal relationships with a posture of a servanthood toward others.

Humility coming  from the Latin word “humilis” meaning “on the ground.” This suggests a posture of lowliness.  One chooses a lower  place.  Jesus tells us, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Matt. 23:12).  Peter instructs us,  “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another because, ‘God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.'” (I Peter 5:5).  “Growth in humility is powered by the simple desire to become more like Jesus” (Michael Casey).  Humble men initiate  movement in relationships by being the first to surrender their rights and privilege.

In the OT the word translated as “kindness” refers to God’s long suffering love for his people, in spite of their sinfulness.  In the NT the Greek word translated as “grace” best represents the idea of God’s kindness.   Kindness chooses to see  beyond the faults of others.  Jesus teaches us, “I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return.  You’ll never – I promise you – regret it.  Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst.  Our Father is kind: you be kind” (Luke 6:35-36 -Message).  Men express kindness by looking beyond the faults of others.

This is my post election blog.  This election season has made clear that our national is deeply divided.  Christians are confused and anxious about the future.  Our voice is labeled, “extreme” and “irrelevant.” The days ahead will be difficult. I try to make sense of our cultural context, from the perspective of the  prophets.  Here is a sampling from Jeremiah.  “They spread lies about God.  They’ve said, ‘There’s nothing to him.  Nothing bad will happen to us, neither famine nor war will come our way.  The prophets are all windbags.  They speak nothing but nonsense” “(Jer. 5:12-13 – Message).  “Prophets and priests and everyone in between twist words and doctor truth.  My people are broken – shattered! – and they put on Band-Aids, saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be fine.’  But things are not ‘just fine'” Jer. 8:11 – Message).

Men, if we allow the dominant media’s narrative to inform us we will be deluded into thinking that things will be “just fine,” while we continue to ignore God.   The arrogance and vanity is apparent, when seen the lens of the OT prophets.  Isaiah warns us, “But they were a proud and arrogant bunch.  They dismissed  the message, saying, ‘Things aren’t that bad.  We can handle anything that comes.  If our buildings are knocked down, we’ll rebuild the bigger and finer.  If our forests are cut down, we’ll replant them with finer trees” (Is. 9:9-10 – Message).

I wonder if God is allowing our  national experience to be a form of judgment, giving us what we deserve.  Romans 1, which begins with these words, “But God’s angry displeasure erupts as acts of human mistrust and wrongdoing and lying accumulate, as people try to put a shroud over truth.” Then we read three times (vs. 24, 26, 28) that God “gave them over” when referring to the on going consequence of turning from Him.  The passage closes with these frightening words, which we will see demonstrated  in our dominant cultural narrative in the days to come. “And it’s not as if they don’t know better.  They know perfectly well they’re spitting in God’s face.  And they don’t care – worse – they hand out prizes to those who do the worst things best! (Rom. 1: 32 – Message).  Is this a portrait of America’s near future?

So how is a man to live in the days ahead? Here are a few reminders.  Remember that the Lord God, Almighty, the maker of heaven and earth,  is sovereign over the course of history.  The question during this political season has been, “what side of history are you on?”   Isaiah says it straight and to the point. “Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand” (Is. 14:24) and then in Is. 46:11, “What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.” In trust and surrender put your life and future into the hands of your heavenly Father who is in complete charge of history.  James reminds us, “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1: 16).

We follow Jesus, who is “King of kings and Lord of lord” (Rev 20:16).  He has established His kingdom reign in the earth (Matt 28:18-20).  We are part of that reign.  Jesus has conquered and been victorious.  So men, let us follow that lamb who has conquered.  “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise” (Rev. 5:12).

Back in the 80’s there was a movie entitled, “Distant Thunder,”which depicted the followers of Jesus living in the last days.  Today, men who are awake to the movement of God’s Spirit in our fallen culture, are hearing the sound of distant thunder, warning them, among other dangers,f the coming “sexism tsunami.”  Recently I learned of a new phenomena among  young fathers. Courtney E. Martin of the NPR radio show “On Being” noticed a trend among younger middle and upper-middle class fathers-to-be,  pointing of the coming tsunami.  These fathers, “seem to disproportionately desire having a girl instead of a boy.”

