Category: Brother Al (Page 41 of 68)

During the recent Golden Globe Awards, the New York Times spotlighted sexual harassment with their “truth” ad.  They acknowledge “The truth is hard.”  The ads opens with the back and forth exchange of  “He said” and “She said” that climaxes when “she said” rapidly fills the screen.  Then the campaign’s staple “truth” lines appears, asserting, “The truth has power,”  “The truth will not be threatened,” and “The truth has a voice.”

A spokesperson for the newspaper noted, “We thought that using language that has been used to silence women in the past and turning it on its head as a simple way to show the clear distinction between the way the world was a year ago and the way it is now.”  When “she said” begins to fill the screen, it felt like men were in a corner needing to face the truth. Jesus said he had come to testify to the truth.  Pilate asked Jesus  “What is truth?”

The truth in this controversy is found in relationship with God in whose image we are created as male and female.  Truth regarding sexual harassment has been apparent long before the Times began the search.  Truth is what accurately conforms to reality.  God the creator is the source of all truth.  Exodus 34:6 tells us God is, “merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth.”  Jesus who came from Father is, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).  Jesus said of himself, “I am the way and the truth and the life” ( John 14:6).  The Holy Spirit is “the Spirit of truth” ( John 14:17).  Truth may be hard to know in ourselves, but God has revealed the truth as the triune God.

The truth about human nature is found in Scripture.  Romans 1:21-22 tells us what happens to us when we leave God out of our search for what is true.  “They knew all the time that there is a God, yet they refused to acknowledge him as such, or to thank him for what he is or does.  Thus they became fatuous in their argumentations, and plunged their silly minds still further into the dark.” When we leave God out of our lives He gives up on us.  “So God said, in effect, ‘If that’s what you want, that’s what you get” (Romans 1:24 – Message).  The result, “God therefore handed them over to disgraceful passions” (Rom1:26).

So truth is hard when God hand us over to disgraceful passions.   We naturally prefer illusion, a counterfeit truth.  In II Thess 2:12 we read, “Since they refuse to trust truth, they’re were banished to their chosen world of lies and illusions.”

Yes, truth has power.  But only  God’s truth has the power to set us free.  “If you hold to my teaching,” Jesus said, “you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31).

The truth can also be very threatening because it exposes our hearts.  “For the Word that God speaks is alive and active; it cuts more keenly than any two-edged sword: it strike through to the place where the soul and spirit meet, to the innermost intimacies of a man’s being; it examines the very thoughts and motives of a man’s heart” ( Heb 4:12 – Phillips).

Truth has a voice, it is the  voice of God, who spoke everything into being.  “By the word of the Lord were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth……. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded and it stood firm” (Ps 33:6&9).  God says, “I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at my word” ( Isaiah 66:3). We need to tremble at God’s word for our day.

John Stonestreet  wonders if we are not in a “sexual harassment apocalypse,” which literally means “revealing.”  “It seems as if another celebrity or politician is outed almost every day,” notes Stonestreet, “and it’s changing our culture.”  Could it be that we are entering a new normal in male and female relationships.  Karla Jacobs suggests, “both men and women need to figure out how to navigate the new normal together, and that starts by being allies and speaking honestly with each other.”  David Masciotra believes, “Resolving the sickly lack of masculinity, along with cultivating a culture that has no tolerance for the degradation of women, are the long-term solutions for sexual harassment.”

I personally rejoice in the observation of Matt Lewis over at The Daily Beast (of all places).  This is what he actually said. “While good women and good men must band together, two specific coalitions of stakeholders within these broader categories are perhaps most important, inasmuch as they are already activists: liberal feminists and conservative Christians.”  Wow!  There’s more from Lewis: “The pendulum, it appears, is now swinging back in a more puritanical direction.  To be sure, this is a secular movement that was the product of left-leaning feminists.  But rather than resisting it, social conservatives should perhaps be cheering it on.”

Lewis wonders if social conservatives should take this opportunity to “spend some time talking about masculinity, chivalry, and old-fashioned virtues that used be called, ‘gentlemanliness.'”  He quotes  from an old piece in the New York Times about the Promise Keeper movement: “Promise Keepers extols a man who is a leader, while also possessed of characteristics once stereotyped as feminine: a nurturing parent, a model of marital fidelity, and a churchgoer who cultivates close friendships and likes to sing.”  Lewis wonders if we don’t need men like this in our day.  He quotes Bill McCartney’s observation. “If men are a principle cause of family meltdown, crime and racial strife, then men also are central to the solutions to those problems.”

