Category: Wildman Journey (Page 24 of 85)

Men reading this blog will gain some insight into the challenges Judy and I experience as we seek to be light in our world.  Jesus tells us, “I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life” (John 8:12). We pray each day that we might reflect the “light of life.”  But it can be disconcerting when darkness enters our relationship inconspicuously.  That happened to us recently; unfortunately, I went “missing in action.” 

Judy and I believe in God’s order for marriage as described by Paul: “But there is one thing I want you to know.  The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (I Cor. 11:3 NLT).  This is quite a countercultural idea in our present day, but it has validity when both husband and wife believe this view of reality and desire to model that reality in their lives through mutual submission to each other.     

Paul’s words speak to a divinely ordained order or hierarchy.  With a servant’s heart for my wife, I accept the responsibility of headship.  This does not mean primarily authority and dominance, but rather service, providing among other things protection and discernment.  There are times when I go missing in action, unaware of what is happening spiritually.  Remember: light and darkness have to do with the spiritual realm.   

Our enemy hates the light, especially as it radiates through a godly marriage.  Paul exhorts us in Ephesians 5:8-9, “You groped your way through the murk once, but no longer.  You’re out in the open now.  The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around.  Get on with it!  The good, the right, the true – these are actions appropriate for daylight hours.  Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it” (Message).  The prince of darkness wants to take out our light – or at least dim its effect.

We were counseling another couple recently when I went missing in action. During our conversation I gave up attempting to contribute, not discerning the presence of darkness.  I let my wife carry the load while I stewed in my frustration, getting upset as my wife dialogued with the couple. 

Afterwards, I was on overload with all the words I had heard. I was agitated, confused and fearful – and only wanted to be left alone.  This was a victory for the darkness.  Finally, after regaining some spiritual balance, I asked Judy to pray for me. 

It became apparent that I had escaped emotionally: I was “missing in action.” See: Normative Male Alexithymia (5/17/21). The word “order” came to me. We had been broadsided by exposure to darkness.  Instead of staying engaged emotionally and spiritually, standing in the gap, praying for spiritual protection, I fled.  I left my wife exposed and vulnerable, while she was attempting to be gracious and caring.

My responsibility was to pray and engage as the head in our relationship.  Instead, I went missing in action.  The result was confusion, disorder, and doubt.  Thank God for an understanding wife.  We prayed for reestablishment of harmony, and protection from darkness in our relationship.

I now have new resolve to stand strong in the light, knowing “Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (II Cor 11:14).  We are both aware that the enemy hates a marriage that radiates light.  Why?  Because marriage reflects the profound mystery, which is “Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32).  The enemy desires to sow discord, confusion, and doubt.  

What does “normative male alexithymia” have to do with us?  It is a cultural attempt to name the difficulty men have putting their emotional experience into words.  Our ancestors would have joked about the need to label a characteristic that has been a part of the male makeup since the beginning of time.  Remember: even Adam failed in his communication with Eve when he was silent after Satan had tempted her (Gen. 3:1-10). 

I found this term in the May edition of Harper’s Bazaar, in an article entitled, “Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden.”  The subtitle states, “Toxic masculinity – and the persistent idea that feelings are a ‘female thing’ – has left a generation of straight men stranded on emotionally-stunted islands, unable to forge deep relationships with other men.  It’s women who are paying the price.”

What got my attention was this: “It’s women who are paying the price.”  The article cited research from Brené Brown: “Whereas women experience shame when they fail to meet unrealistic, conflicting expectations, men become consumed with shame for showing signs of weakness… having hard conversations that involve vulnerability is something men often try to avoid.”  The article’s author noted, “Women continue to bear the burden of men’s emotional lives… For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.”  

This article can be compared to one’s wife waving one of those beach flags indicating the surf is rough today – so proceed with caution.  When my wife waves the flag, I need to engage lovingly and wholeheartedly – and not avoid the warning.  I hope you can agree that too many wives carry more of the emotional load in their marriages.  Here are some takeaways from this article for Christian men.   

First, don’t be like Adam, who didn’t utter a word in his fateful moment with Eve.  Men, it is downright messy at times to dialogue with our wives.  You will usually feel on the short end of the discussion.  But you need to stay with it. Being “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” can be helpful (James 1:19). 

Second, admit that many of us are straight men stranded on emotionally-stunted islands.  Good models have been hard to find. But we can make a difference by asking God to make us tough and tender. “…Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23). 

