Category: Wildman Journey (Page 80 of 85)

From time to time I receive comments on the word “wildman.”  Some of the responses are very interesting.  The wives of men who come to “wildman” Saturdays wonder just what goes on in our time together.  My response is, “If they are better husbands at meeting your emotions needs, then it must be good.”  Others are little more apprehensive.  There are women who find the word “wild” almost abusive.  I can understand that kind of sentiment, since women have been victims of much abuse from males.  The one that bothers me the most, comes from men who I sense are defensive about the word “wild.”  I sense in many of these men a defensive posture that has a difficult time in letting go of emotional control, fearful of what they might find if they sink into their hearts.

Paul tells us in II Cor 4:7-8, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”  Later Paul’s says, “That is why we never give up.  Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day” (v 16).  We men are fragile clay jars.  A wild man is one who comes to this realization.  He is able to say with any good AA person, “I admit that I am powerless to fix the brokenness of my life on my own. My life has become unmanageable.”  Gary Moon in his “twelve confessions” rephrases the third step by saying, “I will turn my will and my entire life over to the care of God.  Father, I’m asking for a total transfusion of your will, power, presence and love.” 

A wildman is wild because he can let go, getting in touch with much of his buried emotions, that form a “well of sorrow and grief.”  He can be honest about being powerless to fix his brokenness caused by his conflicting and distorted emotions.  When a man begins to access these deeper emotions, he find his true desire and energy in God.  This become his wildness, because it is beyond his control.  He is now getting in touch with the life of the Spirit.   This is part of the great treasure that Paul talks about.  Strength of character, depth of emotions and consistency in virtue flow from this inner life of the Spirit.  Paul tells that outwardly we might be dying, but the life within is being continually renewed.

So men don’t let anyone cause you to disown the idea of being “wild” for God.  There are just too many men who are niece and proper, having been squeezed into the mold of the culture, afraid of letting go of the controls.  They spend a life time keeping the lid on their true emotions. A wild man is one who is willing, by the grace of God, to take the hand of Jesus, and be lead into true masculine maturity, being able to fully express the whole range of emotions that is unique to each wild man.  What this world needs is more of these”wildmen.”  Remember the true hallmark of these wildmen is humiliy and love.  Humility because they know it is all about God’s grace and love because this is what is at the core of a wildman’s heart

I spent this past weekend at St. Scholastica monastery in Duluth helping with a week-end retreat for folks enrolled in a spiritual direction program.  I am one of the facilitators of the program.   This is my third year in helping.  It has been one of those surprises of God’s grace and favor as I journey with Him during these retirement years. I am amazed to find myself with such a diverse group of seekers after God.  There are many with deep questions of faith prompted by much mistrust in the institutional church.  I hear may stories of hurt and misunderstanding.  Yet these folks have a hunger to know God.

These pilgrims have blest me in our heartfelt dialogue about faith.  I am amazed that God can use me in such a circumstance, when I consider my more narrow and defensive past.  In reflecting on the weekend I thought of this passage in Psalms 124:7, “We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped.”  Many of these pilgrims feel like they have been put in a “church box” that they have spent most of their adult life trying find freedom.  I am learning that only a loving, caring presence will help them brake free.  I am finding that honest, heartfelt questions, will lead seekers to the truth.  Being a loving presence can be much more helpful then answers. 

I mention this experience in this wildman post, to speak an encouraging word to the men who are reading this blog.  There are many men who have been wounded by their church background, to the point of not being able to trust many of the present expressions of the contemporary Christianity.  My sincere advice to any man who feels he is still trying to brake out of a “religious box” is to keep your mind and heart fixed on Jesus.  Remember he said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).  Remember a wildman is willing to listen to his heart as well as use his mind.  Ask for grace and mercy to face your disappointments, angers, and frustrations with your religious past.  Don’t let the failure of others keep you from the freedom that Christ has for you.

Paul encourages us with these words, “Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you” (Gal. 5:1 – The Message).  When a man is willing to face the pain and disappointment of his religious past, while standing in the light of Jesus Christ, where he can experience love and acceptance for who he is as a man, something is loosed in a man.  He is able to shed “immature and childish” forms of belief and practice, by learning to go forth with the Lord Jesus at his side.  He is a man, coming out of the shadows of his false religious self, braking free from a “religious box” and breathing the fresh air of life in the spirit.  He is becoming a man who can stand straight and erect before the Lord, knowing more of who is in Christ, rather then being identified by his false religious past.  So men, don’t let the box keep you from expressing your true self in Christ.

