Category: Wildman Journey (Page 82 of 85)

One of the joys I have in this stage of my journey is to be working with the Benedictine Sisters at St. Scholatica in Duluth.  The sisters found me through a fellow pilgrim.  The longer I work in their spiritual direction program the more comfortable I am being on the team.  I have been learning to conform to the spiritual rhythms that are found in the monastery.  The people in the spiritual direction program come for various parts of northern Minnesota.  I would classify the 3o persons in this present class as “seeking pilgrims.”  Being with a room of such earnest, seeking souls is truly a joy for me.  Many of these folks have given up on traditional church.  They have dabbled in various forms of spirituality.  Their journey has now taken them to Scholastica. 

I mention this to the wildmen who read this blog, because I want to share a testimony of God’s grace and goodness in my life.  It is truly by his grace and mercy that I can be a part of  the work at Scholastica.  Even though there are many varied opinions regarding the spiritual journey, I find myself stimulated to engage fellow pilgrims on an intentional journey.  I am secure in my center.  It is simply Jesus, who brings me to the Father, through the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life.  Scripture is the rock of my view of reality.  I live as “a beloved sinner’ who has come to experience the love of God at ever deeper levels of my soul.  I simply want to be a presence of this love among fellow pilgrims 

So I can truly say that at this stage of my journey the the power of Christ can work through my weaknesses.  Three times in II Cor 11 &12 Paul talks about boasting of his weaknesses.  “If I must boast,” say Paul, “I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am” (II Cor 11:30).  Again in II Cor12:5 he declares, “I will boast only about my weaknesses.”  Finally in II Cor 12:9 the Apostle tells us, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”   My weaknesses are many.  What amazing me, as I find myself at Scholastica, is to find the comfort level I have with such a varied group of pilgrims.  I have always felt that one of my greatest weaknesses was the articulation of my spiritual life with those who are not similar to me.  I find joy and freedom in sharing my story in a way that does not turn of those who are outside the church.  This is truly the work of God.  It is a manifestation of his power in my story.

I say this to encourage each of you wildmen.  At least in my life, coming to the place of being authentic and integrated enough to be with such a varied group, has been to result of what I would call, “death and resurrection.”   It is the death to the false self, with all the personal and religious baggage, and then the resurrection of the “true self” in Christ.  What has been the most difficult aspect of this death and resurrection process is the continually realization that it has nothing to do with me.  My part is to learn to surrender and let go.  Men, this is a life long process.  I am still going through death and resurrection.  My work at Scholastica is a testimony to the power of God at work in my weaknesses.  I can do this work, because it is the life of Jesus at work in my, not my doing.  More and more of my story is simply what Jesus is doing and has done.  I pray this for each of you men who read this blog.  I am a testimony to how God can change and use a man in the most unlikely manner.  In this I find great joy.

I am sure that  most of the men who read this blog have had some quality time with family during this holiday season.  I wonder how it has gone for each of you?  We always joke about our family relationships during our wildman gatherings.  This joking is really a reflection on the stress and even the pain of  family relationships.  (Again, I use the word “pain” to point us to our hearts.)  Yet I don’t know of a better situation for a wildman to “the aroma of Christ.”  Paul tells us that we are, “the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing” (II Cor. 2:15).  The Message puts it this way: “Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ.  Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance.  Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation – an aroma redolent with life.”

To be the aroma or the fragrance of Christ in your family relationships means to simply be the presence of Jesus.  I want you to know, men, that is not as simple as that sounds.  When we are the aroma of Christ we are to  be reflecting in some small measure the very character of Christ in very personal relationships, that can be stressful at times.  The more stress, the more aroma we should be giving off.  The measure of a wildman in family relationships is the grace to just be who you are in Jesus.  For me it can at times be a continual turning of my heart to Jesus and asking for the grace to just stay there and reflect something of aroma of Christ.  Ps 27:8 is key for me.  “My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face!’ Your face, Lord, I will seek.”  Instead of turning in on myself in stressful circumstances, I pray for grace to turn my heart’s attention to Jesus.  There are times when I get my focus off of the Lord.  Then I begin to “stink.”  But I know that does not happen to you guys.

