Category: Brother Al (Page 48 of 68)

Back in May, John Koessler had an article in Christianity today, entitled “The Gift of Disillusionment.”  He quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer,  “Certainly, serious Christians who are put in a community for the first time will often bring with them a very definite image of what Christian communal life should be, and they will be anxious to realize it….But God’s grace quickly frustrates all such dreams.  A great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and if we are fortunate, with ourselves is bound to overwhelm us, as surely as God desires to lead us to an understanding of Christian community.”

Men, how have you dealt with  disillusionment in your  church life.  Many men have given up on church, but not Jesus.  I spent 40 years as a parish pastor and now the last seven years as a laymen.  “Church people” can be hurtful, mean and yes,  down right evil.  I used to say, “Look around, it is not going to get any better then this.”  Who you see in church on any given Sunday are the folks that have been led to your church.  Men, we don’t choose who will be your  brothers and sisters in Christ.  God will use some member as “sand paper” to deal with your rough edges.

Two principles  helped me survive  many relational “mine fields” and “broadsides” that suddenly popped up in church life.  First, the determination of being a servant to others.  This implies seeing  myself as serving from “below.”  “For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).  I intentionally try to put others above myself.  The second principle  embodied these words from Paul,  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Phil 2:3).  I had to continually surrender my ego,  my personal rights,  especially when I wanted to defend myself.

Here are a couple of things I learned the hard way.   First,  church people will disappoint you.  Give up your high expectations of “church people.” I guarantee you will be deeply disappointed.  This is a hard pill to swallow if you have high ideals  for the church.  There will be times when church members will do what can only be thought of as evil.  My advice is to accept the members of your church for who they are, sinner just like you.

Secondly, learn to live a lifestyle of forgiveness.  I cannot stress this enough. There were times when I was angry with members of the church.  On occasion I would have to ask forgiveness for my attitude.  But that did not end the cycle of anger in my heart.  I had to confess my anger often to my wife, who became my confessor.  I must warn you, if you don’t forgive, it will begin to tear at the very fabric of your soul.  You will become deeply disillusioned with the church.  Some leave with a “bitter spirit.”  Hebrews warns us, “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Heb. 12:15). A bitter, critical spirit will destroy a church.

One more important piece of advise for men.  The spiritual health of your church depends on the attitude of the men.  Above all, don’t develop a demanding, negative and critical attitude toward the leadership and other  members of your church.  Be a man of God!!  You might have to endure some gossip and slander.  But take your stand in love and humility. You could save your church.

The “buffered self” is the name give  by philosopher Charles Taylor to describe an individual  in our culture who is isolated from any  transcendent reality, that is, God ‘s presence.   Taylor observes that, prior to 1500, almost everyone believed in God, understanding life to be meaningless without God.  It was an “enchanted” world in which vulnerable souls were open to God.  Taylor refers to those knowingly impacted by God as “porous” souls. In  the enchanted premodern social imaginary, the self was open and susceptible to the presence of God..

But the  modern “buffered self” is isolate and enclosed, wanting to protect self from any influence of transcendence.  In modern social imaginary, the self is insulated within the mind, no longer vulnerable to the movements of God’s grace..   It isn’t enough to simply divest the world of spirits and demons, but the self needs to be buffered and protected from transcendence.   There is  a kind of “lowering of the bar” when it came to the requirements of living life well without reference to God.  In our day that means you are free to be a  “none” (no belief).  Could it be that men today are buffering themselves not only from God but also from the negative characterizations of men in our society? How “porous” is your masculine soul?

It is quite natural for men to live simply in their heads; in what Richard Rohr calls our “control tower.”  There is the ever present danger of becoming turned in on ourselves, becoming a self-referencing person.   We are, “like a thin shaving of wood, curling up around the void of his inner nothingness, cut off alike from the cosmos and the creator of all things” (Theophan the Recluse). The buffered self lives in darkness with the lights out.  “This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness.  They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God” (John 3:19-20 – Message).  Here are some of the consequences of this crisis..

First, the buffered  self is a lonely, isolated self, living in alienation from God, self and others.  It is all to easy for men to withdraw back into their inner fortress, rather then stay engaged in vital relationships.  A man may seem fully energized in  everyday pursuits, but live with an inner ache of loneliness.   Secondly, the sense of being trapped with no inner spiritual  breathing space.  This is life without any window to the spiritual realm, similar to the  cave dwellers of Plato’s  parable of the cave, living with their torches in the darkness, unaware of the light that is just beyond their reach.

