Category: Wildman Journey (Page 36 of 87)

Mark Regnerus is sociologist with a strong Christian worldview.  He has had to pay a price, among his peers for some of his opinions.  Recently he said, “We find ourselves in a liminal spot, one between long-taken-for-granted traditional relationships anchored in marriage and the future relationship system characterized more consistenly by ‘confluent love.’  There will not be two dominant systems.”  Which one will prevail in our nations is yet to be seen.  Marriage will not disappear, but in Regnerus’ opinion it may become a minority practice.

John Stonestreet challenges us “to rethink how we communicate biblical sexuality both inside and outside the church.”  As Christian men, living and communicating a biblical view of sexuality can be an effective witness for our Lord.  Stonestreet believes, “Our culture has undergone more that a moral slip into debauched activites.  It’s undergone a worldview shift.  Our gut-level understanding of sex, relationships, love and marriage has changed dramatically.”

The changes between 2008 and 2018 have been more dynamic than most other decades.  Sex has become “cheap” according to Regnerus.  In the past sex was expensive in that women demanded more in return, such as marriage, love and fidelity.  Today women give sex away without expecting much in return, such as time, respect and faithfulness.  As a result men don’t feel they have to behave in an honorable manner.  Women,  notes Regnerus, “are hoping to find good men without supporting the sexual norms that would actually make men better.”

Regnerus looks at five narratives from the last decade, which have produced profound change in our most intimate relationships.  It shows evidence that America is confused and conflicted at a deep level regarding sex, sexuality and the social norms that should be guiding men’s and women’s intimate relations.  Ours is a sexually broken culture of confluent love.

First, same-sex marriage becomes law in all fifty states.  This is the most significant shift regarding sex and marriage, with two out of every three Americans approving of same-sex marriage today.

Secondly, transgender is trending.  The support for transgender issues is found primarily  among children, teenagers, and supportive parents.  It has produced a conflict over pronouns, bathrooms and sports teams.

Thirdly, “Queer” has gone mainstream.  Sexual fluidity is now in.  According to Regnerus, “The term ‘queer’ has now become a catch-all for the panoply of non-heterosexual options available today – identities, behaviors, relationships, preferences, and speech.

Fourthly,  marriage and cohabiting Americans are having less sex.  This may come as a surprise.  But the Archives of Sexual Behavior reported that on average, Americans have sex about nine fewer times a year than they did in the late 1990’s.  Regnerus wonders if the growing similarity between men and women might be part of the cause.

Fifthly, divorce rates are dropping (because marriage rates are dropping).  Americans are getting more pickier about marriage.  Marriage is no longer a shelter in which a man and woman commit to be faithful, but marriage is now seen as  a symbol, a luxury to be enjoyed in  successful adulthood, with children being optional.

How then should a man live.  Here are my priorites.  First, cry out for God’s mercy and grace to live with sexual purity.  Second, be faithful and devoted to my wife.  Third, purpose to live in moral integrity with all other women.  Fourth, come alongside younger men as they journey through cotemporary America.

While knowing that sex is holy and good,  I heed Paul’s admonition, “Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity.  Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God” (I Thess. 4:3-4 – Message).

I came across the concept of “Self-achieved Identity” in a quote by James Houston.  “What we face in the world today is a self-achieved identity.  As Christians, we believe in a given identity, not an achieved one.  The Christian is found in Christ.  The self-achieving identity is very fragile because we have to sustain it.  Nobody else is going to sustain it for me when I have built it up myself.  The result of this is a tendency toward narcissism, because there is a depleted sense of self.  This is not what God ordained that we should have for an identity.”