Another practice that has helped me over the years in family relationships, is to take the posture of a servant.  That means to the best of my ability I want to put others ahead of myself. For me this has been a hit and miss proposition.  But my best intentions are to give rather then to receive.  So my first thought should be other’s needs and desires.  My attention should be on them and not myself.  Listen to the way the Message portrays the attitude we should have as servants in our families. “This is the kind of life you’re been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived.  He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step.  He never did one thing wrong.  Not once said anything amiss.  They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back.  He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right.”  ( I Peter 21-23)

The last part of these words from Peter will test any wildman during a family gathering.  We are told that the way of Christ means that we do not say anything back and remain silent, knowing that God will take care of our reputation and place in the family.  That is a tall order for us, men.  But that is a part of being that “fragrance of Christ.”  I want to close with the last verse of this chapter from the Message.  “He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way.  His wounds became your healing.  You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going.  Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shephard of your souls” (I Peter 2:24-25).  Men, learn to monitor your heart when you are with family.  Allow yourself to “taste” your pain.  Remember that Jesus took that pain to the cross so that you could be healed.  In that healing you will become more the “fragance of Christ” with your family.

As a young man, I faced a lot of challenges learning to integrate my heart with my head.  In fact, it was probably one of the most difficult aspects of growing up and maturing.  I simply had really difficult time clearly expressing what I was feeling.   And in my later years I became more and more aware that many men (like me) have trouble honestly and authentically expressing what’s going on in their hearts.  They do not have the verbal skills, nor the appropriate awareness of what is going on inside.  My sense is that this is due to the lack of modeling from our fathers and other men as we were growing up.  Learning to befriend your emotional life, while giving clear and healthy expression to what the emotions are telling us, is not easy.  But it is critical for a wildman to acknowledge the importance of befriending our emotions.  We do not live by emotions, but we befriend our emotions because they tell us a great deal about our inner life, the life that is beyond the reach of our minds

Henri Nouwen made this important observation: “You have to befriend them (your emotions) so that you do not become their victim.”  If you allow yourself to take a daily inventory of your emotions, you will soon become aware of how much you are victimized by your emotions in your behavior and attitudes.  One away to visualize this is to remember that you are at home with Jesus at the center.  This is a place of peace and rest.  Then think of the many times your emotions react to people and circumstances and pull you away from the center.  What happens?  You live in a sea of emotional unrest and chaos, with a focus now on you and not on Jesus at the center.  Spiritual maturity allows us to befriend these emotions, being honest about how they occur and coming back to Jesus at the center to find healing.

Nouwen’s advice for wildmen learning to befriend their emotions is this: “The way to ‘victory’ is not in trying to overcome your dispiriting emotions directly but in building a deeper sense of safety and at-homeness and a more incarnate knowledge that your are deeply loved.  Then, little by little, you will stop giving so much power to strangers.”  For some men reading this, the thought of befriending your emotions may seem like falling into an emotional abyss.  But remember: this is not true.  For at the center or the bottom of the abyss is Jesus holding you in love.  He knows you through and through and wants to help you in your emotional turmoil.

When befriending our emotions is is vital that we not get discouraged or flee to the comfortable confines of our rational “control  tower.”  Ask the Lord for grace to “befriend” your emotions.  That means that you can allow them to pass  without reacting.  It is through our true self in Christ that we can observe what is going on and then make the proper response.  This happens when we create “inner space” while being at home at the center.  Men, I can not stress enough how important it is to trust the reality of Jesus being at home at the center.  You don’t have to be afraid or discouraged in your journey of befriending your emotions.  By all means don’t let your emotions become “strangers.”   Remember what Jesus said: “I’m leaving you well and whole.  That’s my parting gift to you.  Peace.  I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left – feeling abandoned, bereft.  So don’t be upset.  Don’t be distraught.” (John 14:26-7 – The Message)

A significant aspect of “the wildman journey” is learning to access, process and verbalize our inner pain.  We have not had mentors to help us recognize and give language to our inner pain.  As a result we live in denial of the pain, while being defensive and alone with our “inner grieving.”  In this post I would like to share an insight from Henri Nouwen, which I think can be helpful for us as wildmen.  As many of you know, Henri Nouwen was a wonderful spiritual director, who helped may to get in touch with the dynamics of their inner life.