Thirdly, the sadness of never knowing our  uniqueness as men created in God’s image. We are not able to handle our uniqueness very well in the contemporary “gender wars.”   “It is difficult to know how to compare myself to other people, although I am constantly tempted to do so….I oscillate between pride and anxiety that I am alone with my uniqueness.” (James Houston).  Remember men, when a man buffers himself against God’s presence in his life,  he can not be affirmed as the unique man God created him to be. He is insecure in his maleness.

Fourthly, the dreaded reality that we will be manipulated far beyond our comprehension by the descending cultural darkness.  We simply cannot protect ourselves from being deceived.  Jesus warned, “Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you” (John 12:35).. We need to walk as a porous soul in the light.  The Palmist declares those blest, “who walk in the light of [God’s] presence” (Ps 89:15).

My bride (Judy) and I have for the last 10 years attempted  to live a kind of semi-monastic life.  I call ourselves a “monk and a nun.”  The threefold rhythm of  monastic life in the Benedictine tradition gives us a focus – prayer, study and work.  Manuel work was included in the rule of Benedict not merely to ensure that the monastery operated, but because it was seen as part of the essential calling of the spiritual life..  This was captured by the common monastic Latin phrase era et labora, which means “pray and work.”  But today in modern culture many men experience a  disconnect between their bodies and their lifestyle  because of the lack of physical labor.  Could our culture be causing younger men to devalue physical labor?

Work relates to Christian spirituality in three  ways.  First, work was created by God to be a part of creation. “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and  keep it” (Gen. 2: 15).  Secondly, with the fall of the human race into sin, work was cursed (Gen 3:17) and became toil, carried out “by the sweat of [man’s] brow (Gen. 3:19).  Thirdly, the curse did not eliminate work as a God-ordained.  God still commands people to work: “Six days you shall labor and do all your work” (Ex 20:9).  I wonder how many of the readers of this  blog experience manual work in their routine of life?

I have spend the last month cleaning up after a massive wind storm that took many trees down.  I know for me, it is a good thing to do physical work.  I need the exercise and there is plenty of work to do.  What promoted this blog on work was a piece by David French in the National Review.  He referenced a study reported in the Washington Post, showing that, “the grip strength of  college men had declined significantly between 1985 and 2016…….the grip strength of the sample of college men had declined so much – from 117 pounds of force to 98 – that it now matched that of older Millennial women.”  French remarked, “the average college male had no more hand strength than a 30-year-old mom.”

While it is only one study, “it was consistent with other studies showing kids are less fit today.”  I think French is right when he says, “Today’s young males don’t have common touchstones for what it’s like to grow up as a man.”  Part of being a man was doing manual work, learning the qualities of protector, builder and fixer.  Raising a boy to be a man used to be a “natural” act.  But today raising a boy needs to be more an “intentional” act, defying political correctness, whereby dads train their sons to not just be courageous but also physically fit.

I know for myself, I feel “the toil” of labor here on the lake. But I accept it as part of being a man.  Men, how do you relate to manual labor?  Do you think men are becoming weaker?  How are you modeling common labor to your son?  How does manual labor fit into your spiritual rhythm of life?

Here are a few suggestions.  First, stay in shape physically.  If you don’t work physically, get fit in some other way.  Secondly, use labor or exercise to clear you mind and renew your soul.  Thirdly, build the rhythm of physical activity into your weekly routine.  Fourthly, model the blessing of physical labor to your children, especially your son.  Fifthly, thank God if you have the strength and ability to do work.

Back in 2013, a group of sociologists came up with the phrase, “Overdoing Gender,” in describing men who think their masculinity is in doubt, then  respond by emphasizing traditional masculine traits.  In the study, threatened masculinity was linked to “support for, and desire to advance in dominance hierarchies” and “belief in male superiority.”  Some have seen Donald Trump as a  symbol of overdoing gender.  Without a doubt, masculinity has become part of the national conversation during this political season.

David Frum writing as a sympathetic voice of Trump supporters, offered this explanation for Trump’s appeal to Millennial men.  “We feel masculine traits are devalued everywhere.  It’s more than just, ‘Oh, the dad’s a jerk in commercials.’  Rather like gay people a generation ago, young men today feel that they’re being treated as if they were born wrong.  We didn’t live through the Reagan years.  We’ve never seen a man’s man in politics before.”  Trump’s confidence and bravado, seem to be hallmarks of masculinity. “Through them he convinces people that he’s correct, in control and trustworthy, even when his words are false or misleading.”