In previous blogs I have referred to a threshold that men need to cross in their journey with the Lord.  The threshold experience is not just a once and for all event.  There will be many thresholds to cross.  By faith we are being asked to cross over the threshold. It will bring darkness.  Isaiah tells us, “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant?  Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God” (Is50:10).  Crossing over will mean  a new level of trust. It is at this point that the words of Isaiah 12:2 become real, “I will trust and not be afraid.”  Each threshold confronts us men with the truth that we are not in control, we do not know it all, and that we can not fix our spiritual life. 

You can name crossing  the threshold many things.  I like to call it “the Dark night of the Soul.”  The dark night is the classic explanation for crossing the threshold, given to us by John of the Cross in the 16th century.  So how do you know you are being lead and ask by the gentle voice of the Good Shepherd to go with him to a better place, even though it bring fear and insecurity.  There are three well recognized signs.  Gerald May describes them this way.  First, “the drying up of gratifications and the powerlessness to do anything about it.”  Things are not working the way they used to work in your spiritual life.  Secondly, “lack of deep-down motivation to return to the old ways.”  A person senses that there is more to the spiritual life.  Thirdly, the surest sign.  “There is a deep heartfelt desire to be alone with God in fellowship with him.”   There is unrest in the heart, yet a sense of peace that this is the way to go. 

The great encouragement that I got from reviewing May’s book is the awareness that the dark night is a good thing, even a joyful experience.  The dark night happens to us all.  The reason we don’t recognize what is going on, is due to the fact that we have not been taught the truth of the dark night.  This was true for me, when I first encountered this teaching over 20 years ago.  Since then I have had to cross the threshold many times.  In our culture we want to know and be in control.  This easy spills over into our spiritual life, especially as men.  But in the dark night we are not in control and we have to live with “obscurity.” 

Listen to these encouraging words fromMay. The dark night, “is a deep transformation, a movement toward indescribable freedom and joy.  And in truth it doesn’t always have to be unpleasant….The dark night is a profoundly good thing.  It is an ongoing spiritual process in which we are liberated from attachments and compulsions and empowered to live and love more freely.”  He further points out that John of the Cross has been seriously misinterpreted and misunderstood.  The dark night is not a sinister or negative experience.  “It is, instead, a deeply encouraging vision of the joys and pains we all experience in life.”  So be encouraged, men.  Beyond the darkness is the braking of the dawn and new life.  But first we need to go in trust through the threshold and be lead into the darkness.

Recently I have been rereading Gerald May’s very helpful book entitled, “The Dark Night of the Soul.”  It is about the spirituality of St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila.  I must admit that over 20 years ago, when I first encountered the concept of the “dark night” I was confused and uncertain as to the biblical basis for the explanation of the dark night.  But I soon came to the awareness, with the help of a spiritual friend, that I was indeed experiencing to dark night.  Since those early encounters, I have experienced the dark night on a rather regular basis.  So looking back in hindsight, I can give testimony to the validity and spiritual benefit of the dark night for myself as a young man. 

The reason for sharing my story is to reflect on a comment on one of May’s insights.”  He states that for John of the cross, God uses the dark night “to darken our awareness in order to keep us safe….the night is dark for our protection.”  When we cry out for God’s help to live as followers of Jesus, he takes us at our word.  He will lead us where we do not want to go.”  Why?  May tells us why.  “We cannot liberate ourselves; our defenses and resistences will not permit it, and we can hurt ourselves in the attempt.  To guide us toward the love that we most desire, we must be taken where we could not and would not go on our own.  And lest we sabotage the journey, we must not know where we are going.”

