Category: Brother Al (Page 64 of 68)

As you may have noticed, I will often quote from “The Message” version of the Bible.  While I agree that The Message should not be our primary study bible, I find that it speaks truth into my life in new and fresh ways.  Today I want to refer to Luke 19:26  from The Message.  “Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of.  Play it safe and end up holding the bag.”  The NIV reads as follows. “I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what they have will be taken away.”

This Message passage got me to thinking again about how easy it is to slip into “the passivity mode” in my primary relationships, especially with my wife.   Larry Crabb in discussing relational masculinity, observes that a man reflects God, “by remembering what is important and moving into a disordered situation with the strength to make an important difference.”  So failure in relational masculinity would imply neglecting what is important, not wanting to enter into the chaos of intertwining emotions with the strength that is unique to me as a man.  Wow!  Does that relate to any man reading this blog.  Going back to the passage from The Message, I have a choice.  I can risk or play it safe and get left “holding the bag.”

So what is a man to do?  It looks pretty obvious.  Remembering what is important, that is, my wife and her emotional needs, I need to risk my life and jump into what I call “the soup of emotional relationships.”   Men let me say it as gently, yet as firmly as I can, you need to risk entering into what Crabb calls the “disordered situation.”  Your wife and those close to you, need your strength.  You are unique as the man, reflecting to glory of God in a manner different from your wife.  She needs your strength; not your passive sideline indifference

You need to know that you will not find your strength, by being passive, by fleeing from the disorder.  NO, you have to enter into disorder.  That’s how you grow and find your strength.  As you enter the chaos your weakness and vulnerability will be exposed.  It it then that  we  cry out for mercy, asking for help in our weakness.  “God, help me navigate this disorder I feel with my wife.” God will give you what you need.  You will begin to find your strength in Him.  You will not grow in your relationship, on the sidelines.  You will find yourself, “holding your own bag,”  alone, not connecting with others.

In my last post I referred to the arrows that have been placed in our souls, due to painful circumstances and relationships encountered on our journey.  These wounds, which we would rather neglect, can fester for years, resulting in emotional pain that men try to bury.   These wound need to be acknowledge, so that we are able to carry them gracefully not painfully.

The Psalmist knew how to pray over his  pain. “I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.  All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you” (Ps. 38:8-9).   If  we neglect to embrace the greater story of God’s love for us in the midst of our wounds, we can become trapped in our own small, dark, and painful story.  We need to let the light of God’s love and grace shine on those dark inner wounds we have tired to hide for years.

Richard Rohr points out that in our limited story, “our wounds can make us embittered victims…..The Christian way is to embrace our wounds and accept them as the price of the  journey.”  We do this, when by faith we allow Jesus into our story of pain.  His larger, redemptive story relating to our pain then becomes part of our story.  In the process we are able to accept and integrate our wounds into our story. “The healing lies in the fact that our wounds no longer defeat us or cause us to harm ourselves or others.  Wounds become our daily offering to God, and they develop in us compassion toward the weakness of others.” (Rohr).  Julian of Norwich has said, “our wounds become our honors.”

Men we have no trouble finding help for our physical wounds.  But our spiritual and emotional wounds are a different matter.  We hide from them, while they go on creating difficulty in our relationships.  Remember that Jesus is our healer.  “He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.” (Mat 8:17).  My strong encouragement is to let Jesus into your whole story, which includes those painful arrows.  It will take time for the healing to come.  But in time they will become part of your redemptive story.  You will be able to talk about the arrows, while giving  thanks and praise to God for the healing.

Matthew West in his song “The Healing Has Begun” expresses this well:    “There is a world full of people/dying from broken hearts/holding unto their guilt/thinking they fell too far/so don’t be afraid to show them your beautiful scares/they’re the proof, you’re the proof.”

Parker Palmer got me to thinking about the male soul, when he compared the soul  to a “wild animal.”    “Like a wild animal,” observes Palmer, “the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy and self-sufficient; it knows how to survive in hard places…..yet despite its toughness, the soul is also shy.  Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush, especially when other people are around.”  This imagery is very real to me since I encounter white tail deer daily on my walks.  The deer will flee from intruders.  The only exception is the male deer during the mating season.  He will often stare me down up until the last moment, and the flee into the safety of the woods.