Third, cultivate male relationships.  One of the best ways to become emotionally involved with your wife is to get emotionally involved with other men.  Do yourself a favor and get into a men’s group that practices transparency. That will help you learn to share your emotions with your wife.  She will bless the group for “cracking” her man open.

Fourth, reject the label “toxic masculinity.” Yes, some men are toxic, but don’t allow the label to cloak you in shame.  Be committed to being a man who has both the Lion and the Lamb in his tank (John 3:29-30).  God can make you capable of deep, caring emotions when they’re needed. 

Finally, remember this from Leanne Payne: “To ask a man to become relationally aware, without being first of all secure in his maleness, is to ask a man to be less than a man.  It is in some way asking a man to act like a woman without first knowing what it is like to be a man.  A man must be sensitive from the heart of a truly secure man.” Amen to that!

Lauren Daigle has a new song out titled “Hold On To Me.”  One of her former hits, “You Say” was on the charts for months, and I wrote a blog on it as well.  I believe these two songs touch something deep in our nation’s current psyche. People feel disconnected. Many pass like ships on an angry sea.  They are pilgrims wandering in a wasteland of angry words and conflicting ideas, longing to hear words like “I love you” or “There IS hope” from a transcendent, loving God. 

Lauren’s songs have a haunting, searching, mystical feel to them. They seem to be groping for a greater reality, without naming God or getting too preachy with the words and the intent of the message.  I can envision that many are touched by her style and words, reaching out to God. The choir in the background gives a sense that one is not alone in the search, giving the wanderer encouragement to keep seeking for firmer grounding in their Creator.  To her credit, Lauren leaves pilgrims some freedom to wander, giving space for listeners to cry out to God for mercy, while finding their way back home to their Father’s house, where they can be held. 

“Hold On To Me” includes such cries for help as, “When I’m not somebody I believe in / When I don’t feel like I’m worth defending / When I’m tired of all my pretending / When I start to break of desperation underneath the weight of expectation…” 

The chorus adds: “Hold on to me when it’s too dark to see You / When I am sure I have reached the end / Hold on to me when I forget I need You / When I let go, hold me again…”  At the end are the words of hope – not direct, but giving a subtle invitation to let go into the Father’s arms of love.  “I could rest here in your arms forever / ‘cause I know nobody loves me better.”

This is a song for wounded pilgrims needing to come home into the arms of love.  I kept thinking of certain words from the prophets.  First, our heavenly Father speaks in the feminine to express His love through Isaiah:  “Can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the baby she bore?  But even if mothers forget, I’d never forget you – never.  Look I’ve written your names on the backs of my hands” (Isaiah 49:15-16 – Message).   Secondly, compassionate, fatherly words also come from Hosea: “I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love.  To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them” (Hosea 11:4).  

Men, don’t let the cultural narrative limit your opportunity to know a heavenly Father who delights in you.  In the words of Leanne Payne, God is the great “Unseen Real” outside of ourselves.  He is the One who gives the gift of “objective reality.”  Your heavenly Father is reaching out to you, so you can receive His healing word coming to you. Our problem, due to cultural conditioning, is turning in on self in the “disease of introspection.”  This song speaks to a deep, agonizing, introspective search for meaning.   If you identify with the song, I encourage you as an act of your will to look up and out to Jesus and receive his healing word coming to you.

Check out https://youtu.be/RWua9o2KEv0 – and hear the Father say through this song, “You are my beloved, I delight in you!” 

In Isaiah 45:14-17, the prophet is speaking to God’s people during their exile in Babylon.  Isaiah prophesied this message years before the Babylonians actually captured Judah and took the people into captivity.  In verse 14, he addresses the citizens of Jerusalem, who were destined to be scattered, but also to return to Israel.  This would all be hard to believe at this point in history, since the Babylonians already ruled the world.  But Isaiah says, “Surely God is with you, and there is no other; there is no other god.” (Isaiah 45:14).

Isaiah says of God in verse 14, “Truly you are a God who has been hiding himself, the God and Savior of Israel.”  God’s plans for his people were hidden from them in their present circumstances. “No one who saw the captives from Judah struggling to rebuild their shattered lives in Babylon would guess their significance.  They were not a nation – scarcely even the remnant of one, since all their national institutions had been destroyed” (Bible Speaks Today – BST).   One day, however, they would be free to go back and rebuild their nation.  

