Category: Wildman Journey (Page 81 of 85)

When a man moves beyond the threshold, where by faith he  begins to  move from that which is within his control, where he had some understanding, where he could rely on some familiar signposts, and now begins to sink into his heart, he will now be out of control, sometimes in darkness, and will not often understand.  It will be one of the most difficult aspects of the contemplative journey.  Our mind will rebel and sometimes almost flee from going into that which is unknown.   We have been conditioned by what Robert Mulholland calls a “objectivizing, informational-functional culture.”  He quotes Parker Palmer – “We are well-educated people who have been schooled in a way of knowing that treats the world as an object to be dissected and manipulated, a way of knowing that gives us power over the world….[We] have used [our] knowledge to rearrange the world to satisfy [our] drive for power, distorting and deranging life rather than loving it for the gift it is.”  We become “graspers,” “manipulators,” and “controllers.”  All of this dies a slow death on the contemplative path. 

Coming to the place of letting go and sinking into our hearts, will produce fear.  I can not say it too strongly, men.  We will have to face our fears.  Our mind which does so much analyzing, judging and labeling will have to come to rest in God.   But there is good news about this fear.   You are not your feelings or your thoughts about your feelings.  Fearful thoughts are all part of our false self.  The reaction of fear is based not on reality, but our subjective view of our circumstances.  Remember fear is a deep inner emotion that we would rather not face.  For me to realize that I could face my deepest fears and know that they were not part of my true self in Christ was truly freeing.  Thomas Keating reminds us, “Fear…as an emotion, is not us.  When we say, ‘I’m afraid,’ this is not true.  We should rather say, ‘I have feelings of fear.'”  It is vital to understand that we are able in the silence of “sinking” into our hearts to become disconnected from our  feelings.  We become observers of our emotions, rather then letting them define us. A key verse in this whole process of learning to deal with fear is I John.  “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love”  ( I John 4:18).  When we sink into our hearts, we are sinking into the love of God that will bring us to peace and rest

What has helped me tremendously is to come to the understanding that when I am in Christ I am also in relationship to myself.  That is, I have the ability in Christ to observe myself through my relationship with Him.  I can see myself through a new set of eyes; my spiritual eyes. This means that from a spacious place provided by my union with Christ within my hearts, I am able to look objectively at all my diseased emotions and distorted thinking.  “Christ’s anointing teaches you the truth on everything you need to know about yourself and him, uncontaminated by a single lie.  Live deeply in what you were taught” ( I John 2:27 –  The Message).

So in regards to my fear of letting go and being in the darkness of not knowing,  I can learn to just rest in this state.  With the help and discernment of the Holy Spirit I can see  the reactions  of my false self  wanting to take over the spiritual agenda of my spiritual journey.  Remember the words of Paul when He tells us, “Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them – living and breathing God!  Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life” (Romans 8:7 –  The Message).  Beyond the threshold, God is helping us to get beyond the obsession with ourselves.

So my encouragement to that one man who is struggling to go forth, being lead by the Spirit, following the desire and yearning to experience to love of God, remember that your mind wants to be in control.  It will put up a big fight.  Your mind will react in a number of negative ways, causing your emotions to bring you into a grip of fear and anxiety.  But this is not your true self in Christ.  You are being lead by the Spirit to move beyond the practice of simply thinking about God and practicing spiritual habits.  God want you to come to rest in his love, allowing you to experience a spacious place within where you can observe the patterns of your old nature, learning to let them go, and embrace the knowledge that comes through love.  Don’t give up, my friend!!!  Stay on the journey.  The darkness and the unknown needs to be a part of your experience.  God desires impart to you His life, that is beyond thinking and normal experience

I have been away from Canaan for the past two weeks.  We have been with family.  At present we are baby sitting our three grandchildren in Olathe, Ks. for a week.  So I feel a little out of the flow.  The posts I have been doing about a Father who delights in us, takes some reflection time for me.  I sense there is a message I need to get out (almost like  birthing).  For me it is hard work.  There is a part of me that wants to forget this birth processing.  But at this stage in my life, I sense this is the next step of obedience me.  I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that I would be writing on a blog site.  But here I am, for any one out there in cyberspace to read what I have to say.  One thing I am convinced of  –  God isforming  a new message for our post-modern age that is taking many different expressions.  My burden is to help men grow spiritually.  God is calling forth a new generation of men, who are being shaped by a journey that is taking them deep into their hearts, having come to realize that they have lived on the surface, that is their head (the control tower), for too long.   

