Larry Crabb, made this observation regarding men, in his book, “The Silence of Adam.”  “Men are easily threatened.  And whenever a man is threatened, when he becomes uncomfortable in places within himself that he does not understand, he naturally retreats into an arena of comfort or competence, or he dominates someone or something in order to feel powerful.  Men refuse to feel the paralyzing and humbling horror of uncertainty, a horror that could drive them to trust, a horror that could release in them the power to deeply give themselves in relationship.”  Do you feel threatened by the unpredictable nature of seeing all those relatives again?  How will you react when you feel uncomfortable?  What about the uncertainty of those “relational minefields.”  Here are a few tips for negotiating the “mine fields” of relationships.

First, and foremost, make sure your heart is clear.  What do I mean?  Let me tell you from personal experience, that if you have not forgiven and let go of any bitterness, resentment or anger towards any family member,  they will have a “hook” into your soul.  Only with a “clear heart” will you be able to accept another family member for who they are, created in God’s image, a fallen person just as you are.  Keep “short accounts” with the offenses that have been committed against you, by forgiving and letting the others go. Men, don’t let another family member steal your peace.  You might have to practice  continual forgiveness during your gathering

Secondly, when you let someone go through forgiveness, who has been stuck cross-ways in your heart, you create space  in your heart for that person.  This will allow you to practice hospitality.  You will be able to welcome that person’s presence into your space, rather than wanting to avoid them or become defensive in their presence.  With a “clear heart” you will have the grace to give up  your expectations of how they should be relating to you.  Remember you will not be able to control the dynamics that will be on display in your family gathering.

Thirdly, in humility  confess and admit to the Lord, that you do not have love for all those family members.  This is very normal.  After all, you are related to family members who are very different then you, having their unique perspective on the family dynamic.  Nothing keeps me more humble.  I cry out for mercy and grace before and during our get together.  I ask for a heart and mind that will be openly accepting of others.  Each one can teach me more about how I  still have  to die to my  way of viewing  family relationships.

Fourthly, determine to be an instrument of peace.  Above all else, don’t let gossip, slander, or backbiting be a part of your conversation.  Determine before  hand to put the best construction on other relatives.  Go into your family gathering with  a “servant’s heart.”   Practice what I call “holy courtesy” by showing a genuine interest in the story of all your relatives, no matter how they might treat you.   I have to continually ask  myself, “How best  can  I  contribute to the harmony and unity of the  family?”

Here is good reminder from Col 3:13-14, “Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.” (Message).  Men, ask God for grace and mercy to be clothed with this “all-purpose garment.”

When Judy and I were raising our family, we had the practice of having family devotions after our evening meal.  I always tried to make  our conversation relevant to our children’s lives.  On one particular  evening as I was sharing, I said to my gathered family that, “Dad got spanked today.”  The kids  got real wide-eyed, wondering how this could happen to their father.  It so happened that I had gotten a speeding ticket that day for going 45 in a 30 speed zone.  I told the kids that I had been wrong and deserved the ticket, even though I had been in a hurry, not realizing how fast I had been traveling.

I tell this story in order to make an observation about the recent riots regarding the death of two black men at the hands of police officers.  I have no intent to assign blame or innocence.  I want to reference something that all the national discussion often misses.  That is the disrespect of authority.  We read in the Message, “The police aren’t there just to be admired in their uniforms.  God also has an interest in keeping order, and he uses them to do it.  That’s why you must live responsibly – not just to avoid punishment but also because it’s the right way to live.” (Rom 13:4-5).  I told my kids during devotions that the police officer is a servant of God, put there to bring  law and order.

Men, we need to model to our children, respect for authority.  I knew I had to honor authority and follow the laws, even when no one was watching but my family. We taught our children to obey authority by our example.  It was not always easy to be under the authority of a church council or to submit to the leadership of my bishop.  We told our children that their teachers were authorities that they need to obey while at school.  There were a few incidents where it was rather painful to have our children submit to the final authority of others.  Rules are meant to be obeyed ; those placed in authority were to be respected.