I see myself in this “self-achieved identify.  It is not easy to admit after all these years on the spiritual journey.  I hope my reflections can help some man reading this blog  caught the darkness of a depleted self

First, my true identity is in Christ.  The old is dead.  I am new in Christ. I have a new ego.  Scott McNight’s translation of Gal 2:20 tells us: “My Ego has been crucified with Christ.  My Ego no longer has a life, but instead Christ is alive as my New Ego.  The physical life my Ego now lives is a life of faith in the Son of God who loves this new Ego and gave himself for this new Ego. The Message reminders to me: “Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer in control.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20).  Remember, Al your new identity is a gift, not an achievement

Secondly, it take a lot of work  to keep up a self-achieved identity. It is fragile, so I have to continually maintain my image of self.  I can be sensitive, insecure and defensive about my image.  My focus in on myself and not Jesus and his kingdom.

Thirdly, no one is going to be able to help me sustain this self identity.  To my shame, I have at times even expected my wife to sustain me in my efforts to prop up my own image of self.  I need to continual ask myself, “In who and what are you looking for affirmation?” Remember you will be disappointed by those around you.   They can never give you what you want.

Fourthly, this will always involve narcissism, a turning inward to analyze how I am doing on  my self making project.  C. S. Lewis described  this self-enclosed movement well: “…..your thoughts merely go round and round a wearisome circle, now hopeful, now despondent, then hopeful again – that way madness lies.”

Finally, the  futility of living  with what Houston calls “a depleted self.”  Instead of being alive and present to the indwelling presence of the Lord, I can get caught in an endless circle of self-deprecating with endless self- loathing thoughts.  Cluttered thought continue in a closed loop, moving downward, as I sink downward in shame or prideful self-justification.  This is not a pretty picture of my depleted self.

To brake out of this downward spiral into self, I need to daily repent of the idolatry toward my old self, from pride, self-loathing and self- sufficiency and turn to Jesus who is the light and the truth.  I invite the Holy Spirit, who is the spirit of truth, to be lamp of the Lord searching my inward self and leading me out of darkness into his  light and freedom.  I keep looking up and out, to receive the healing Word that God is sending into my soul.

I am becoming more and more saddened by the political and social discourse in our nation.  Those who study our culture are giving us fair warning to the dangers of a nation deeply divided.  Arthur C. Brooks in his new book, “Love your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America form the Culture of Contempt,” observes, “America is addicted to political contempt.”

This is his description of what is taking place:  “While most of us hate what is doing to our country and worry about how contempt coarsens our culture over the long term many of us still compulsively consume the ideological equivalent of meth from elected officials, academics, entertainers, and some of the news media…. we have an insatiable craving for insults to the other side…..We indulge our guilty urge to listen as our biases are confirmed that the other guys are not just wrong, but stupid and evil.”

Contempt he believes  is “anger mixed with disgust.”  “Contempt,” insists Brooks, “represents not merely an outburst following a moment of deep frustration with another but rather an enduring attitude of complete disdain.”

Wow. I’m convicted. I want to  resist getting caught in the increasing cycle of contempt of our day.  How about you?  I might not say it, but I want my side to win, even if it  has total disregard for Jesus’ words on the Sermon on the Mount. “I’m telling you,” Jesus  warns us, “that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder……Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire.  The simple fact is that words kill” (Matt. 5:21-22 – Message).  Opponents are killing each other daily.

We are also reminded about our treatment of those who we consider our enemies. “I’m telling you to love your enemies.  Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.  When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves” (Matt 5:43 – Message).  What a challenge – allowing our enemies to bring out our best, showing our true self in Christ.

Here are four relational postures I work on continually in my new apartment community.

First and foremost I want to be a humble, loving follower of Jesus, who is part of the kingdom reign of Jesus.  Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Second, my attitude is one of being a servant, putting others ahead of myself, especially when they think differently and are opinionated..  Jesus is my example. “I am among you as one who serves” (Luke 22:27).

Thirdly, let my words be seasoned with salt.  “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasone with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col 4:6).

Fourthly, learn to listen well.  Show interest in the other person’s story and opinion.  “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another” (I Peter 5:5).

Fifthly, live in forgiveness. I can easily be offended. “Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive and offense.  Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you” (Col. 3:13 – Message).

Finally, in a culture of contempt, I am learning to lament and cry out for God to have mercy on our nation.  “In this time of our deep need, begin again to help us, as you did in years gone by.  Show us your power to save us.  And in your anger, remember your mercy” (Habakkuk 3:2 NLT).