Since I have been away from what I call our semi-monastic, I will pick up on the Father’s delight in us men next weeek.  Today I would like to make some brief comments regarding the Super Bowl ads.  I just was amazed at all the material the ads presented  men to consider regarding the preception of the modern male in America.  Remember people watch the super bowl just for the ads.  There is a great deal of thought put into what will reach the psyche of men.  I would even suggest that if you belong to a group of men, that you would view some of the ads, discussing them from a biblical point of view.  These ads should demonstrate beyond a doubt that there is great confusion about the masculine in our culture.  Men desperately need to gather together to once again find their “masculine soul” as they cry out to their heavenly Father for clarity.

Here are comments that I gathered from the Internet chatter.  Believe me, there is plenty of it regarding these ads.  This is a golden opportunity for men to engage the culture to debunk the message that is presented.  Here are some of the comments:  “Portraits of men in embarrassing situations led to a larger theme in this year’s super bowl ads. – the emasculated male in tough economic times”   –   “Chrysler’s dodge charger ad.  featured shots of various men with voiceovers narrating promises to ther wives. ‘I will put the seat down’ or ‘ I will say yes when you want me to say yes.'”  -Flo-TV has an ad that portrayed an emasculated man in one of its spots.  A narrator introduced a character whose, “girlfriend has removed his spine, making him incapable of watching the game.”  The ad ended with a very clear message to men, “change out of that skirt.”  One of my favorite lines was from Dove soap. The ad. wants men to be “comfortable in their own skin.”  There seems to be an appeal to a more nurturing and caring man with the phrase “men and care.”  The day after the game, I bought USA Today.  There was a whole page ad for dove.  It said, “It’s about time you had a reason to sing in the shower.” Well, there you have it.  Just a sample of all their is to discuss. 

I for one was thrilled by the ads.  It was an expression of our wayward culture in full display trying to address the issue of maleness in our culture.  I do not know how the average male in America is able to find his way in such a confusing spiritual, moral and psychological swamp as our culture has become.  There needs to be a light, a compass and a voice to get us out of this swamp.  The light is Jesus, the compass in God’s word and the voice is the Holy Spirit, especially speaking in the midst of committed men who are crying out to God in one voice, “We want to get back our hearts.”   So men consider these ads as a prophetic call to men to get down to the business in recovering their masculine soul.  Be encouraged that what you are sensing in your heart for change is from God. “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Prov. 20:7).  Give yourself permission to trust the inclinations of your heart.  Also be assured that God is working among men today in a new way. “The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being” (Prov. 20:27)

I would like to start this post with a quote from Thomas Merton, “In prayer we discover what we already have.  You start from where you are and you deepen what you already have, and you realize you are already there.  We already have everything but we don’t know it and don’t experience it.  Everything has been given to us in Christ.  All we need is to experience what we already possess”  Wow, that says a lot about what I am trying to say when a man steps through over the threshold, surrendering “the clinging mind’s” need to know and be in control.  One of the scriptures that I came back to often were the last words of Jesus in John 17:26.  To me this absolute key verse in understanding the contemplative journey.  “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”  Jesus makes the love of the Father real to us, while abiding in our hearts

At this point I want  to give a word of assurance to that one man out there  to  whom I am writing.  It is to give assurance that you do not have to “leave your brains” at the door or somehow have to turn off your capacity to think.  What I am advocating along with so many others on the contemplative path is for a balance.  We have become in Western culture, mostly “thinking” persons.  Having a clear grasp of sound doctrine based on Scripture is our framework. You can’t have a spirituality floating in midair, which by the way, is true of a lot of spiritualities of our day.  They are not grounded in reality.  For me reality is found in the revelation of God in Christ and give witness to in Scripture.  That is reality.   But we have become overbalanced.  We have forgotten the heart.  The heart is the intuitive-imaginative function of our  deeper mind.  You could say that we should think of the “heart-mind” or visualize two minds – one rational, the other intuitive.  We need to think this way because of the great split that has occured between the two.  The contemplative seeks to bring about a balance and harmony between the two.  There is not a duality in understanding the deep of the human heart. 