They said such things as, “I wanted a girl mainly because I felt it was harder to be a boy in today’s society.  If I have a boy I will embrace the challenge of raising a boy…..who needs to  learn the power of vulnerability even as male culture tries to make him see it as weakness.”  These comments were typical of men feeling more confident and better equipped to parent a strong, confident daughter.  “Men like me abdicate our responsibility by letting other men – the ones who don’t always encourage the broader, deeper humanity within males – raise boys.  And we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to heal old wounds.”  Could it be, that Christian men are becoming intimidated in  raising sons.

In response to this trend of fathers abandoning their sons to the gender wars, I want to encourage  Dads  with these  observations.  First, no amount of social engineering can successful and permanently replace the role of a father in God’s purpose for the family as the basic and foundational aspect of culture.  “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.  Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master” ( Eph. 6:4 – Message).  This charge is given first to fathers, not mothers. Dads, in God’s economy, you are the front line of defense. Accept the mantle of leadership that comes with being a dad. As you stand firm in the Lord, you will have grace for your task.

Second,  the need for affirmation of our masculinity  as fathers.  This is a constant theme in this blog.  Remember masculinity is passed on from one man to the other.  We cannot give away what we don’t possess.  Masculinity is caught more than taught.  No amount of gender blending can shape a young man with a healthy sense of his maleness.  “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart” (Prov 3:1).  Dad, no  one can take your place in the formation of your son.  God grace will be there for you as you embrace the task of  being father to your son.

Third, dads will flourish in our culture when they model in the words of the Benhman brothers of HGTV reality fame, a “hard head” and a “soft heart.”  The day of a stoic, distant father is fading. What is needed are dads with a “soft edges” but “firm centers.”  .

Fourth, expose your son to other godly men.  They could be relatives, neighbors or church members.  Let them  “absorb manliness” from men who walk the talk.  Find men who are encouragers of the spiritual journey, who are open and honest about their journey in finding wholeness as men

Fifth, by all means, find a support group for dads. I am now a 75 year of grandpa. With inner healing and the benefit of hind sight, I have more wisdom about fathering the when I was in the midst of raising two sons.  Find some godly grandpas to relate to as father and son.

Bob Dylan was the  surprise winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature.  According to the Swedish Academy, Dylan won,”for having created a new poetic expression within the great American song tradition.” In  ways I relate to Dylan.  We were both born in 1941.  He grow up in Northern Minnesota, where I am retired on the lake.  He had an influence on the youth movement of the early 70’s when I was a youth pastor.  Being part of “the Jesus Movement,” we had a revival among high school students in our Lutheran Church located in Edina, Minn.  “Blowing in the wind” was sung often,  along with such songs as “A bridge over troubled waters” (Simon and Garfunkel).  Intuitively we had a sense that Dylan was a “soulful” singer, speaking prophetically to the American soul.

Dylan, the poet, can be experienced as  a prophetic voice calling men to go beyond the surface to struggle with the deeper issues of life.  His songs can’t be reduced only to their verbal content.  You are forced to find spiritual meaning to  his songs.   While not a devoted fan, I came to maturity as a man, during Dylan’s rise to fame. Like many others I saw him as a spiritual poet.  Eugene Peterson notes, “a poet uses words not to explain something, and not to describe something, but to make something…….Poetry is not the language of objective explanation but the language of imagination….we do not have more information after we read a poem, we have more experience.”  That is how we experienced some of Dylan’s songs during the spiritual revival  in the early 70’s.  I applied many of his lyrics to biblical themes, that spoke to questioning teenagers.

A poet will use words to grab your imagination.  “Dylan is a profoundly spiritual poet, and his spirituality is profoundly shaped by the Christian Bible.” notes one observer of Dylan’s career.  He once said, “I don’t think I’ve been an agnostic.  I’ve always thought there’s a superior power, that this is not the real world and there’s a world to come.”  In 1980 he had a conversion experience in which he said, “Jesus put his hand on me.  It was a physical thing.”  This period resulted in two albums built around Christian imagery – “Slow Train Coming”  and “Saved.”