It seems to me that Donald Trump is tapping into a deep, unspoken sentiment among men in our culture, which they suppress because of the fear of being political incorrect, yet wanting  to recover a failed manhood of the past.  There is a feeling that society is penalizing men for being male.  A revolution in gender relations, in which traditional notions of manhood are being questioned is now exerting greater influence in day to day relationship between men and women.  American men are becoming more anxious about their ability to prove their manhood through traditional means.  Upward mobility, providing financially, feeling in control of one’s destiny have all been bastions of masculinity.  Much of this is now threatened.

Men, we cannot turn back the clock to a more comfortable time for being a man in our society, nor should we become defensive, but rather celebrate  the meaningful gains women, minorities, and the marginalized have achieved in our culture.  We especially should not act in “the overdoing gender” mode.  I must confess that I am tempted to “overdo” by  defending and justifying my status as a man in our culture.  Men, hear me.  We as wildmen have no need to be defensive, in an attempt to prove our masculinity.

The cry of this blog is for men to come to rest in their relationship with Jesus, as they receive the healing word of their heavenly Father, affirming their unique, God-given masculine souls.  Rather then striving and overcompensating  as men of God we are called to deny ourselves, that is, give up all of our self improvement projects, allowing the Spirit of God to transform us from the inside out.

Jesus tells us, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matt 16:24-25).  Remember men, it is by descent, that is, denying ourselves that we find our true masculine strength.  Ascent, depending in our self improvement projects, only reinforces a insecure and defensive view of our masculinity.

As a 75 year old male, I refuse to become defensive about my masculinity.  I desire to be more and more formed in the image of Christ, not into some cultural stereotype.  Jesus reassures me, “My grace is enough: it’s all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness” (II Cor 12:8   – Message).

Richard Mouw, former president of Fuller Seminary, recent expressed  a favorable  inclination toward Tim LaHaye’s overall perspective regarding the end times.  While not accepting, “any straightforward version of his end-times scenario,” Mouw made this revealing statement, “But it does increasingly feel to me like we are entering into a cultural ‘tribulation’ of sorts.”  In the days after Father Jacques Hamel, a 85-yearold French priest, was slaughtered at the altar by two jihadists, French philosopher Pierre Manent, had this to say: “… Amid the crumbling of Western civilization, which has begun, the supernatural character of the church will become, paradoxically more and more visible… More clearly than ever the fate of all will depend on the ‘little flock’ of Christians.” I say “amen.”

I mention the above, because I find myself using the phrase, “the approaching storm clouds” in reference to the coming cultural tribulation.  I spoke of the storm clouds in an announcement I made recently in church.  Along with Judy and I, many in our church had experienced significant storm damage.  The storm was disruptive, causing much stress.  The unexpected nature of these storm is part of life in the Northwoods.  Jesus warned us about being aware of storm clouds. “You find it easy to forecast the weather – why can’t you read the signs of the times?” (Matt. 16:3 – Message).

Men, I ask you, “Are you ready?” Are you spiritual fit for what is coming?  How aware are you  of what is happening in our culture?  As others have said, “the center is no longer holding.”  With the disappearance of a Christian consensus, we are witnessing the erosion of our Christian freedoms and  liberty.  Who is informing your worldview?  There are enough watchmen on the walls telling us to be  prepared.  For me this means, surrender to the Lord of history.  He is in charge.  I also want to be committed to that “small flock” that the French philosopher talked about.

The result of this collapse will bring about chaos in relationships.  We are have lost the ability to live out the  true nature of male and female relationships.  Just this morning I read of a school district that is recommending principles and counselors no longer use the words boy or girl, but instead scholar or student. Think of the confusion this brings to the students. In the midst of this kind of relational chaos God’s intent for relationship still stands.  “When God created human beings, he made them to be like himself.  He created them male and female, and he blessed them and called them ‘human'” (Gen. 5:2-4).  More then ever before our culture needs the witness and steady presence of men who are affirmed in their God-given masculine soul.  There will be men who will rise to the occasion.

In the midst of this relational chaos, stands Jesus, bringing the reign of his kingdom.  He reminds us, “haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female” (Matt. 19:4).  Within his kingdom there is the evidence of “rightly ordering of relationships.”  I personally don’t see how we can turn the chaos in relationships around.  What is so desperately need are tangible expressions of believers living rightly ordered lives.  They all belong to the “little flock.” Jesus tells us, “Don’t be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32).

So, my advice to the Wildmen of this blog:  Do all in your strength to get your personal house in order, that is, your masculine soul.  Then, go about rightly ordering your relationships with your wife, your children, and your relationships within the church, where Jesus reigns.