Have said that, let use the next two paragraphs in giving two images of this deeper, inner life, what one author called “the homeland,” that you are entering when you venture across the threshold.  The first is the realization that you are in the river of God’s love.  The Spirit is described as “flowing water” and “as a spring inside you” (John 4:10-14) or at tht end of Revelation as a “river of life” (Rev 22:1-2).  Our task is to trust the river.  We don’t have to control or ever understand at times, but simply allow.  So don’t push the river or even try to creat the river.  It is already flowing from the heart of God.  “Faith does not need to push the river precisely because it is able to trust that there is a river.  The river is flowing; we are in it” (Rohr).  The river is God’s love.  Guess what we are to learn to do.  Float!!!  Yes, float.  I have spent years learning to float.  Learning to float has brought me to rest in the love of God.  It is like the Nestle plunge of years ago, when the man just fell backwards in the pool.  So I am learning to “relax” and just fall into the river of God’s love.

The second image is that of a sponge in the ocean.  This comes from Martin Laird.  The depths of the human are like the sponge in the ocean.  “The sponge looks without and sees ocean; it looks within and sees ocean.  The sponge is immersed in what at the same time flows through it.  The sponge would not be a sponge were this not the case…..the more we realize we are one with God the more we become ourselves, just as we are, just as we were created to be.  The Creator is outpouring love, the creation, the love poured out.”  This is a very freeing image for me.  I am immersed in the love of God.  For years I had a fear of God’s real presence.  I felt shame and guilt.  I had a lot of self-pity and even self-hatred.  But on the contemplative journey I have come more and more to rest in the love of God for me.  Again remember “God does not love you as you should be, but as you are.”  That is very freeing.

In this post I want again to start with a quote.  This is from William Shannon, “Wordless prayer…..is humble, simple, lowly, prayer in which we experience our total dependence on God and our awareness that we are in God.  Wordless prayer is not an effort to ‘get anywhere,’ for we are already there (in God’s presence).  It is just that we are not  sufficiently conscious of our being there.”  When you are either at the threshold or have now gone through, you are being drawn by the voice of love.  You are there in the presence of love.  Remember it learning to receive this love, not try to analyze or experience love in a certain way.  Just sit there and receive love.  Two of the sure indicators that you are being drawn beyond your usual way of relating to God is first;  the realization that the manner in which you have related to God no longer bring satisfaction.  This is an indication that God is calling you to a different place.  You are being called to leave the safety of the familiar. It is the call to come home.   Many pull back at this point.  The second indicator is the presence of an underlying peace.  Even though you might feel confused, uncertain and even somewhat fearful, there is an unlying peace that you should keep the journey.  Benner makes the interest observation that “the thing we fear the most is what we need to most.”  Of cours, that is the love of God.  A third indictor is the awareness that you can’t go back.  Don’t go back.  Stay there with you gaze upon Jesus.  Make Psalm 27: 4 and Psalm 105:4 your daily prayer.

In a real sense you are leaving the known and going into the “unknown.”  It is like leaving the old country for a new country.  Be assured that someone else is holding you and guiding you. Remember you are coming home.   Paul are reminds us, “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him’ (I Cor 2:9).  There is much more to reality then you had assumed with your small, isolated, ego-centered minds.  With the mind you have only material eyes to see what is there.  You can get caught up in a “mass cultural trance’  (Rohr)  that causes you to accept the illusions of your own thinking and the culture as reality. You are trapped in a kind of normalcy which says “this is the way it is.”  God is now trying to “wake” you up to what is really there.  He wants you to have spiritual eyes.  You could say that you need to have your spiritual lens cleansed so you can see.  You cannot do this on your own.  You have to allow it to be done to and for you 

Richard Rohr calls this movement the gaining of a “beginner’s mind.”  It involves knowledge that can be felt. He compares it to the first experience of learning for an infant.  It is primarily felt in the body (kinesthetic knowing).  The child knows self by being held and gazed upon by the mother. It infant and mother are not separate but one.   It is not seen, heard or thought.  It’s felt.  It is beyond words and discrption.  It just is.  Similarly God wants us to know him in the same “felt” way.  No separation with our mind but oneness at the heart level.  Our problem is that we are dualistic.  We are split from our hearts, where we experience knowing God’s love.  Instead of usual comparing, judging, and controlling  of our minds, we simple learn to rest in the love of God.  In this regard I have found real comfort in Psalm 130:2, “But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.”   