I have been reading a book on contemplative prayer by Martin Laird.  He has been very helpful for me on this stage of my spiritual journey.  In the preface  he observes, “Jagged edges abound in even the best-lived lives, and we each have chapters of our lives that are better left unpublished.  The arms of the past reach into the present. ‘The past is never dead.  It’s not even past'” (Faulkner).  Although we may not wish to revisit these jagged edges, these unpublished chapters, they serve the purpose of letting in light and love.  We are made real by love.

God wants us to be real, not our carefully fashioned false self.  God can not have a relationship with an illusion we have created.  He desires to relate to our real self; the good, the bad and the ugly.  We would rather present a self  we have worked  hard to construct with our spiritual improvement projects.  This is a false religious self.  Part of the motivation for doing so, is to protect ourselves from really knowing who we are, thus preventing us from experiencing God’s love.

We are made real, our true self,  by love.  I can testify that when I came to know that God loved me unconditionally in my shame and vulnerability, I was able to open deeper parts of my soul, what John of the Cross called “the caverns of the heart” to God without fear of rejection or condemnation.  The words of I John 4:18 took on new meaning for me. “There is no fear in love.  But prefect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Surrendering to love has allowed me to loosen my grip on my well constructed false religious self.  This can be painful, since it exposes more of my jagged edges and some of the unpublished chapters of my life.  As love exposes more jagged edges in my character, I can acknowledge my shortcoming and find healing for life long patterns of sin.   There will be more  unpublished chapter to  discover, exposing what has been hidden for years.  How wonderful when I allow God to rewrite the script of my story. I will continue to learn how my “life is now hidden with Christ is God” (Col. 3:4).

Dealing with my jagged edges and unpublished chapter will bring forth more of my  true self in Christ.  In the process I find more freedom to just be me, and to live a more authentic life before God and others.  This has been difficult for me, since I am the kind of guy who always has a thermostat extended into my surroundings.  I have been plagued by what people think of me.  But as Love makes me real, from the inside out, I find freedom to just be me.

Expect your jagged edges and unpublished chapters to be exposed as you grow in intimacy with the Lord.  Remember He can have a relationship only with the real you.  The real you is brought forth the more you know you are loved by God in all of shame and vulnerability.

G. Shane Morris in an article for Breakpoint entitled “Men of Straw,” gives real help for dealing with the public dialogue  about “bad” and “good” masculinity.  He began  by pointing to a means of writing on the subject of masculinity  “1.) Pick a typically masculine trait (say, strength).  2) Create a false dilemma between this trait and an approved trait (say, gentleness).  3.) Pen an article expounding this false dilemma by using corruptions and exaggerations of the masculine trait to prove its incompatibility with the approved trait (for example, ‘traditionally strong men cannot be gentle’).  4) Redefine the masculine trait as equivalent to the approved trait (e.g., ‘The strongest Men are gentle’)”.  You end up with men of straw.

Men, we always have to come back to the creation story to get our bearings as we face the gale force winds of “toxic masculinity.” The storm creates  confusion, fear, mistrust and insecurity for men. How is a man to behave?  Remember our maleness is not a social construct.  We are created in the image of God.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Gen 1:27).  Verse 31 tells us, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (Gen. 1:31).  We live in a time, when we have to pay a significant price for the failure of men to adequately reflect the image of God as being “very good.”

Morris’ comments can be helpful as godly men navigate the cultural minefields  we will face in the coming days.

First,  don’t let others categorize you by their definition of what it means to be a man. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…”(Gen. 1:26).  Each man is uniquely created by God to reflect his image.  This is a matter of God’s design, not a social construct.  Remember your heavenly Father said it was “very good.”  Only God can affirm each of us in our masculine essence.   It vital for each man to find affirmation from our heavenly Father.  Only then can a man rest in his true masculine self.

