Category: Brother Al (Page 57 of 68)

On “The Troubles,” a song off of U2’s latest album “Songs of Innocence,” the band observes that the  loss of one’s soul is far more serious than any social or political problem: “Somebody stepped inside your soul/Somebody stepped inside your soul/Little by little they robbed  and stole/’Til somebody else as in control.”  These words are a soul alert for men to be  paying attention to their souls. The Austin band “Spoon” has named their new album “They Want My Soul.”  The title track describes an urban pilgrim who sees that everyone he encounters want the same thing: “Card sharks and street preachers want  my soul/All the sellers and palm readers want my soul.”  These words are a warning to be vigilant in the care of our souls.

Over twenty years ago, Thomas Moore wrote a book that alerted our culture to our loss of soul.  “The greatest malady of the 20th century, implicated in all our troubles and affecting us individually and socially, is ‘loss of soul.’  When soul is neglected, it doesn’t just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, and loss of meaning.”  As astute social critics of culture, U2 calls us to pay attention to our souls.  Twice in their song we have this refrain, “I have a will for survival/So you can hurt me and hurt me some more/I can live with denial/But you’re not my trouble anymore.” The words, “But you’re not my trouble anymore” are rather haunting.  While living in denial, as a means of protection, is there the real possibility of becoming hardened?  We may become brittle and inflexible in our relationships.  If you wonder about  this is happening to you, check with your wife or someone who knows you well.

One of the passions of this blog, is for men to become soulful.  The call is to pay attention to our souls.  The Psalmist cried, “Awake, my soul!” (Ps. 57:8)  In Psalm 130:6 the Psalmist depicts his  soul being more awake then the morning watchmen; alert, attentive and aware.  “My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait fro the morning.” (v6) Men, don’t neglect the condition of your soul.  According to Dallas Willard, “What is running your life at any given  moment is  your soul.  Not external circumstances, not your thoughts, not your intentions, not even your feelings, but your soul.  The soul is  that aspect of your whole being that correlates, integrates, and enlivens everything going on in the various dimensions of the self.  The soul is the life center of human beings.”  There is a lot going on in our souls. As one observer of our soul life puts it, “Where I find nothing done by me, much may have been done  in  me.”

We need to be mindful of the words of Jesus, “What good will it  be for  a man  if  he gains  the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? (Matt 16:26).  Or as The Message puts it, “What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself?  What could you ever trade your soul for?”  Don’t neglect or be fearful of your soul.  Pay attention to your soul life, by being quiet and listening to what your life is telling you, instead of dictating how you think  life should be.  The soul brings us down into realities of life, while we have the tendency to life on the surface.

Do you know the meaning of “misandry”  The simple dictionary definition is “a hatred of men.”  We hear  often about “misogyny,” the hatred of women,” but little about misandry.  In a recent panel discussion entitled “Mad men, modern family: examining the role of men in social development.” the question was asked, “Is the  cultural conversation about men, accessible to men?”  The reply from Dr. Paul Nathanson, author of several books on attitudes  towards men said “No.”  Do you the cultural trend being largely  negative towards men?  Men are having to “check their privilege.”  The implication for men seems to be; “your opinions on matters of  sexual and social importance are less important, your experience is less valid, and any offense you may have  felt is less offensive than the offense you have dealt.”

As observers  of culture have warned, the pendulum between the excesses of misogyny and  misandry will continue to swing, one extreme to the next. It could be that in our present confused culture, the dominant media seems to be portraying the rise of  women, which then necessities the fall of men.  As one observer put it, “Believing almost everything we read and  hear, disparaging or demeaning remarks about men are culturally permissible, largely acceptable, and most often left wholly unaddressed.”

There is a new phenomenon among online  videos.  It involves women, men and the former being incessantly harassed  by the latter.  The best known was made by Shoshanna Roberts,who was filmed walking the streets of New York amid catcalls and sexual comments.  It has attracted a staggering 36 million views, and has been hailed as a much-needed exposure of the plight of a woman in 21st century society.  The presence of decent men have now become strikingly absent online.  It seems that men are guilty until proven innocent.  This only reinforces gender stereotyping.  One commentator has noted that, “The more the online anti-men trend gains traction, the more women will be deprived of decent male allies in the battle against abuse.”