I think we can all agree that the male soul is shy.  We have learned to be self-sufficient, seemingly resilient and even tough minded.   But when it comes to the secrets of the soul we are shy. Ask most wives if this is not true.   The years of painful arrows from others that get lodged in our souls, cause us to be shy.  We hide our pain, often forming  deep wells of grief, that we fear will spill over into our personal relationships.  Similar to the wild deer, we have learned to flee into the “underbrush” of silence, rather than work through our pain with others.   This tendency to flee is a sign of our weakness.  We are not able to process our inner pain, so we head to the woods in fear of being exposed.

So what is a man to do?  Let me make a few suggestions.  First, and foremost, come to a trusting relationship with your Heavenly Father, that you are deeply loved.  Listen to Jesus prayer on our behalf. “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them” (John 17:28).  This love is literally poured into our hearts.  “……God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Rom 5:5).  Remember God loves you not as you should be, but just as you are.  He is loving you in you well of grief.  As I have said many times on this blog, “You have just sit there and receive the love.”

Secondly, with a firm hold on the objective truth of God’s Word and assurance of  the guidance of the Holy Spirit, allow yourself to begin to taste the pain and sorrow in the well of grief within your soul.  Allow yourself to go down into the realities of your story.  It will not be easy.  The only way that you will process your secrets is by coming to know them.  Thirdly, if at all possible find a trusted “soul friend,” who will loving and patiently listen to your story.  This friend can help you expose, verbalize and then integrate your experience of pain.

What I am suggestion is not the normal “male thing” to do.  I know from experience.  But how else will the shy male soul learn to show up in those important and intimate relationships, except through the practice of coming out of the “woods” and sharing with a trust friend.  I only wish I could sit down with each man reading  this blog, and help them come out of the woods, into light and freedom there is in Christ.  “He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” (Ps 18:18).

It is that time of year when the pennant races heat up, and the long baseball season starts getting  interesting.  But as baseball fans we have also had to content with the saga of A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees) and the possibility of be suspended for 211 games because of performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs).  Columnist David Brooks has this to say about the story.  “One of the mysteries around Rodriguez is why the most supremely talented baseball player on the planet would risk career to….take performance-enhancing drugs?….self-preoccupied people have trouble seeing that their natural abilities come from outside themselves and can only be developed when directed toward something else outside themselves….locked in a cycle of insecurity and ….self-validation, their talents are never enough, and they end up devouring what they have been given”

There is no doubt it, A-Rod is stuck on himself.  We call that being a narcissistic, based on the Greek myth of Narcissus, the proud young man who saw his reflection in a pool and fell in love with it.  Narcissus was unable to break away from his own gaze, and eventually died by the side of the pool.  Men, the spirit of narcissism is found in the very air that we breath.  It is easy to get stuck on ourselves.  The whole consumer culture based on aggressive advertising is aimed to fulfill the wants and needs of number 1.  Just sit back and reflect on the ads directed at the male ego in advertising during sports program.

To loosen  the grip of narcissus in my life I must be vigilant in recognizing its presence in my life.  First, honestly and humbly I must admit the deep narcissist streak in myself.  I am naturally turned in on myself.  I have to admit with the prophet Jeremiah, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9)   Secondly, I must deeply and humbly confess this tendency to turn inward and focus on myself.  I need to make the testimony of the Psalmist my own. “Then I acknowledged  my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin” (Ps. 32:5).  Thirdly, I cry out for God to be merciful to me so that I might have grace to look outward to him and others.  I pray the Jesus Prayer often throughout the day.  It is a great prayer to get your focus off yourself and onto the Lord.  “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on my a sinner.”

I have yet to see a narcissistic man who is happy and fulfilled in who he is as a man.  There is no inner peace and rest in God; always a striving for something more, whatever that is.  It is God who lifts a man up.  Remember the words of Jesus at the end of the story of the tax man and the pharisee in Luke 18:9-14. It was the tax man who cried out, “God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.”  “This tax man.” said Jesus,  “not the other, went home made right with God.  If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself ( Luke 18:14 – The Message).

You might be wondering why I am writing a blog about “the blood of Jesus.”  Well, I have a good reason for doing so.  We are on the brink of a new NFL season.  Here in Viking country, hope springs eternal for another super bowl appearance.  Our reigning  league MVP, running back Adrian Peterson was quoted as referring to the blood of Jesus.  That got my attention.