So in this post, I want to assure that one man who I am writing for, that going through the threshold might be rather frightening.  It sure was for me.  All my fears, the illusions of my mind, and the protective attitudes of my fragile ego all cried out to stop and turn back to the familiar.  I was not comfortable with not knowing and walking in the darkness.  It could be that you will pull back at times.  That’s o.k.  But go through again and again.  Learn to stay for a longer period of time.  This is sacred space beyond ordinary normalcy.  Be assured that if you have your gaze upon Jesus, trusting that He is bringing you home to the Father by the presence of the Holy Spirit, and if you are storing up basic promises  from scripture for assurance, and if you hold unto the Apostles’ Creed as your statement of faith, and if you are seeking out the fellowship of like-minded pilgrims, you are being lead by the Spirit of love.  Make Eph 3:16-20 your daily prayer.  Don’t let some well-meaning man or woman who has not crossed the threshold, hold you back with some kind of nonsense about “new age thinking.”  I have fought many of those battles over the years. My journey began as a Lutheran.  Then I embraced fully the evangelical movement.  I have been deeply involved in the charismatic movement.  They are all still a part of my journey.  But it has been the contemplative journey that has allowed me to learn how to receive the love of God and know deep within heart that “I have a Father in heaven who delights in me.”

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”   Richard Rohr encourages us to repeat this mantra throughout the day:  “God’s life is  living itself in me.  I am aware of life living itself in me.  God’s life is living itself in me.  I am aware of life living in me.

I want to begin this post with some thoughts from M. Basil Pennington, a Cistercian monk, who taught on Centering prayer, “God is infinitely present.  He will not push himself into our lives.  He knows the greatest thing he as given us is our freedom.  If we want habitually, even exclusively, to operate from the level of our own reason, he will respectfully keep silent.  We can fill ourselves with our own thoughts, ideas, images, and feelings.  He will not interfere.  But if we invite him with attention, opening the inner spaces with silence,  he will speak to our souls, not in words or concepts, but in the mysterious way that love expresses itself – by presence.”   What Pennington so wisely is describing is the experience of “knowledge through  love.”  For years that thought bothered me.  But now I know some of its reality in my life.  I have a burden then you who read this post might experience “knowledge through love.”  That is the contemplative journey.

To finally know God’s love at the level of the heart, we will need to learn the practice of silence and solitude.  In silence we  move away from the distractions and demands of our daily life, finding a quiet place to just be.  Men, you will simply have to take the time.  Not a lot but some.  Have a short devotion and then just sit there.  We will talk more about this later.  This practice will then begin to produce inner solitude in our hearts, a quiet space that allows God to speak to us.  In the words of Leanne Payne we learn to “see that which is invisible and to hear that which is inaudible”, seeing with the eyes and ears of our heart, that which is the “unseen Real.”  In the silence comes a growing awareness of the “still, small voice” coming from deep in his heart. There is a growing discontent with the ordinary, creating a hunger to experience God in deeper, personal ways.  It is like a longing and desire for more of a connectedness to God.  

If you are a man who is already practicing silence before God, then you have passed the threshold.  You know some the joys and struggles of “letting go” of the controls of the mind, the need be be in charge, and facing the fears of the unknown.  It is a practice that has to be learned through intentionality. At first you will have to be disciplined to stick with the time alone.   Others might not be aware or even care to pay attention to the longings of your heart.  I have to say honestly, these posts have little relevance to where you are on the journey.  Basically you are stuck in “the control tower” of the mind, afraid to risk being loved.  But it is especially the men, who know they need to go deeper, to move beyond what has been their normal practice in devotions, to finally come to a place where they know they are loved and accepted by God just as they are, not as they should be.  If only one man is at that place, and he is reading this blog, I want to be a voice of encouragement in your life.  I would like to be another man “who is willing to fight for your heart.”  In the words of Richard Rohr, “you can trust yourself” ; that is, follow the longing and desire.  The first step is to start quieting down and learn to listen.

