Let us understand that God is not just wanting to deal with wrongs we have done, but wants to help us with what is really going on underneath in our thoughts, feelings and attitude. We may say we forgive someone, yet wish something terrible would happen to them to teach them a lesson, rather than praying for them to find the Lord. Our words often say one thing, but our thoughts and feelings may be those of judgment and even hate.
John Ortberg writes some helpful things that can help set us free to live in forgiveness, and begins by telling us to make a list of those we have hurt in an emotional sense, spiritually, physically or financially. Then we ask, how can God help us repair the damage so bitterness doesn’t grow in our own heart. Of course, we would rather make the list of those who have hurt us! But we are responsible only for ourselves and our hurtful words, etc. and must be willing to make things right, as we try to see our behavior through the eyes of the other. It helps to follow through by naming what we did, and give decisional forgiveness that agrees to not get even or hold their mistakes against them. When we put ourself in their place, we can better understand the situation from their perspective. Then Ortberg suggests offering forgiveness as a gift from the heart, for they are another person for whom Jesus died. In the long run, we may even see this situation helped us grow.
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