Peterson, in a featured segment on Monday Morning Quarterback, recalls one of his most memorable on-field interactions from the 2012 season when an unnamed linebacker from the Detroit Lions approach him after a successful game and asked him: “Adrian, what you taking? What juice you using?  I gotta [sic] get me some of that.”  His response to a  fellow NFL player was: “I’m juiced  on the blood of Jesus.  Faith is what got me to this point.”  Peterson goes on to write that when the Vikings played the Lions later in the season, the same anonymous linebacker  approached Peterson and said: “Appreciate you saying that.  You opened my eyes.”

I am not sure that our man Adrian realized how biblical he was with the phrase, “juiced on the blood of Jesus.”  Listen to what Jesus had to say about his flesh and blood. “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life…..For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them” John 6:54-56).  There you have it!  Jesus is saying that if we drink his blood along with eating his flesh, he will live in us.  A real man can drink the blood of Jesus.  Remember this is not voodoo. But what does this mean?

Again, men, we have to put aside our logical, rational take on these words.   I think we all can agree that it means some kind of deep commitment of taking Jesus into our deep inner being.    We consume Jesus, by digesting him in the same way we eat and drink.  Then Jesus says, “I will remain in you.”  Jesus becomes food and drink for our souls.  He gives us strength and nourishment like nothing else.  His blood, as he says is “real drink.” Nothing quite like the blood.  Men, we are talking about something profoundly intimate.  For some of us this means receiving Jesus during communion or the Eucharist.  But for all of us, it surely means that we feed and drink personally of the Lord Jesus by opening our hearts to him.

So I guess I also am “juiced on the blood of Jesus.”  When I put my trust in him as best I know how, He give me the strength and grace to keep on keeping on.  I have been living through a period of time in my life, when that is the most important thing I could do.  I simply cry out to Jesus for mercy to help me, sometimes literally moment by moment.  I feed and drink  the presence of Jesus in my life.   I keep my eyes on him, asking Him give me what I need for each day.  Men, are you like our man, #28, “Juiced on the blood of Jesus?”  Could this be part of Adrian Peterson’s success?  I would like to think so.  I admire his boldness in talking about the blood.  That is highly unusual for a reigning MVP and number one rated NFL player.

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“Is it possible for people to miss their lives in the same way one misses a plane” Walker Percy asks in his novel “The Second Coming.”  His character, Will Barrett wonders if he has “missed” his life.  “Not once in his entire life had he allowed himself to come to rest in the quiet center of himself but has forever cast himself forward from some dark past he could not remember to a future which did not exist.  Not once had he been present for his life. So his life has passed like a dream.”  This is the sad commentary of many men in our culture, not being present to their lives

Men, we should never allow ourselves to passively neglect our soul life.  Our default mode is to “sleep through life.”   Jesus live at the center waiting for us to pay attention to his voice and presence.  We can live a life of frantic activity, while neglecting the cry of our souls for attention.  We can live all of our days “asleep” to who we really are and can be in Christ. My prayer is that you might be a “soulful man.”  In our day the church needs men who are “soulful,” that is, men who are fully alive, fully human, living authentic lives of integrity because they live from the center and not on the surface of life.  They are strong in spirit because they are soulful.

Listen again to the words of Jesus in Matt 16:24-26, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.  And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (NLT). Jesus is very clear – if we hang onto our view of life, we will lose it. You will not know who you are.  But if we give up, that is, let go of the controls, we will  save our life.  Do you feel sometimes that you are losing your life?  Not knowing who you really are as a man, is a sure sign that you are losing your life.  Ask yourself, “What am I becoming?”  Even more haunting is the question, “What have I become in my primary relationships?”  These question are soulful questions. They are the kind of questions that are asking us to walk up to what our soul is saying to us.