By the 2000’s Dylan’s lyrics, “begin to reflect less the influence of any one religion and more a seeking, mystic bent.”  In the final track on “Modern Times,” Dylan seems to reflect where all his spiritual wanderings have brought him.  “Ain’t talkin,’  just walkin’ / Through this weary world of woe / Heart burnin’, still yearnin’ / No one on earth would ever know / They say prayer has the power to heal.”   He did say once, “Being noticed can be a burden.  Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed.  So I disappear a lot.”  It seems he is just walking and not talking.

Back in the 60’s “Blowing in the Wind” was asking this question,  “How many roads must a man walk down /before you call him a man?”  Dylan’s answer was, “The answer, my friend, in blowin’ in the wind /The answer is blowin’ in the wind.”  Pope John Paul II at the 1997 World Eucharistic congress in Bologna, Columbia, before thousands of youth, referred to Dylan’s words by saying, “You asked me: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man!  I answer you: Just one, only one.  It is the road of a man. This is Jesus Christ, who said I am the way.” Yes, that is the road we take to become a man.

Since this blog site is concerned about a  healthy  expression of masculinity, I want to weigh in on Donald Trump and “locker room talk.”  To start with, I am conflicted about voting for the best of two deeply flawed candidates.  I am saddened by religious leaders who seem to be giving Trump a pass on his “toxic” masculinity.  We hear things such as, “Trump’s not a Sunday school teacher, Trump’s a new King David or pagan deliverer Cyrus.  Trump is either a ‘baby Christian’ or the kind of tough strongman conservative Christian need since the Sermon on the Mount isn’t realistic enough for the 21st century.”

What is most disturbing is the coming  post election fall out.   One female columnist calls it, “the coming ‘sexism’ Tsunami.”  Mark my words, the path for men as humble, loving followers of Jesus, will be laden with new and vicious attacks from angry feminists, who have been collecting fresh ammunition from Mr. Trump’s  legacy as a “womanizer.” The response of some Christian leaders only adds fuel to the fire. With all the muster I can gather for this blog, I want to shout “character matters.”  America needs men of spiritual integrity who strive to model  moral purity.

Men, the Lord will not give us a pass on “locker room talk.” Jesus warns us,  “Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.  But don’t think you’re preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed.  Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body.  Those leering looks you think nobody notices – they also corrupt” (Matt. 5:27-8 -Message).  Our sexual passion and energy needs to be reserved for our wives only. “Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers.  Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!  Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!  Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body” (Prov 5:17-18 – Message).  Job is very blunt. ” I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes” (Job 31:1 – Message).

Here is some hard earned advise from someone who has sought to be a “one woman man” for over 50 years.   First,  admit to yourself and confess to other men that you are a man filled with sexual passion that needs to be channeled in a healthy spiritual manner.  It is everyman’s battle in our culture.   I have been a faithful husband for 51 years.  But have I struggled with my sexual fantasies? Yes.  Men, surrender your inner life to God, letting  light into secret places of our heart.   Secondly,  purpose to honor and cherish your wife. Take delight in her.  Work at not taking your marriage for granted.  Cherish her by showing in word and deed that she first among your priorities.  She is “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh (Gen3:23).

Thirdly,  show your wife the utmost respect in public.  Be attentive to her.  Do little things like opening the door for her.  How you treat your wife in public, will send a profound message to women that you honor the opposite sex.  Never, never belittle your wife in public or in front of your children.  Fourthly, make a covenant with your eyes.  Never look with lust at another woman.  Do not flirt or entertain the advances of other woman.  Commit to be a “one woman man” in every relationship.

There is much more to say, but one more point.  Among other men, disavow locker room talk. Never objectify another women by your attitude, words or actions.  Be vigilant among other men.  Angry women who have been deeply hurt by other men are watching.

A “Quiet catastrophe” is what Nicholas Eberstadt in “Men Without Work”  calls the deterioration of work rates for American men.  “Almost one out of four men of prime working age (25-54) are not working.  Since 1948, the percentage of men aged 20 to 64 who aren’t working has doubled.  Fewer working-age men are working today than in 1930, in the heart of the Great Depression.”  Most of this decline has taken place since 1965.  Between 1965 and 2015, the share of working-men who are jobless more than doubled, from 10 percent to 22 percent.  This decline of men in the work force has gone unnoticed because men, “are invisible in public discourse in part because we have defined our social goal as getting more women to work.”  Yet between 1948 and 2015, the proportion of women between 25 to 64 in the workforce doubled for 34 percent to 70 percent, while men continued to retreat from the work place..

