I read Ronald Rolheiser’s blog often.  He expresses views outside my comfort zone, yet he has a way of writing that speaks to my soul, especially when it comes to relationships.  A recent blog was entitled “A father’s Blessing.”  He lost his father when he was 23 year old.  But he has admiration for his father.  “Like God’s voice at the baptism of Jesus, he had already communicated to me: ‘You are my son in whom I am well pleased.’ Not everyone is that lucky.  That’s about as much a person may ask from a father.”  

At one point, Rolheiser talks about his “father’s dance.” Since then, I have thought a lot about my dance as a father.  He writes, “Every son watches how his father dances and unconsciously sizes him up against certain things: hesitancy, fluidity, abandonment, exhibitionism, momentary irrationality, irresponsibility. “

Rolheiser remembers, “My father never had much fluidity or abandon in his dance step……I would have traded my father for a dad who had a more fluid dance step……..that is partly my struggle to receive his full blessing. He quotes a line from William Blake’s ‘Infant Sorrow,’ in which he mentions ‘Struggling in my father’s hands.'”  Rolheiser acknowledges, “that means struggling at times with my dad’s reticence to simply let go and drink in life’s full gift.”    

As a father, I wonder how the readers of this blog would describe their “dance.” I know for myself, I now wish I would have been  more fluid in my dance.  I never wondered what my kids thought of my dance. I have, however, regrets for some of my missteps in my dance. As I grew in my role as a father, I became more aware of my children’s needs both spiritually and emotionally.  But I am well aware that I did not have the right steps in communicating the father’s love for my children.

 I have reluctantly reflected on my dance, knowing my kids might have preferred a different expression.  I had my missteps and sloppy expressions.  I encourage each father reading this blog to do likewise.  I know for me, it has been a clarifying experience.  Some day I will ask each of my three children what they thought of my dance.

In this blog, I will express my dance as a coach.  I see at least four characteristics of  dad as a family coach. I have never been a coach,  but as a sports fan, I have always be intrigued by the different styles of coaching.  So, these four points are only from my observation of successful coaches. 

First, dad is the head coach.  He sets the tone and direction of the family.  He takes seriously the responsibility entrusted to him by God to head up the family.  I was the head coach of my team of five.  I was accountable for how well we played.

Secondly, the family plays the game within the rules.  For me it was vital that we followed the guidelines of scripture, even when it hurt.  We’re in the game of live.  It is my task to make sure we know how to live.  We are to live for the glory of God.  Period!  

Thirdly, take a personal interest in each player.  Each of my three children were unique gifts of God given to my wife and I to prepare for adult life. We help our children see their giftedness and abilities. Celebrate their successes.

Fourthly, encourage the team to finish strong.  Never, never give up coaching the team. There will be bumps and bruises along the way.  But in Jesus you will as a family come out victorious.  

Helen Andrews had a very insightful article in Compact entitled, “The Great Feminization.” She theorizes, “Cancel culture is simply what women do whenever there are enough of them in a given organization or field.” She is applying feminine patterns of behavior in institutions where women were few in number until recently.  Andrews observes, “Everything you think of as wokeness involves prioritizing the feminine over the masculine: empathy over rationality, safety over risk, cohesion over competition.” 

Could this be overstated.  Maybe!  According to Joy Pullmann we are experiencing a “swap.”  “We have feminization where there should be masculinity, and masculinization where there should be femininity.”  Women are pushed to act like men and men to act like women. The result suggests Pullmann is, “social transgenderism,” making men and women dysfunctional.  Instead of being too feminine, “women are not feminine enough, and men are not masculine enough.”  I agree with Pullmann that men have violated, “their natural male duty to protect the weak.”  “Men need” notes Pullman, “to shed their internalized transgender roles just as much as women do.”

Andrews goes on to state, “Female group dynamics favor consensus and cooperation.  Men order each other around; but women can only suggest and persuade.  Any criticism or negative sentiment……needs to be buried in layers of compliments.  The outcome of a discussion is less important than the fact that a discussion was held and everyone participated in it.  The most important sex difference in group dynamics is the attitude to conflict…..men wage conflict openly while women covertly undermine or ostracize their enemies.” 

“Men” according  Andrews, “tend to be better at compartmentalizing than women, and wokeness was in many ways a society-wide failure to compartmentalize.” Men tend to reconcile more readily with opponents and learn to live in peace, while women are slower to reconcile in conflict. 

Andrews goes so far as to believe the Great Feminization is a threat to civilization. Others, of course, believe it is more “an organic result of women outcompeting men.” But could it be more the artificial result of social engineering.  Andrews wonder if the window to do something about the Great Feminization is closing.  If wokeness is the result of demographic feminization, then it will never be over as long as the demographics remain unchanged. 

I have written about the feminizing of men since the early days of this blog.  I credit Leanne Payne for opening my eyes.  When  men do not lead, take responsibility, and initiate, they surrender their position in family and society.  Women who were not meant to lead or initiate will fill the void.  The result will be women being in the wrong place not able to give proper leadership.

Part of the solution for wokeness in our culture is  godly men receiving their affirmation as men from their heavenly Father.  There is a hole in the soul; an ache that is always felt, when men live as orphans away from home.  We all are prodigals  until we come home and hear the voice of our heavenly Father say, “You are my son in whom I delight.” 

The result will be affirmed men. They are secure in their gender identity and role.  In the tension  between the genders men can express “fairness” rather than harden resolve on positions. They appreciate the opposite in the feminine, celebrating equally gifted and empowered women who complement their masculine.  They see women as their equal, being fulfilled their femininity.  Rather than scapegoating, men will assume their leadership responsibilities.  Affirmed men are able to navigate “the gender wars” because they are submitted to the God who made male and female.