I strongly exhort each man reading this blog not to be afraid of their soul life.  Yes, you might have fear and anxiety about what is there.  But never forget, that Jesus waits for you at the center.  He knows what is there, but is now waiting for you to go with him into those hidden places to bring the light of his presence.  I close with this wonderful prayer from Paul in Eph. 3:18-19, “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted an established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Freedom is greatly abused in our culture.  Without a biblical basis for understanding freedom, we are finding that the more we cry for freedom, the less freedom we are experience as a culture.  Jesus tells us, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” ( John 8:32).  Later on in the same chapter (v 36) we read, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” The truth that Jesus offers us will set us free.  Of this freedom Paul exhorts us, “Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you” ( Gal 5:1 – Message).  So indeed there is real freedom for us.  But how do we experience and exercise freedom in a culture where freedom is so misunderstood and abused.

Os Guinness is a Christian sociologist who is very observant of  our culture from a biblical point of view.  Here are two observation he makes regarding freedom. “The greatest enemy of freedom is freedom.  Freedom requires an order, or a framework, and the only appropriate framework for freedom is self-restraint, and yet self-restraint is precisely what freedom undermines when it flourishes.”

The second quote has to do with two types of freedom. “Negative freedom is freedom from – freedom from oppression, whether it’s a colonial power or addiction to alcohol oppressing you.  You need to be freed from negative freedom.  Positive freedom is freedom for, freedom to be.  And that’s what’s routinely ignored today.”

Men, there are two observations that I want to make regarding Guinness’ comments on freedom.  First the balance between freedom and self-restraint.  In our present cultural environment there is hardly any emphasis on self-restraint. which is needed to preserve real freedom.  Paul reminded the Galatians about the balance between the two.  “It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.  Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom” (Gal 5:13 – Message).  Our restraint comes in our submission to the will of God.

The second comment bring into focus the emphasis in our culture of negative freedom.  There is the cry to be freed from many things.  But little is said about what we are freed for and what will this freedom produce in our lives.  Paul reminds us that real freedom comes in giving ourselves to Christ. “You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom.  Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it’s your last free act.  But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you’ve let sin tell you what to do.  But thank God you’ve started listening to a new master, one who commands set you free to live openly in his freedom” (Romans 6:16-18 – Message). Christ frees us to be who we were always truly meant to be.  That is real freedom – freedom to be.

Larry Crabb has written a new book for both men and women entitled “Fully Alive.”  The subtitle is entitled,  “A biblical vision of gender that frees men and women to live beyond stereotypes.”  I like the book. I appreciate his use of masculine and feminine in his discussion about gender.  Genesis 1:27 tells us that when God made humans in his image he made then Male and female.  The question becomes, “How do woman reflect something of the nature of God, as well as men?”

I want to quote from an interview he gave to Christianity Today.  My purpose is to highlight the gender role of masculine.  Crabb points out that the word for female (neqebah) means one who is open to receive, having an invitational style of relating.  The word for male (zakar) means one who remembers something important and then does it.

Regarding the feminine this is what Crabb had to say, “Femininity is a relational style – an invitational way of relating to other people that says, ‘I invite you to come to me.  I’m not here to control you.  If you move toward me in godly movement, you’ll find an inviting and nourishing and supportive, wise woman who’s going to be there with you in all the godly movement that you make.”  Regarding the masculine Crabb observes, “Masculinity is a relational style of seeing a situation that needs to be dealt with.  Rather than passively letting someone else deal with it or aggressively taking over and bossing everyone around, masculinity moves gently and meaningfully into the situation.’

While women express the invitational nature of God, men express the movement of God into relationships.   This is seen in the relationship of the Trinity, points out Crabb. God, the Father, first moves towards and into the Son and give all he is to the Son (relational movement), while the Son invites and receives all that the Father gives him (relational invitation). Then the Son moves  right back to the Father (relational movement).

As men while we  are also responsible for expressing the invitational nature of relationships, our primary task is to express relational movement. Men, I don’t know about you, but taking the initiative to move into intimate relationship with my wife and others can be very difficult at times.  I would rather run from such challenges.  Others would prefer to fight.  What I can certainly gain from Crabb’s description of the masculine is this.  We are meant to move into relationships in a loving and humble manner.  For example, don’t expect your wife to take the first step.  We are to set the tone of deepening and enhancing our relationship with our wife. along with others who are close to us.  Remember the masculine means movement.  This means taking the initiative in relationships.  If it is hard, ask God for the grace to move forward with humility and love.

