I read Ronald Rolheiser’s blog often.  He expresses views outside my comfort zone, yet he has a way of writing that speaks to my soul, especially when it comes to relationships.  A recent blog was entitled “A father’s Blessing.”  He lost his father when he was 23 year old.  But he has admiration for his father.  “Like God’s voice at the baptism of Jesus, he had already communicated to me: ‘You are my son in whom I am well pleased.’ Not everyone is that lucky.  That’s about as much a person may ask from a father.”  

At one point, Rolheiser talks about his “father’s dance.” Since then, I have thought a lot about my dance as a father.  He writes, “Every son watches how his father dances and unconsciously sizes him up against certain things: hesitancy, fluidity, abandonment, exhibitionism, momentary irrationality, irresponsibility. “

Rolheiser remembers, “My father never had much fluidity or abandon in his dance step……I would have traded my father for a dad who had a more fluid dance step……..that is partly my struggle to receive his full blessing. He quotes a line from William Blake’s ‘Infant Sorrow,’ in which he mentions ‘Struggling in my father’s hands.'”  Rolheiser acknowledges, “that means struggling at times with my dad’s reticence to simply let go and drink in life’s full gift.”    

As a father, I wonder how the readers of this blog would describe their “dance.” I know for myself, I now wish I would have been  more fluid in my dance.  I never wondered what my kids thought of my dance. I have, however, regrets for some of my missteps in my dance. As I grew in my role as a father, I became more aware of my children’s needs both spiritually and emotionally.  But I am well aware that I did not have the right steps in communicating the father’s love for my children.

 I have reluctantly reflected on my dance, knowing my kids might have preferred a different expression.  I had my missteps and sloppy expressions.  I encourage each father reading this blog to do likewise.  I know for me, it has been a clarifying experience.  Some day I will ask each of my three children what they thought of my dance.

In this blog, I will express my dance as a coach.  I see at least four characteristics of  dad as a family coach. I have never been a coach,  but as a sports fan, I have always be intrigued by the different styles of coaching.  So, these four points are only from my observation of successful coaches. 

First, dad is the head coach.  He sets the tone and direction of the family.  He takes seriously the responsibility entrusted to him by God to head up the family.  I was the head coach of my team of five.  I was accountable for how well we played.

Secondly, the family plays the game within the rules.  For me it was vital that we followed the guidelines of scripture, even when it hurt.  We’re in the game of live.  It is my task to make sure we know how to live.  We are to live for the glory of God.  Period!  

Thirdly, take a personal interest in each player.  Each of my three children were unique gifts of God given to my wife and I to prepare for adult life. We help our children see their giftedness and abilities. Celebrate their successes.

Fourthly, encourage the team to finish strong.  Never, never give up coaching the team. There will be bumps and bruises along the way.  But in Jesus you will as a family come out victorious.