In listening we are learning to be attentive and aware of our hearts.  We “sink” with our minds into our hearts.  This is wordless prayer in which we are not making a effort to “get anywhere,” because we are already there (in God’s presence).  It is just that we are not conscious of our being there.  So my best advice is to learn to just be there in the presence of God.  You don’t have to think any thoughts or do any spiritual practices.  Just let God speak to your heart.  You are learning to let go of the controls of thought and practice. Instead of learning in the usual sense, you are “un-learning”; that is you are getting acclaimated to not knowing.  It is similar to spiritual sitting in the dark, yet knowing that you are being loved in the darkness.   Don’t let the distractions that come discourage and frighten you.  This is only an indication that you are slowing down.  All of what has preoccupied your attention is demanding your awareness.  Learn to just sit with the distractions, treating them like  ‘cobwebs’  you simply learn to blow away.  Most of all, continue the practice just being there.  With the eyes of your heart, look up and  out at Jesus as you weather the storm of  your mind wanting attention and control.  Again I am warning you, it will take time to get used to the storms of your mind.  After awhile you will get used to it.

In my my last post I ended by saying in order for men to have a “heart” connection with the  love of God, we will need to learn to “receive” and “see.”  For us to get “unstuck” so we can communion with God, that is, have a relationship beyond thoughts, perceptions and feelings, we are going to have to pay attention to our hearts.  Heart is the innermost core of our being, the meeting place between ourselves and God.  “The heart” observes James Houston, “is not to be identified with intellect, emotions, or will.  Instead all three are held in balance.  To be at home in the heart is to be truthful to one’s self.”  It is in communion, a heart to heart relationship with God, that we experience love.  The great spiritual tradition called it “knowledge through love.”  Theophan the Recluse put it this way, “The principle thing is to stand before God with the intellect in the heart, and to go on standing before him unceasingly day and night, until the end of life.”  “To stand in the heart……is a relationship that springs from the deep center of our personality, where we can be directly in God’s presence, and open to divine love.  The distinction between intellect, emotions, and will is no longer needed” (Houston).  In the Cistercian tradition the emphasis is on finding our way back to the heart.  We are explorer moving into the unknown, pilgrims away from home in search of our hearts.  Heart is home.  As Henri Nowen observes, “may of us don’t know our address.” 

So I picture myself, standing in my heart before God.  Can you picture this posture for yourself.  What are your responses to this imagery.  If you are anything like I was when I first read the quote from Theophan over 20 years ago, I was confused, frightened and very uncertain about such a practice.  Why?  First of all, I had never been exposed to the contemplative tradition.  For me it had been  mostly thinking the right thoughts and then trying to do the right things.  This has been big in my life since I have been a pastor, “being paid to be good.”  But I knew the “heart connection” was not there.  Secondly, I didn’t want to be out of control.  I had a need to understand and grasp what I was experiencing in this practice. Thirdly, was it biblical, or was I going to leave my ” Evangelical Lutheran moorings.”  Some men reading this post have already crossed the threshold, having embraced some part of the contemplative practice. In the simplest terms, you are moving from your head into your heart.  But my concern is for those of you, who are at the door of the threshold.  Let me assure you that all is well with going into your heart.  It is the way of Jesus.  He tell us, “Live in me.  Make your home in me just as I do in you.  In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being  joined to the vine, you  can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me” (John 15:4 – The Message). I needed that assurance for quite sometime.

So let’s say, you are at the threshold, or you have gone ahead but pulled back out of confusion or uncertainty.  In this post I have three pieces of advice to give you, as I look back on my own experience.  I will make it short in this post and come back to these points later.  First, take some time to sit and listen.  This might be difficult for you to do.  What I am aiming at, is the need for you to hear the deepest desires of your heart.  They are for God.  There is the inner voice of God calling you home.  You have gone so far away that the voice is rather strange and foreign.  But it is the voice of God. So many other inner voices have been able to drown out the “still, small voice.”   That is what you have to pay attention to on the contemplative path.  Second, give yourself permission to” let go” or as the spiritual tradition says, “detach.”  Let go of preconcieved ideas regarding your relationship with God and how it should work.  If you are dissatisfied with your “connectedness” then you should be letting go.  “Letting go” is going to be like “unlearning” certain assumptions you have had.  Thirdly, if at all possible, find a fellow pilgrim who has been on the contemplative journey for awhile.  It will be of great help.  My pilgrim was,  Hal Green in Des Moines, Iowa.  I will be forever grateful for his guideance as I got on the contemplative path.