Men that is missing today.  I think we all know that.  There are a lot of very angry young men today, who literally hate the authority imposed by the police.  Granted, police make mistakes. But why is there so much hatred.  In my humble opinion, it again comes back the the lack of fathering.  Young men are growing up without having a loving, caring male to  establish limits in their  lives.  They are been taught by misguided elders to push the  limits of the law.  Young men gather in groups that only fuel their anger.  I believe we are seeing the  brake down  of our civil order, because  of the failure of absent fathers.  Society will not change till the fatherless issues is addressed in our culture

My plea to the fathers who read this blog is this.  Place yourself under the authority and Lordship of Jesus.  Literally tell your kids that, “Jesus is the boss in this house.  Starting with me, as your father, we will honor Jesus and live as  respectable members of our community.”  I know from painful experiences that your children are watching and will learn lessons that all the education in the world cannot provide.  Remember the words of Joshua, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

On “The Troubles,” a song off of U2’s latest album “Songs of Innocence,” the band observes that the  loss of one’s soul is far more serious than any social or political problem: “Somebody stepped inside your soul/Somebody stepped inside your soul/Little by little they robbed  and stole/’Til somebody else as in control.”  These words are a soul alert for men to be  paying attention to their souls. The Austin band “Spoon” has named their new album “They Want My Soul.”  The title track describes an urban pilgrim who sees that everyone he encounters want the same thing: “Card sharks and street preachers want  my soul/All the sellers and palm readers want my soul.”  These words are a warning to be vigilant in the care of our souls.

Over twenty years ago, Thomas Moore wrote a book that alerted our culture to our loss of soul.  “The greatest malady of the 20th century, implicated in all our troubles and affecting us individually and socially, is ‘loss of soul.’  When soul is neglected, it doesn’t just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, and loss of meaning.”  As astute social critics of culture, U2 calls us to pay attention to our souls.  Twice in their song we have this refrain, “I have a will for survival/So you can hurt me and hurt me some more/I can live with denial/But you’re not my trouble anymore.” The words, “But you’re not my trouble anymore” are rather haunting.  While living in denial, as a means of protection, is there the real possibility of becoming hardened?  We may become brittle and inflexible in our relationships.  If you wonder about  this is happening to you, check with your wife or someone who knows you well.

One of the passions of this blog, is for men to become soulful.  The call is to pay attention to our souls.  The Psalmist cried, “Awake, my soul!” (Ps. 57:8)  In Psalm 130:6 the Psalmist depicts his  soul being more awake then the morning watchmen; alert, attentive and aware.  “My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait fro the morning.” (v6) Men, don’t neglect the condition of your soul.  According to Dallas Willard, “What is running your life at any given  moment is  your soul.  Not external circumstances, not your thoughts, not your intentions, not even your feelings, but your soul.  The soul is  that aspect of your whole being that correlates, integrates, and enlivens everything going on in the various dimensions of the self.  The soul is the life center of human beings.”  There is a lot going on in our souls. As one observer of our soul life puts it, “Where I find nothing done by me, much may have been done  in  me.”

We need to be mindful of the words of Jesus, “What good will it  be for  a man  if  he gains  the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? (Matt 16:26).  Or as The Message puts it, “What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself?  What could you ever trade your soul for?”  Don’t neglect or be fearful of your soul.  Pay attention to your soul life, by being quiet and listening to what your life is telling you, instead of dictating how you think  life should be.  The soul brings us down into realities of life, while we have the tendency to life on the surface.

Do you know the meaning of “misandry”  The simple dictionary definition is “a hatred of men.”  We hear  often about “misogyny,” the hatred of women,” but little about misandry.  In a recent panel discussion entitled “Mad men, modern family: examining the role of men in social development.” the question was asked, “Is the  cultural conversation about men, accessible to men?”  The reply from Dr. Paul Nathanson, author of several books on attitudes  towards men said “No.”  Do you the cultural trend being largely  negative towards men?  Men are having to “check their privilege.”  The implication for men seems to be; “your opinions on matters of  sexual and social importance are less important, your experience is less valid, and any offense you may have  felt is less offensive than the offense you have dealt.”

As observers  of culture have warned, the pendulum between the excesses of misogyny and  misandry will continue to swing, one extreme to the next. It could be that in our present confused culture, the dominant media seems to be portraying the rise of  women, which then necessities the fall of men.  As one observer put it, “Believing almost everything we read and  hear, disparaging or demeaning remarks about men are culturally permissible, largely acceptable, and most often left wholly unaddressed.”