God later anointed the Persian king, Cyrus to defeat the Babylonians.  He called Cyrus “my Shepherd [who] will say of Jerusalem, ‘Let it be rebuilt,’ and of the temple, ‘Let its foundations be laid'” (Isaiah 44:28).    All this shows how God controls history.

When Jesus spoke of the kingdom, he spoke of its hiddenness.  “It is like a treasure in a field, or yeast in flour, hidden from view, but destined to dwarf everything else into insignificance” (Matt. 13:33, 44 -BST).  In the political climate of our day, when God is literally being removed from the public space, it is good to remember that the Kingdom of God reigns in our land.  Jesus is Lord of history.  We are part of his kingdom reign.  “You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth” (Rev. 10:10). 

Today voices opposed to the gospel message, behaving with almost religious zeal, want their view of social good and history to prevail.  God will use these contemporary secular movements for his purpose, just as he used the powerful and wicked Persian king, Cyrus.  God said of Cyrus, “I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me” (Is. 45:4).    

The overcoming church will become smaller in the days to come. Believers might seem to lose their voice and influence.  But remember: God is at work.  His kingdom will prevail.  We have Jesus’ promise to Peter which he meant for us too: “…You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not overcome it” (Matt 16:18). 

In days when the Church faces opposition from within and without, it is vital for us to be informed and formed by the message of the gospel, and not be led astray by the dominant cultural narrative.    

These three commitments are vital:  First, total surrender to the Lordship of Jesus.  You are going to be challenged regarding your allegiance.  Make Jesus Lord of all your life. 

Second, commit firmly to a biblical worldview.  You will not be able to relax your commitment.  Be a “self-starter” in scripture.  This means thinking through what you believe (and why) according to scripture.

Thirdly, be filled with the Spirit of God.  Continually cry out for God to fill and renew your spirit, so you can be strong in heart and mind for the battles to come.  

Jeremiah the prophet was called to convince the stubborn people of Judah to repent and turn back to the Lord before it was too late.  Jeremiah complained to God about the assignment: “Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable?  Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?” (Jer. 15:18).  The Message says, “You’re nothing, God, but a mirage, a lovely oasis in the distance – and then nothing.” 

After this complaint God exhorts Jeremiah (v. 15:9-20) to repent and stop uttering worthless words: “…If you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman” (v. 9).  “All Jeremiah’s talk had become negative, destructive and worthless – characteristic of a disillusioned person” (Bible Speaks Today).  Jeremiah had begun parroting the negative narrative of his culture.  God was asking him to change his tune and faithfully proclaim the message God was giving him.      

I need to regularly check my habits of speech if I want to be a truth teller.  I don’t want to be caught complaining about how “anti-God” our culture has become.  Yes, it’s right and proper to complain or protest to God (see the psalms of lament).  But it’s wrong to “stoop to cheap whining” (v. 19 – Message).  I need to refrain from reciting the secular, godless view of life.  I can’t stay in the negative.  “Worthless words” should be eliminated from my speech. 

Men, the more we experience God’s love, the more we can share it in the most difficult situations.  And the more our lives are integrated in this way, the more we can be “influencers.”  The Message says, “Let your words change them.  Don’t change your words to suit them” (v. 19).  The NLT tells us, “You must influence them; do not let them influence you!”  The verb in Hebrew implies turning away from the negative, while turning to the good.  This can renew relationships, especially with God.

After this rebuke, God recommissions Jeremiah: “You will be my spokesman”          (v. 19). God does not reject Jeremiah, but rather repeats the same call and commission Jeremiah heard at the very start of his ministry: “you may serve me…you will be my spokesman…I am with you” (v. 19-20, cf. 1:7-9 – Bible Speaks Today).  Never underestimate your life as an “influencer” – as God’s spokesman.  God isn’t looking for perfect vessels, but rather men who know their calling and are willing to stand for Jesus. 

Beyond this, God promised to protect Jeremiah in his prophetic ministry.  “I’ll turn you into a steel wall, a thick steel wall, impregnable.  They’ll attack you but won’t put a dent in you because I’m at your side, defending and delivering” (v. 20 – Message).  These words must have been reassuring for Jeremiah in the face of stiff opposition.   

Wow, I need to hear these words about being a “thick steel wall.”  Men, if you are an “influencer” for Jesus, you will need reinforcement in the days to come.  I don’t know what form it will take, but it will come.  But are you willing to take your stand?  You have God’s promise: “I am with you to rescue and save you” (v. 20).  

