Category: Wildman Journey (Page 46 of 87)

Anthony Esolen in his new book, “Out of the ashes” gives the reader a “trigger warning” regarding a quote from Henry James’ novel, The Bostonians, in which the character, Basil Ransom expresses his desire to save men from the most “damnable feminization.”  I have often used the term “feminizing” in my blogs.  The quote expresses the changing climate  of the culture with the passing of “The masculine tone.”  I have some misgivings with the last statement, but it strikes me as almost a necessary consequence as men struggle to express their true masculine voice.  There will be stiff opposition.  Here is the quote:

“The whole generation is womanized; the masculine tone is passing out of the world; it’s a feminine, a nervous, hysterical, chattering, canting age of hollow phrase and false delicacy and exaggerated solicitudes and coddled sensibilities, which, if we don’t look out, will usher in the reign of mediocrity, of the feeblest and flattest and the most pretentious that has ever been.  The masculine character, the ability to dare and to endure, to know and yet not fear reality, to look the world in the face and take it for what it is – a very queer and partly very base mixture – that is what I want to preserve, or rather, as I may say, to recover; and I must tell you that I don’t in the least care what becomes of you ladies while I make the attempt!”

Could it be that the masculine tone is being drowned out by the ascending, demanding and unapologetic voice of the feminine, which wants to demean the masculine.  For example, why do we need female reporters in men’s locker rooms after the game or providing commentary during football games  played solely by men?  While the voice of the feminine has brought necessary correctives to gender equality, it seems to me that in many cases the feminine voice has lost the sense of equality and propriety that is necessary for the men and women to rightly relate to each other.  Men are left  confused and uncertain as to their God given role as men.  I wonder if all the rhetoric being absorbed by our culture, has not  brought a tone that is more nervous, hysterical, espousing coddled sensibilities, rather then robust debate, resolve and determination.

Could it be that this feminine tone is ushering in a “reign of mediocrity” in which the call to moral character and sacrifice of self is missing.  It seems we have become preoccupied with devaluing the natural order of creation rather than working together to bring harmony and balance to our cultural narrative.  I have never understood why we need “women warriors” deployed in the defense of our nation.  It is innate in the heart of man to protect and defend.  In the name of gender equality, we have dumbed down the requirements of a warrior.  Thus, “the reign of mediocrity,” even in the armed forces.

Could it be that “masculine character” is less apparent in the call for restoration of our nation.  I still appreciate Leanne Payne’s definition of masculinity. “At the heart of the true masculine is the power to honor the truth and to move forward in the truth, as it is spoken and lived out.” I admire greatly the man who speaks the truth, lives by the truth and will take “the heat” for speaking the truth.  “Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take you stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you” (Gal. 5:1).  This includes the demands of radical feminism.

Recover

As one of the elders in our Evangelical Free church, I am committed  to supporting, encouraging  and working alongside our new pastor, who is a young man (34).  As his head elder, I am 75. I often think back to the days when I was young pastor.  Recently I was reflecting on the three years (age 32-35), when I was pastor of a 800 member Lutheran church in northern Minnesota.  It was my second call, following three years in the Twin City suburbs.  I was insecure, but zealous to have Lutherans to come to know the joy and freedom in living for Jesus.  It was in Babbitt, that I began to discern my style as a pastor and who I was as a man.

I was only beginning to come to grips with my “father wound.”  There was a hole in my soul, that would take years for me to understand and fill. This is why Woody Uppman is significant in my story.  Even as I write about Woody I get emotional.  You see, Woody became the loving, supporting and encouraging Father I never had. I loved hanging out with Woody.  Often I would go over to Woody in the afternoon on my day off (Monday).  I would just hang out with Woody. He  helped me learn how to do basic maintenance tasks on our two cars, we got into wood burning stoves together, did a little gardening and just had coffee together, taking  about life.  I felt at home over at Woody’s house.  We laughed a lot together.   Judy also knew it was feeding something in my soul.

Woody never talked a lot about the Lord, and seldom frequented the doors of our Lutheran church.  He was retired after years of working in the open pit iron ore mine.  He had little education, lived in a modest house with his wife, Edith, but he was my friend.  When I was with Woody I could just be me, not the pastor of the Lutheran church.  He accepted me for who I was as a young man.  I think Woody knew intuitively that I needed his unconditional acceptance as a young man.