Trust me, men.  In the dark night, God is setting us free from all our attachments and diseased desires, so that we might experience his love and respond to the deeper longings that God has put in our heart.  This becomes the experience of a wildman; getting in touch with his true passions and desires.  God wants to bring about a transformation in our souls, that leads to freedom for desire, not a freedom from desire.  In other words, God does not want us to become less of a man, but more of a man, being able to express more fully the deepest range of emotions and desires.  The life that God has for us in Jesus is one of liberation not suppression.  Too many men think of a heart-felt relationship with God means suppression of our manliness.  NO.  It is the liberation of our manliness.  But it is done on God’s terms, because we will always mess up the process

So again as it says in AA, we have to let go and let God.  When it comes to our desires and emotions we must confess that our life is unmanageable.  We can’t get bring order to our inner life.  God does this in the dark night.  We have to let go and let the work of God happen on his terms and in his timing.  We have to learn to trust the process.  Trusting the process is the experience of the dark night.  Trust me men, it feels like a dark night when all your familiar spiritual props are taken away.  Think again of Abraham and his walk of faith.  “By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God’s call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home.  When He left he had no idea where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8 – The Message). 

I will be saying more about the dark night in later blogs.  I have referred to the dark night because I think of the experience as a key component in the development of a wildman.  As I have said in previous post, when a man comes to the threshold and as asked to go into the tunnel, trusting only in the grace and mercy of God, he has a choice.  Either he goes ahead in faith, or he turns back to what is familiar and safe.  He then forfeits opportunity to become a wildman.  I pray that God will raise up a whole new generation of wildmen who will be the salt the light in this day.

Last weekend I was at Scholastic in Duluth working with the sisters particiapting in our spiritual direction program.   Sister Jean gave us the assignment of writing a letter to God, giving us a self-addressed envelope that would be sent to us during the next week.  When I addressed my letter to “Abba” Father, I began to weep.  For a brief time I was not able to stop.  I realized, as a result of that unexpected experience, that I had truly come know God as my “Abba” Father.  I recalled Brennan Manning referring to his “Abba” experience as the most profound of his life.  I am truly grateful to God, for beinig so merciful and gracious to me on my spiritual journey, so that I might know him as my “Abba.”  To know God as “Abba’  is to experience an intimacy with God that is beyond words.  It is a knowing of the heart.  I believe that our Heavenly Father desires all his children to know him as their “abba.”

Coming to an awareness of this relationship is not an achievement or the result of being seen as more worthy then other fellow travelers on the journey.  It is sheer grace and gift.   Awareness of our neediness of intimacy with God and our desire for relationship with Him is the one qualification.  This desire is a natural part of our spiritual DNA, put there by our heavenly Father.  He desires our friendship.  Jesus is the means of fullfilling this desire.  Think of its as coming home to the place you were always meant to be.  Jesus tells us, “The Father has given me all these things to do and say.  This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge.  No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does.  But I’m not keeping it to myself.  I’m ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen” (Matt 11:27 – The Message).  Jesus has promised us to continue to make the Father know in his prayer for us in John 17.  “I have made your very being know to them – Who you are and what you do – and continue to make it known,  so that your love for me might be in them exactly as I am in them” (John 17:26 – The Message). 

In my letter to God, I committed myself to be an instrument to be used by “Abba” in any way that he sees fit to help other men know thier heavenly Father as Abba.  A “wildman” is a man who has come to peace in the presence of his heavenly Father.  This means an awareness of knowing his is a child in  the loving care of his Abba.  Understanding a wildman as a child seems like a counterdiction.  But remember the words of Jesus in Matt. 18:3-4, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself  like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  I recall the words of Twila Paris song from some years ago entitled, “The warrior is a child.”  To the world this just does not make sense.  But for a man who is becoming a wildman it makes perfect sense.  Only when I give up and surrender to Abba do I experience the strength to be a wildman.  Remember the Lord told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” ( II Cor 12:9).  A man vulnerable before God is given strength to be strong.  That is the posture of a wildman.

I have to admit to whoever is reading my blog, that there are days when I begin to get negative and slightly depressed when I view what is going on in our nation. I have to continually guard against a “negative spirit.”   I can easily get fearful and start worrying.  I become concerned about the future.  So what pulls me out of my slump?  What gets me facing daily life with a positive attitude again?  Well, I have to admit that my wife is a great encouragement.  She is a very positive person, who has been the biggest encourager in my spiritual journey.