There is a new phenomenon among online  videos.  It involves women, men and the former being incessantly harassed  by the latter.  The best known was made by Shoshanna Roberts,who was filmed walking the streets of New York amid catcalls and sexual comments.  It has attracted a staggering 36 million views, and has been hailed as a much-needed exposure of the plight of a woman in 21st century society.  The presence of decent men have now become strikingly absent online.  It seems that men are guilty until proven innocent.  This only reinforces gender stereotyping.  One commentator has noted that, “The more the online anti-men trend gains traction, the more women will be deprived of decent male allies in the battle against abuse.”

Southern Baptist ethicist, Russell Moore, speaking at the Vatican Colloquium on Marriage and Family remarked, “The Sexual Revolution is not liberation at all, but simply the imposition of a different sort of patriarchy.  The Sexual Revolution empowers men to pursue a Darwinian fantasy of the predatory alpha-male, rooted in the values  of power, prestige  and  personal pleasure….We see the wreckage of sexuality as self-expression all around us, and we will see more yet.”  The best evidence for this is the “objectifying” of women in the porn industry, which is booming even among evangelical men.  This only adds fuel to the  “feminist fire” regarding men. So the question is “How should a man behave?”

First, when with other women admit freely how men have wronged women for too long in our culture.  I have often publicly confessed the sins of men in the present of women’s groups where I have shared on masculine spirituality.  We are guilty of gross misogyny.  I also confess my own history of misogyny.  Men, if any of you have the vestiges of misogyny in  your heart because of the issues you have had with mother or other women in your life, it is vital that you deal with the seeds of bitterness that are in your heart.  Secondly, love you wife; cherish her as God’s greatest gift to you.  Other women will be watching how you treat your wife.  Your greatest witness to other women is your relationship to your wife.  Thirdly, celebrate the complementarity of male and female.  We need each other.

The Vatican recently sponsored an international colloquium on the complementarity of man and woman in marriage entitled “Humanum.”  I watched the first 15-minute video produced for this event: “The Destiny of Humanity: On the Meaning of Marriage.”  I was deeply moved by the thoughtful manner in which the video presented the truth of marriage between one man and one woman being woven into the very fabric of creation.  In the beginning, Philosopher Peter Kreeft observes: “The masculine and feminine are cosmological.  They are not limited to humans, or even just to animals.  Every language that I know of, except English, has masculine or feminine nouns … the sun and moon, the day and night, the water and the rocks … but most today think this is a projection of our sexuality into the universe.  That makes  us strangers to the universe.  The God who invented human sexuality also invented the universe; the two fit.  It’s a much happier philosophy: we fit the nature of things.” N.T. Wright adds that the complementarities of creation reache their climax “in the creation of human beings in the image of God … an image which has male-plus-female at the heart of it.”

I came away with a some reassuring observations.   First,  I was moved to celebrate the uniqueness of my marriage to my wife, Judy.  Sometimes the complementarity of marriage has caused me frustration, because my wife is so different from me.  But this is how it is meant to be. Paul reminds us that our marriages are a mystery to be entered into, not something to figure out.  “… And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become  ‘one flesh.’  This is huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all” (Eph. 5:31-32 – The Message).  Men, don’t try to solve the mystery of your marriage. Rather, celebrate your marriage.  Ask God for grace to enter into this mystery, so you can learn from your “better half.”  God has given her to be your “helpmate.”  She is intended to be your complement. Pay attention to what God wants  to teach you through “your better half.”

Secondly, I was very encouraged to see how the complementarity of masculine and feminine is woven into all of creation.  This reality goes far beyond the gender struggles we see in our culture, the “war on women” of the early part of the century being one of the ugliest manifestations of culture’s distorted view.  Writing in First Things, C. C Pecknold had this to say about the message of the video: “The male and female union is the universal heart of human life and existence. It has a ripple-effect on all of humanity.  But this has a powerful corollary: new sexual ideologies will fall not simply because Christians oppose them,  but because they cannot withstand the gravity of nature, or the weight of glory given in human existence itself.”  This comment reminds me of C. S. Lewis’ contention that masculinity and  femininity are rooted in God and have  transcendent dimensions.  Men, don’t let certain voices of our confused culture rob you of the joy of living in a complementary relationship with your wife.