I will forever be grateful for those few years with Woody. To that point in my journey, I had not hung out with an “old guy.”  I spend 10 years in school after high school, finally being ordained at 29 (1970).  My first three years were spent working with youth in a big suburban church in the Western suburbs of the twin cites (Edina).  So Babbitt, set the stage for my friendship with Woody.  He stirred in me a hunger and a longing to just be “an ordinary guy” not a pastor.  Woody didn’t realize what he was doing for me.  He just was my friend.  But he gave me “father energy” and “father nurture” that my soul desperately needed.  I just felt more whole after being with Woody for awhile

Why do I write about Woody?  Because there are men reading this blog who have a “father wound.”  You might be one of those men. Like me, you are not  able to identify the ache  you have in your  masculine soul.  You are driven to succeed and have people admire you.  You have no time for a relationship with an “old guy.”  But every once in a while you meet an “old guy” who is just ordinary, laid back and unassuming like Woody.  Something in you is drawn to that man.  Let me tell you, it is father hunger.  For the sake of your soul and your family, spend some time with that “old man” and let him feed your soul.

On Easter Sunday as I listened to my pastor’s sermon, I was struck by the words of Jesus in John 1o, declaring his authority to both lay his life down and take it up again.  Both the timing and events leading to his death were a choice  Jesus made because he rested in the love of His Father.  “The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again.  No one can take my life from me.  I sacrifice it voluntarily.  For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again.  For this is what my Father has commanded” (John 10:17-19 NLT).  “The Son’s death was voluntary.  Jesus was not a martyr or a victim. His decision to die was freely given in obedience and intimate relationship with his Father” (NLT Study Bible).

Do we as  men play the role of  victim because we are not secure in our Father’s love.   We think we have no choice, blaming others or the circumstances for our troubles. Jesus as the incarnate Son of God, under the authority of His Father never responded as a victim.  He freely choose his Father’s will.  While being one and equal with  God, the focus of his  ministry was to please His Father.  “The Son can’t independently do a thing, only what he sees the Father doing.  What the Father does, the Son does.  The Father loves the Son and includes him in everything he is doing (John 5:19-20 – Message). In wanting to please his Father, Jesus gives us an example of how to navigate our choices in life so we don’t end up playing the victim or martyr.

“We live,” notes Robert Mulholland, ” [in] an objectivizing culture,” in which the world is viewed, “as an object ‘out there’ to be grasped and controlled for our own purposes.”  We are the subjects who impose our will upon the world.  “Graspers” resist being grasped by God, “manipulators” reject being shaped by God, and “controllers” are not capable of surrendering control to God.  “Spiritual formation,” declares Mulholland, “is the great reversal: from being the subject who controls all other things to being a person who is shaped by the presence, purpose and power of God in all things.”

Over the years it has been helpful for me to remember that God is not an object “out there” to be manipulated,  nor to  think I am in control of my circumstances. Out of fear and insecurity I take over the reigns of my life. The “great reversal” requires the act of abandonment  or what the spiritual tradition calls “holy indifference.”   This means, “living from a place of interior freedom where one’ s heart is no longer constricted by egotistical demands,” notes Albert Haase.  “The great reversal”  is a life long struggle for men, who naturally want to control, manipulate and grasp.

Floating is a good analogy for remembering that we are not in control.  The more we struggle to maintain control – the more we will struggle and sink to the bottom.  Floating requires that we let go and give ourselves over to the flow of the water.  We need to trust the buoyance of the water.  Likewise, we need to let go and trust God.  Remembering the following  five truths should help in our contemplation of surrender:  1) Life is hard, 2) You are not that important, 3) Your life is not about you, 4) You are not in control and 5) You are going to die (Rohr).  Men, allow these truths to bring you to your knees, while crying, “Lord, have mercy on me.”

“The Red Pill” is the title of a documentary by feminist Cassie Jaye.  “When I decided to make a film on… men’s rights,” she confessed, “I never anticipated questioning my feminist views.  But the more MRA’s [men’s rights activists] I met, the more I felt compelled to remind myself why I was a feminist.”  The Red Pill metaphor comes from the movie The Matrix, in which Morpheus offers Neo the choice between a blue pill, which allows him to live in the comfortable fantasy world of the Matrix, or the red pill, which brings harsh reality.

After discovering the manner in which men are discriminated against in our culture (whether in family courts, workplace accidents, criminal violence, drug addiction, unemployment or suicide), Ms. Jaye could no longer call herself a feminist.  She concludes, “For society to accept anything being said on behalf of women’s rights and then to shame any dialogue about men’ rights and call it hate speech, is precisely the problem.”  Of course, vocal opposition came from other feminists, claiming that it was simply “misogynistic propaganda.”

