Self-censorship is on the rise according to a new Cato Institute survey that reports nearly two-thirds of Americans are afraid to share their political views.  “31% of liberals, 30% of moderates and 34% of conservatives are worried their political views could get them fired or harm their careers,” the Cato survey stated.  “There has been shifts across the board, where more people among all political groups feel they are walking on eggshells,” the survey found, adding, “majorities of Democrats (52%), independents (59%) and Republicans (72%) who all agree they have political opinions they are afraid to share.”

In the midst of this self-censoring, white conservative Robert George and liberal African American Cornel West have issued a joint appeal to their fellow Americans, “to unite the country, we need honesty and courage.”   This ideological odd couple because of their own long friendship, believe, “honesty and courage alone can save our wounded, disunited country now.”   

They believe, “We need the honesty and courage to speak the truth – including painful truths that unsettle not only our foes but also our friends and, most especially, ourselves.”  This statement is sure convicting to me.  Even more so are these words, “We need the honesty and courage to recognize the faults, flaws and failings of even the greatest of our heroes – and to acknowledge our own faults, flaws and failings.”  

Here is more of what they had to say, “We need the honesty and courage not to compromise our beliefs or go silent on them out of desire to be accepted, or  our of fear of being ostracized, excluded, or canceled.”

“We need the honesty and courage to consider with an open mind and heart points of view that challenge our beliefs – even our deepest, most cherished identity-forming beliefs.  We need the intellectual humility to recognize our own fallibility – and that, too, requires honesty and courage.”

These two men are putting before us a real challenge.  Their cry: “We need the honesty and courage to speak the truth.”  But how do we go about speaking the truth of the gospel, while doing it with honesty and courage in the culture that is so divided. 

I thought of the words of Jesus in Mark 13:11 when He tells his disciples  they will have difficulty. “When they bring you, betrayed, into court, don’t worry about what you’ll say.  When the time comes, say what’s on your heart – the Holy Spirit will make his witness in and through you” (Mark 13:11 MGS).  

These words should give us hope of staying in the battle.  We need  to remember that it is about Jesus not our agenda.  The Message puts it this way – “I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven  to impress God” ( Gal 2:20 MSG).   

 Jesus is the truth  (John 8:32). That  is settled,  Our aim should be to give witness to His reign in the earth  of which we are a part.  This should give us confidence to be honest and have courage.  Jesus promised help.  “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth.  He will not be presenting his own ideas, he will be telling you what he has heard” (John 16:13).   

Lord, help us to stay in the battle for you. Remember – “Make the most of every opportunity.  Be gracious in your speech.  The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (Col 4:5-6 MSG).   

The lack of healthy male relationships is a subject not easily discussed in our culture. If you were to google “loneliness” you would find loneliness among men, especially today, to be a public health crisis. Men tend to live in isolation, while women overall more readily connect with other women. This leaves men alone to suffer in their shame, not knowing how to deal with whatever inner pain there may be.

One counselor who works with men gave the following five reasons why loneliness among men is a worsening epidemic that is “literally killing” men: 1) Men fear appearing weak, 2) Men don’t talk about their feelings, 3) Many aren’t comfortable being vulnerable, 4) Hypermasculine assertiveness, and 5) Few bonding opportunities. I want to address this last point.

In the church, men get mixed messages about what a man is supposed to be. Jesus can be portrayed along a continuum from being super-sensitive and caring to being like the warrior portrayed in Revelation 19. In the age of “toxic masculinity,” men in the church have learned to hide behind their protective emotional shields, afraid to express whatever confusion, sadness, anger, or loneliness there may be. Men have been emotionally wounded by the gender wars and don’t know how to process their pain. The festering wounds spill over into dysfunctional relationships with those who are closest to them, especially within the family.

Some “churched” men have “forfeited their souls” to the feminist rant for a new masculine. They have been shamed into being emasculated men, unable to express any genuine masculine strength – often for fear of being called a bigot. Men are caught in the double bind of being shamed for being a man, while being told they have not been responsible in addressing male patriarchy.

Men need intergenerational male communities of brothers and fathers where soul talk among men is normal conversation. Here, men can be heard as they risk telling their stories of navigating life through the good, the bad, and the ugly. “Celebrate Recovery” (look it up on Google) gives good guidance: “Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.”

Men can learn to “fight for each other’s hearts.” A good watchword would be Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Alastair Roberts makes this observation regarding gatherings of men: “Male groups tend to broad and shallow: larger numbers of persons, but typically less intimate and closely bonded… Male groups have a greater tendency to socialize and bond around agency, ritual, action and competition… We principally bond through sharing ideas, activities, arguments, and obsessions, not through sharing feelings, personal narrative or secrets.”

While the church needs to provide opportunities for men to grow spiritually through activities together, there is a real need to provide space for men to process their journey with other men. It will take time and practice to move beyond “agency, ritual, action, and competition.” In the days to come, men will need to find and have brothers who stay with them in the battle.

If you are a man who is caught in the dark web of loneliness, you may feel like a lost sheep. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, knows your need. Tell him your honest need and ask him to direct you to a group. The big step is to reach out and make yourself available to a group of men. He knows your need and will provide the opportunity. But you will need to be vulnerable.