I will be coming back to the first two points I made in the past paragraph.  That is all for now, since this has become a longer post than normal.  One word of encouragement.  When you move over the threshold, into the contemplative dimension, you will experience darkness. That is a normal experience to get used to.  Don’t fear or worry about what you preceive to be darkness.  God is allowing the darkness so that he can teach you and help you to unlearn some things.  It is a time to learn new dimensions of trust.  Isaiah give us this exhortation. “If you walk in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God” (Isaiah 50:11).

I wonder if there are not men who are read this blog from time to time, who are living lonely, isolated and frustrating lives, wondering if it is really possible to connect and relate to God on a more personal level.  David Benner points out that the deepest yearning in the heart is spiritual. We were made for intimate connection with God.  For men this is a hard concept.  We prefer to stay on the surface of things.  He observes, “Our need for love, connection, and surrender from the spiritul core of our personhood.”   There are many “church” men going through the motions of the spiritual life, trying to believe the “spiritual stuff” and do all the right activities expected of them.  They just don’t feel they measure up spiritual to their wives and the pastor.  They go through steps and starts and then fall back again into a resignation that accepts a kind of “low grade” sense of failure for not being a “spiritual” man.

I have a burden to communicate with men caught in this dilemma.  I have know a lot of men like this in my years as a Lutheran pastor.  It is only in the last ten years that I feel I have learned how to come alongside  these “good, decent and honest” men and be a beacon of encouragement.  In my early years of ministry I was guilty of encouraging men to do the right spiritual things, such as pray more and have a devotional time.  But the heart and soul of men was not affected.  Not until I learned how to experience God at the heart level did my approach with men change.  I could not give and share what I had not learned and experienced myself.  So I have decided for better or worse to write a series of post entitled “a Father who delight in you” to address this issue.  It will be a work in progress.  I know what I want to say, but saying it in written form is the challenge for me.  So if there is anyone reading this blog who is being helped, give me a “heads up” so I know I am not “whistling in the dark.”

The first thing I would say from my own experience, is  “relax.”  If you are a man who has trusted Christ as your savior, then you have God’s presence within you not just with you.  It is as simple as that.  You don’t have to earn your way, you don’t have to “be more spiritual”  or be more deserving.  Greater intimacy and awareness of God in your life is all gift and grace.  Hang unto that truth on your journey.  The journey that I am discribing can simply be called “the contemplative way.”  Listen again to Romans 8:15-16, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”  You need to know that the very presence of God is not just “up there” somewhere or “around you”, but He lives within you.  We are talking about what Leanne Payne calls “incarnational reality.”  Jesus said the He and the Father would come to make their home in us.  “My Father will love them. and we will come and make our home with each of them” (John 14:23).  It could not be any clear.  God is in you.  That is of first importance.

So this means, men, that you do not have to do anything more about the indwelling presence of God in your life.  You are united with Christ at the center.  He is present at the deepest level of your being.  He is at the core, the very darkest place of your soul.  He knows you through and through (read Psalm 139).  It has all been give to you.  New, abundant, glorious life in God.  The liberating presence of the one who say “I delight in you” dwells at the center.  Don’t let go of that reality.  At the center is love.  You have all you need with His presence dwelling in you.  So what is the problem.  The problem is “awareness.”  We have not been taught to “see what is there.”  That sure was the case for me.  I lived a dualistic life for many years as a Christian man.  God was out there and I was on the inside with myself.  I was more an observer rather than a participate in the life of God.  I thought hard about God and did all the “spiritual” stuff to make it real.  But I was not making the connections.  So the first thing we have to learn how to do is “see” and “receive.”  So with that I will leave you till the next post.  Pray that somehow my simple, humble posts will help a few guys make the “great and glorious” connection in their own hearts.  Hope I have some guys with me.  I guess I will see in the days to come.