Secondly, there is absolutely no reason why a man, affirmed in his masculine soul can’t not be gentle.  But, a this is important – a man’s tenderness and compassion comes through his affirmed  masculine soul.  It is not expressed through feminized man, that is, a man who is not at peace with his masculine soul.  Each affirmed man will express his tender side in a unique manner.  Be assured a strong man can be tender and compassionate.

Thirdly, readily acknowledge that men have failed miserably in being the male image of God, thus not being “very good,” but in some ways “very bad.”  It is now described as toxic.  The irony of our time as expressed by the Babylon Bee is that the “least masculine society in human history decides masculinity is a growing threat.”  I believe godly men who are affirmed in their masculine souls have a golden opportunity to demonstrate within the culture how a man can be both “tough and tender.”

Fourthly, reject outright the redefining of the masculine by those who are feminists and those who are feminized as men.  They have no idea what it means to be a man standing straight and erect before his heavenly Father, coming in Jesus’ name and hearing by the presence of the Spirit deep in his soul, that he is “God’s beloved.”

Oh, God raise up a new generation of affirmed men!!!

We read in Jeremiah 20:11, “But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail. They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced; their dishonor will never be forgotten.”  In our gender confused society, talk of men as warriors is suspect. Yet God is often referred to as a warrior.   The Psalmist declares,  “With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down out enemies” (Ps 60:12).   Men, God is a warrior who will fight for us.

The following quote from Dorothy Sayers  is a reminder of Jesus being a  mighty warrior, The Lion of Judah. “The people who hanged Christ never, to do them justice, accused Him of being a bore – on the contrary; they thought Him too dynamic to be safe.  It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround Him with an atmosphere of tedium. We have very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah, certified Him ‘meek and mild,’ and recommended Him as a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies”

In a day when political correctness causes men to be measured in their responses to the “hot button” issues  generated by third wave feminists, who have no regard for a strong masculine response, it is good to reminded of Jesus not only being the Lion of Judah, but  also the lamb of God.  In this description we see Jesus as both strong and tender.  In Revelation 5:1-6 we have the reassuring vision of Jesus having authority to open a scroll symbolizing his lordship in history.  We read, “Then one of the elders said to me, ‘Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.  He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals (5).”

Then John sees a Lamb, who had been slain, taking, “the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne (7).”  Those around the throne sang, “You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe an language and people and nation.  You made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth (10).”  As John looked, he saw a great multitude, singing in a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise (Rev 5:12).

Remember it is Jesus who will fight the battle for us.  From the Message we read, “Stay alert.  This is hazardous work I’m assigning you.  You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves.”  (Matt 10:16).  In such a divided society as our, we need to  practice a subversive spirituality, knowing we are on the winning side.

Remember when the people of Israel were trapped at the Red Sea with Pharaoh’s army coming after them.  Moses reassured them, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Ex. 14:13).  God  is a mighty warrior who will fight for us.

In a recent interview, David Crowder talked about his newest album entitled, “I Know a Ghost.” “The story that I’ve told over and over from  these three records is pretty redundant,” noted Crowder. “It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re done, you can’t outrun God and you can’t outrun grace.”  I like the idea of not being able to outrun grace.  Crowder believes, “Those who follow Jesus can make a real impact by offering grace in spaces where grace is generally the last thing offered.”

As Judy and I go about building community in a Senior Apartment complex with such a wide array of folks, we pray for each other in our desire to practice the presence of Jesus with those we come to know.  We desire to be a “Christ-like fragrance” in our new relationships. “Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God” (II Cor. 2:13-14 NLT).  Being the fragrance of Christ is another way of  being an expression of God’s grace.  In all of our relationships we pray that there might be a scent of the aroma of Jesus so that others might be open to the love of God.

As men, we each have our sphere of influence in which God will help us forget about ourselves, while having a servant’s attitude toward others.  Men, we have a wonderful opportunity to be the salt and light of the gospel in dark places, where others live in suspicion and protective defensiveness, not wanting to risk being hurt and misunderstood.  Judy and I have no idea what will happen in our relationships, but we already have had chances to share with others in a soulful manner.  People don’t natural go there, even in familiar surroundings.