Camilla Paliga warns of this radical feminist perspective when she states, “…Elite discourse about gender has become so nonsensical and removed from reality that rowdy outbreaks of resistance and rebellion are unsurprising.”  Men are feeling left behind, observes Owen Strachan: “They have been taught they have no innate call to leadership of home and church, and accordingly have lost the script for their lives.”  Men are realizing that politically correct culture constrains free thought and speech, so they opting out of it.  However, Strachan notes, “Men are disappearing, but they are not vanishing.  They are moving out of the mainstream, and into the shadow… many men are angry, flailing, and dangerously volatile today.”

Men, we are not to live as victims in the present political climate, but rather in our true masculinity.  We need to take the “red pill,” of harsh reality, joining the spiritual awakening among men, taking responsibility for our  inner story of pain and loss, thus allowing us to flourish in the gender wars.  Old school patriarchy is dead, but it certainly cannot be replaced by such a movement as #AllMenCan.  Why?  “When you try to prove you’re not a misogynist,” observed Denise C. McAllister, “you will become enslaved to women’s will and whims… You will never be able to do enough to prove that in the deep recesses of your heart you’re not what these women think you are – a sexist pig.”

I agree with Mark Walstrom that many men are angry, confused and depressed because they have lost their identities, resulting in the loss of soul. Instead of responding as victims in the gender wars, men are starting to come to grips with their own inner story, learning to deal with their soul life.  I share Walstrom’s perspective on  the  spiritual awakening among men, “The challenge many men are encountering on their path of spiritual awakening is how to integrate their more sensitive inner qualities into their way of living without losing touch with their masculine ‘warrior’ energy.  The goal, it seems, is not to become a sensitive, new-age guy but instead embrace one’s wholeness.”

Wholeness is found in our uniqueness as men.  We declare with the Psalmist, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it” (Ps. 139:14 NLT).  In being shaped uniquely as men, it is imperative that we become aware of what is “under the hood” – that is, in our soul life.  This calls for a new male sense of “consciousness” that is much more than skin deep.

MTD stand for “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.”  Christian Smith  came up with  MTD in describing a pseudo religion that is replacing biblical Christianity with a pseudo-Christianity.  MTD has five basic tenets: 1) A God exists who created and orders the world and watches over human life on earth, 2) God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, 3) The goal of life is to be happy and feel good about oneself, 4) God does not need to be particularly involved in one’s life except when he is needed to resolve a problem and 5) Good people go to heaven when they die.

The appeal of MTD one of improving one’s self-esteem and subjective happiness and getting along well with others. “America has lived a long time off its thin Christian veneer,” notes Smith, “[but] that is all finally being stripped away by the combination of mass consumer capitalism and liberal individualism.”  “Is the Christiainity we have been living…..a means of deeper conversion, or does it function as a vaccination against taking faith with the seriousness the Gospel demand,” wonders Rod Dreher.  MTD is dangerous to our spiritual health because it evades the necessity of Jesus’ substitutionary death for our sins.

The reality of  Good Friday, in stark contrast to MTD,  is vital in the soul care of men. We remember a God who suffered for us, freeing us from the bondages of our ingrained patterns of sin.  God enters our story and suffered.  As the prophet Isaiah foretold, “He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed (Is. 53:5).  We face the temptation of emptying the cross of its power in “the cozy cultural religiosity” of our day, worshipping, “a God without wrath [who] brought men with sin not a kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of Christ without a Cross” (Niebuhr).

The necessity of the cross is  central to the healing of our masculine souls.  Our help is found at the foot of the cross, where in trust, we look up and see Jesus bearing all of our sin and shame in his body. We have a concrete place to go with our guilt.   In surrender, repentance and forgiveness we find healing in the shadow of the cross. I might not be very articulate in my passion in bringing healing to the souls of men,  but I can continually point men to the foot of the cross.

Paul reminds us, “The Message that points to Christ on the cross seem like sheer silliness to those hellbent on destruction, but for those on the way of salvation it makes perfect sense.  This is the way God works, and most powerfully as it turns out.  It’s written, I’ll turn conventional wisdom on it head, I’ll expose so-called expert as crackpot” (I Cor 1:18-19 – Message).  Against much cultural wisdom, soul care is done in the shadow of the cross.