Even more significant is the fact that, “ever-greater numbers of working-age men simply have dropped out – some for a while and some forever – from the competition for jobs.  These men have established a new and alternative lifestyle to the age-old male quest for a paying job.”  Their choice is largely voluntary.  The hours that they are not working have been replaced almost one for one with leisure time.  Seventy-five percent of this new leisure time falls into one category: video games.   Even more disturbing they seem to be happy with their choices.  “Happiness surveys actually indicate that they are quite content compared to their peers.”  Not working does not seem to be a negative factor in their lives.

Derek Thompson has written, “The economy is not simply  leaving men behind.  It is leaving manliness behind. Machines are replacing the brawn that powered the 20th century economy, clearing way for work that requires a softer human touch.”  The future of work in America will be more biased against the traditional idea of manliness.  Herein lies the problem.  “The connections between work, marriage, fatherhood, and manhood,” observed Maggie Gallagher, “unleased enormous social energy.”  Being a husband and a father has traditionally reinforced masculine identity.  A good husband and father worked.  In this way masculinity was achieved and not given.  There was less thought given to dependence on government or charity.   This is now being called into question in our day.

Today masculinity is  seen as an liability unless it conforms to the idea that gender doesn’t matter.  But redefining of masculinity has not produced a generation of men who thrive in a genderless culture.   Rather many adult men are retreating to the world of video games where their aggressive impulses can be expressed and not questioned.  In this world there is neither risk nor reward..  It is the fury of “GamerGate.”  Here men can enter a fantasy world of rage free from the threat of feminism.

Men today are suffering from “genderphobia,” which sees the basic realities of gender and gender difference as a crime against women.   Work is being  redefined as genderless, assuming that much of male work is the source of unfair privilege.  Yet all though human history men have been the primary providers for their families.  The New Testament reminds men of this reality.  “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (I Tim. 5:8).  Paul warns of being idle in II Thess. 3:11-13, “We hear that some among you are idle.  They are not busy, they are busybodies.  Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat…never tire of doing what is right.”

LaShawn Barber wrote an article for “World” magazine entitled “the war on men.”  She referenced a student gathering at Claremont College in California meeting to discuss masculinity.  The common consensus was that masculinity “is harmful both to those who express it and those affected by it.”  So, where does this leave the average male? An advertisement for the event said: “Masculinity can be extremely toxic to our mental health, both to the people who are pressured to perform it and the people who are inevitably influenced by it.”  So, it appears that men must live with a masculinity that is “toxic”…  I applauded Ms. Barber for her closing statement: “I hope men will push back against this anti-male tide, just as Christians have to push back against our diminishing freedom to live as Christians in all aspects of our lives.”

Toxic masculinity was also the topic at Duke University’s “Men’s Project.”  The goal of the project was for male students to “critique and analyze their own masculinity and toxic masculinities to create healthier ones.”  A nine-week course for “male-identified” students discussed such topics as male privilege, patriarchy, “the language of dominance,” rape culture, pornography, machismo, etc.  The student newspaper insisted the course was “not a reeducation camp being administered by an oppressed group in service of the feminization of American society.”  I have the sense that the young men and women in this course accept as fact that every man is “toxic” in his expression of masculinity.

I want to make a few comments on the word “toxic.” In a Google search, I found this definition of toxic: “containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation.”  Wow!  People seem to be saying that masculinity is harmful to society.  If so, I take strong exception to the word “toxic.”  Speaking biblically, I would say instead that all males are afflicted with a sin nature:  “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).  There’s no excuse for the gross, sinful behavior of men in our society.  But our sin nature can be redeemed, renewed in the image of Christ.

My advice to Christian men who have to deal with their so-called “toxic” masculinity is to get rid of it like some old, ill-fitting clothes: “You’re done with that old life.  It’s like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you’ve stripped off and put in the fire.  Now you’re dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom made by the Creator, with his label on it” (Col. 3:9-10 – Message).  God gives us a new wardrobe that will be unique for each man, allowing him to live out of his masculine soul. God does the changing.  Our part is to choose to take off the old ill-fitting clothes.  This involves repentance, surrender, and letting go of the old familiar ways that might be toxic.