Southern Baptist ethicist, Russell Moore, speaking at the Vatican Colloquium on Marriage and Family remarked, “The Sexual Revolution is not liberation at all, but simply the imposition of a different sort of patriarchy.  The Sexual Revolution empowers men to pursue a Darwinian fantasy of the predatory alpha-male, rooted in the values  of power, prestige  and  personal pleasure….We see the wreckage of sexuality as self-expression all around us, and we will see more yet.”  The best evidence for this is the “objectifying” of women in the porn industry, which is booming even among evangelical men.  This only adds fuel to the  “feminist fire” regarding men. So the question is “How should a man behave?”

First, when with other women admit freely how men have wronged women for too long in our culture.  I have often publicly confessed the sins of men in the present of women’s groups where I have shared on masculine spirituality.  We are guilty of gross misogyny.  I also confess my own history of misogyny.  Men, if any of you have the vestiges of misogyny in  your heart because of the issues you have had with mother or other women in your life, it is vital that you deal with the seeds of bitterness that are in your heart.  Secondly, love you wife; cherish her as God’s greatest gift to you.  Other women will be watching how you treat your wife.  Your greatest witness to other women is your relationship to your wife.  Thirdly, celebrate the complementarity of male and female.  We need each other.

The Vatican recently sponsored an international colloquium on the complementarity of man and woman in marriage entitled “Humanum.”  I watched the first 15-minute video produced for this event: “The Destiny of Humanity: On the Meaning of Marriage.”  I was deeply moved by the thoughtful manner in which the video presented the truth of marriage between one man and one woman being woven into the very fabric of creation.  In the beginning, Philosopher Peter Kreeft observes: “The masculine and feminine are cosmological.  They are not limited to humans, or even just to animals.  Every language that I know of, except English, has masculine or feminine nouns … the sun and moon, the day and night, the water and the rocks … but most today think this is a projection of our sexuality into the universe.  That makes  us strangers to the universe.  The God who invented human sexuality also invented the universe; the two fit.  It’s a much happier philosophy: we fit the nature of things.” N.T. Wright adds that the complementarities of creation reache their climax “in the creation of human beings in the image of God … an image which has male-plus-female at the heart of it.”

I came away with a some reassuring observations.   First,  I was moved to celebrate the uniqueness of my marriage to my wife, Judy.  Sometimes the complementarity of marriage has caused me frustration, because my wife is so different from me.  But this is how it is meant to be. Paul reminds us that our marriages are a mystery to be entered into, not something to figure out.  “… And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become  ‘one flesh.’  This is huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all” (Eph. 5:31-32 – The Message).  Men, don’t try to solve the mystery of your marriage. Rather, celebrate your marriage.  Ask God for grace to enter into this mystery, so you can learn from your “better half.”  God has given her to be your “helpmate.”  She is intended to be your complement. Pay attention to what God wants  to teach you through “your better half.”

Secondly, I was very encouraged to see how the complementarity of masculine and feminine is woven into all of creation.  This reality goes far beyond the gender struggles we see in our culture, the “war on women” of the early part of the century being one of the ugliest manifestations of culture’s distorted view.  Writing in First Things, C. C Pecknold had this to say about the message of the video: “The male and female union is the universal heart of human life and existence. It has a ripple-effect on all of humanity.  But this has a powerful corollary: new sexual ideologies will fall not simply because Christians oppose them,  but because they cannot withstand the gravity of nature, or the weight of glory given in human existence itself.”  This comment reminds me of C. S. Lewis’ contention that masculinity and  femininity are rooted in God and have  transcendent dimensions.  Men, don’t let certain voices of our confused culture rob you of the joy of living in a complementary relationship with your wife.

Men, I strongly encourage you to go online and watch the six videos produced for this conference  (Humanum).  You will not be disappointed.  They are awe inspiring.  Share them with you wife and children.  Be sure to view them with other men.  By the way, Rich Warren and Russell Moore (both prominent evangelicals) also spoke at  this conference. I believe Humanum will have an impact for the Kingdom.  Praise God for the moving of His Spirit in our day.