Remember you are also salt. “Let me tell you why you are here,” Jesus tells us. “You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?  You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage” (Matt. 5:13 – Message).  Our conversation and demeanor are to be seasoned with salt.  Don’t expect quick results.  Sometimes it takes years. You might be the only authentic witness in life of another.

We are also to be a light.  “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.  God is not a secret to be kept.  We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.  If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand – shine!  Keep open house; be generous with your lives.  By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:14-16 – Message).  Pray to be generous with those who come to know you.

Where does God want you to be salt, bringing the favor of the gospel as you spread the fragrance of the Lord?  Where does God want you to keep open house by being open and generous?  Remember others can not  out run the grace of God.

Reading the Message translation of II Cor. 12, Paul wrote that he was, “given the gift of a handicap” to keep him “in constant touch with [his] limitations” (v. 7).  The traditional translation is “a thorn in the flesh.” Paul begged to have it removed.  But God told him, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness” (v. 8).  What Paul says next has been medicine for my soul at this new juncture of my  journey.

“Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.  I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.  It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.  Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size……I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become” (v. 9-10).

Judy and I have been transitioning to a new living space in our senior apartment, getting acquainted with people both in our building, as well as in our church community (Good Shepherd Lutheran Free Church).  Judy has been navigating the adjustment better then yours truly.  I am honest in telling my bride, “I am above water, but I sense the miry depths below. I don’t want to sink.”  David prayed, “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.  I sink in the miry depths where there is no foothold……Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink.  Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me” (Ps. 69:1-2, 14, 15).  My wife is my inspiring encourager in keeping my eyes of Jesus.

Men we all have our handicaps or “thorns in the flesh.”  This transitioning period has exposed cracks in the relational foundations of my life story.  I can’t put it into words,  but newly emerging  implicit memories going back to my infant years, have brought up deep feelings of abandonment and insecurity.  At present, I know intellectually that my life is secure, but just below the surface I feel the “mire” of abandonment and the lack of basic trust.

I don’t like being affected by feelings of fear, vulnerability and insecurity.  Little did I realize the cracks that would be exposed during this transitional time in my life. I am learning to stand in my wounds, while holding them before the Lord.  Here is some of what I am learning from this humbling experience.  First, learning to accept  thankfully my “gift of a handicap.”  It keeps  me, “in constant touch with my limitations.”  I have had to confess the ugly sin of self-pity.

Secondly, I need to accept my handicaps,  by appreciating them as a gift.   The NIV reads, “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses.”   It takes humility and vulnerability.   It’s difficult to share  my weaknesses with my wife.

Thirdly, realize that Christ’s strength enters  into my weakness.  I have no idea how that happens. It is the work of the Spirit in my foundations.

Fourthly, I accept Paul’s testimony, “the weaker I get the stronger I become.”  I know I can’t repair my foundations.  As Jesus repairs my foundations I become stronger.

In Romans 8 we learn how we share in the birth pangs of a pregnant creation. “All around us we observe a pregnant creation.  The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs.  But it’s not only around us; it’s within us.  The Spirit of God is arousing us within.  We’re also feeling the birth pangs.  These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.  That’s is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother.  We are enlarged in the waiting” (Romans 8:22-24 – Message).  We all have experienced times when we want these inner  birth pangs to cease.

As a man I can only identify with birth pain as an analogy to my spiritual journey.  Judy and I are in the 4th quarter,  getting settled in among folks at a senior living complex in Brainerd. The move has brought me into one of those  “in-between times,” when I feel the pain of birth pangs. It often happens in the major transitions on the journey.  I want it to be over.  I don’t like my feeling of abandonment  The unknown, uncertainty and being out of control is not easy.  I would like to go back to the old familiar.  But I know I can’t.  My wife and I knew this move was God’s plan for us.  But I feel insecure.

