Recently I read an article entitled, “The solution to the ‘Emotional Labor’ problem.” It convicted me as a husband, married to the same woman for 60 years to be more “tenderhearted.”  Paul gives this exhortation in Eph 4:32, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Eph 4:32 NLT).  I’m also reminds in Col 3:12 of being clothed “with tenderhearted mercy.” The Message makes clear my need to be dressed in the proper wardrobe relationally with my wife. “So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline” (Col. 3:12 MSG).  I wonder how many of married men need to work on their emotional wardrobe at home.  I am challenged to do so, most every day.

The article quotes a little known British singer-songwriter, Paris Paloma’s song “labor” which skyrocketed in popularity in the UK.   The lyrics include: “All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid/ Nymph, then a virgin, nurse, then a servant/ Just an appendage, live to attend him/ So that he never lifts a finger/ 24/7 baby machine/ So he can live out his picket-fence dreams/ It’s not an act of love if you make her/ You make me do too much labor.”  One review observed, “the song’s explosive, furious lyrics struck a chord with millions of young women at the end of their tether who have used the track to share their own experiences of misogyny, and the need for an avenue to direct the fury that’s been smoldering inside them.”    

It sure made me wonder if I was guilty of causing my wife to carry an “emotional load.”  Social scientist Katie Jgln is quoted, “It’s not just the amount of domestic labor that women in relationships with men have to do that exhausts us – it’s all the emotional and cognitive labor too.”  She describes the burdens of maintaining relationships with men, usually includes, “regularly checking on their day and feelings, being mindful of their changing moods and regulating your emotions accordingly, or even helping them out in their relationships with other people.”  

The assumption is that men cannot be trusted to manage their own emotions.  Men are viewed as failing to adequately process their emotions – so that women must pick up the slack.  There is a fine line when women are taught to accept as their duty from an early age – keeping the peace while not upsetting their partner.  But this “emotional monitoring” can be a tiresome effort to keep the peace in a relationship.   

The author of the article, Emily Starr Kwilinski sees a better way of dealing with the issues of “emotional Labor.”  “Rather than accepting unhealthy relationship patterns, women can choose to let go of culturally conditioned distrust.  We can put down emotional burdens that aren’t ours to carry, stepping forward into the kind of self-respect that allows men and women to relate to one another more freely.”

I thought of Paul’s words in Eph 4:2-3, “Always be humble and gentle.  Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.  Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”  

Lord, help us as men to graciously carry our emotional load in marriage and not expect our wives to “fix” what only God can heal in our broken male hearts.  Help us to be “grown men” who can face our relational faults, being humble enough to admit we fail to be “tenderhearted” because of our immature attitudes to our wives.  Paul reminds us, “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph 6:28) 

Jeremiah was called by God to be a prophet.  He became known as “the weeping prophet” because his words of warning were never accepted.  He expresses his exasperation. “Oh, that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people.” (Jer. 9:1) He had a front row seat to the judgment of God upon his own people.

God gave him a  daunting assignment. “I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant” (Jer. 1:9-10).  He was to  warn both nations and kingdoms of  coming judgment.  But, he was forewarned, “they did not listen or pay attention;  they were stiff-necked and would not listen or respond to discipline” (Jer. 17:23).  He had to live with the consequences of a rejected message.  He cried, “Oh, my anguish, my anguish!  I writhe in pain.  Oh, the agony of my heart!  My heart pounds within me. I cannot keep silent.” (Jer. 4:19).  He know what was coming. “For I have heard the sound of the trumpet; I have heard the battle cry.” (v 21). 

He message only hardened their hearts. “But these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts; they have turned aside and gone away.” (Jer. 5:23)  It was not easy for the prophet to say, “They are all hardened rebels, going about to slander. They are bronze and iron; they all act corruptly.” (Jer. 6:28) 

Imagine if what you had to speak as God’s messenger to people who were characterized as “bronze and iron.”  Jeremiah, however had to accept his mission as a “tester of metals.” (Jer 6:27)  This seems like a thankless job.  But He had God’s  assurance, “Today I  have made you a fortified city, and iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land…….They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” (Jer 1:18-19)

One phrase used by Jeremiah is the word “backsliding.”  The implication was the spiritual life of the people was going backward, not forward in the Lord.  They were not listening to the call of God to move forward in obedience.  Rather they had become enculturated in accommodating their belief and practice with the popular culture.  “Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you; Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me.” (Jer2:19). “‘You have rejected me,'” declares the Lord.  “‘You  keep on backsliding.  So I will lay hands on you and destroy you.  I can no longer show compassion.'” (Jer. 15:6). The Lord continued to call the people back. “Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.” (Jer. 3:22)

 One way Jeremiah visualized turning back, was for the people to break up their heartened hearts.  “Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns.  Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, circumcise your hearts” (Jer. 4:5)  Hosea painted a similar picture,  “Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you” ( Hosea 10: 12).  The people were not paying attention to their hearts. 

I wonder with all the talk of a “new vibe” in our culture, if we don’t need  to go deeper, plowing up the hardness of our hearts?  How far have we backslidden, with hardened hearts.  The “new vibe” is only temporary.