I have mentioned Dr. James Houston in previous blogs. In his book, “The Heart’s Desire,” he states that “chastity is emotional sincerity, by which we express our emotions openly, not dishonestly.  It involves how we really feel.”  Chasity is an old-fashion word that needs to be in the vocabulary of men in our day.  It involves more then sexual purity.  Chastity, “is not a deadening of the heart,” according to Ronald Rolheiser, “a stripping away of our sexuality, but a deeper maturity that lets our sexual energies flow out in a more life-giving way.”  “To tamper with the sincerity of your emotional life,” observes John MacMurry,  “is to destroy your inner integrity, to become unreal to yourself and to others, to lose the capacity of knowing what you feel.  There is nothing more destructive of all that is valuable in human life.”  A man with a healthy chaste life will reflect an ongoing integration of sexual purity and emotional integrity.

Men pride themselves in being objective, able to fix and  solve problems.  We like to be  under control. But our journey into a Christlike character involves not only ascent into greater intimacy with God, but also descent into the realities of our soul life. This I have always found to be this messy and confusing. I continue to struggle with the integration of sexual purity and emotional integrity. I know I am not alone.  Paul reflects this frustration in Romans 7.  “I realize that I don’t have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can’t do it.  I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not  to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions….don’t result in actions.  Something  has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” (vs.18-20 – Message)  Men, we can not “fix” our inner life.  We have to welcome and embrace what is there.  Bringing  integration to our sexual energy and our emotional life is a life  long  project.

A chaste man does not live in denial of his sexuality, rather he desires to properly  channels his sexual energy, while being honest and  open about his emotional life.  Since chastity is emotional sincerity, there is no need to repress sexual desires, but accept them realistically.  Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”  The Message puts it this way. “You’re blessed when you get your inside world – your mind and heart – put right.  Then you can see God in the outside world.”  It  was a great relief to me on my spiritual journey, when I  could stand in the light of God’s love,  knowing that I had deep sexual passions, that needed to be rightly channeled and integrated with my emotion life.  Trying to control all this energy by will power proved to be unfruitful.  What has been most helpful for me, is to live in openness and honestly before the Lord, in full recognition and acceptance of an embodied spirituality, which includes my sexual desires, while embracing my deepest desires for God and an acceptance of my emotional needs

I have struggled mightily in writing this blog.   My humble attempt on a very difficult subject could be meant for someone reading this blog.  My word to  you is this – “Desiring God while be honest  about your sexual passion as well as your emotional needs  is ‘like coming out of the closet.'”  By that I mean, men just  don’t want to talk about emotional integrity and sexual purity.

At a recent gathering of men at my church, the pastor asked us to quietly reflect on Jesus washing the feet of his disciples (Matt. 13:1-17). When I contemplated the thought of Jesus washing my feet, I sensed that the love of Jesus was penetrating the darkness of my soul.  This is an uncomfortable thought for me.  Psalm 112:4 tells us, “Even in darkness light dawns on the upright.”  Then during a recent small group meeting I had the vision of Jesus walking with me in my inner basement.  It was dark, but I felt safe with Jesus.  “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, the darkness is as light to you.” (Ps 139:11-12)

I have been going  through a dark time lately on my journey.  I have  learned over  the years that these “dark” or “desert” times are a normal part  of my spiritual growth.  But this latest episode seems to be  touching on areas  of my life that I thought I had already dealt with, especially as it relations to my father wounds and my mother issues.  What I am learning and I want to share with the men reading this blog is the realization that transformation of the soul  has a  spiral type movement to it  trajectory.  The light penetrates deeper.  You may think that a certain aspect of your story has been  healed and transformed.  But this may only be  the first layer exposed to the healing  light.   Trust me, there will be other  layers.  We can only handle so much light at  a time.  Our heavenly Father knows when  we are  ready for the next round of healing.

So what would I advise from my own experience?  First, keep your focus on the Lord, not on  your condition.  Accept what is happening as from the  Lord.  I  find reassurance in these words from Isaiah 42:16, “I will  lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness  into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will  not forsake them.” (Is 42:16).  God will  lead you through and into the light.  But you need to go through the process of  letting him turn your darkness into light .  Secondly, find someone who you can talk  with regarding the condition of your soul.  If you are experiencing a dark time that is the result of the Lord leading you into new places of healing, you will need some reassurance that your walk with God is not “coming of the rails.”