This is a personal blog, written after my wife and I  experienced a devastating wind storm that took down dozens of trees on our lake property.  It happened about 2 in the morning.  With the light of dawn we viewed the devastation all around us.  Thankfully our home was spared, but not the silver cabin down by the lake.  We have spent many days cleaning up.  Job 38:1 and 40:6 became a reality for me, “Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm.”  Here is some of what I have learned through this frightening and disconcerting storm.

First, how dependent I am on the Lord.  I have continually cried out for mercy. “Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed” (Ps 57:1).  For me the disaster has not yet passed, but I will stay in the shadow of his wings.  I am not what you would  call “a fix it guy.”  I can do physical work fairly well for a guy who will be 75 in August.  But mechanics is at the bottom of my talent pool.  One night when I could not sleep, I sat in the chair, calling out to the Lord.  Men, this is how you get through a storm – lean upon the Lord like a dependent child.  “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother” (Ps 131:2)

In my dependence I recalled the words, “man up.”  I have used that phrase often in working with men, mainly in our need to rightly order our relationships.  But in my present circumstance I am  learning to “man up” by facing the storm damage one step at a time with God’s help.  With God’s grace I desire to “man up.”  Psalms 107:13 tells us, “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved then from their trouble.”  I have a choice each day – look to the Lord for help  or focus on the physical needs all around me.  The storm exposed  my natural deficiencies as a man.  I can say with Paul, “For when I am weak, then I am strong” (II Cor. 12:10).

It has been a blessing to see God’s hand in our recovery.  At just the right time there would be someone available to help with a project that seemed to big for me.  Just one example.  A man I had recently met here on the lake was working along side the road gathering some fallen pine with his bobcat.  I said I would help him with some of myfallen pines, if he would just take them away.  The job was done in two hours.  For me it was almost like an angelic visit.  The point men is this – When we “man up” and trust him, especially in our weakness we will see the hand of God.  I am giving testimony to this reality.    

Secondly, I have had to taste once again my vulnerability as a man .  Dealing with the physicality of caring for a place in the woods and on the lake is difficult for me.  Other men love it and rise to the occasion.  For myself, my calling is that of  a “monk” at our small retreat house on the lake.  It is very humbling to admit my fear and insecurity as I face each day’s challenges.  But I can honestly say there has been a new freedom in being honest regarding my incapacities. Remember men, you can’t be and do everything. We need to give our incapacities to the Lord.

Recently I came across in interview with James Houston, former teacher of Regent College.  His books and tapes have been very instrumental in my spiritual journey.  He was asked to list the top three needs of the church today.  Since I admire him so much, I want to comment on the three needs he mentioned.

The first need, “is for the church to stop being ‘institutionalized as church and to recover the amateur status of being ‘lovers of God.'”  The presence of “professional trappings” in the church can a stumbling block for men.  I often joked during my 40 years of active, full time ministry as a Lutheran pastor, that I was paid to be good, while other were good for nothing.  In our culture we have put too much emphasis on degrees and titles.  As men we tend to believe position dictates influence.  But position has nothing to do with being a lover of God.  Men celebrate your status as an “amateur.”

In my early 50’s I gave up what I called “The Big Deal,” that is, wanting to be important and recognized in the church.  I have spend to last 25 years wanting to be an ordinary Christian, living an ordinary life as a lover of God.  That has brought me new freedom, allowing me to spend time integrating my inner life, so that I might be more authentic.  I have heard Dr. Houston often say in recorded teachings, “I want to be an honest Christian.”  This implies being a person of  integrity.  He frequently  asked his audience, “Can you be trusted as a Christian?”

The second need, “is for ‘being Christian,’ rather than interpreting our Christian identity in activist terms and programs. For the nature of the triune God is communication, and from this the nature of the Church takes its identity also.”  This is difficult for men.  We are motivated to be doers – to take the initiative, while our wives are the responders.

One of my greatest discoveries over the last 25 years has been to realization that God, the Father through His Son, by the presence of Holy Spirit invites me into the community  of the Trinity.  The essence of the Christian life is relationship – relationship with God, myself and others.  Men, what matters most is not want we accomplish, but how we relate.  As men we each have our unique way of relating.  There is nothing that keep me more humble, then my failure to consistently relate like Jesus in my relationships.