Men, I invite you to join me in the cultural battle to help restore a godly, masculine presence in society.  Yes, there is a toxic masculinity that has done much harm.  But God is raising up a whole new generation of godly men.  Through surrender to the lordship of Jesus, men are boldly, yet humbly, giving expression to a new expression of masculinity.  To this I am committed.  I take comfort in these words from Ps. 71:18, “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”

As I write my blogs each week, I try to visualize the men who are frequent readers.  Recently, I have been having some doubts concerning the perspective I express regarding  Christian men and masculinity.  From my point of view, there is a lot of confusion and even distortion about male and female roles in the Evangelical Movement. My aim is to  find a balanced approach.  I wonder if  part of the appeal of this blog is the fact that I not only speak to the “tough” side of the masculine, but also the “tender” side.  I think the combination of my being a “heart person” and a “truth teller” inspires me to call men to  walk boldly with Jesus,  having courage to embrace the truth,  but also to be willing to go “deep.”  Soulful men is what this blog is all about.

Based on my own masculine journey, along with what I discern regarding “the men’s movement,” in the church I  contend that much more needs to be said about the “masculine soul.”  I found these words from the prophet Jeremiah an encouragement. “Use words truly and well.  Don’t stoop to cheap whining.  Then, but only then, you’ll speak for me.  Let your words change them.  Don’t change your words to suit them.  I’ll turn you into a steel wall, a thick steel wall, impregnable” (Jer. 15:20-21  – Message).  By the grace of God, I hope to grow in my articulation which is aimed at men who desire to be soulful.

I have also found  identification  with Jeremiah when he says, “The words are fire in my belly, a burning in my bones.  I’m worn out trying to hold it in.  I can’t do it any longer” (Jer. 20:9 – Message).  There is a message I believe that has been formed in my heart.  But it is difficult for me to put it into words.  I struggle at times to come up with a blog that I think is relevant for men from my perspective.  I am now going on my sixth year.  Spiritual motivated as a “truth teller,” I am highly motivated to see that the truth of God’s words rightly applied to the lives of God’s people, especially men. This is why I write.

I can across a great quote from Mike Mason that speaks to my motivation for writing.  “Howling one’s head off may actually be a more mature and realistic response to reality than the elaborate social skills of many adults.  With the latter so frightfully focused on grinning and bearing their way through life, perhaps babies are the ones to whom God has entrusted the important work of doing the crying for the whole world… ..If our gospel is not one that will stand up to the prolonged test of having absolutely no circumstantial evidence of worldly success, then it is a gospel of straw.”

I write for men who want to break out of the cultural box of maleness and the shallow expectation of be a “niece Christian guy.”  The following  principles guide my thinking.  First, our affirmation comes from our heavenly Father.  Secondly, men surrendering control in order to listen to their souls.  Thirdly, helping men deal with their pain.  Fourthly, men knowing that their strength comes through their weakness. And finally  encouraging men to stay on the journey to greater wholeness in spite of the  cultural opposition to a biblical view of men and their roles in family, church and society.

In Genesis 28 we met Jacob running scared from his twin brother Esau, who hated him not only for swindling him out of his birthright but for stealing his blessing.  But Jacob was full of hope on his journey to find a wife.  Then Jacob had a dream the showed him that there was more to his life than fleeing from his brother and finding a wife.  He had taken a stone for a pillow and fell asleep.  Verse 28 tells us, “He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it.”  Above it stood the Lord.  Interestingly, Jesus refers to this dream in John 1: 51, “Very truly I tell you, you will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’ the Son of Man.”

The image of “Jacob’s Ladder” visualizes a vital principle for our spiritual life – descending  before we can ascend.  Henri Nouwen calls it “downward mobility.” We ascend to God by first descend into the reality of who we are.  From the spiritual tradition we are exhorted to, “climb down, into our own passions that lead us to God.”  Another adds, “Dive away from sin into yourself, then you will find steps on which you can climb up.”    We can not practice “spiritual by-passing.”