Men, I could quote more sources.  But this is enough to demonstrate that as a culture we have come into a period when there is a serious search for a “new normal” in male and female relationships.  I must say, I can hardly contain myself.  What a time!  What an opportunity for the “wild men” of this blog site, to stand up and be found faithful.   When secular voices in the public square being to talk about a “lack of masculinity,” with the social pendulum swinging back to a more puritan ethic, men of Christian virtue need to make their voice heard in a loving, gentle and respectful manner.

I have desired to live with sexual integrity and moral purity all my life.  I am  grateful for God’s grace and mercy over these 52 years of marriage to my wonderful bride.  I never thought I would be allied  with radical feminist. But I agree – there should no tolerance for the degradation of women.  I also believe that the morality of these gender issues is more important then gaining the political edge in politics.  Men, I must say, I am disappointed not only in the Democrats but also the Republicans for their ethics of expedience, turning a deaf ear to the cries of wounded women for political gain.  This is wrong!!

I close with a final word from Matt Lewis (The Daily Beast): “Changing the world will require good women and men working together.  Feminists and Christian conservatives should unite around shared goals.  It sound crazy, but all we need are a few leaders who care more about fixing than scoring points.  Will they emerge?”  I pray that you are one of those men.

After Christmas we enter into the Epiphany season, celebrating  the light coming into the world.  Christian song writer, Chris Rice wrote a song entitled, “Welcome to Our World,” telling the wonder of Jesus entering our world: “Fragile finger sent to heal us/Tender brow prepared for thorn/Tiny heart whose blood will save us/Unto us is born.” It is hard to imagine the reality of Jesus, through whom, “all things came into existence” (John 1:4), who, “holds all creation together” (Col 1:17), and in whom, “the full nature of God chose to live” (Col 1:19) entered our world as a vulnerable, helpless infant.

The incarnation is a magnificent portrayal of unconditional love for each of us.  Philippians 2 describes it as the movement of the preexistent, preeminent Son of God to become the man called Jesus.  “For he, who has always been God by nature, did not cling to his privileges as God’s equal, but stripped himself of every advantage by consenting to be a slave by nature and being born a man” (Phil 2:5-6 – Phillips).

The word “strip” or “emptied” comes for the Greek word “kenosis,” meaning to sacrifice oneself for the good of others.  C.S. Lewis refers to this as a miracle.  “The Christian story is precisely the story of one grand miracle, the Christian assertion being that what is beyond all space and time, which is uncreated, eternal, came into Nature, into human nature, descended into His own universe, and rose again, bringing Nature up with Him.  It is precisely one great miracle.”  In emptying himself, Jesus is coming all the way to where we live.

The Message calls this miracle the” Life-Light.” ” What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by.  The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out.” (John 1:4-5).   Hans van Balthasar describes this  descent of divine light. “It is not our movement toward God, but God’s movement to us.  It is heaven interrupting our world….the descent of the divine light among human beings not only to shine on, to illuminate, to purify and to warm them, but through grace, to make them also shine with a light of this world.” The darkness will not prevail against the Life-Light.

Men, my sense is the darkness is getting greater in our nation.  My concern for the men reading this blog is that you are not being  pulled into the cultural darkness.  It is like a prison, where our hope gives way to the despair of being  confined in iron chains.  The Psalmist declared, “Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High (Ps 107:10-11). As a result God, “subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help” (v12).

But they cried to the Lord. “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.  He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains” (v13-14) Only Jesus, the Light of the world, can, ” breaks down gates and bronze and cuts through bars of iron” (v16).

Once out of prison,  be careful not to stumble.  “A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light” (John 11:9-10).  There is only one source of light.  That is Jesus.  All the rhetoric of the policy makers and those who implement change in our culture, are stumbling in the dark, if they ignore the light.  Don’t follow their lead.

Whatever happened to the ” War on Christmas?”  It was only a few years ago, when Christians were  insisting that we put “Christ” back into Christmas.  What happened to  the carols being sung during the holidays,  the manger scenes in  public places, and all the Christmas programs in the public schools?  It seems that Santa Claus himself might disappear in the next couple of years. A recent Pew study found that 52% of respondents said it did not matter  what kind of holiday greeting was used by people or businesses, and only 32% said they prefer to be greeted with “Merry Christmas.”