In his book “The inner voice of love” he talks of having “to live through your pain gradually and thus deprive it of its power over you.”  He maintains that our pain is the experience of not receiving what we most want.  It is an inner place of emptiness where we feel the absence of love.  To go to this place is hard because we feel a sense of powerlessness, like that of a child, which of course we are.  The great insight for me and I hope for you as a wildman is this: “You have to begin to trust that your experience of emptiness is not the final experience, that beyond it is a place where you are held in love.” 

The place of being held in love, of course, is our true self in Christ.  This is beyond that place of emptiness.  “The more roots you have in the new place, the more capable you are of mourning the loss of the old place and letting go of the pain that lies there.”  As I visualize this for myself, I imagine, as Paul tells me, that my “roots grow down into him,” (Col. 2:7).  Trusting this truth for myself I am able to enter into the place of inner pain.   This becomes an inner journey of  entering the old place, with grace to process the pain, and then moving on to the new place in Christ.  Men, don’t try to figure this journey out in your mind.   Just trust that beyond your pain is peace and rest, as you held in love.  

Nouwen advices, “You have to weep over your lost pains so that they can gradually leave you and you become free to live fully in the new place….”  Men, visualize that new place as a place where you are “being held in love.”  We are reassured with these words, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those spirits are crushed.” (Ps 34:18)  The message tells us, “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there.”  So be assured that God can heal the brokenhearted as we pass through the pain, found in the old, and embrace our new life in Christ. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Ps 147:3)

During the Advent Season, as we meditate on the coming of Christ into our world, I would like to share some thoughts concerning “Incarnational Reality.” The truth contained in this phrase became real in my heart through the teaching of Leanne Payne. It made a significant impact in how I viewed my relationship to God.  Colossians 1:27 declares that Christ is “in” us as the hope of glory.  Jesus declared, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you” (John 14:20).  What this means is that God, who is ultimate , concrete reality, live in you.  Payne puts it this way, “Christ descends to us and into us.  He incarnates us.  We are indwelt, in godded.”  It is that simple and profound.

After all these years I live in the awareness of this truth.  But at first, I had to do some major shifting in my thinking.  I simply was not aware of this truth in my walk with God. I would simply have to ponder this truth, while letting it “sink” into my heart.  To help me, I would put my hand on my heart and just confess in faith that Christ’s presence indwelt within me at my deepest place.  If you have a hard time with this reality, I encourage you to make this a habit in your walk with God.  It can be hard for us as men to get this truth,  because we are so habituated to stay in our head.  In doing so we usually think of God “out there.”  But when we visualize our heart, we are focused on what is “inside.” 

This is the great truth of the incarnation; what we celebrate at Christmas.  God has become flesh in the form of the infant Son of God. C. S. Lewis called this “transposition.”  The greater coming down into the lesser.  Payne observes, “Incarnational Reality has to do with the embodiment of spiritual reality in material form: God in union with man.”  God does not dispise matter.  He has indwelt it, making it hallowed.  “The incarnation has forever hallowed the flesh.”  C. S. Lewis said, “If the whole man is offered to God, all disputes about the value of this or that faculty is, as it were, henceforward out of date.”  So, men, any fear or hatred we have of our body, imagination, intellect or any other part of ourselves is not of God.  We are indwelt by God.  Yes, we are flawed, but God dwells within that which is flawed.  God is not surprised at what he sees in you.  He sees beyond the flaws to who you are in Christ. 