Fleming Rutledge points to the  necessity  of the cross in these words, “Forgiveness is not enough.  Belief in redemption is not enough.  Wishful thinking about the intrinsic goodness of every human being is not enough.  Inclusion is not a sufficiently inclusive message, nor does it deliver real justice.  Only a power independent of this world can overcome the grip of the Enemy of God’s purposes for his creation. [Thus] Jesus Christ….offered himself to be the condemned and rejected Righteous One…At the historical time and place of his inhuman and godless crucifixion, all the demonic Powers loosed in the world convened in Jerusalem and unleashed their forces upon the incarnate Son of God.”

The Washington Post ran an article about Karen Pence, the wife of Vice President Mike Pence, noting the closeness of their relationship and quoting something Pence told The Hill in 2002 about his never eating alone with another woman or attending an event where alcohol was being served.  The exact quote was, “If there’s  alcohol being served and people are being loose, I want to have the best-looking brunette in the room standing next to me”

What ensued was a Twitter storm of  surprise, anger, and sarcasm to the Pence family rule.  Some compared it to Sharia Law while others said it was sexist.  One article suggested that Pence’s practice is “probably illegal.”  Mother Jones magazine attempted to plumb the depths of misogyny implicit in Pence’s actions in support of marital fidelity.  Emma Green thinks this incident, “shows how divided America has become about the fundamental claim embedded in the Pence family rule: that understandings of gender should guide the boundaries around people’s every interactions, and protecting a marriage should take precedence over all else, even if the way of doing it seems strange to some, and impose costs on other.”  Molly Hemingway maintains, “The dust-up shows how radically notions of gender divide American culture.”

So how are we to treat our wives?  I  want to share some practices I have learned  over the years in my marriage.  Men, we need to take the words of Jesus to heart, “‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’re preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed.  Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body.  Those leering looks you think nobody notice – they also corrupt”  (Matt 5:28 – Message).  Job declared, “I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes” ( Job 31:1 – Message). I like David French’s reminder, “Men and women were created to be together….Because of this powerful reality, when you put men and women together in intimate or intense situations, sexual relationships are inevitable.”

Here are a few tips from the old “Monk” in the northwoods.  First, avoid any compromising situation with other women, especially in being alone. Keep your wife informed about female associates.  Allow her to have her own “read out” on their character. Keep her informed about your activity throughout the day.  Secondly, never allow yourself to enjoy the flittering of another woman, especially if she has emotional needs.  You are not her savior.  Thirdly, ask the Lord to build a “wall of fire” around you, allowing you to be courteous with other women, but also communicating that you are off limits.

Fourthly, have eyes only for your wife.  She has super radar that detects if you have roaming eyes.  You can look, but don’t order.  Fifthly, when with another attractive woman do everything in your power to countenance her face, not any part of her body.  Sixthly, be courteous and respectful of your wife  in public, being aware of her presence with you at all times.  Seventhly, do the little things to honor her by opening the car door and holding her hand. Let her walk ahead of you.   Never, never, demean her in any way in public.

In private remember:  first, be infatuated with your wife. Tell her how wonderful you think she is.   Secondly, make her aware of being #1 in your life. Let her know how vital her companionship and friendship  is to you.   Thirdly, express genuine praise for your wife as a woman with her unique gifts and abilities.  Fourthly, never, never make comparisons with other women.  Fifthly, never take your relationship for granted. Sixthly, assure her you intend to grow old with her by your side.

Like men who read this blog, I have been taking in parts of March Madness.  My two teams Minnesota and Michigan State did not advance very far.  There have been some great games.  Many of the  ads directed toward men have not stood out in my opinion.  But there is a Cadillac ad that is both surprising and disturbing to me.  It states, “You can build a car or a Cadillac.’  To enhance this claim, the statement is made, “Why for the love of God build a sedan that goes 200 miles per hour.”  If you saw this ad, I hope you were shocked by the words as well.  If not, I write to bring your attention to what I think is happening – traditional Christian beliefs are now a safe target for advertisers, because the religious climate has changed in America.

Men, don’t fall asleep as  Madison Avenue attempts  to manipulate your sensitivities about behavior and  beliefs.   Remember advertising exist to persuade.  An article in the New York times observed, “In a perilous political climate…..some advertising agencies have decided to use their marketing acumen in service of advancing cultural and political causes, rather than selling products.”  To me, the Cadillac ad was crossing a line by using religious language to appeal to men.  As one ad executive noted, “Through communication, you can change the way people think, the way people feel.”