Howcver, the exercise that brings me back to a positive view of life is knowing that I belong to the Kingdom of God, in which Jesus is Lord.  I simply have to trust that Jesus is in charge and that the reign of His kingdom is active in my life.  I remember that Jesus taught us to pray, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  In that prayer I am declaring the Lordship of Jesus in my life and the culture I live in.  I find great comfort in knowing that I am under the protection of the Lordship of Christ.  If I have any doubts, I need to feed my mind with scriptures such as Colossians 1:17-18,  which says in part,   “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”  Wow, what a thought!  All things around me are held together by the Lord Jesus.

A wild man will not ashamed to talk about the Lordship of Jesus.  The name of “Jesus” should be a natural part of his conversation.   He is one who gladly puts himself, as an act of his will, under the Lordship of Jesus.  Listen to these words from I Peter 5:5-ff.  Being under the Lordship of Jesus means that we clothe of lives with humility. “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’  Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  God opposes the tendencies of pride in our lives, but he takes care of these who are under His hand. I find comfort in knowing that I can give all my anxieties upon him. 

This kind of attitude toward modern life is countercultural.  A wildman just doesn’t fit the typical description of the modern male.  Gary Moon in his book “Apprenticeship with Jesus” qutoes A. W Tozer on this point.  “A real Christian is an odd number anyway.  He feels supreme love for one whom he has never seen.  He talks familiarly every day to someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven on the virtue of another, empties himself in order that he might be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up.  He is strongest when he is weakest, richest when his poorest, and happiest when he feels worst.  He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, give away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passeth knowledge.”

Civility in America is breaking down.  People debate the direction of our nation with a passion that at times can be expressed in anger.  This public expression of heart felt descent has always been a healthy part of our cultural fabric.  But today it seems to have boiled over to a new level.  There is talk of “hate speech” and acts of violence.  This is not good.  What keeps coming to my mind is “The Little Way” of St. Therese of Lisieux in which the Christian life is summoned up as “loving one another as I have loved you.”  Therese said, “Holiness does not consist in this or that practice but in a disposition of heart which remains always humble and little in God’s arms, but trusting to audacity in the Father’s goodness.”  So for me two important watchword words for wildmen in the days to come would “humility” and “love.” 

“The way of humility” is the way of Jesus.  “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.  He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.  Not at all.  When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human (Phil 2:5-7 The Message).  The way of humility for a wildman is willing to give it all up for Jesus and become a slave.  This is the way of greatness according to Jesus. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all” (Mark 10:43).  A servant for Jesus’s sake learns to walk in humility, not in arrogance, anger, vindictiveness and rancor.  I have to remind myself of this reality often in these days.  It is the “little way”, the way of humility, in following Jesus that will bring the presence of Christ into our conflicted world

“The way of love” is learning to love the way Jesus loved.  For me that is impossible.  But we have these words from Jesus.  “A new command I give you; love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” ( John 13:34-5).   Notice that Jesus tells us to love as we have been loved.  I first of all have to receive love before I can be loving in return.  That means opening my heart to receive the love of Jesus in the deepest parts of my soul. I have to come out of hiding and allow myself to be loved.   Truly knowing that I am loved in all “my stink” gives me the God given desire to love in return.  That is how a wild man will be seen as a disciple; if we are able to love.  I have to check myself every day, sometimes often during the day.  I have judgmental attitudes, actions that are not caring, and thoughts that are not constructive of others.  My ability to love is to reminded of how I have experienced the love of God and ask for help to let that love flow from me. 

So in a day when a lot of men are taking up sides even with the church, there is a crying need for the “little way” of Theresa.  The little way of humility and love will be countercultural.  It will be misunderstood by other men.  At times you will be made fun of.  You might even be persecuated to some degree.  It was the same for Jesus.  He reminds us, “No servant is greater than his master.  If they persecuted me, they will presecute you also’ ( John 15:20).  Listen to these comforting words from The Message.  “Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me.  What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable.  You can be glad when that happens – skip like a lamb, if you like! – for even though they don’t like it, I do…..and all heaven applauds.  And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this” (Luke 22-23)

Judy and I are just back from a two week trip to Florida.  We spent two weeks in the car touring the South.  We are good traveling companions, but there where a few times when there was tension between us.  Where to go, but to do, and when to go.  We had to make decisions.  At times I did not like the tension.  I came to realize that I was wanting my own way.  It was hard for me to admit how selfish and controlling I still can be with my wife.  I was reminded of I Cor 13:4-5, “Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (NLT).   As I read these words, I realize that I have failed to “love test” with my wife. 