Listen to how Augustine visualized his journey in coming to understand the presence of God in his life. “You were waiting within me while I went outside me, looking for you there, misshaping myself as I flung myself upon the shapely things you made.  You were with me all the while I was not with you, kept from you by things that could not be except by being in you.”  So, men, God waits ever calling us home to himself.  This voice comes from within, at the deepest place.  This is the voice of the beloved calling us home.  Remember we are not being narcissistic, looking into our old self, but rather listening to the voice of God coming from the center of our true self in Christ.  It is again a matter of listening and becoming aware of what is already there.

I want to begin this post by quoting Henri Nouwen. “The spiritual life starts at the moment that you go beyond all of the wounds and claim that there was a love that was perfect and unlimited, long before that perfect love became reflected in the imperfect and limited, conditional love of people.  The spiritual life starts where you dare to claim the first love.”  This first love is, of course, God’s love for us.  Being the beloved of God is not first of all our choice, but that of God.  We were chosen in love and for love.  This is our destiny.  This is our life.  Only when we claim and embrace being chosen “in” and “for” love will our life makes sense.  This sense of belovedness has been put in our hearts by God.  Our journey in life is to claim this belovedness

Robert Mulholland Jr. in his book “The Deeper Journey” makes this point, in drawing our attention to Eph 1:4.  The NIV reads, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.”  Mulholland points out that “chose” literally means “to speak forth.”  He observes, “If you were to call on a member of a group to come forward and assist you in some activity, you would be speaking them forth from the rest of your options.  You would be choosing them.”  So when you put “spoke forth” together with, “before the foundation of the world” we are talking about something taking place before the foundation of the world.

As a wild man, let the truth of this scripture speak to your heart.  You and I were “spoken forth” out of the Father’s love for us before the foundation of the world.  “You are,”  states Mulholland, “a beloved child of God, spoken forth out of the heart of God’s love before the foundation of the world.”  We spoken forth, not only that we might know the love of God, but that we might find perfect wholeness in loving union with God.  For at the center of our being, the voice of  Jesus, the beloved, is continually calling us home, to the place of union with him

The  awareness that I have been  “spoken forth” as the beloved of God has found new meaning for me in what Mulholland calls the, “the cruciform love of God,”  that is, Christ suffering and death for me.  Listen to these words from Mulholland.  They can be a revelation for you. “When we turn away from God’s love and become self-referenced beings, false selves, God’s love continues to enfold us and indwell us, now as a cruciform love at the heart of our false self.  Even when we are must alienated from God by our self-referenced life, we are still beloved.”  Men do you get this!!!  I know, I finally am getting it.  The wonderful truth is that when I drift away in my sinful inclinations and desires, God’s cuciform love is at the center suffering for me and calling me home.  Men, Jesus does not leave.  He is at the center.  Remember when you claim your belovedness, that is who you are.  You are the beloved of God, even in your waywardness.  God’s love is not dependant on your behavior or understanding.  Praise the Lord.  Claim this reality for yourself today.

I have been gone for over a week.  Judy and I have been visiting our two sons and their families in Kansas City and Colorado Springs.  I sure the Thanksgiving season was a blessing for many of the men who read this blog.  For some, however,  there were moments of pain.  I use that word very diliberately.  When we get together as family, there can be dynamics at work below the surface that are not pleasant to face, let alone acknowledge.  I am sure there are fathers and father-in-laws that were glad to be back home or glad that the kids and grandkids leave the house.  I want to challenge “wildmen” to monitor their hearts when at a family gathering.  I know I have to monitor my heart and what I am feeling at times.

I challenge each of you men to be more “present” to your family when you are together.  Ask God the give you grace not “to run away” or “go and hide in your favorite cave.”  We are called to be “there,” open and responsive as best we can.  One way to be present is to always have in mind what you are passing on to the next generation.  In Psalms 103:17-18 in The Message we read, “God’s love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him, making everything right for them and their children as they follow his Covenant ways and remember to do whatever he said.”  Each of us has the privilege of passing on “a godly seed” to our children and grandchildren.  This transmission simply will not happen if we are not emotionally and spiritually present.  Men, it takes work to be present to your family, during special gatherings. 