Men, I strongly encourage you to go online and watch the six videos produced for this conference  (Humanum).  You will not be disappointed.  They are awe inspiring.  Share them with you wife and children.  Be sure to view them with other men.  By the way, Rich Warren and Russell Moore (both prominent evangelicals) also spoke at  this conference. I believe Humanum will have an impact for the Kingdom.  Praise God for the moving of His Spirit in our day.

I have mentioned Dr. James Houston in previous blogs. In his book, “The Heart’s Desire,” he states that “chastity is emotional sincerity, by which we express our emotions openly, not dishonestly.  It involves how we really feel.”  Chasity is an old-fashion word that needs to be in the vocabulary of men in our day.  It involves more then sexual purity.  Chastity, “is not a deadening of the heart,” according to Ronald Rolheiser, “a stripping away of our sexuality, but a deeper maturity that lets our sexual energies flow out in a more life-giving way.”  “To tamper with the sincerity of your emotional life,” observes John MacMurry,  “is to destroy your inner integrity, to become unreal to yourself and to others, to lose the capacity of knowing what you feel.  There is nothing more destructive of all that is valuable in human life.”  A man with a healthy chaste life will reflect an ongoing integration of sexual purity and emotional integrity.

Men pride themselves in being objective, able to fix and  solve problems.  We like to be  under control. But our journey into a Christlike character involves not only ascent into greater intimacy with God, but also descent into the realities of our soul life. This I have always found to be this messy and confusing. I continue to struggle with the integration of sexual purity and emotional integrity. I know I am not alone.  Paul reflects this frustration in Romans 7.  “I realize that I don’t have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can’t do it.  I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not  to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions….don’t result in actions.  Something  has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” (vs.18-20 – Message)  Men, we can not “fix” our inner life.  We have to welcome and embrace what is there.  Bringing  integration to our sexual energy and our emotional life is a life  long  project.

A chaste man does not live in denial of his sexuality, rather he desires to properly  channels his sexual energy, while being honest and  open about his emotional life.  Since chastity is emotional sincerity, there is no need to repress sexual desires, but accept them realistically.  Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”  The Message puts it this way. “You’re blessed when you get your inside world – your mind and heart – put right.  Then you can see God in the outside world.”  It  was a great relief to me on my spiritual journey, when I  could stand in the light of God’s love,  knowing that I had deep sexual passions, that needed to be rightly channeled and integrated with my emotion life.  Trying to control all this energy by will power proved to be unfruitful.  What has been most helpful for me, is to live in openness and honestly before the Lord, in full recognition and acceptance of an embodied spirituality, which includes my sexual desires, while embracing my deepest desires for God and an acceptance of my emotional needs

I have struggled mightily in writing this blog.   My humble attempt on a very difficult subject could be meant for someone reading this blog.  My word to  you is this – “Desiring God while be honest  about your sexual passion as well as your emotional needs  is ‘like coming out of the closet.'”  By that I mean, men just  don’t want to talk about emotional integrity and sexual purity.

At a recent gathering of men at my church, the pastor asked us to quietly reflect on Jesus washing the feet of his disciples (Matt. 13:1-17). When I contemplated the thought of Jesus washing my feet, I sensed that the love of Jesus was penetrating the darkness of my soul.  This is an uncomfortable thought for me.  Psalm 112:4 tells us, “Even in darkness light dawns on the upright.”  Then during a recent small group meeting I had the vision of Jesus walking with me in my inner basement.  It was dark, but I felt safe with Jesus.  “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, the darkness is as light to you.” (Ps 139:11-12)

I have been going  through a dark time lately on my journey.  I have  learned over  the years that these “dark” or “desert” times are a normal part  of my spiritual growth.  But this latest episode seems to be  touching on areas  of my life that I thought I had already dealt with, especially as it relations to my father wounds and my mother issues.  What I am learning and I want to share with the men reading this blog is the realization that transformation of the soul  has a  spiral type movement to it  trajectory.  The light penetrates deeper.  You may think that a certain aspect of your story has been  healed and transformed.  But this may only be  the first layer exposed to the healing  light.   Trust me, there will be other  layers.  We can only handle so much light at  a time.  Our heavenly Father knows when  we are  ready for the next round of healing.