The third need, “is harmonious creative union between men and women in the life and service of the Church, not as rivals, nor as being alienated in ‘politically correct’ behaviors.”  This refers to the  matters of “gender integrity” within the Church.  I call it “rightly ordering spiritual authority.”  In my humble opinion, the only institution in our culture that can model and rescue our nation from the chaos we are experiencing in relating as male and female is the Church.  We have the blue print in Scripture and the Holy Spirit to guide us.  I John 2:27 reminds us, “Christ’s anointing teaches you the truth on everything you need to know about yourself and him, uncontaminated by a single lie” (Message).

So my challenge to the wild men of this blog is this: First, celebrate you status as an “amateur” Christian. by simply being a lover of God  Secondly, always remember that relating rightly is far more important than doing.  And thirdly, love your wife and children.  I met Dr. Houston once.  I asked for one piece of advice.  He said to me, “cherish your wife.”  I never forgot those words.

In my recent reading I came across a new word for my spiritual vocabulary – “Flourishing.”  Andy Crouch in his new book, “Strong and weak” refers to flourishing as being fully alive, “…..not just to survive, but to thrive; not just to exist, but to explore and expand.”  The men who read this blog desire to break out of the conventional, cultural male mindset, into a spiritual space where they are fully alive and fully human.  To be fully alive to the glory of  God is to  flourish. But how do we learn to flourish?

Crouch suggests that flourishing comes from being both strong and weak.  To help us grasp to the nature of this paradox, he introduces a 2×2 chart formed by two axes – authority and vulnerability.  The vertical axis is authority, which Crouch defines as the capacity for meaningful action.  It’s  the difference we make in our particular sphere of influence.  The horizontal axis is vulnerability,  our exposure to meaningful risk.  “The vulnerability that leads to flourishing,” Crouch says,  “requires risk, which is the  possibility of loss – the chance that when we act, we will lose something we value.” The balance of authority and vulnerability lead to flourishing. that is, an “abundant life” (John 10:10), the “life that really is life” (It Tim 6:19).

Crouch can be helpful in our journey as “wild men.”  “We are meant to experience more and more of the full authority intended for human beings, which can never be separated from  vulnerability – the ultimate meaningful risk – of entrusting ourselves to one another and to our Creator.”   Greater authority and greater vulnerability will take us on two challenging  journeys.  The first is the journey of “hidden vulnerability,” the willingness to bear burdens and expose ourselves to risks that no one else can fully see or understand.  The second is sacrifice, “descending to the dead,” the choice to  visit the broken corners of the world and our own heart.

Jesus, of course,was able to hold this elusive paradox in tandem – full authority and full vulnerability – for the sake of those he loved.  Jesus’ authority was evident to everyone, while his vulnerability was more difficult to grasp.  It is Jesus who helps us to flourish.  “We will not restore the world to its intended flourishing by impressive feats of self-improvement.  Instead the restoration of the world flows from the singular human being, Jesus….It is only Jesus, and the Spirit he has sent to empower his people for their redemptive mission in creation, who truly sets us free from the mire of poverty, apathy and tyranny.”

I have spent quite a  bit of time with Crouch’s book in this blog for a reason.  It is a great help with the “tough” and “tender” paradox that I often refer to in these blogs. Men, if we are to flourish, that is, have an abundant life, the paradox of authority (tough) and vulnerability (tender)  will be operative in our lives.  Simply think of your role as husband and father (your domain).  We can make a difference by  embracing servanthood authority, or choose to descend into passivity or the need to  control.  We can learn to  balance  authority, by a hidden vulnerability that will expose us to risk and even failure.  Men are challenged with the question, especially in relationship, “do I have what it takes.”

Remember Jesus came to liberate  us from the dilemma of this paradox.  “That is what the Son of Man has done.  He came to serve, not to be served – and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage” (Mark 10:45 – Message).

Thank you, Mike Huckabee, for giving men this slogan  Thank you for standing up publicly for us.   Huckabee was citing The Washington Post’s findings that of the 990 people shot by police in 2015, 948 were male, 494 were white and 258 were black.  “The pure facts,” observed Huckabee, “…reveal that 94% of those killed by police are men, so by proportional standards… the real movement in America should be ‘Male Lives Matter.'”  Men in our culture are under assault simply for being male. This spells real trouble for our society.

In his book Kingdom Man, Tony Evans notes that 70% of all prisoners come from fatherless homes, as do approximately 80% of all rapists.  71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes, and 63% of all teen suicides occur in homes where fathers were either abusive or absent.  This points to a pandemic.  In an article entitled The End of Men, Hanna Rosin suggests that “man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind.  But for the first time in history , that is changing – and with shocking speed.”  Feminist Camille Paglia has warned, “Masculinity is just becoming something that is imitated from the movies.  There’s nothing left.  There’s no room for anything manly right now.”