There is no better example of how our culture is losing the memory of the Christian story in the public consciousness, then the loss of “Merry Christmas.”  Earlier this month, President Trump declared in a speech, “Remember I said we’re bringing Christmas back?  Christmas is back, bigger and better than ever before….We’re bringing Christmas back and we say it now with pride…… Merry Christmas to everybody.”  He has often said, “we will by saying Merry Christmas again.”  But I am afraid the memory of a Merry Christmas is fast fading from our public consciousness, to the delight of the secularists.

The New York Times reported  The Pew study, “found that while a vast majority of Americans still celebrate Christmas, most find the religious elements of the holiday are emphasized less than in the past – and few of them care about that change.”  56% of Americans believe that the religious elements of Christmas are emphasized less now than they were in the past, but only 32% say that development bother then either “a lot” or “some.”  Today  55% of Americans say they celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, including 46% who see it as more of a religious holiday than a culture holiday and 9% who celebrate Christmas as both a religious and cultural occasion.

Speaking to church leaders, Marc Pugliese, a Christian educator, observed “…..Christmas is being watered down by everything that’s happening in the culture…..If they (church leaders) want their people to know what Christmas is about, then they are going to have to teach them that and find ways for parents to teach that to their children.”

When the narrative of Scripture fades from our cultural memory, it becomes the responsibility of the family and the church to tell the story.  The lose of Christmas is a  “wake up” call to Christian fathers. The leaders of the Reformation saw the need of people regaining a biblical view of life.  They wrote catechisms as instruction aids for the home.  Luther believed that the home was the best place for such instruction and therefore urged parents to catechize their children. Later this practice became known as instituting a ” Home Altar.”

I want to be an encouragement to young fathers reading this blog.  If you have not established a regular pattern of family devotions in your family, do so for the sake of your children.  Your witness and concern for their “soul life” will speak volumes, since no one else watches out for their souls.

God reminded the people of Israel of the need to keep the memory of the Exodus alive in the hearts of their children. “When you enter the land which God will give you as he promised keep doing this.  And when your children say to you, ‘Why are you doing this?’  tell then: “It’s the Passover sacrifice to God who passed over the homes of the Israelites in Egypt when he hit Egypt with death but rescued us” (Ex. 12:25-27  – Message).  When your kids ask about Christmas, tell them the true story.

I am preaching this Advent Season.  I have been reflecting on Jesus coming as the  “Light of the World.”  I am  visualizing the Light of Jesus as an Inner Light, that is, his  presence in our hearts. My contention is that the darkness is increasing.  In order to flourish, it will be imperative  to know that the light within is greater than the outer darkness.  John reminds us, “…the one who is in you is greater then the one who is in the world” ( I John 4:4).

Reality from a Biblical perspective can be divided into light and darkness.  The first verses of Genesis portrays the earth as, “formless and empty, [while] darkness covered the surface of the watery depths.” Creation was in chaos, with no order or meaning.  But, “the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.”  Hovering, “suggests that the Spirit of God was watching over his creation just as a bird watches over its young” (CSB study Bible).  Into this chaos God spoke, “‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.  God saw that the light was good.”  The light brings order to both inner and outer chaos.

The life that Jesus  offers us  is light that could overcome the darkness. “What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by.  The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness, the darkness couldn’t put it out’ ( John 1:4-5 – Message).  Jesus promised that he would provide all the light needed.  “I am the world’s Light.  No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness.  I provide plenty of light to live in” ( John 8:12 – Message).

But the “Life-Light” will need to be more than a concept or image in our minds.  We must open our hearts to allow the Light of Jesus’ presence to fill our inner life.  “It started when God said, ‘Light up the darkness!’  and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful” ( II Cor 4:6).  “It is not our movement toward God, but God’s movement to us. It is heaven interrupting our world….the descent of the divine light among human beings not only to shine on, to illuminate, to purify and to warm them, but through grace, to make them also shine with a light of this world” (Han van Balthasar).

I urge the men reading my blog during this Christmas season to take inventory of the inner light of Jesus’ presence.  Only the presence of Jesus will be able to combat the influence of darkness in the days to come. John calls us to take inventory of our life. “If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth – we’re not living what we claim.  But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the scarified blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin” (I John 1:6-7 – Message).

Don’t allow yourself to be “addicted to denial and illusion,” caught in the shadows, but live in  “truth and reality.”  “God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness.  They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God.  Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure.  But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is” (John 3:19-21 – Message).