Richard Rohr calls this a liminial space. It is a process of dying to the old so that the new can come forth.  Native American Indians called it a “crazy time.”  It is a time when we seem to be losing  our spiritual bearing. We can’t find true north.  Each of us have different reactions depending on our season of life and the unique of our spiritual journey.  This is the work of the Spirit bringing forth something new.  Our part is to surrender to the process.  Above all, it is a matter of keeping our eyes on Jesus, not becoming turned in on self.

Thomas Keating has observed, “Surrender to the unknown marks the great transition of the spiritual journey.  On the brink of each new breakthrough there is a crisis of trust and love.”  Can we trust the lord in the process knowing that God is loving us through the experience of birth pangs.  It will be painful.  You are being enlarged in the waiting.

My strong encouragement is that you have a soul mate, someone who will listen to your angst of being in one of these “in-between times.”  I know for me it has been my wife. I have been helped greatly, as she listens and helps clarify for me my struggle.  My advice, don’t go through the liminial space alone.

I agree with Stephen Smith when he says, “I have grown tired of people who think and believe that they know the answers to God’s secrets and mysteries.”  Don’t let anybody try to figure out what talking place in your soul.  You are experiencing birth pains.  This is God’s hidden work.   Smith quotes Mary Oliver: “Let me keep my distance always, from those who think they have answers.  Let me keep company always with those who say, ‘Look!’ and laugh in astonishment and bow their heads.”

I am learning to trust Jesus in a deeper way during this turbulent time.   I feel like the disciples who cried out to Jesus in the storm, “Lord, save us!  We’re going to drown” (Matt. 8:25).  I hear him say to me, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid” (Matt. 8:26). It’s a moment by moment walk because only He knows the outcome.

The Pew Research Center recently reported their findings on a important question? When asked the open-ended question about what brings the greatest meaning to their live, 69% of Americans said family.  Family had no close competitor nor a replacement, not even friends and community.  When asked “What is the most important source of meaning in your life?” – family was still number one.  “Regardless of how materialistic, politically divided, and atomistic our culture gets, ” noted Glenn Stanton, “family and faith still play very substantial roles in the human heart.”

With all the changes in social values and family trends, the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan made this important discovery. “There is very little evidence that the commitment of Americans to children, marriage and family life has eroded substantially in the past two decades.”  The researchers also noted, “compared to the 1970’s young Americans in the 1990’s were more committed to the importance of a good marriage and family life”  In reviewing the material on marriage and family, Dr. Stanton concluded, “It’s why there will always be a robust job market for those working to strengthen both of relational aspects [family and marriage] in people’s lives.  They are not only what people want, but what they need.”

We read in Psalms 68:5-6, “God in his holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows.  God provides homes for those who are deserted.” The Psalmist is describing a heavenly father who cares for those who are without family. The essence of our being persons is that we are relational. We are designed and defined by our relationships.  All reality is relational, having been created by a personal, relational God.  Loneliness is proof of our relational nature.

Stanton make this important observation about our relationships.  “We must not forget that one of the most important aspects of being human is that we are made for others, and we cannot live in isolation…..the most important and meaningful places where people find these are with their family and with God….All other relationships and life-aspects orbit around these, and research shows this time and time again.  Pew’s work in this report is simply the latest installment in this story.”

The Pew report  is a  reminder to men that we are relational beings.   First, the assurance of our relationship to our heavenly Father.  Our sense well being is found in knowing that God is our “abba” Father.  “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry ‘abba,’ Father.”  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Rom. 5:15-26).  Knowing our relationship to “abba” equips us to be relational.

Second, our commitment to family.  Men, our true character is found within our families.  God has placed you in an immediate and extended family.  Accept this as his design for your spiritual journey.  Remember God has not made a mistake in placing you in a unique family dynamic.  Here you will find your calling as a man of God.

Third, you will be tested in your family relationships.  Nothing keeps me more humble then family relationships.  There will be individuals who are like “sandpaper,” whom God uses to get rid of wrong edges in your character.

Fourth, don’t forget that God has also placed you in a church family. There you will be pruned relationally.  ‘Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community” (Bonhoeffer).  When you join, you are not able to choose who are our brother and sisters.