Let me suggests some of the attitudes that are found in a man who is present to his family.  1) Keep the focus on others.  The Message puts it this way, “Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.  Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage.  Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand” (Phil 2: 3-4).  Pray that your spirit is open to others, so that there is a
“flow” of life from you to others.  It does not have to happen in words.  Attitude is the most important element in being present.  The other extreme is that of being absent, being like  a “enclosed, protective fort.”  2) Look for the best in others.  It is easy to find fault and be critical.  But ask God to give you a heart that is thankful for those who surround you, while you look for the best in your children and grandchildren.  Have an attitude that reflects encouragement.  Visualize achievement and character growth in your loved ones.  Above all don’t give criticism unless you are asked for it. Paul encourages us with these words, “Let your conversation be gracious and atrractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” (Col 4:6).

Above all else, live in a spirit of forgiveness.  If for some reason you have buried unforgiveness in the recesses of your heart, you can be sure that it will “sour” your spirit and attitude.  Men, it is absolutely critical that a “wild man” be one who forgives from his heart.  It does not matter what has been said or what has been done to you, the anger, bitterness and resentment that is buried in you heart will block the passing on of a “godly seed.”  Paul tells us, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Col. 3:13).  Men, ask God to give you the ability to gift your family with an “open, forgiving, humble and gentle” spirit.  It is an open spirit that gives life.   Don’t let yourself get caught in the pull of a resentful spirit, that closes you off from your loved ones.

As you who read this blog, you know that I have been greatly influenced by Dr James Houston of Regent College in Vancover, B.C.  This single thought from him has had a great impact on my sense of self.  It goes something like this, “Personhood is a gift not an accomplishment.”  That is powerful, when you consider that our whole culture puts the emphasis on the indiviual, with its emphasis on the self-made man.   But we need to remember, as Dr.  Houston points out that an individual is  a matter of our own creation.  Identity is based on the accomplishment of the self.  Freedom is that of a “autonomous self.”   In the process we become a self enclosed self, living far from home.  We live as Henri Nouwen observed as, “people without an address.”  The result is a lonely, alienated self, seeking meaning and purpose in life

On the other hand, a person is one who is created in the image of God.  Each person is unique and loved of God as “His beloved.”  In being addressed by God we are called forth as persons.  We are “made righeous” by the work of God in our lives.  We are rescued from enclosed selves by God in Christ.  Freedom for the person called by God is grounded in our life “in Christ.”  Our life is one of openness before God as we respond to his call on our life.  We hear the voice of the father, calling us my name.   Responding to his call we come home “out of dark” of our self made identity, to live in the spaceness of God’s abundant grace and mercy 

What does this mean for a wildman?  It means we don’t have to go around created our own image of self.  That is a lot of work, working on self-image.  I have spent years getting beyond this dreadful habit.  We can rest as a children in our Father’s embrace  Paul tells us, “You received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’  For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children”  (Romans 8:15-16).  So, men relax in who you are.  It is a gift.  Discover  your potential in Christ.  The Psalmist give us help. “Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.  Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me” (Psalm 131:2).

I have been away from the blog site for awhile.  As you notice my wonderful bride, Judy is sharing the space with me.  She has quite a ministry, sending out her daily e-mail devotions to over 40 persons.  In most of them she shares a personal  note.  She then post the devotion on our blog site for other to read if they choose.  I believe God has given her both the gift and motivation to write to others in this fashion.  I hope in the days to come, that she will be able to write more on her journey of faith

Today I would like to reflect on a phrase from Henri Nouwen that is well known.  It is the phrase, “downward mobility.”  Nouwen sees downward mobility as, “the great parodox which Scripture reveals to us in that real and total freedom is only found through downward mobility.  The Word of God came down to us and lived among us as a slave.  This divine way is indeed the downward way.”  Jesus said of himself, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his  life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45)

