On April 15, 1912, when the liner Titanic was declared doomed, men gather each year on that date at the Titanic Memorial in Washington, D.C. The Men’s Titanic Society gather to honor the passenger who donned evening clothes in order to die like a gentleman. They annually offer a toast: “Chivalry, gallantry, bravery and grace….To the young and old, the rich and the poor, the ignorant and the learned, all who gave their lives nobly to save women and children.  To those brave men.”  

“Men seem to instinctively treat masculinity as the call to die so that others may live – the highest form of sacrifice,” notes Nancy Pearcey. That principle seems to be built into men’s created nature.  Pearcey, however, makes a distinction between a “good man” and “real man.”  She calls the “good man” ideal as the software of God’s creation, while the “real man” stereotype reveals the “virus of sin.”   

In her book, Pearcey notes the work of sociologists, who have discovered that active churchgoing evangelical men have the lowest rates of divorce and domestic violence,  while the “nominal” men who identify as Christians because of their cultural roots, but rarely attend church, have the highest rates of divorce and domestic violence – even higher than secular men.  These “nominal Christian men” often “internalize the real man script, while defending their behavior by pinning Christian language on their abusive beliefs.” 

“When it comes to real issues in the lives of real men, far too many religious leaders are looking the other way,” she observes.  Meanwhile books are being sold with titles such as, “I Hate Men,’ “The End of Men,” “Are Men Necessary,”Boys Adrift,” “Why Boys Fail” and “Why Men Hate Going to Church.”  

Pearcey makes this insightful observation: “On Mother’s Day, we hand out roses and praise mothers.  On Father’s Day, we tend to scold men and tell them to do better……We need to talk about the positive things men are doing, while also trying harder to find ways to reach out to the nominal men and speak the truth about what it means to be a good man.”  She warns the church, when she says, “The most common mistake pastors make is to assume that domestic violence is a marriage problem and to offer marital counseling – bringing both spouses into the office together.  The wife may be afraid to reveal any serious mistreatment.”  

Lord help me to be a “good man,” motivated by  your spirit,  not just pretending to be real. I don’t want to hide from you. “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me…..Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?'” (Isaiah 29:13 & 15).  

My intentions are to be a “good man.”  But I am a work in progress.  Becoming  a “good man” can sometimes be painful.  Remember, Al, you are the clay; He is the potter.  I can not hide from God. “How foolish can you be? He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater than you, the clay!  Should the created thing say of the one who make it, ‘He didn’t make me’? Does a jar ever say, ‘The Potter who made me is stupid'” (Is. 29:16 NLT).

At a recent pastor gathering, two other pastors shared their testimony of coming to Christ through the same man who helped me, Pastor Theodore Hax.  That has now been 65 years of the potter working on this clay (Al Hendrickson).  He is still shaping me, even when it hurts.