Let this be a word for you:  “The word of the Lord came to me, saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations'” (Jer. 1:4).  You may not be a prophet, but God has called you to be his man, his influencer, for this time.  

The prophet Micah was called to prophecy to Israel and Judea, exhorting them to repentance. He called out the disobedience of God’s people, especially in Jerusalem.  In Chapter 7:1-7, we find Micah walking around the city, absorbing, “both the appalling scale of the wickedness and the implications of the doom he has just declared” (Bible Speaks Today).  

Micah is overwhelmed by what he sees, “What misery is mine!” (7:1).  Evil was widespread and the very fabric of life was unravelling. “The faithful have been swept from the land; not one upright person remains” (7:2). The godly had lost influence, while the violent did as they pleased. “The powerful dictate what they desire – they all conspire together” (7:3).  God’s judgement would soon be announced by the watchman on the wall. “Now is the time of your confusion” (7:4).  Interpersonal relationships, even within families, were failing.  

Despite all this, Micah did not lose hope. He continued to pray and wait for God, who would eventually vindicate the remaining remnant. “But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me” (7:6).  In contrast to the unfaithful leaders of the people, he would act like the watchman, “wait for God my Savior.”  Micah began in 7:1 with lament, but in the end expresses quiet confidence that God will act in due time.

What the prophet described in these verses (7:1-7) has a very contemporary feel to it.  Sin has affected government leaders and society in general.  “The godly have been swept from the land; not one upright man remains” (v 2). Deceit and dishonesty have even ruined family life, the core of society.  “A man’s enemies are the members of his own household” (v 6). 

We are witnessing social disintegration in our culture.  Many of us can attest to divisions in our families due to cultural or political divisions.  “Micah would direct us all back to the way we have steadily ignored, and often directly flouted, the requirements of God for our personal, social and working lives, as well as for our nation.  Defiant rejection of God’s revealed truth is the fundamental reason for the social disintegration we see around us” (Bible Speaks).

Micah 7:7 can be an encouragement to us in the midst of cultural decay.  Like Micah, we need to declare that we aren’t giving up.  “But me, I’m not giving up.  I’m sticking around to see what God will do.  I’m waiting for God to make things right.  I’m counting on God to listen to me” (7:7 – Message).  Isaiah also spoke of waiting on the Lord during judgement. “Look, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he has saved us.  This is our God; we have waited for him.  Let us rejoice and be glad is his salvation” (Is 25:9). 

It could be that God wants us to wait for him to make himself known to us during this time. “Then I will go back to my place until they admit their guilt.  And they will seek my face; in their misery they will earnestly seek me” (Hosea 5:15).  Isaiah told the remnant, “Go, my people, enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you; hide yourselves for a little while until his wrath has passed by” (Is 26:20).

Could it be that the most important thing we can do at this time is to cry out to God for mercy?  Has his hand of judgment already come to our nation?  Could it be a time to seek God in confession and repentance?   

I appreciate the music of “MercyMe.”  I believe the band can relate to men with both lyrics and style, and their music affects me deeply.  They have a new song out entitled, “Say I Won’t.”  When I saw the word “rocket” in the lyrics and heard the song, the rest was history. Please listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2IHibLEYdI

The song opens with, “Today / It all begins / I’m seeing my life for the very first time / Through a different lens / Yesterday / I didn’t understand / Driving 35 with the rocket inside / Didn’t know what I had.”  My interpretation: this guy is seeing his life with Jesus in a new way.  He has a rocket inside.

The song goes on, “While I’ve been waiting to live / My life’s been waiting on me.”  But now the guy is learning to fly spiritually.  He dares others, “Say, I won’t” … “Not enough / Is what I’ve been told / But it must be a lie / ‘Cause the Spirit inside says I’m so much more / So let them say what they want / Oh, I dare them to try.” 

Men, there comes a time in your spiritual life when you need to come to terms with the rocket within you.  It’s your deepest longings for God. It’s your passions and desires. Yes, it even involves your sexual energy.  Visualize all this as “the tiger in your tank.”  Conservative, biblical guys like me sometimes have difficulty pointing the rocket heavenward and taming the tiger.  Like the song says, “Not enough / Is what I’ve been told / But it must be a lie.”