I am old enough to remember the concept of “defining deviancy down” made popular by former New York senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan.  “There is always a certain amount of deviancy in a society.  But when you get too much, you begin to think that it’s not really that bad.  Pretty soon you become accustomed to very destructive behavior.” Our recent national conversion regarding  sexual harassment has shown a disturbing deviancy down regarding our sexual ethics and behavior.

It has only been a short time  since the New York Times ran its initial report on Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein’s sexual predation.  Rich Lowery of the National Review noted, “It’s difficult to think of any piece of journalism that has wrought such an instant change in American life.”  He points out how the model works. “Men with a certain prestige would make gross, aggressive, or even coercive advances on lower-status women, usually young and making their starts in their careers.  The men probably considered it a percentage play.  Sometimes, their advances might work for their purposes.  If not, they assumed that the women would stay silent out of embarrassment or fear.  Failing that, the women could be discredited or bought off.”

I personally am not surprised. Theologian Carl Trueman maintains that we have been scammed. “The notion that sex can be pursued as recreation, isolated from a larger relational and moral context, is an obvious scam.  But we keep getting mugged by reality.”  Men remember this: “Your philosophy will always dictate your morality.”  When we leave biblical morality out of our worldview, the results can easily lead sexual harassment — being mugged by reality.

Scripture warns us about falling victim to lust.  “God’s plan is to make you holy and that means a clean cut with sexual immorality.  Every one of you should learn to control his body, keeping it pure and treating it with respect, and not allowing it to fall victim to lust, as do pagans with no knowledge of God” (I Thess. 4: 3-5 – Phillips).  It was a struggle for the early church to maintain sexual purity.  The Pagan religions often included sexual orgies as part of their rites of worship, and temple prostitutes were dedicated to various gods.  In contrast, the early church taught that the body is God’s temple.

Christina Hoff Sommers wonders if  we might not be  experiencing “the Great Sex Panic of 2017.”  But she pleads, “Let’s not squander this moment.  Women and men of good will have a profound opportunity to speak honestly and work together to begin to write the next chapter in the quest for equality and dignity.”  For the wild men reading this blog, who desire to live with moral purity, exemplified by sexual integrity, this is a time for  a “spiritual morality check” of our lives, remembering that moral impurity begins in the heart.  “But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed.  Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than you body.  Those leering looks you think nobody notices – they also corrupt” (Matt. 6:28- Message).

Men, my constant struggle is to surrender my thought life, with its sexual fantasies to the Lord.  Moral purity begins in the heart, not with outward boundaries.  I pray always to be a “one-woman” man.  If you struggle with your thought life, surrender to the loving gaze of Jesus.  His gaze will prompt you to desire greater purity to your heart.  Don’t try to fool yourself into believing that you can maintain the kind of sexual purity expected of a man of God in our sensual culture simply by effort and resolve.  We all will need continual soul cleansing.

With all the attention on sexual harassment in the media, columnist Christine Emba wrote an opinion in the Washington Post entitled, “Let’s Rethink Sex.”  She asks, “If we get so worked up about sexual harassment and assault, what will happen to sex?’  That is, indeed, the sad question being asked by many women today.

Emba wonders what we should do.  “It’s unlikely that we’ll return to a society in which sexual encounters outside of marriage are disallowed or even discouraged – that sex train has already left the fornication station…….But now could be the time to reintroduce virtues such as prudence, temperance, respect, and even love.  We might pursue the theory that sex possibly has a deeper significance then just recreation and that ‘consent’ – that thin and gameable boundary – might not be the only moral sensibility we need respect.”

Embra closes with this note of hope. “If you are a decent person, the prospect of a clearer, more boundaried sexual ethic should not frighten you.  If not, have you considered that you might be part of the problem?”

I want to respond to Ms. Emba in a very personal way.  I imagine myself sitting with her, along with my bride of 52 years, telling my story.  I picture her as a confused and uncertain about her personal and professional relationship in “the sexual wastelands” of modern society.  What was started as a sexual revolution with all its freedom in the 60’s is how coming to haunt us in our relationship as male and female.  Is there a way out of this sexual waste land?  Yes!  But in my opinion it needs to be radical, in the sense that culture once again turns to the Creator of sex and his blueprint.

So I would not argue with Ms. Emba nor demean her for her views.  Rather I would share the following.

First, sex is a wonderful gift of a loving Heavenly Father.  It is to be celebrated and enjoyed by man and woman.  “When Adam saw Eve he said, ‘Finally, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!  Name her Woman for she was made from man.’  Therefore, a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife.  They become one flesh.  The two of them, the man and his wife, were naked, but they felt no shame” (Gen 2:23-25 – Message).  Judy and I stand naked and unashamed before God.

