Richard Reeves is doing some insightful work regarding men and boys’ issues in today’s culture.  He recently posted an article entitled, “The case for male spaces,” with an interesting subtitle, “Fears of the Old Boys’ Club are now doing more harm than good.”   Reeves contends that male loneliness is not getting the attention that it needs. He notes, “You can’t neglect a friendship and expect it to just grow……my observation is that many women are just better at doing that and building it into their lives…..We do need to be intentional about male friendship. We need to be intentional about combating against loneliness, and that we have to create spaces that are not going to create themselves.”

Reeves is big on being intentional about creating male spaces. He made this observation. “Feminists’ suspicion of all-male spaces and male bonding rituals make sense given their sexist history.  But today, these spaces can make men stronger allies of women.  When men support each other, it relieves women of the burden of their emotion labor.  And it can teach men reciprocity and listening skills.” 

He quotes Brett Mckay with this humorous observation: “With every room co-opted in the house by women or children, and with few bastions of manliness in the public sphere left standing to escape to, men were relegated to claiming a solitary chair as their designated male space.”  Reeves wonders if it might be, “time to look much more findly on the case for male organizations, spaces and institutions.  I think we’ll look back on the decision of so many organizations, especially those focused on boys and young men, to abandon a single-sex approach as a mistake.”  

I am thankful for my first 18 years in the UP of Michigan, where having acceptable “male spaces.” was a fact of life.   I have fond memories of being with my male “buddies” on most occasions outside of sponsored social events.  When it came to girls, I was shy and insecure.  Through all the normal activities of boys, interacting on our own, I learned what it meant to be a boy.  I am eternally thankful that my parents let me enjoy and flourish in these “boyhood spaces.”

But when I left home, I had to learn what it was to be a man.  This was very difficult at times.  My youth offered little “male spaces” to learn from other men.  My Dad and those in my circle of influences never gave it much thought.  So, in my 20’s and early 30’s my heart was searching and hungering for “male presence” in my life.  I slowly got healing for my soul and I discovered the presence and joy of being with other Christian men in the churches that I served. 

Because of my lack of “male space” and being a relational guy, I became involved with other men in find healing for their souls and as a pastor, becoming naturally involved in soul care.  In my 30’s and early 40’s it was simply fellowship with other men, knowing that as men shared our stories, it could be healing for our souls.  Later I found a name for this work.  It was “The Care of Souls” for men.  Many women  in my churches hoped their husband would come to the soul care group for men, knowing that other men might help them with their issues, while learning to be transparent with their pain.

So, yes, the church needs a place where men can talk about their soul life.  Men being with other men can do wonders for a lonely, confused man.  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do” (Prov. 4:23 NLT).