I would go so far as to say the ad was blasphemy, since it shows a lack of  reverence for the love of God.  It becomes  profane statement when religious language is used in a commercial  advertisement on national TV.  To mention “the love of God” while trying to sell a Cadillac, is a sacrilege, because it associates “the love of God” with buying a car.  This phrase has no place in advertising a car, except to possible shock some viewers.  Part of the value of the words is to get your attention by shocking your religious sensitivities.

I have been studying the prophets in an attempt to help me  discern what God has to say to our culture.  The prophets warn that we can not hide our true intentions from God.  What are the real intentions of the ad? “Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?” (Isaiah 29:15).  The religious language in the ad shows how badly the public discourse has eroded in our nation.  Several years ago it would be unthinkable for advertising to talk about “the love of God” in a secular ad.  But now it is acceptable.   Isaiah warns us, “You were so confident and comfortable in your evil life, saying, ‘No one sees me.’  You thought you knew so much, had everything figured out. What delusion!  Smugly telling yourself, ‘I’m Number One.  There’s nobody but me'” (Isaiah 47:10 – Message).

Could it be that this ad is a kind of “spitting” in God’s face.  “And it’s not as if they don’t know better.  They know perfectly well they’re spitting in God’s face.  And they don’t care – worse, they hand out prize to those who do the worst things best! (Roman 1:32 – Message).  Doing such a thing, with willful intent is a sacrilege.

Men, we need to be vigilant as the religious language worsen in our nation.  Remember the third commandment, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” (Ex. 20:7).  “God’s name and His character are inseparable.  Using His holy name lightly in a vain, empty manner is insulting and degrading” (Nelson Bible Dictionary).

Camille Paglia continues to offer me “food for thought” as she reflects on the feminist movement in our day.  She is not afraid to be critical of other feminists.  I thought of my mother, while recently reading her observation of  women in the 20’s and 30’s.  “The bold new women of that period did not insult or denigrate men.  They admired what men had done and simply demanded the opportunity to show that women could match or surpass it.  One of my persistent quarrels with second-wave feminism is how male-bashing became its default mode from the start.  Movements often attract fanatics or borderline personalities, and that’s exactly what happened.  Too many damaged women with bitter gripes against men took over feminist discourse.”

My mother and for that matter, my mother-in-law were strong women.  My mother used to tell me, “Alan, I am not a shrinking violet.” During the depression she cared for herself and sister alone. My memories are of my mother during the 40’s and 50’s.  My parents ran a “ma and pop” grocery store in a small town in northern Michigan (Negaunee).   She had to work hard, carrying a lot of responsibilities, beside being a mother and housewife.  She lived with the heart ache of  alcohol in our family.  She was the religious glue in our family of four (one sister).  She gave me the “tough love” I needed.  I credit her with toughening up my “soft” side, helping me to become a man.

I have often referred to the “father wound.”  But we also have to come to terms  with our relationship to our mother.  Like many men I was “overmothered.”  My mother set the emotional tune in our family causing me to  internalized a “female mode” of feeling.    In my 20’s and 30’s I found healing for my masculine soul with the emotional bondages I had  from my “emotionally strong” mother.  I learned to honor my mother and love her for who she was, a strong, willful and caring woman.  In this regard I remind every man reading this blog to honor your father and mother.  It is vital for a good life. “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Deut. 5:16).  I thank God for my strong mother, along with a wife who is “ascending” in her new feminine strength.  I also see unique feminine strength in my daughter and two daughter-in-laws.

Referring to her new book, “Free Women, Free Men,” Paglia contends, “women can never be truly free until they let men too be free – which means that men have every right to determine their own identities, interests, and passions without intrusive surveillance and censorship by women with their own political agenda.” I say a hearty amen. This is  a very insightful observation concerning gender relationship in the days to come.  Simply put, we men have to do our own inner work in become secure in our masculine soul, while allowing women to find peace for themselves.  Strong, secure men and women are the hope of the future in the gender wars

Here is my advise.  First, find healing for our masculine soul in the company of other men and mentors.  Secondly, celebrate the uniqueness of male and female in the image of God.  Thirdly, show “servant love” and compassion for women wounded by other men and fourthly, on the behalf of men be willing to ask for forgiveness for how men have treated women in the past.