Lately I have had this simple thought regarding the spiritual search of men in our day.  “Men desire to know experientally the love of God.”  There is a quiet, hidden, and at times desperate longing in the soul of many men, crying out, “there must be something more to the Christian life then I am experiencing.”  They question how they can connect what they know about God’s love in their minds to an experience of the love of God on the “inside,” a knowing the goes beyond the mind to an inner awareness of the heart.  The reality of God’s love is able to be an experience of the heart, so that a man can say,  “I know that I know.”  It is the experience of Romans 5:5, “For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”   But making the connection is not always being made by men.

I know I struggled with the head and heart connection for years.  It was not until I discovered the “contemplative” element of Christianity in the early 80’s,  that I could begin to make the connection with my heart.  I had to unlearn a lot of theological assumptions and assumed ways of knowing God.  Since my cognitive skills were not my strongest gifts, I had to really work through the “mindfields” of what I assumed to know about God and my experience of God. For me it was hard work, but I kept at it.  Slowly the awareness of God’s love in my heart became a reality.  I am more integrated between my head and heart.  I know today that, “I have a Father in heaven who delights in me.”  I sincerely believe there are many men who struggle with the same connection.   This blog site, is a result of my journey thus far.  I have a passion to help men make the connection between the head and heart.  It will not always be a easy, but the journey is worth the effort of making the connection. 

I am glad to report that in the evangelical world today, there is a wonderful blending taking place between what I would call “biblical spirituality” and “the classic spiritual tradition.”  I have spend almost 30 years in coming to a synthesis of the two in both my head and heart.  For me it is an exciting time in the life of the church.  While there are men who either don’t care to take the “inner journey” of making the connection or they are simple opposed to such a journey, I know there are many men who are ready to make the connection.  They just don’t know how take the next steps nor do have another man to share their struggles.  This becomes a matter of “soul care” and be able to find “spiritual direction” that is unique to the journey of the masculine soul. 

So in the next few posts I will try to help with the connection between head and heart.  I openly admit that my struggle will be making what I have experienced clear enough so that a man who is reading this blog can be helped on the journey.  In trying to provide some “soul care” by means of this blog site, I am making several assumptions.  First, that the men who read my blog are men who are interested in the head and heart connection.  Second, that I need to tell my story of the struggle of making the connection, knowing that each of us is unique with our particular personalities and backgrounds.  Third, I need to keep each of the post sh0rt, thus making this subject a series of posts.  Fourth, because this is only a blog site, there will be questions that will go unanswered at this time.  This is part of the journey.  So if some of you are helped you can e-mail me so that I can set up up as a responder to my blogs.  So this is all for today.  Keep posted.

One of the Christian authors who has been the most help for me in my journey during the last ten years has been psychologist, David Benner.  He has opened my spiritual eyes to aspects of the Christian life that I never fully grasped.  His insights, especially into knowing the the love of God has been life changing.  I would like to introduce you to an insight of Dr Benner’s that has been very helpful for me.  It concerns the nature of sin.  As he says, “perhaps we need to do a better job unpacking the meaning of this idea of sin.”  What he proposes is not a redefinition of sin, but rather changing the focus of the problem of sin, for sin is still rebellion and estrangement from God.

He refers to St Ignatius, who reframed the issue of sin as less an act of rebellion and more “the consequence of not knowing and deeply trusting the love of God.”  He also refers to Julian of Norwich as suggesting that sin is really spiritual blindness, failing to see the “extravagent love of our Beloved.”  Learning to trust the love of God by simply learning to receive God’s love has been very significant for me.  It is that simple, yet difficult to practice – I am to receive the love of God.  There is no effort involved on my part.  I don’t have to earn one thing.   I quote Brennan Manning often on the love of God when he said, “God loves you not as you should be but just as you are.”  That has been a revelatory word for me.

Benner unpacks the thought of St. Ignatius and Julian by making the assumption that at the very heart of being created in the image of God, is the longing to surrender ourselves, fully and completely to God.  We were create for intimate fellowship with God.  Paul refered to this truth when I was preaching to unbelievers in Athens, “For in him we live and move and exist.”  If a person allows him or herself to listen deeply and attentively, that person will become aware of a deep hunger for God.  We are meant to know and experience the love of God in a deep heartfelt way.  This would be beyond reason and understanding.  It boils down to trust.  Do I really trust that God love me irregardless of my behavior or belief. 