Secondly,  the “one flesh” relationship is intended for only a man and his wife. “There’s more to sex then mere skin on skin.  Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.  As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one'”  ( I Cor. 6:16 -Message).  We have given ourselves away only once.

Thirdly, it is prayer that keeps the union and flame alive.  We pray together each day, humbling ourselves before one another and the Lord.

Fourthly, my wife and I cry out for God’s mercy daily to keep our marriage alive.  This means that we humbly attempt to put the other first, asking God for grace to meet each other needs as male and female.

Fifthly, as a man I struggle with my own sexual temptations.  But I have vowed that I will always be a “one-woman-man” in private and public.

Sixthly, our prayer is that our marriage might be a witness as to how God intended a man and woman to live together in union with one another and God

Finally, I want to say to you, Ms. Emba, I am eternally grateful to God for my partnership with my bride.  It has been God’s greatest gift to me, other than God rescuing me from my sins and giving me eternal life.

I am still cleaning up after the huge wind storm from the summer of ’16,  which took down many big trees on our property.  This fall I have already burned 24 “brush piles.”  So I have spent a lot of time with fire.  While tending to fires, I’ve had a lot of time to think, pray, and simply watch what fire does to those big plies of wood.  John of the Cross’s image of God’s fire consuming wood has continually challenged me to walk in purity before the Lord.  Wood consumed by fire becomes fire. It is transformed.

I thought about God being “a consuming fire” and having that fire in my heart.  Remember John, the Baptist said of Jesus, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire” (Luke 3: 16).  Later Jesus warned, “I’ve come to start a fire on this earth” (Luke 12:49 -Message).  When the Spirit was given on Pentecost, those present, “saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them” (Acts 2:4).  I Cor. 3:13 indicates that our life style will be tested by fire. “It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.” Paul warns, “Do not put out the Spirit’s fire”( I Thess 5:19).

In the Old Testament fire on the altar was never to go out.  “The fire on the altar must be kept burning; it must not go out.  Every morning the priest is to add firewood and arrange the burnt offering on the fire…” (Lev. 6:12).   There was to be no “strange” or “unauthorized” fire on altar, that is, fire not authorized by God.  Numbers 10:1 tells of Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu taking their censers, putting fire in them, adding incense, and them offering unauthorized fire before the Lord.  As a result, “fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord” (Numbers 10:2).

It is tempting for me to try and make myself alive spiritually with unauthorized fire. I call it “cranking it up.”  But I can’t  keep the flame burning. It is kindled by the Holy Spirit from within.  My part is in yielding to the movement of the Spirit in my heart.  I need to be aware when I am trying to lite my own fire.  It will always be” unauthorized.”  We read in Isaiah 50:19-20 ( Message), “For anyone out there who doesn’t know where you’re going, anyone groping in the dark, here’s what: Trust in God…….But if all you’re after is making trouble, playing with fire, go ahead and see where it gets you. Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames.  But don’t expect me to just stand there and watch.  I’ll hold your feet to those flames.”  I have often blown on the flames only to get burned.

When I sit, tending the fire so all the wood will be properly burned, I still need to respect how the fire will burn.  I remember  God is a “consuming fire” in my life.  Because of his great love,  my heavenly Father desires to burn the religious junk out of my life.   My perspective of the burning will be much different then that of my Father.  Being aware of his love and mercy for me, should make me thankful for the burning.  “An do you see how thankful we must be?  Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God.  For God is not an indifferent bystander.  He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed.  God himself is Fire! (Heb 12:28-29 – Message).

As a fairly well integrated elderly male, I disagree with comments made by  former First Lady, Michelle Obama at a recent conference in Chicago. She wondered publicly whether society may be protecting men to believe they  are “entitled” and “self-righteous.”  The focus, in her opinion, has been  on raising strong girls and protecting boys. “The problem in this world today,” observed Ms. Obama, “is we love our boys and we raise our girls…..We raise them [girls]  to be strong and sometimes we take care not to hurt men…..We nurture men and push girls to be perfect.”

I  have  a different perspective on how men and boys are being raised in our culture.  I do agree there should be a concerted emphasis on raising strong girls, encouraging  them to secede.  But to say, on the other hand, that men and boys are being protected, so as not to hurt them is simply not true.  The current cultural mandate, as expressed by third wave feminism is certainly not to “nurture” men, while loving our boys.  I don’t think many men, especially younger men, feel entitled or self-righteous.  Rather men are confused, feel threatened, and insecure.  They need other godly men, not feminist to help them “man up.”