I prefer “spiritual flight,” ascending to God, living on the mountain top, rather then having to  descend into valleys of my life, where I hide from God.  In AA they say, “The more secrets a person keep inside, the sicker he becomes.”  I can easily believe the illusions created in my mind and live with the unreality I picture in my imagination.  This is not reality. It is simply posing.  I don’t know myself, nor do other know the real me.   I can use my “spiritual improvement projects” to actually protect myself from God. I John 1:8 warns us, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth does is not in us.”

Descending does not mean we fix, search, or pry, getting caught up in “the disease of introspection” (Payne), but rather we  listen to and awaken to what our life is telling us.  Our soul thrives on reality,  not illusion.   I spent many years avoiding listening to what my soul had to say to me, not wanting to face my dark side.  It was difficult to learn the practice of “tasting my sin,” while sitting in the ashes of my fallen state.  But that is reality.  Here a few helpful hints learned the hard way by a man who desires to be a soulful guy, that is, awake to my soul even when it is painful.

First, when you pay attention to your soul, you discover that Jesus’ presence is at the deepest place in your soul.  Paul calls it a mystery, “which is Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Col 1:27).  Please remember this – God’s presence is in you, “incarnational reality” (Payne).  When you are attentive and listen, you meet God at the center, loving you.  As you descend into this love you can accept the good, bad and ugly about yourself. Secondly, the light of God’s presence, helps in the acceptance of your hidden shadow side.  We all need to be loved in our vulnerability and shame.  Thirdly, we can accept the tension of not having arrived spiritually.  We are a work in progress.  We are  “beloved sinner” on a journey of inner transformation.  So men, don’t be afraid of descending.  It is the necessary first step in ascending to God.

Thirdly,

With football season upon us, there is a whole new slate of TV ads that are directed at men.  There have been several dealing with the issue of men and their conversational style.  The one I recall (I forgot sponsor) featured  a young man probably in his 30’s picking up his dad to go somewhere  in the car.  The son extends a rather awkward greeting to the dad.  The dad grunts a response. This is followed by uncomfortable silence.  The son then begins to talk about the football game.  That was the opening to a highly energized conversation between father and son.  Men, how do you relate to this ad.  Here are some of my thoughts.

First, the awareness that personal conversation is a problem for men. TV ads offer no solution. They only grab the attention of men.  Corporations spend their advertising revenue to get hooks into men.  But how do men react?  Usually by making a joke of an obvious problem.  What upsets me is the fact that men’s failures  are portrayed by some advertising genius,  while  men hide their inner loneliness.  This ad lays bear the relational pain between dads and sons.   The masculine is demeaned for profit.  Yes, men have a hard time with intimate conversation, but let’s not advertise the problem.

Second, the son trying to make conversation with his dad.  This  bothered me for several reasons.  First of all, it touches a relational nerve in my story with my father.  I tried for many years to find my father’s heart.  Can you and your Father talk heart to heart? Secondly, it should not be the son, but rather the father who is trying to go below the surface.  I am reminded of Malachi 4:6, “He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”  Men, if you are a father it is your responsibility to initiate heart-felt conversation with your son.  He needs the hear your male voice, speaking to his heart from your heart, even if your son is a grown man. Many dads are simply a mystery to their sons because there is little personal conversation.

Thirdly, men and safe topics.   Where I live, in the northwoods of Minnesota, the safe topics include, fishing, hunting, the weather, Viking football and fixing things.  Since I like sports, I try to keep up on sports news, partly because I can then relate conversationally with men in my church and community.  Right now the Vikings are a hot topic.  I stay away from politics – too many raw opinions.  After that it is “God talk.”  This narrows the field of conversation.  Finally, there is “soul talk.  This includes our  heart relationship with God and our relationship with wife and family.  Few men are willing to go “down” into this area.  How about you?

Fourthly, this brings me to the need for each man to have an “AA shaped” relationship with a group or an individual.  I have said it before and I will say it again, men need to be with each other to learn the language and manner in which share their pain and relational wounds.  There is a “male mode of feeling” that can be only learned with a group of other guys.  Here men are honest, admitting to  lives that are unmanageable, not having  the ability to change.  Change comes when, “We make a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.”  Men, nothing keeps me more humble then struggles in  relationships.