The phrase Male Lives Matter speaks to the heart and soul of this blog site.  I am a voice in the wilderness (northern Minnesota) crying out, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight path for him” (Luke 3:4).  I speak as one who has struggled with his own maleness.  I try to stay abreast of the gender wars both within and outside of the church, and have a strong conviction that the church as well as society is becoming feminized. I am disturbed by the many Christian leaders who do not see this clearly.  “Feminization,” states Stephen Clark, “is a worldview, in which a man sees things more from a womanly perspective.”  A feminized man focuses more on how he feels, while trying to be more gentle, handling situations in a “soft” way.  He is more concerned about the approval of others, having a tendency to fear women’s emotions.

I believe many men are living unconsciously in a feminized bubble that needs to be broken.  From my own experience, I can visualize some of the following restraints men experience living in this bubble. 

First and foremost, men, young and old, begin questioning the nature of their own masculine soul.  It is vital for a man to flourish in life, knowing his unique capacity as a man. God took the man, not the woman, “and put him in the Garden of Eden to work  it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15).  Later, God gave him a partner. 

Second, men are being intimidated.  Paliga has said,” This PC gender politics thing… is a very anti-male way, it’s all about neutralization of maleness.”  In the process, men become intimidated, and more reluctant to tell the truth to women regarding their own experiences.

Third, men are questioning their God-given role as husbands and fathers.  This would include such roles as provider, protector, leader and spiritual shepherd.  As a Fatherhood.gov ad says, “There’s no type of love like a dad’s love.” One pastor put it well,  “The true substance of masculine strength is about fighting with the heart, not the fists.  It’s about integrity, sexual fidelity, and promise keeping.” 

Fourth, many men are wondering, “Am I the only man feeling beaten down and devalued for simply being a man?”  I say with all my heart and soul, “NO!”  This blog seeks to help men find their voice and recover their unique story as men.

Recently, Michelle Obama hosted a “United State of Women” summit at the White House.  The schedule featured an interview with the First Lady conducted by Oprah Winfrey.  At one point, Winfrey asked  Mrs. Obama if she has any advice for men.  “Be better” the First Lady replied, and then she reiterated, “Be better at everything.”  She elaborated a bit: “Be better fathers.  Just being good fathers who love your daughters and are providing a solid example of what it means to be a good man in the world.  Showing them what it feels like to be loved.”  I have no problem with this exhortation.  But how do dads do this?  Who will encourage, support and mentor dads?

How does this energize you as a dad?  I must tell you men, the statement “be better”  leaves me as a man feeling like I have been put in my place.  I am told to do better, which I interpret to mean, I have not been doing a very good job.  I am left on my own to figure out how to be a better man.  I get the sense that important female figures, such as the First Lady, are watching to see if I measure up to a their standard.  There is little empathy for “the male struggle” of discerning what does it mean to be a man and father in 2016. Most importantly I feel a spirit of disgust and condescension towards men in general (based on the video clip).  So here is how I would  respond to the First Lady and Oprah.

Speaking for men in our culture, I admit that we need to change.  The feminist movement has made that all to apparent. As a man who wants to be a committed follower of Jesus I feel I am a marked man. I do not fall into lock step with the feminist agenda.  In humility I do not defend how men have behaved in the past. I admit my own failings.  But I sense that the argument has become one sided. The initiative for change is directed towards helping women and girls more then for men and boys.   Women and their daughters seem to be  finding their stride, while boys are falling behind.

As a man I don’t need to be scolded. The First Lady missed a golden opportunity to encourage men.  I need help to be a better man.  Condescension will only drive men further away from the culture debate about men and women.  Women must understand that men may comply in their minds, but in the depths of their soul they will grieve and sink often into a kind of passivity that will not compliment women.  Strong women will wonder where have the strong men gone?

I want vocal, strong women to know that they will not be able to create the new men they are hoping for in the days to come.  Do they really know what is best for  a man?  Be careful, ladies that you don’t insist on men being created in your own image.  Once we lose the equally important role of the male in culture, we are lost.  Have we already come to that tipping  point, where men have surrendered to what is politically correct, going against their God given basic instincts as men?  .

My biggest concern is for men who feel that have been pushed into a corner, either afraid to respond or simply giving into what is political correct.  Women need to encourage men to do their own soul work.  This is best done by men helping other men.