Thirdly, keep a positive attitude to your condition as you wait  for the  clouds to part and for the sunshine to brake through.  I have to admit that  I am struggling with  keeping positive.  I don’t like the darkness of not knowing  what God is doing in my soul.  But I must remember that it is his work, done in his way and in his timing.  I need to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open to see and hear what God might be  trying to tell me.  Praise God, I am  starting to get  some insight.  It starts out rather  vague, but slowly become more clear.

I know this is a very personal blog.  But I sense it is meant for someone specifically who reads my blogs  regularly.  You are struggling in the dark.  Be assured that it is the healing light that is present, exposing the darkness.  Don’t run from  what God is doing.

Stu Weber in his book, “The heart of a Tender Warrior,” suggests the role of  “wagon scout” for men.  In the old west, he was the guy who goes out ahead of the wagon train. He give direction.  He anticipates needs.  He helps define the route.  He is a man who gives a vision for the road ahead. As a young boy, I loved going to the Saturday afternoon matinee to watch cowboy movies.  I remember being inspired by the courage of the wagon scout as he ventured into unknown territory.  “God expects men,” says Weber, “to be providers in the most complete sense of the word…..leaders with eyes on the horizon, anticipating the perils, smelling hope in the wind, and inspiring loved one to follow.”

I make reference to the wagon scout image, because, in my humble opinion, our culture is in for some turbulent times.  Bureaucratic decay, massive public debt, an overstretched military, a political system seemingly incapable of responding to challenges are all signs of trouble.  Rod Dreher points out that, “rising hedonism, waning religious observance, ongoing break-up of the family, and a general lose of cultural coherence…..are signs of a possible Dark Age ahead.”   Law professor, Robert P George has concluded, “the day of socially acceptable Christianity are over…..It is no longer easy to be a faithful Christian….authentic witness to the truths of the Gospel.”  I think all who read this blog can agree the days ahead are uncertain.

This calls for men who can look out on the horizon, have a vision and be willing to lead.  The times call for men who have a purpose bigger then themselves.  I like the way the Message expresses Paul’s words in Philippians 3:12-14, “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ. who has so wondrously reached out for me.  Friends, don’t get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus.  I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”   There you have it – that forward, outward, adventurous outlook.  Paul is off and running and not going back.  Men, don’t be intimidated by the demands of the culture.  You are called to more then just that small worldview that culture reflects.

Think of your calling as a Wagon Scout, especially at home.  Your wife and children need your leadership.  I still have that sense at my age, with Judy and I.  I keep looking out ahead.  I certainly don’t have all the details, but I have some  impressions about our future.  I can have the tendency to be fearful, uncertain and even intimidated about our future.  But I want to press on, wanting to finish strong.  I close with these words from Ps. 84:5-8 (NLT).  The words describe the pilgrimage to Jerusalem (our spiritual home). “What  joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.  The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.”  Men, we are  to keep our eyes on the horizon as we anticipate the heavenly Jersusalem.

David Brooks, an editorial writer for the New York Times, can be spiritually stimulating at times.  In a recent speech he made refers to a book entitled “Lonely Man of Faith.”  The author, Joseph Soloveitchik, describes  Adam One and Adam Two, correlating both to the creation story.  Adam One is external, career-oriented, and ambitious.  Adam Two is the internal Adam.  “Adam two wants to embody certain moral qualities to have a serene, inner character, a quiet but solid sense of right and wrong, not only to do good but to be good, to sacrifice to others, to be obedient to a transcendent truth, to have an inner soul that honors God, creation and our possibilities.”  I would categorize this as the cry of our shy soul saying, “pay attention to what is most important.”

Brooks points out that our secular world nurtures Adam One, while leaving Adam Two inarticulate.  The competitive and assertive lifestyle of many men hinders the ability to hear the “quieter sounds that emanate from our depths.”  It is difficult for men to develop the humility to pay attention to the river of spiritual longing within.  When men become aware of  these inner murmurings they are often at a lose as to know how to respond.  They don’t have the categories and vocabulary to deal with the gap.  Men need to learn to articulate the language of the soul.