But guess what.  I am learning to accept this reality.  In my mind I want so bad to be a “real spiritual” man.  But still in my heart and actions I am far from the ideal.  This only proves that I am still in the process of being changed.  In my growth as a man I will not be able to skip some the steps that God has for me.  I can easily pat myself on the back and think I am moving right along.  But God has his way of keeping me humble before him and before my wife.  But I am learning to take it as a man.  Yes, Al you have failed to be what you though you had become. But the reality is that you are not where you think you are.  That’s ok.  As long as I can admit my failure and humbly accept reality. 

I guess two things brought me down to earth these last two weeks.  The first is the way I handled our discussions on where to go, when to go and how to go.  I did not leave room for more imput from Judy.  When it did not go my way, I did not like it at times.  When Judy pointed that out to me, it made me defensive.  But I have grown in the sense that I can accept that in my life and move on.  The second factor as just a simply revelation that came to me one day while waiting in line at McDonald’s.  I was impatient and inwardly critical of what I thought was slow service.  I realized how judgment and critical I was.  So much for being really spiritually mature.  I accepted the insight with the prayer  that I can learn to yield more of my old patterns to the work of God in my heart

I mention these examples from my own life as an encouragement to the “wild men” who are reading this blog.  You are going to fail.  You are going to fall from the pedestal you have placed yourself on.  You will need to face reality.  This is a natural part of growth.  Like me, don’t be to hard on yourself.  Accept the grace of God in your life.  Yield those patterns of the false self to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.  Don’t see each failure as an either/or situation.  Failure in one area does not mean defeat.  It only means that God is lovingly slowing you that you need to be dependant on him for any meaningful change in your life.  Again it comes to letting go rather then hanging on.

A “wild” man is a man who has a desire to break out of the conventional “box” of religion and culture, which assumes that men are in the business of creating their own self image.   When men allows themselves the space to listen to “the inner voice” of the Spirit they become aware that there is more to their spiritual life then they are either experiencing or even aware of.  In the process of going about creating a self image,  men have lost touch with their souls.  We spend our lives on the surface of reality.  As Parker Palmer observes, “The soul wants to keep us rooted in the ground of our own being, resisting the tendency of other faculties, like the intellect and ego, to uproot us from who we are.”  He quotes Mary Oliver as saying, “Nobody know what the soul is…it comes and goes/like the wind over the water.”  The soul can not be tamed by our effort and discipline.  There is a wildness to the soul that is frightening to us men.  When we come to the threshold, daring to move beyond our rational need for understanding and the ego’s need to control, we pull back from this untapped source that we knows lies deep in our “tank.”  

But this is where we need to venture if we are to move beyond trying so hard to be a “good Christian guy” (these are the guys that are reading this blog).  It is the journey of becoming more aware of what is already there.  It is a journey home.  Home is that place where we are united with Christ at the center of our being, where our “life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Col 3:3).  You don’t need to go digging around in depths of your soul.  The key is to allow yourself to become aware of what is already there.  We begin to do this by “sinking” with our mind into our hearts. Remember this occurs when we simple sit, becoming still and gaze upon the Lord.  We come to the realization that a lot of our religious activity really prevent us from hearing his voice.

 In this process of learning to listen and gazing upon the Lord, we will be brought to the point  of sincere repentance, when we acknowledge that we have to change.  The change is one that moves us from willfulness to willingness.  Willfulness says, “I will do it my way.”  It has been hard for me to admit that much of my spiritual life has been based on my will power and effort, rather receiving the grace and mercy of God. Willingness says, “I surrender.”  We learn to surrender to love.  When we can let go and  begin to surrender to love, we will be listening to and following the voice of the Father calling us home. At first it will seem a bit foreign, since many of us have lived so far from home.  But as we become more settled in the letting go, we become aware of our deepest desires.  These are the desires that God has put there for fellowship with him.  Here we encounter the energy and vitality of the Holy Spirit.  It can be compared to becoming aware of the light of His presence bringing vitality and life to the hidden parts of our soul.  New energy will be released as we learn to let go.