In early 2010 ,James Houston wrote an article entitled “The Independence Myth” with the subtitle “Only our soul friends can show us the ecology of evil within us.”  Dr. Houston asks, “Could a new understanding of such terms as spiritual direction provide pointers to what is needed in our congregational life?  Could it be that in our search for ‘revival,’ making our pastoral care more holistic would save us from what seems like a constant need to pump air into leaky tires.”  He goes on to identify three such leaky tires. Men, do we have a leaky tire.

First, he mentions, the “mistaken notion that if only we preach and teach enough the congregation will ‘know the truth.'” Instruction alone maintains  Dr. Houston, “is no substitute for the relational inspiration and the quality of life we can give each other in “soul friendships.'”  “As long as we assume that ‘talk’ automatically leads to living the gospel, there will be spiritual leakage.” 

A second leak “has to do with our confused identity as Christians.”   It is “fatal to Christian ministry to find one’s identity in being the pastor or elder or deacon, instead of being ‘in Christ Jesus.'”  Thirdly, Houston identifies the “moral leakage among us.” He sees a “nation of the morally stillborn,”  who are more like “the morally retarded,” showing little behavioral difference from the culture.   

These leakages reveal the lack of the discipline and ordering of our emotional lives, attitudes and motives,  which need to be incorporated in our teaching.  We often can be blind to the depth of original sin.  Houston observes, “If sin is self-deceiving, then I need a soul friend to give me insights into the ways I am deceived, or insensitive, or hardened by sin within me.”  A true spiritual friend helps us to see “the inner ecology of evil” in our heart.  

Dr. Houston sees the need to prioritize the “emotional education of our inner lives.”   An “over rationalized faith” can lead to more talk then walk.   ” {When} authentic spiritual guidance” notes Houston. “reveals the reality of human sin, and the relevance of Christ’s lordship and redemption to our emotions and our minds, then it will help expose the intrinsically self-deceiving character of sin in our lives.”   Those who are most rational in control of their lives, will “scorn the relevance of soul friendship.”   However, a sincere soul friend can expose our inner ecology of sin.  

Houston, asks why is prayer so neglected among believers?  His answer is intriguing.  “It reflects our general fear of intimacy, which in turn is responsible for our lack of deep friendships, and indeed for the whole undernourishment of the relational life.”  One of the aims of spiritual guidance and direction is to help with our life of prayer.  Spiritual friend can be  encouraging in our struggle with prayer.  

Finally, Dr. Houston reminds us, the life of the Christian is grounded in the mystery of the Trinity.  “We all need to see the divine Trinity as the archetypal reality of our expression of community, communion, and spiritual life together.”  Each person of the Trinity is “for-the -other.” each having “identify-in-the-other,” but yet one God.  “Spiritual  friendship means the friendship of those who are the prayerful companions of God.”  With spiritual friends we can experience “a comfortable walking with God.”

Houston warns there are no “paid friends” who are experts, rather”these qualities only appear when the Spirit of God blows softly over dry bones as the prophet saw in his vision.  And therein lies our hope.”  

My advice, find a male spiritual friend.  Make it a priority.  Don’t be a spiritual “Lone Ranger.” 

I appreciate “Breakpoint.”  I go there each day as I attempt to make sense of today’s world.   A recent article was entitled, “Ready to change the world?  Eat dinner with your family.”  The article contained an enlightening quote from Dr. Anne Fishel, the director of the Family Dinner Project, regarding the family around the dinner table. “Regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, and anxiety, and substance abuse, and eating disorders, and tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience and higher self-esteem.” 

Even with all these benefits, only 54% of American families sit down to a daily mealtime.  The article noted many family dinner times are “constantly besieged by digital distraction, such as the smartphone and tablets.”  Neil Postman years ago, warned “(a) family that does not or cannot control the information environment of its children is barely a family at all.”  

The Breakpoint article reflected on the dramatic shift in our collective cultural imagination. Jewish political scholar, Yoram Hazony observes a cultural shift, in which it is not so much disbelief taking place, but rather of dishonoring  of our essential institutions and the traditions kept by them.  “The breakdown of the family, the compromise and collapse of our religious consensus, and the loss of civil society has contributed greatly to an uncritical acceptance of bad ideas and destructive patterns of behavior,” observes Hazony.

Hazony laments conservatives having “little intention of actually engaging in those practices worth conserving.”  Practices such as keeping the sabbath, reading scripture, attending religious services, and regular family dinners are seen more as nostalgic traditions.  Civic duty and political change needs, however, to include how we live, especially with those closest to us.  Dr. Fishel observes regular family dinners as a predictor of long-term success in family life.  For school-aged kids, frequent family mealtime is “an even more powerful predictor of high achievement scores than time spent in school, doing homework, playing sports, or doing art.”

The breakpoint article ends with this challenge and encouragement.  “It may sound too simple to be true, but it’s not.  One way that Christians can make a lasting, significant difference in politics is by protecting and cultivating the dinner table.  The future of our nation may indeed depend on whether Christians make family mealtimes, as one non-Christian sociologist has described, a “‘sacred space’…….It matters greatly who is in the White House, but it matters so much more who we are in our houses, in our houses of worship, and around our dinner tables.

I am writing this blog with many memories of having  of my family, having what was  called “the family altar.”  It centered around the table used for family meals. The suggest was for the head of the family to use  the main meal of the day as an opportunity for 1) family discussion, 2) sharing of concerns, and 3) devotions after the meal.  The table is a symbol of gathering and conversation. In my recollection of those day, I saw myself, for better or worse, to be the facilitator of devotions and conversation. 

My Testimony –  It is vital for a growing family to have a time of open and free conversation on a daily basis if at possible.  I found this commitment meant discipline and planning.  I had to “lean into” the table fellowship. showing interest and compassion for my wife and kids.  Sometimes it was difficult to “be present.” Most challenging was leading in devotions after the meal.  Looking back  I am thankful our “table talk.”

“Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table” (Ps 128:3 NLT).