Listen to how Brooks describes the inner life. “You live with unconscious boredom, not really loving, not really attached to a moral purpose that gives life meaning.  You settle into a sort of self-satisfying moral mediocrity.  You grade yourself on a forgiving curve.  You follow your desires wherever they take you.  You approve of yourself as long as people seem to like you.  And you end up slowly turning the core piece of yourself into something less desirable than what you wanted.  And you notice this humiliating gap between your actual self and your desired self.”

Men, I want to ask if you feel that humiliating gap in your life?  The gap between the driven, achieving, success oriented self and the cry of your inner man, wanting your attention so that you might nurture and care for your soul. It is all too easy for us to go through our days on “auto-pilot,” living on the surface of life and never paying attention to our depths.  While we each need to be faithful and disciplined  to live as Adam One, we must not neglect the cry of Adam Two.  The Psalmist understand this as he prayed, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.  O Lord, hear my voice.  Let your ear be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Ps. 130:1)

This comes again as a “soul alert.” Think of Adam One and Adam Two as two  completing tendencies in your walk with Christ.  As a man rescued from your old ways, you are called to become more like Jesus in your daily affairs.  The alert is to not neglect Adam Two as you give attention to the demands of Adam One.  My advice: learn to schedule times of quiet –  listen to your soul, and learn to articulate what you are hearing. Remember the sobering words of Jesus. “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?  Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matt. 16:26)

Men, we all have a shadow side to our personality.  Our shadow is what we refuse to acknowledge  about ourselves.  There are disowned aspects that we simply reject and sent into an inner exile, as we try to manufacture an image of self that is acceptable to ourselves and others.   We need to be compassionate with the shadow side that is lurking inside each of us.  Rather than denying our shadow we need to  be hospitable, welcoming it into the light of consciousness

Richard Rohr refers to this process of welcoming  as “Shadowboxing”  “It is our attempt to face, awaken and transform the self that we have denied or disguised.” He refers to  Jesus words in Matt 5:12-15 , “Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you.  Don’t lose a minute.  Make the first move; make things right with him.  After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail.  If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.” (Message).  The old enemy is “a description of what we allow our inner story lines to do to us.”  We create stories of blame, anger and hurt toward ourselves and others. We need to befriend this old enemy or we will be jailed, that is, emotional entrapped within. The result will be a shadow lurking within, that manifests itself in unexpected, harmful ways.

Shadowboxing is not an easy practice, but necessary, if we are to be authentic persons.   It means we have to face  our inner contradictions and inconsistencies, while embracing our mistakes and failures.  Its humbling work, as we patiently learn to grieve, and repent of all that we have buried.  Finally seeing our shadow and its tactics begins to free us from its power to influence us.  There is less to be anxious about, because there is less fear of exposure to self and others.  We will find that we are more relaxed,while being more  authentic, and open to the story of others.  Why?  We have less to hide.  We are not worried about what others will discern regarding our character and actions.  We will be free to accept others for who there are.

Here are a few tips as you learn to shadowbox.  First, don’t be afraid of the light.  “But if we walk in the light , as he is in to light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from our sins.” (I John 1:7)  The light of the gospel is greater than the darkness within. Living in the light of Jesus’ love, helps you to befriend aspect of yourself that have been sent into exile. Secondly, accept who you are as created uniquely in God’s image, even as a “ruined soul” (Willard).  Make friends with your dark side, which produces guilt and shame, along with sadness and anger.  Thirdly, take your darkness to the cross.  Surrender it to Jesus.  See it going into his body, so that you might be healed.  Fourthly, realize that your shadow self will humble you.  It will make you more dependent on the grace and mercy of God.  Finally, find a “truth teller,” someone who you can be honest with when it comes to the inconsistencies and distortions of your inner life.  We all need to have someone help us to be objective about our “fallen condition.”

Recently my wife and I had an argument.  I did not like the way I handled it.  I went into my cave and started stewing.  It took me almost a day to admit that I was angry.   I was a cauldron of unhealthy emotions.  I certainly did not want to talk with my wife about the stew I had created in my soul.  So I kept quiet and pouted. I was helping to create a gap. I could say with the Psalmist, “For my soul is in trouble.” (Ps 88:3).  If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I was acting very immaturely, like a misunderstood boy.

