Al and I have been to the Abbey of Gethsemani many times, and Al has visited the grave of Thomas Merton, who was a vital help to Finley. Upon graduation, Finley went to Gethsemani and was to become a priest, but left several years later due to trauma that happened there. He married, had two daughters, taught, led contemplative retreats, and went on for doctrinal studies at the same seminary in California that Al later attended. All the while he was helping others, he had so many deep wounds of his own for which he didn’t seek deep professional help until later in life, after a divorce and remarriage. What surprised me was how God greatly used him even in his deep woundedness to help many. It brought to mind the clay pots that have cracks and holes in them that let the brilliance of light shine through even brighter. We are all on a healing journey, for we all have cracks!
God’s presence can also sustain us through the darkest times, and even awaken us in deeper ways to God’s love and healing power. There are times we are unsure of what is going on and we need discernment, much like in Thomas Merton’s prayer, “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing…” May our desire also be to please the Lord all the days of our lives.
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