So what would I advise from my own experience?  First, keep your focus on the Lord, not on  your condition.  Accept what is happening as from the  Lord.  I  find reassurance in these words from Isaiah 42:16, “I will  lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness  into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will  not forsake them.” (Is 42:16).  God will  lead you through and into the light.  But you need to go through the process of  letting him turn your darkness into light .  Secondly, find someone who you can talk  with regarding the condition of your soul.  If you are experiencing a dark time that is the result of the Lord leading you into new places of healing, you will need some reassurance that your walk with God is not “coming of the rails.”

Thirdly, keep a positive attitude to your condition as you wait  for the  clouds to part and for the sunshine to brake through.  I have to admit that  I am struggling with  keeping positive.  I don’t like the darkness of not knowing  what God is doing in my soul.  But I must remember that it is his work, done in his way and in his timing.  I need to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open to see and hear what God might be  trying to tell me.  Praise God, I am  starting to get  some insight.  It starts out rather  vague, but slowly become more clear.

I know this is a very personal blog.  But I sense it is meant for someone specifically who reads my blogs  regularly.  You are struggling in the dark.  Be assured that it is the healing light that is present, exposing the darkness.  Don’t run from  what God is doing.

Stu Weber in his book, “The heart of a Tender Warrior,” suggests the role of  “wagon scout” for men.  In the old west, he was the guy who goes out ahead of the wagon train. He give direction.  He anticipates needs.  He helps define the route.  He is a man who gives a vision for the road ahead. As a young boy, I loved going to the Saturday afternoon matinee to watch cowboy movies.  I remember being inspired by the courage of the wagon scout as he ventured into unknown territory.  “God expects men,” says Weber, “to be providers in the most complete sense of the word…..leaders with eyes on the horizon, anticipating the perils, smelling hope in the wind, and inspiring loved one to follow.”

I make reference to the wagon scout image, because, in my humble opinion, our culture is in for some turbulent times.  Bureaucratic decay, massive public debt, an overstretched military, a political system seemingly incapable of responding to challenges are all signs of trouble.  Rod Dreher points out that, “rising hedonism, waning religious observance, ongoing break-up of the family, and a general lose of cultural coherence…..are signs of a possible Dark Age ahead.”   Law professor, Robert P George has concluded, “the day of socially acceptable Christianity are over…..It is no longer easy to be a faithful Christian….authentic witness to the truths of the Gospel.”  I think all who read this blog can agree the days ahead are uncertain.

This calls for men who can look out on the horizon, have a vision and be willing to lead.  The times call for men who have a purpose bigger then themselves.  I like the way the Message expresses Paul’s words in Philippians 3:12-14, “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ. who has so wondrously reached out for me.  Friends, don’t get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus.  I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”   There you have it – that forward, outward, adventurous outlook.  Paul is off and running and not going back.  Men, don’t be intimidated by the demands of the culture.  You are called to more then just that small worldview that culture reflects.

Think of your calling as a Wagon Scout, especially at home.  Your wife and children need your leadership.  I still have that sense at my age, with Judy and I.  I keep looking out ahead.  I certainly don’t have all the details, but I have some  impressions about our future.  I can have the tendency to be fearful, uncertain and even intimidated about our future.  But I want to press on, wanting to finish strong.  I close with these words from Ps. 84:5-8 (NLT).  The words describe the pilgrimage to Jerusalem (our spiritual home). “What  joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.  The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.”  Men, we are  to keep our eyes on the horizon as we anticipate the heavenly Jersusalem.

David Brooks, an editorial writer for the New York Times, can be spiritually stimulating at times.  In a recent speech he made refers to a book entitled “Lonely Man of Faith.”  The author, Joseph Soloveitchik, describes  Adam One and Adam Two, correlating both to the creation story.  Adam One is external, career-oriented, and ambitious.  Adam Two is the internal Adam.  “Adam two wants to embody certain moral qualities to have a serene, inner character, a quiet but solid sense of right and wrong, not only to do good but to be good, to sacrifice to others, to be obedient to a transcendent truth, to have an inner soul that honors God, creation and our possibilities.”  I would categorize this as the cry of our shy soul saying, “pay attention to what is most important.”