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Eric Metaxas is one of my favorite Christian authors.  He has written a new book entitled “7 Men and the Secret of Their Greatness.”  In an interview he observed that, “There’s a crisis of manhood in the culture and it is at the heart of many of our problems.”  He is critical of the notion that men and women are in a “battle of the sexes” for jobs and social leadership.  The culture views strength as a selfish tool “to aggrandize myself and to keep others down, which, of course, is the opposite of God’s plan,” he observed.  The cultural mindset sees strength as negative, especially for men.  Thus there is the focus on greater equalization in which women should be stronger and men weaker

But “when you have a biblical view of men’s strength,”  observes Metaxas, “you know that God only give us anything good to be used for his purposes and mainly to serve others. ”  Strength is not bad. It is the misuse of strength that is harmful.  The seven men in Metaxas’  book all had great strength, but they used it for good.  “The thing that holds all of them together is that every one of them made some noble sacrifice.  They had some great strength and they sacrificed it for other – for a larger purpose.”

My personal sense  is that many men today feel intimidated by the use of masculine strength.   They are confused regarding their deepest motivations to make a difference. It is the nature of the masculine to initiate, with a desire to succeed.  Leanne Payne has observed that the masculine principle is  one “of orientation, direction, order and responsibility.”  We read in Genesis 2:15, “The Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden  to work it and take care of it.”  Adam was to initiate and take responsibility to take care of garden.  But after the fall Adam’s masculine ability to initiate was taxed to the fullest.  God said to him, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life” (Gen 3:17).  The fall brought about the abuse of masculine strength.

My exhortation to the men reading this blog, is not to be intimidated by the voices that are rightly critical of all the evidence of male abuse in our culture.  It is only going to get worse, when men feel trapped like a caged lion in a pen constructed by  social engineers who have no idea of what it means to be a man from God’s perspective.  Remember we are to use our God give strength to be loving, humble servants for the greater good.  This begins right at home with your wife and children.  It is here that we can “field test” our strength displayed with humility and compassion.  It will not always be easy.  But this is where we learn.

Jesus makes this very clear in Mark 10:41-45 ( Message).  “You’ve observed how godless rulers throw their weight around and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads.  It’s not going to be that way with you.  Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.  Whoever wants to be first along you must be your slave.  That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not to be served – and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage.”

We hear a lot about “‘burnout ” occurring among men in our culture.  Recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirm this fact.   It found that  among men ages 50-54, the suicide rate increased 49% between 1999 and 2010.  Overall, men are nearly four times more likely to commit suicide than women.  Men in our culture seem to be doing to much for the wrong reasons with not enough time or energy to do what is on their “to do list”.  I wonder if from time to time we need to change the paradigm in our lifestyle and considered the phenomena of “drainout”  rather than “burnout.”

I ran across this quote from Bernard of Clairvoux that could apply to drainout, in which he visualizes canals and reservoirs.  Bernard was a spiritual leader back in the 11th century. “The man who is wise, therefore, will see his life as more like a reservoir than a canal.  The canal simultaneously pours out what it receives; the reservoir retains the water till it is filled, then discharged the overflow without loss to itself……Today there are many in the church who act like canals, the reservoirs are far too rare…You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God.”  We read in I Thess. 3:12, “May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.”

What does a man do to take care of his spiritual reservoir.  First I would say, don’t be concerned about the size of your reservoir.  That is God’s concern.  Our task is having the right spiritual habits to keep our reservoir filled, irregardless of how we feel spiritually.  These habits will usually consist in taking time to be with God.  Meditating on His Word and being still before him, puts you into the position to receive. Filling will not come while you are on the run.  I know this is not easy for men.  But there is no other option.  The Psalmist tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps.46:10).  Just taking 15 minutes out of 24 hours is a good start.

Secondly, be convinced in your mind that “being” is more important than “doing.”  The doing will come out of the quality of your being.  Our attitude should be more like that of Mary when she consented to be the mother of of Lord.  “I am the Lord’s servant.  May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38).  How God keeps your reservoir filled is his work.  Like Mary our place is to consent to what God is doing.  So my third point is this: don’t try to figure out how God is doing the filling.  Come before him in honesty.  Pray something like this: “Lord, I am dry and thirsty.  I feel empty.  There is not a lot in my tank.  I have tried hard to be good and to keep going.  I come to you in deep dependence.  I don’t know how you will do it, but I come to you, asking that you renew my soul.”