My argument with Ms. Obama would be, why not strive for both strong men and strong women.  That would be the implications of Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”  God never intended one to be more superior then the other.  Rather, together as male and female, we are to reflect the likeness of God. “When God created human beings, he made them to be like himself.  He created them male and female, and he blessed them and called them human” (Genesis 5:1-2).

There was one piece of advise Ms. Obama gave in her remarks, however, in which I agree.  She implied that men need to be more relational.   “Men,” she observed, “need a support network of friends” to be able to talk with each other.  In a rather sarcastic tone she said, “Talk about why Y’ll are the way you are.”  I totally agree.  I have said this often in my blogs.  Men need to get together, tell their stories, listen to each other pain, and cry out to God for help in the healing of their masculine  souls. And yes, I agree that men need to repent of any sense of “entitlement” or “self-righteousness.” Through a secure masculine soul, men need to be able to narrative their story as both servants and warriors in our confused culture.

I refuse to except the idea that men need to be protected or nurtured  by strong women.  Together men need to rise up and take their rightful place in God’s order of creation. I read recently a quote from John Steinbeck’s “The Grapes of Wrath,”  about  men not breaking.  “Men stood by their fences and looked at the ruined corn, drying fast now, only a little green showing through the film of dust.  The men were silent and they did not move often.  And the women came out of the house to stand beside their men – to feel whether this time the men would break….After a while the faces of the watching men lost their bemused perplexity and became hard and angry and resistant.  Then the women knew that they were safe and that there was no break…Women and children know deep in themselves that no misfortune was too great to bear if their men were whole.”

Lord strengthen the souls of men reading this blog, so that they will not break in the coming days.

In a recent article in Harper’s Bazaar entitled, “Women Aren’t Nags – We’re just Fed up,” Gemma Hartley, talks about the disappointment of her husband not doing enough of the emotional labor in their marriage  –  all of the behind-the-scenes planning and thoughtfulness that goes into a life run smoothly.  Hartley and many others feel women bear a uneven and unfair amount of this work. Men are often thought of as clueless husbands and fathers who can’t do anything right.

These images of men are often depicted in commercial advertising.  There is a name of it: “Femvertising.”  “The ‘man as a dope’ imagery has gathered momentum over the last decade, and critics say that it has spiraled out of control.  It is nearly impossible, they say, to watch commercials or read ads without seeing helpless, hapless men.”  This was written in 2007.  The trend continues in our day.

Hartley admitted in the article that she did not “want to micromanage housework.  I want a partner with equal initiative.”  When I read this article, I could not help but think of the countless sessions I’ve spent with young couples getting married.  I usually had a time when I asked if they knew the emotional needs of the other and how to meet those needs. Most of the time they had no clue as what this meant.  In this blog I want to focus on the husband’s meeting the emotional needs of his wife.  In nearly every session, when I helped a man to  understand what the basic emotional needs of his soon to be wife were, the woman would always agree.

That need is stated simply: “to be number #1 in the husband’s life.”  This means that the husband thinks of  his bride as the  most wonderful woman on the face of the earth.  He tell  her often in many creative ways, demonstrating this sentiment by the way he treated her.  Her security is  knowing that she comes before anything else in her future husband life except the Lord.  I would remind the young man that he will  have to demonstrate this in thought, word and deed.  This meant that his ego needs would have to be surrendered before those of his wife.  Ephesians 5:22-ff makes this abundantly clear.

Men, after 52 years of marriage, along  with years in pastoring couples, I am absolutely convinced that the emotional needs of a man and woman in the marriage dance are different.  Learning the emotional steps of the marriage dance is paramount. My task has been to put Judy first on my priority list, demonstrate that truth in word, deed, and emotional involvement, dying  to my rights and desires, and willing to be a  servant to Judy  as my help mate.  I can testify that it will take care of most of “the emotional load” issues.  In other words, I am to take the initiative in meeting the emotional needs of my wife.  Most often the wife will respond in kind.

This simple principle making my wife number #1 is easy to define, but very difficult to live out in the tugs and pulls of marriage.  For me it has meant continues repentance of my improper behavior and attitude.  I have to set the emotional tone for our marriage dance.  The Message in Ephesians 5:25 gets right to the point. “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving and not getting.” If a husband is willing to follow this advise from the Apostle Paul, a lot of the struggles relating to carrying the emotional load would be resolved.