Brooks points out that our secular world nurtures Adam One, while leaving Adam Two inarticulate.  The competitive and assertive lifestyle of many men hinders the ability to hear the “quieter sounds that emanate from our depths.”  It is difficult for men to develop the humility to pay attention to the river of spiritual longing within.  When men become aware of  these inner murmurings they are often at a lose as to know how to respond.  They don’t have the categories and vocabulary to deal with the gap.  Men need to learn to articulate the language of the soul.

Listen to how Brooks describes the inner life. “You live with unconscious boredom, not really loving, not really attached to a moral purpose that gives life meaning.  You settle into a sort of self-satisfying moral mediocrity.  You grade yourself on a forgiving curve.  You follow your desires wherever they take you.  You approve of yourself as long as people seem to like you.  And you end up slowly turning the core piece of yourself into something less desirable than what you wanted.  And you notice this humiliating gap between your actual self and your desired self.”

Men, I want to ask if you feel that humiliating gap in your life?  The gap between the driven, achieving, success oriented self and the cry of your inner man, wanting your attention so that you might nurture and care for your soul. It is all too easy for us to go through our days on “auto-pilot,” living on the surface of life and never paying attention to our depths.  While we each need to be faithful and disciplined  to live as Adam One, we must not neglect the cry of Adam Two.  The Psalmist understand this as he prayed, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.  O Lord, hear my voice.  Let your ear be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Ps. 130:1)

This comes again as a “soul alert.” Think of Adam One and Adam Two as two  completing tendencies in your walk with Christ.  As a man rescued from your old ways, you are called to become more like Jesus in your daily affairs.  The alert is to not neglect Adam Two as you give attention to the demands of Adam One.  My advice: learn to schedule times of quiet –  listen to your soul, and learn to articulate what you are hearing. Remember the sobering words of Jesus. “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?  Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matt. 16:26)

Men, we all have a shadow side to our personality.  Our shadow is what we refuse to acknowledge  about ourselves.  There are disowned aspects that we simply reject and sent into an inner exile, as we try to manufacture an image of self that is acceptable to ourselves and others.   We need to be compassionate with the shadow side that is lurking inside each of us.  Rather than denying our shadow we need to  be hospitable, welcoming it into the light of consciousness

Richard Rohr refers to this process of welcoming  as “Shadowboxing”  “It is our attempt to face, awaken and transform the self that we have denied or disguised.” He refers to  Jesus words in Matt 5:12-15 , “Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you.  Don’t lose a minute.  Make the first move; make things right with him.  After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail.  If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.” (Message).  The old enemy is “a description of what we allow our inner story lines to do to us.”  We create stories of blame, anger and hurt toward ourselves and others. We need to befriend this old enemy or we will be jailed, that is, emotional entrapped within. The result will be a shadow lurking within, that manifests itself in unexpected, harmful ways.

Shadowboxing is not an easy practice, but necessary, if we are to be authentic persons.   It means we have to face  our inner contradictions and inconsistencies, while embracing our mistakes and failures.  Its humbling work, as we patiently learn to grieve, and repent of all that we have buried.  Finally seeing our shadow and its tactics begins to free us from its power to influence us.  There is less to be anxious about, because there is less fear of exposure to self and others.  We will find that we are more relaxed,while being more  authentic, and open to the story of others.  Why?  We have less to hide.  We are not worried about what others will discern regarding our character and actions.  We will be free to accept others for who there are.

Here are a few tips as you learn to shadowbox.  First, don’t be afraid of the light.  “But if we walk in the light , as he is in to light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from our sins.” (I John 1:7)  The light of the gospel is greater than the darkness within. Living in the light of Jesus’ love, helps you to befriend aspect of yourself that have been sent into exile. Secondly, accept who you are as created uniquely in God’s image, even as a “ruined soul” (Willard).  Make friends with your dark side, which produces guilt and shame, along with sadness and anger.  Thirdly, take your darkness to the cross.  Surrender it to Jesus.  See it going into his body, so that you might be healed.  Fourthly, realize that your shadow self will humble you.  It will make you more dependent on the grace and mercy of God.  Finally, find a “truth teller,” someone who you can be honest with when it comes to the inconsistencies and distortions of your inner life.  We all need to have someone help us to be objective about our “fallen condition.”