Remnant bog site had an very revealing piece on the deathbed experience.  Pulitzer Prize-winning author and oncologist Siddhartha Mukherjee identified four common phrases expressed on deathbeds, emphasizing that each had a lesson for a fullness of life.  These four phases are:

            1. “I want to tell you that I love you.”

            2. “I want to tell you that I forgive you.”

             3. “Would you tell me that you love me?”

            4. “Would you give me your forgiveness?”

He also noted that delayed expressions of love and forgiveness can lead to regret as well as hinder personal and professional growth. Mukherjee challenged people, “to imbue expressions of love and forgiveness with genuine meaning, urging authenticity and personal significance in interpersonal connections.”   

I don’t know this man’s relationship to the Lord, but his insights are right on when it comes to the deathbed experiences, I have had the privilege of witnessing.  As a pastor I spent many hours with loved ones and their families, as they give support and encouragement to their loved one in their last moments of life.  These were some of the most sacred and holy moments of my life as a pastor, yet they can also be very challenging when I am not sure of the loved one’s relationship with the Lord. 

Now that I am in my mid-eights, I am able to view the deathbed experience from a completely new perspective, since I am no longer in the center but on to edge of life.  Parker Palmer words seem appropriate. “On the edge of everything you can see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” I assume my reflections is being read by men who are right in “the center” of life.  You are busy, preoccupied with making a living, caring for your family, wanting to succeed  in your vocation and simply keeping up with the obligations of a husband and father.  It is easy to let your personal relationships slip causing, “relational sins” (Larry Crabb).    

This blog, gives me the opportunity to encourage you with the importance of relating well to those closest to you.  Don’t wait till your deathbed experience to say you love those closest to you.  Don’t put off being forgiving in your relationships.  Remember the author’s challenge of sharing expressions of love and forgiveness with meaning and authenticity, knowing how important they are. 

My testimony – I praise God for his mercy and grace in my life.  I am like the blind man who found healing in Jesus.  His testimony was simple, “One thing I do know, I was blind but now I see!”  Early in my walk with the Lord, I did not see the blessing of having good relationships with my immediate family.  I had to  learn  by God’s grace to have a lifestyle of forgiveness, with a desire to love each family member with the love of the Lord.  The author is right  – “delaying expressions of love and forgiveness can lead to regret and hinder personal and professional growth.”

I am not quite sure about his final two phrases.  But I know this, as I try to visualize my deathbed, I can not demand or expect gestures of love and forgiveness.  But I can prepare “the soil” for such gestures by having sown the seeds of forgiveness and unconditional love to those closest to me. 

Men, I can not stress the importance of showing love and granting forgiveness to your family members.  Please don’t wait until you are on your deathbed.  “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (I Cor. 13:7).