For sometime I have thought of this phrase in relation to wildmen and our culture.  There is something about downward mobility that is truly foreign to the temperament of contemporary men.  I would say that most men would flee from the idea of downward mobility.  So many concepts  that are implied in this phrase go against against our thinking and experience as men.  Images such as letting go, be defenseless,  putting self last, being a servant, etc.  These just don’t feel right.   Could it be that when a wildman gets in touch with his heart,  the whole concept of downward mobility can take on a new and fresh meaning for his following of Jesus.  I would like to think so.

I especially think “downward mobility” is a great phrase to use in our relationship with the  women in  our lives.  This phrase fits well with what we men know all to well, but have a hard time in following through on –  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Eph5:25).  I have always understood this passage to mean that in relationship with our wives and other significant women in our lives, our ego (the male ego) is the one that must get out of the way.  We as men are to set the tone for the interaction with our wives, by humbling ourselves the way Jesus did.  Don’t expect your wife to do this first.  This passage makes it very clear, that this is something we initiate.  This certainly has a lot to do with “downward mobility.”   What would it mean for you today to take the downward step with your wife?

The  Last week-end I heard a priest of the Carmalite order give a talk on the spiritual life.  He used this phrase, “relax, it’s finished.”  It is one of those phrases that stick with you.  Upon further reflection, I began making application to my own life.  Then I began to apply it to the  life of a wildman.  The men who read this blog, are drawn to the idea of a wildman.  It speaks to the untapped spiritual energy that lies latent in their hearts.  They are men who are believing and practicing a faith that does not seem to bring change.  Many are saying, there must be more to my journey of faith.   A wildman is ready for change.  The key to this change is transformation.  For transformation to take affect, a man will have to come out of the control tower of reason and be open to the inner journey of the heart.  This does not mean a kind of navel-gazing, where a man has to dig around in his soul,  but rather a kind of openness to the work of the Spirit, where a man is willing to  risk “coming to know himself.” 

There are those who will misinterpret the concept of a wildman.  It can easily create the impression of men throwing off all restraint, acting irresponsibly without regard for others, especially women.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  Remember in the wildman journey, it is God doing the work from the inside out.  This is where the phrase “relax, it’s finished” comes has application.  If a wildman is willing to trust Christ as His Lord, then he can come to the awareness of what Christ has already done for him.  This becomes not simply truth in the mind, but reality in the heart.  He can say, “My old self has been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.  So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal 2:20-21).  The Message puts it this way,”Christ lives in me.  The life you see me living is not ‘mine’ but it lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  I am not going to go back on that.”

So there you have it!!  The work is finished.  It is all about what Jesus has done.  Transformation is always about crucifixtion of our old nature, so that the new life in Christ may come forth.  It is all the work of Christ in our hearts.  The work is done.  What is our part.  We are to trust the process.  We live as Paul says because Christ loves us and gave his life for us.  That it!!  The whole package.  It takes a life time to rest in this reality.  This is “incarnational reality.”  Christ coming into the deepest part of our souls, bringing the reality of His cruciform love, to liberate us from the destructive and dehumanizing bondage of our old nature.  Remember this is all God’s work.  Relax, it finished.  

The difficulty for men is the sense that we have to do something, be deserving of God’s grace and mercy.  Certainly this work of transformation in our hearts involves some effort on our part.  No, the work of death and resurrection is the work of Jesus’  presence in our heart.  Our part is to trust the process, learning to be obedient to the loving prompting of the Spirit.  That is the stance of a wildman.  It brings a freedom that releases the true life in Christ.  That’s what a wildman experiences.  He can declare with Paul, “Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you”  Gal 5:1 – The Message.   Men, take your stand on letting  Jesus do the inner work in your heart.  Don’t allow the dominant male culture tempt you to escape back into the control tower of reason and control.