This spring I am in the process of burning piles of downed trees and branches, which are the result of last summer’s big storm.  It takes time to tend each fire, so that all the bigger pieces of wood burn properly.  It gives me time to sit by the fire and engage in contemplative prayer.  I often reflect on the image of the Holy Spirit as the fire of God.  John the Baptist, in referring to Jesus said, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire” (Matt 3:11).  On the day of Pentecost, when the Spirit was poured out on the disciples, “They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each them” (Acts 2:3)

These verses makes clear that the person of the Holy Spirit is like fire within us.  I am continually reminded of the image of a  log of wood being burned in the writings of St. John of the Cross, as I tend my fires.  St. John referred to the Spirit as, “a living flame of love.” Spiritual director Wayne Simsic observes, “He [John] compares the soul to wood that remains unaware until it encounters fire.  At first it smolders, revealing just how damp it is.  Eventually, though, the fire transforms the log into itself; the soul becomes flame, and all it activities issue from this intense fire of union with the divine.”  “All the soul’s infirmities,” writes St John, “are brought to light; they are set before it eyes to be felt and healed ……just as dampness of a log of wood was unknown until fire applied to it made it sweat and smoke and sputter.”

Here are some thoughts from watching all those logs being burnt.  First, the intensity of the fire.  The fire, the Holy Spirit of God, abides in your heart.  You aren’t going to get more fire. There already is fire in your belly.  The question is, “What are you doing about the fire?’  You can open yourself to this unquenchable flame within, or you can ignore what is burning within you.  Jeremiah said God’s Word, “is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot” (Jer. 20:9). Joy comes in release not containment.

Secondly, the image of wood getting all carred, turning black and smoking, before it become a bright flame.  This is the image of the Holy Spirit showing us all the darkness still left in our hearts. All that sputtering and hissing of the log is the work of purifying going on in our souls.  But remember that this is “a flame of love.” There is no  short cut to becoming a flame burning for the Lord.  The darkness has to be brought to the light and healed.  It can get ugly and uncomfortable at times.  But there is no other way.

Thirdly, as the fire blackens the wood burning on the outside, the log is transformed into a flame as it burn from within.  The fire of God’ s love purifies our egos. It then ignites our minds, words, wills and actions.  God yearns to set us ablaze.  As we open ourselves up to this divine love, we discover a fire being ignited in us.  As Albert Haase observes, “God initiates the process of spiritual transformation by throwing a divine spark into our lives.  God then waits for our response.”

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You must be curious about the title of my blog.  “Fu” and “Wishy” were playful, intimate terms Judy and I had for each other during our courting days.  Judy was “Fu” and I was “Wishy.”  How we got those names is a long story.  Towards the end of our two weeks on the beach at South Padre, I got the idea of writing one of these heart shaped expressions of our love for one another in the sand.  Here is what I wrote.  “I love Fu/ yes I do/ This is true/ Love Wishy.”  Others came by and had various responses to an “old-timer” writing in the sand.  So why do I bring up this incident?.

It has to do with my passions. Proverbs 5:18-19 – Message tells us,  “Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!  Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!  Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.  Never take her love for granted.”  That day on the beach I was enjoying the company of my “fresh-flowing fountain” that has been at my side for 51 years.  I was reverting back to our early days of courtship as we walked the beach hand in hand.  I often say, “My wife is like good wine, it gets better with age.”  My regret is that often I, “take her love for granted.”  I am asking the Lord to help me enjoy each day that I have with my “rose” since we are in the fourth quarter of our journey together.

I am thankful for that day on the beach when I spontaneously  got the idea of expressing my affection of my “bride” in such a public manner.  It was evidence that the flame that was lite over 50 years ago was till burning for my wife.  I identify with the words of Paul when he says, “But if they [unmarried men] can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married.  The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single” (I Cor. 7:9 – Message).  I say “Amen.” My testimony is that only by the grace of God has the flame continued to burn for my wife.  Like many of you I have to guard my heart from wandering away from my wife.  I have found over the years that the more I expose my passions  in the light of the Lord, the more they can be directed towards my wife. I lived for years in shame regarding  these passions.  I never let them see the light of God’s love and mercy.  Men, don’t hide with your passions in those dark places of lustful fantasy.

Do you find delight and joy in the wife of your youth?  How bright is your flame?  “So guard your heart, remain loyal to the wife of your youth (2:15),” advises the prophet Malachi, in his lament on the destructive nature of divorce.  There are men who live with their wives in “emotional” divorce. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty….So guard your heart, do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:16).  There are probably men reading this blog, who know they are living in emotional divorce.  Let it convict you that it can overwhelm your wife with cruelty.

My advice, open those dark places in your soul where you entertain lustful thoughts for other women to the gaze of the Lord.  Once you do, you will be surprised that God love you right there in your stink.  Give your struggle to him.  Ask him to direct your passion to the wife of your youth.