But I am becoming more responsible in my responses to my wife.  I don’t know about you men, but when I am dealing with the mess of my emotions, knowing I have to face my wife with emotional honesty, I do not want to stand in the gap between us.  I want to flee from “WOMAN”.  Somehow I always feel the scales are tipped in my wife’s favor.  But I learning to come out, stand in the gap, and be honest with my emotions. It has nothing to do with being right or wrong, but rather with being emotionally honest.   The Psalmist prays in Ps 130:1-2, “Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord.  Lord, hear my voice, let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.”  It occurred to me that the Lord would hear my honest cry for help in wanting to be emotionally honest.

On a prayer walk I was asking the Lord for help with my emotional responses to my wife.  I felt like the Lord was saying to me, “Al, you carry the burden”  What was the burden?  It was the gap that our argument had created.  I know it was affecting my wife, but I was more focused on me. I was running away. Someone had to stand in the gap (Ezk. 22:30).  That was to be me.   We read in Gal 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  I was also reminded that I am to love my wife the way Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).  In loving me, Jesus took the burden of my sin upon himself (I Peter 2:24).  What this meant for me was this: irregardless of who was right or wrong for the gap that had developed, I was to move into the gap and carry  the emotional burden.

So, men this is my challenge.  It will not be easy.  You will want to justify, excuse and run away.  But you need to come forth humbly,  accept the burden of the conflict, stand in the gap, and lovingly give yourself to your wife, in wanting to meet her emotional needs.  It does not matter what she thinks, does and says.  Someone has to carry the consequences of the conflict.  That needs to be the “MAN.”  That, men, is real leadership.  It takes courage and spiritual strength, to stand in “the gap” between you and your wife, and take the heat.  I’m warning you, you will need mercy and grace to love your wife the way Jesus loved the church. “”They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back.  He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. (I Peter 2:23 – Message).  You might have to suffering in silence.

Sexual assaults on college campuses has been in the news lately.  One out of five female students experience rape or sexual assault while they are in college.  Camille Paglia, writing in Time magazine puts it very bluntly, “young women today do not understand the fragility of civilization and the constant nearness of savage nature.”  She points out that the real problem, “resides in human nature,……. as eternally torn by a war between the forces of darkness and light.”  She chides young women for assuming, “that bared flesh and sexy clothes are just a fashion statement containing no messages that might be misread or twisted by a psychotic. They do not understand the fragility of civilization and the constant nearness of savage nature.”

Wow!  In my opinion, Ms. Paglia is nailing the issue of young male sexuality accurately.  I used to warn confirmation girls (12-14) to be on the look out for the “wolf” in young men.  Simply put, the sexual drive in a young man, left unchecked can violate a girl.  Male sexual energy like water needs to be channeled.  This is true no matter what our age  In Prov 5:15-18  we read,  “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from our own well.  Should your spring overflow in the streets, your stream of water in the public squares?  Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.  May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

The references to cistern, running water, spring, and streams of water refer to the relationship of men to their wives.   Drinking from your own cistern encourages men to be faithful in their marriage and to enjoy sexual relationships with their  wives.  Rather than expending sexual energy on other  women, a men should cultivate a healthy sexual relationship with their wives.  Wells and cisterns were privately owned and of great value.  The sexual drive given to men is meant to be satisfied within private confines of marriage.  Here we find the joys of sexuality.   Until that time, young men need the grace of God to suffer the “in-between” time till marriage.  As a note in the NLT puts it, “In contrast to much of what we read, see, and hear today, this passage urges couples to look to each other for lifelong satisfaction and companionship.”

So here are a few “take-aways” for men from this passage.  First, celebrate the fact that you have sexual passions.  Come to peace regarding your passions; they are normal.  It is how you channel your passions that matters.   Secondly, we read in Prov 5: “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.”  Treasure your wife as the greatest gift God has given you, other than salvation.  Thirdly, follow the example of Job.  “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” (Job 31:1)  The Message puts it more bluntly, “never to undress a girl with my eyes.”  Men, the struggle with our fantasy life will be a continual battle.  As one man said, “It doesn’t take much for the horse to get out of the barn.”  One more take away.  Be vigilant in your behavior around other women.  Don’t be sending out signals or looking. You can look at the menu, but don’t go ordering  Your wife is watching.  Make her secure in knowing that you are a “one woman man.”