Could it be wonders Benner that the reason we hold back from surrendering to the invitiation of intimacy and union with God has to do with sin.  Not so much of rebellion, but a doubt or lack of awareness concerning the  love of God.  Is there a part of our heart that just does not want to believe that God in his love for us wants our total happiness and fulfillment.  To really search this out in our own heart, we have to as men allow ourselves to be quiet and open to the Spirit of God.  As we do we will begin to understand the depth of our longing for God.  Benner points out that, “all longings point to the secret places of the depth of our heart toward God.”  He challenges us to “face squarely our resistence to this longing and the letting go that it invites.” 

I know for myself that I have found my journey in Christ to be much more joyful and fulfilling as I have learned to receive God’s love.  I am more my true self.  I am able to live with my faults.  I live with less shame and self-hatred.  When I contemplate my longing for God as my deepest longing, and desire to follow that desire, I can better prioritize the demands and tugs on my life.  It is what the spiritual tradition calls “setting love in order.” For years I did not understand what this phrase meant.  Now I understand it to mean, that I am to pay attention to my deepest longing, surrendering to that longing as best I can in the present moment.  I sincerely pray for each man who reads this blog, the joy of “being able to receive the love of The Father.”

For the last couple of weeks I have been working quite intently on a talk I will be giving at the Shalom program that I am a part of in Duluth at St. Scholastica.  The title of the talk is “Forgiveness, reunion and inner healing.”  In my reflection I have come to several surprises.  First of all, I am so thankful for the grace of God in my life, allowing me to live a “lifestyle of forgiveness.”  I never fully realized what a gift this has been in my life.  It has not always been easy.  But God in his mercy has given me grace to be a “forgiving” person.   Secondly, I have learned some new things about forgiveness that I never fully comprehend in the past.  I regret this being true.  Thirdly, I realize more then ever how any people I have known over the years who do not live in the freedom of forgiveness. 

In this post I want to mention two  new insights I have gained as I reflected on my own journey of forgiveness.  First, I have not been truly honest with myself about the anger I have felt when I have been wronged.  But now I realize that before I can truly forgive I have to admit the depth of my hurt.  Lewis Smedes ( his books have helped me a lot) observes, “Getting us to be egocentric is the job pain is supposed to do.  We need to be on top of our pain before we can get ourselves to do some good to the person who causes it.”  I need to say to myself, “that hurt and I am angry.”  Then I forgive.  Secondly, forgiveness is the fairest thing I can do for myself.  Why?  I have two choice: forgive or seek vengeance –  wanting to get even.  But I can never bring closure to vengeance.  The offended and offender never weigh pain on the same scale.  One will always be behind in the exchange of pain.  Only forgiveness gives any future fairness a chance.  “Forgiving is the only way for the victim to stop the grinding wheel of unfairness to him or herself.  It is the only way to move beyond the lingering pains of the past a person will not allow to die.  It is the only way to escape the unfairness of bondage to a bad past.” (Smedes).  This is possible because I acknowledge the pain and the injustice and then turn it over to God.  I let go of the person and my pain. 

I am impressed with the realization that there are so many people who live unhappy lives because they have not forgiven the offenses of the past.  In not forgiving, a person is chained as it were to the past.  They cannot let it go.  They chew on their hurt and stoke it with anger.  The past is a sore that just will not go away.  This clouds the future.  With the pain of the past in one’s life, there is little hope for a bright future.  The ability to live in the present moment is lost .  As a result many live unhappy lives because of unforgiveness.  The present can not be fully enjoyed because of the chains of the past and the dark clouds of the future.  Forgiveness releases a person into freedom.  As Smedes said, “You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself.” 

I know that I will always be tested in the area of forgiveness.  But I can say that as of today I live in the freedom of forgiveness.  It has not been easy.  There has been some real pain.  At times I have not wanted to give up the pain, wanting rather to nurse my wounds in self-pity.  But the more I have been able to let go and forgive the more freedom I have had in personal relationships.  I call it living with a “lifestyle of forgiveness.”  There are people in my life that I have to continually forgive.  God gives me grace to “keep on keeping on.”  I pray also for grace when I am “ambushed” in the future.  I pray that each man who is reading this post, will be committed to a “lifestyle of forgiving.”  You will have to face some real pain at times.  Pain that comes from a wounded heart.  But the freedom that is given when we live in forgiveness by God’s grace is a wonderful gift.