“The tonic of masculinity” caught my attention while reading an article by Bill Donaghy about  men.   “If we have been steeped in the lies of porn, if we’ve let ourselves be defined by the hashtag “toxic masculinity”, then we have work to do,” declares Donaghy.  He exhorts us to, “go back to the beginning to discover that primordial call to the tonic of masculinity ! (my emphasis) 

The intention of toxic masculinity is to deny and do away with what is the natural strength of men, which is, of course, expressed differently in each man.  While it is true that men need to live in the awareness of how their natural male strength has done great of harm to women since the fall, our task today, as never before is to  walk humbly with our Lord, asking Him for the grace and mercy to rightly exercise our place in the social order as God intended it.  We must not deny who we are.

As C. S. Lewis so famously said, “In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function.  We make men without chest and expect of them virtue and enterprise….we castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” The challenge becomes that of knowing how our strength and passion as men, can be used of God, rather then being misdirected into harmful, and even destructive patterns of behavior.  We have to do this work, without the help of the dominant culture.

To meet this challenge in the gender wars of our time, men need to be able to receive by faith the gift of their God given masculinity ( being a man).  After God made both in his image we read, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good” (Gen 1:31).  Because of the contemporary narrative, which is highly critical of maleness, men will need help in being affirmed in their masculine roles as being “very good.” 

Pope Benedict XVI gave this wise pastoral advise for men.  “Man comes to the profoundest sense to himself not through what he does but through what he accepts.  He must wait for the gift of love, and love can only be received as a gift……One must wait for it, let it be given to one.  And one cannot become wholly man in any other way than by being loved, by letting oneself be loved….”

These are words of gold, offering tonic for many men living in shame and disillusionment.  Let me brake this statement down.   May these words sink into your soul and help you rise up with new tonic for your masculine soul.

First,  spiritual tonic cannot be applied to the crisis in masculinity by relying on our effort.  Men simply cannot fix their problem. The culture also cries out to men, “fix your problem.”  We can’t do it.  We are part of Adam’s fallen race.  Let this sink in – men need to learn to receive.  It is by the grace of God that we are given to capacity to change.

Second, even more difficult is the necessity of waiting.  God is able to mold and make us into the men we are intended to be.  Let this sink in – it is a process.  I personally know.  God has been reshaping me for over many years.    

Thirdly, always remember that you are his “beloved.”  Let this sink in – it about receiving love.  Like the Pope said, “one cannot become wholly man in any other way than be being loved, by letting oneself be loved….”  There is nothing we can do expect to receive the gift.   

I spend time daily on the internet, reading news sources and Christian blog sites to make some sense out of our world.  I also am on the look out for articles regarding masculinity, to help me better articulate a healthy male perspective for men and their walk with Jesus.

Every once in a while, I find a new source to help me to write helpful blog for men.  A recent find has been Alastair Roberts, who blog at Alastair’s Adversaria.  He is worth following.  In one of his blog he reflected on the no win situation men find themselves with the feminist view of patriarchy. 

For the feminist, the problem for men is toxic masculinity and  the dismantling of patriarchy.  “Feminists believe,” maintains Roberts, “if men could deal with their weakness, shame, and vulnerability….we could do away with patriarchy.”  They believe men are shaped by damaging messages for their past. 

But for many men the feminist demands are emasculating.  Men many express openness about their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and yet face hostility for  “developing genuine strength.”  Male strength can be a threat.  “Male cultures that celebrate and accentuate male strength are a direct threat to women’s advancement.”   

Men are realizing that focusing  on their faults and weaknesses, “comes at the cost of both alienation from and pathologizing of their own manly strength of agency.”  Men can  easily develop a poor image of themselves as a man.  

Women are portrayed as passive victims of patriarchy.  “This enables them to hold men accountable,” notes Roberts, “to lay blame for problems at their door, and to expect then to turn everything around.”  The responsibility for men can seem negative, since men are the ones that assume blame and are expected to bring about a new paradigm of relationships between men and women 

I appreciate the argument Roberts makes for men having to assume both guilt and responsibility for the unhealthy patriarch of the past.  The following in my opinion is very insightful: “Responsibility always comes attached to blame, as a law that sets up it recipient for condemnation and failure.  The result is a shame and guilt-inflected vision of masculinity, one in which men are always being held capable,  yet have relatively little ways in which they can enjoy the dignity of a positive responsibility.” 

I have three comments regarding shame and responsibility.  First, I am committed to helping men to walk comfortably with the Lord, in the midst of our contemporary “gender wars.”  I am simply a voice crying in the wilderness,  for men to come in  from the darkness of shame and self-loathing, to bask in the light of our Heavenly Father saying to men, “You are my beloved.”  Be affirmed in your god-given masculine self, period.  Receive this as your inheritance in the Lord.  He will help you stand with other brothers.

Secondly, Robert’s word are convicting to me.  I repent and ask for forgiveness if I have in any way shamed a man into making attempts to be anything other than who God has created him to be.  You are unique and have your assignment from the Lord.  Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how you are to celebrate your god-given masculinity.

Thirdly, this is a cry to men to stand tall in their unique masculinity and be responsible.  We get our marching order from the Lord himself, and not from the feminist agenda for men.  We are to give it all up for Jesus.  “Those who love their life in this world will lose it.  Those who despise their life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25).