Like many of you, my bride and I engage in pillow talk as we drift off to sleep.  It typically covers a wide array of subjects.  Never are the conversations very long since we’re both usually tired.  On one particular night, though, my wife simply stated, “You really have been changing.”  I was totally caught off guard. 

So, of course, I asked, “Where do you see that happening?”  Below is a summary of what she said.  And while it is positive, it also reflects where I haven’t been at my best: 1) being more sensitive, 2) willing to help more, 3) putting her down less, 4) offering more words of endearment, 5) telling her she’s needed in my life, and 6) more willing to seek forgiveness. 

That was the list volunteered by my wife. Your wife’s list might be very different from mine.  But hopefully we’re all in the process of becoming more of who we ought to be as husbands and life partners.  Men, this comes after 55 years of marriage. But our recent pillow talk was like “honey” to my soul.  “Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Prov. 16:24).   

When someone close offers unsolicited feedback regarding positive relational change, it tastes like honey. Why?  Because it was the Lord working in our lives, bringing the change, without our awareness that we’re really making progress.  That, men, is real change. 

On another note, here’s a short list of what I still need to continue working on with my bride: 1) justifying myself, 2) tending to blame, 3) ignoring her, 4) doing things out of my own strength, and 5) being insensitive to her emotional needs.  What’s on your list?

Here are five challenges in my spiritual life that I now see are helping me become a better husband, even after all these years.

First, becoming more aware that Jesus is at the center of all my life, beyond all the clutter and distortion.  Col. 3:3 tells us, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Thomas Keating observes, “Instead of going away, God simply moves downstairs, so to speak, and waits for us to come and join him.” I am often reluctant to go into the basement because of all my dirty linen.  

Secondly, knowing more that I am accepted and loved even at my worst. “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love (I John 4:18 NLT).   Because I am loved, I can come out of hiding and lovingly engage with my wife. 

Thirdly, allowing my diseased attitudes and distorted images to be brought into the light.  I need to see them for what they are and how they affect my relationship with my wife. 

Fourthly, learning to share what comes into awareness without having to dig up the past, but rather acknowledging what is right before me.  It may not make sense to my male understanding, but I need to say what I am experiencing here and now.  My wife needs to hear it, because she has felt the effects in our relationship. 

Fifthly, and most importantly, confessing my sins to Judy and seeking her forgiveness.  I do this by praying with her, so she can forgive me and I can hear her declare that I am forgiven.  Men, we are not very good at forgiving ourselves. It is a real release to hear it from your wife.   

Men, when we look for signs of God’s displeasure with our declining culture, a recent tweet from the ALCU gives one pause: “On International Women’s Day, here’s your reminder that trans women are women.”  This proclamation declares that a biological man who thinks himself to be a woman is, in fact, a woman.  In a follow-up tweet, the ALCU then says almost in defiance to any opposition, “No one gets to tell us what it means to be a woman.  Not our bosses.  Not the government.”  “So, take that!” is the inference.  In response, Glenn Stanton notes in The Daily Citizen™, “What we have going on here is a redefinition of the word and its redefiners are being dishonest about this fact.  The trans prefix itself proves the point. It…literally means “Not a female, but feels he is.”  Even though the Oxford English Dictionary defines a woman as an “adult female human being,” the ACLU wants to reserve the right to define transwomen as women.  But as Stanton states, “They do not have the right to change that important and fundamental definition for everyone else.”  He ends by saying, “To resist their efforts is called reason. Calling it transphobic is not a counterargument.  It’s just name-calling.”

Men, this is an attempt to change our view of reality by simply stating a woman can also be a man.  The ACLU’s statements attempt to create an “objective” view of reality – but they fall short. The written Word of God offers a different view of reality: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (II Tim. 3:16-17).  

“The word Paul uses indicates not that Scripture itself or its human authors were breathed into by God, but that the Scripture was brought into existence by the breathing out by God” (Bible Speaks Today).  Simply put, these are the words God has given us to live by.  Jesus himself declared, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matt. 3:4).  I well remember memorizing these passages in the early 1960’s while attending a Bible school in southern California.  Little did I realize how important my commitment to making the Scriptures the final authority in all matters of faith and life would be.

My wife and I survived the turbulent 60’s, began our family, and ministered as a clergy couple for 40 years. Through it all the Bible has been a reliable guide, giving us a clear view of reality in a growing spiritual wasteland.  For 55 years, Judy and I have committed to learning and teaching Scripture.  As Isaiah says, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11). 

I humbly encourage you to make the Bible your “go to” on all matters of faith and practice.  After following the Lord for over 60 years through some significant cultural upheaval, I challenge you to: 

• First, submit your thinking to the authority of Scripture.
• Second, integrate and apply Scripture to your life.
• Third, check all other views of reality against what the Scriptures teach.

The more I dig, the more I explore the claims of other religions, and the more I seek the God of truth in the midst of it all, the more I find that the scriptures reveal truth, and it is the truth that sets us free.