“Be a Man!”  These were  words I keep hearing within me, as I was alone on my daily walk.  Judy was not along,  so I took the time to reflect on my  spiritual journey and my relationship with my wife.  My heart was troubled  because of the frustration and confusion I felt in the verbal interaction with my wife.  There are times when I feel like I am in “a relational fog,” unsure my responses. I am learning to go below the surface to understand my feelings, not wanting to blame my wife.  I need to stay in the moment as a man and not react as a rebellious boy.  

As I walked and prayed a challenging thought came to me.  “You are going to have to humble yourself before your wife.”  I did not relish the prospects of being humbled.  However, I began to see I was not behaving  like a man, who had been married for over 60 years.  As I pondered my responses to our interaction , I could trace my feelings back to those of my childhood home environment, where I felt confused and misunderstood as a boy. 

I have been willing for the Holy Spirit to go deeper into my inner life.  The awareness of a wounded boy, kept coming into my awareness. My wife was not at fault for my reaction.  Judy, responding to me as my wife, was only triggering a response that made me feel like a young boy interacting to my mother.  It was indeed humbling for me to admit I was acting like a frightened  boy.  But that boyish response was not a healthy response, in a adult dialogue with my loving and caring wife.  I had to admit my anger, frustration and most of all alienation.  I had to own those feelings which caused me to  react in a childish manner.

I share this vulnerable moment in the hope that it might help a reader of this blog.  Here are some “helpful tips” for your ongoing journey with your wife, from someone who still has a lot to learn after 61 year with a woman who is one of the most consistent and spiritual persons I know. Remember, it take “two to tango.”  My growth is often reflected in the growth  taking place with “my bride.”

First, we  are learning to give each other emotional space to fail.  For me this means  my wife accepts my failings, while “hanging in there” as I come to awareness of my sinful patterns.  Please, remember all the will power and mental gymnastics will not get to your deeper responses.  I thank God, for the space my wife gives me.

Secondly, please remember, as the man, you need to humble yourself first.  This is how you take the lead.  You clear the air, admit your fault, ask for prayer and cherish your wife.  Period!!

Thirdly, don’t be afraid of “the inner journey.” If your gaze is on the Lord and you are  committed to Scripture as your frame of reference, be a man and face the dark secrets hidden in your heart.  Don’t try to tough it out.  That is  weakness.  A strong man can humble himself when it is necessary.

Fourthly, make a commitment to the Lord and your wife  to “Cherish” her, which means you will protect and care for your wife, even  when those times of “relational fog” set in. 

We read in I Peter 5: 5-6, “‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”