“Situationships” is “slang for relationships of an undefined nature. They solve some animalistic need for intimacy or companionship with potentially zero strings attached,” writes Andrea Mew of the Independent Women’s Forum.  Mew calls our attention to the selling of Sweethearts candies traditionally sold for Valentine’s Day.  She informs us that the Sweethearts candies with their cute sayings (though sometimes smudgy and illegible) have been reintroduced in a new marketing campaign.  Sweethearts are now being sold online as “Sweethearts Situationships,” and touted to display “messages as blurry as your relationship.” 

Mew tweeted, “This Valentine’s Day, feel reaffirmed by your holiday candy selection to ditch the commitment and romanticize having shallow, casual relationships that provide short-term satisfaction at best, and damaged attachment styles at worst!”  Situationships, she warns, are a “modern rebrand of ‘friends with benefits.”’  Sweethearts candies essentially capitalizes on a mediocre product by repackaging and rebranding it as “Situationships.”  Another tweet had this response: “Filled entirely with sweet, meaningless nothings and literal mixed messages, this special box of candies is blurry enough for any undefined relationship.” Mew warns us, “We’ve cheapened sexuality by erasing the mystery of promiscuity and destigmatized what was once a normal dose of taboo and shame.” 

In the end Mew ponders, “Is it any wonder why people seem so down on dating when they’re not really getting to know each other on an emotionally intimate level, there’s no consistency and expectations, and there’s no talk about a future together to look forward to?”  

When I read about “Situationships,” I thought of Paul’s words in I Thess. 4:3-5: “Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity.  Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God” (Message).  It is well known that the Gospel flourished in a culture that was every bit as promiscuous as ours.  The growing church brought about a significant cultural shift in how men and women related to each other.

As one who lived through the sexual revolution and has now been married for 58 years, I give testimony to the blessing of having been a “one woman man” all my life.  I identify with the words of Proverbs 5:18-19, “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth.  She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.  Let her breasts satisfy you always.  May you always be captivated by her love” (NLV).  Having an unblurred 58-year relationship has been both a great blessing as well as a great commitment to savor.

I take issue with a candy company reinforcing the idea that an intimate male-female relationship can be “situational.” No – the relationship is holy, established by the Creator and meant to last for a lifetime.  God made man and woman in his image, and has given us the sacred relational gift of “marriage.”  It is meant to be a covenant relationship lived out in the presence of God. Jesus reminds us that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:5-6). 

My advice is the same as I shared with students at Drake University in the mid-1980’s. The secret to a successful relationship is prayer, because three vital elements of relationship are then put in order.  First, the spiritual; second, the emotional; and lastly, the physical.  A blurred relationship messes up the order, with the physical being first, and thereby blurring what God intends to be holy.   

The journal Public Discourse celebrated its fifteenth anniversary by republishing an article by Mark Regnerus entitled “The Truth about Men, Women and Sex.”  In the article, Regnerus explains the fundamental differences between men and women, pertaining primarily to their differing sexualities.  The journal notes recent revelations about sexual harassment, assault, and abuse as underscoring the blunt realities about men, women, and sex. “How can we confront those realities in a way that leads to less sexual violence?”  Below are three blunt truths:

First, “men’s sex drives are, on average, stronger and less discriminating than women’s.”  The sex offender registry is populated mostly by men.  “Men,” notes Regnerus, “seem ready to jeopardize career, marriage, family, and reputation – all because of genital urges.”  Women’s sexual instincts are less impulsive and more selective.  This is true across all human cultures.  “This is why marriages tends to settle down the male libido and it is wives who do this because of their very different sexual drive and interests.

Second, “Men have the upper hand in the contemporary mating market, even as – and partly because – women are flourishing economically and educationally.”  Men feel freer to take the sexual satisfaction they desire, while women feel more pressured to give it because so many women have given up on expecting men to wait until marriage to gain full access to female sexuality.  This is the result of contemporary sexual economics.  In most civilized cultures, men must come to women to negotiate access to their sexuality.  But a “hook-up” culture has weakened this exchange.  The feminist movement has taught women to become more like men.  As a result, many women are lonely and unhappy.

Third, “Women are usually smaller and weaker than men” and therefore more vulnerable to male aggression.  As a result, “women are more prone to find themselves in situations of sexual risk with regard to men.”  Regnerus reminds us, “Women are due not just consent or respect.  They are owed actions and words that consistently uphold their bodily integrity, security, and dignity.”  But in our day, women are getting less of this kind of behavior as they seek to meet their male sexual partners on their own terms.  Women are becoming more objectified rather than honored and cherished because of their feminine power. 

In Regnerus’ opinion, “the more we ignore the differences between men and women in human sexuality, the worse this inequity and women’s declining happiness will get.”  I thought of the advice given to married men in Proverbs 5:15-17: “Drink water from your well – share your love only with your wife.  Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone?  You should reserve it for yourselves.  Never share it with strangers” (NLT).  This scripture paints a picture of faithfulness in marriage, telling men to enjoy the spouse God has given them.  

Remember Paul’s advice to us who have a tiger in our tank of the need to be tamed: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor. 7:9).  Proverbs depicts the picture of a man enjoying a sexual relationship with his wife.  “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is loving deer, a graceful doe.  Let her breasts satisfy you always.  May you always be captivated by her love” (Prov. 5:18-19). “God does not intend faithfulness in marriage to be boring, lifeless, pleasureless, or dull” (Application Bible). It can indeed be joyful, satisfying, enriching, pleasureful, and abundant.