I must confess that I’m reluctant even to write about sexual passions and passion for God.  Why? Because of some of my own struggles, plus misconceptions Christian men tend to have about their own desires and fantasies.  For me, however, only love can tame the tiger.  I am coming to peace with this energy as I experience more of God’s deep love for me. “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Ps 63:1).   Like the song, “’Cause the Spirit inside says I’m so much more / So let them say what they want / Oh, I dare them to try…” 

You and I have sexual energy in our souls that is mingled with our spiritual desire for God.  Yes, passions have eros (erotic) energy.  But can you believe that God’s agape is able to come into your heart and redeem eros, purify it with resurrection power, and untwist all the distorted images?  “This is how God showed his love among us.  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him” (I John 4:9 cf. Luke 4:4 MSG).  

Christopher West in his book “Fill These Hearts” has helped.  We have three choices:  1) Starvation diet: Pleasure is an evil to reject.  I have lived under this cloud for years, 2) Fast food diet: Pleasure is an idol to indulge.  Simply let the tiger roar.  3) Banquet: Pleasure is a beacon that points to heaven.  For me this has meant allowing Jesus to transform my soul, using agape love to direct eros.  

As I get older, I find more and more that my deepest desires are for God.  The more I die with Jesus to distorted eros, the more his agape purifies the eros: “While I’ve been waiting to live/ My life’s been waiting on me.”      

Watching and reading the media’s narrative on the state of our nation, I often visualize bandages being applied to deep cultural wounds.  These wounds fester beneath the surface, producing enormous amounts of pent-up anger and frustration that will one day boil over in lawlessness.  I feel I’m being force-fed a false sense of peace when spiritually I can see the dark clouds on the horizon.  I want to shout, “Wake up America!! You’re being fed a lie!”

Twice Jeremiah warned the prophets and priests of his day about covering up their sins with bandages.  “They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious.  ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace” (Jer. 6:14; 8:11). They were giving people false assurances that everything was well. It was like putting bandages on cancer and declaring people healed.  As a nation we can ignore the reality of having strayed from God for only so long.  Bandages only create an illusion of wellness.

Later Jeremiah complains to God about the prophets, “O Sovereign Lord, their prophets are telling them, ‘All is well – no war or famine will come.  The Lord will surely send you peace’” (Jer. 14:13 NLT).  God responded, “These prophets are telling lies in my name.  I did not send them or tell them to speak. I did not give them any messages. They prophesy of visions and revelations they have never seen or heard. They speak foolishness made up in their own lying hearts” (Jer. 14:14 NLT).   

Even more indicting are the words of Jer. 23:17, “They keep saying to those who despise my word, ‘Don’t worry! The Lord says you will have peace!’  And those who stubbornly follow their own desires, they say, ‘No harm will come your way!'” (Jer. 23:17 NLT).   

“It is a terrible thing to mislead God’s people into falsehood, complacency and immorality, to be chaplains to the unrepentant and to collude in the culture of lies” (Bible Speaks Today).  Through the mainstream media we are witnessing a massive spiritual coverup.  We are told all will be well, while we are becoming more decadent each year.  Men: don’t fall for this propaganda.

I must warn you that things are only going to get worse in society.  Here are a few convictions we must diligently live out if we are going to weather the storm that is already upon us. We don’t want to be caught believing the lie.  

First: ultimate reality is found in a loving Creator God, who has given us his Word of truth in scripture.  Here we find God’s view of reality; a worldview to live by.  Every other view of reality needs to be (and can be) measured against scripture.

Second: total surrender to the Lordship of Jesus (Joshua 24:23 NIV, James 4:7-8). No secrets, no compromises, no half-hearted commitment.  Ask continually, “Lord, what is the next right thing?”  Seek his counsels diligently and do what he prompts you to do. He will see us through the coming storm. The propaganda will only get louder and more convincing.  “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness” (Is. 5:20).

Third: commitment to kingdom living.  I am part of Jesus’ reign on the earth.  No earthly rule will last. “You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve and they will reign on the earth” (Rev. 5:10).  And later in Revelation: “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ and he will reign for ever and ever” (11:15).  

Do you ever feel like your spiritual life has hit a brick wall?  Especially this past year, have you found yourself depending on others to feed you spiritually, while inside you are thirsting for something to sustain you?  Are you afraid of others getting a glimpse of what is really going on in your soul?  Are you on spiritual “life support”?  Well, there is hope – if you are willing to take the plunge.

Sometimes music and poetry can grab our attention, getting us beyond the “control tower” of our minds to speak to our hearts about what is really going on in our lives.  Recently I came across these words from the German poet, Rainer Maria Rilke: “You are not dead yet, it’s not too late to open your depths by plunging into them and drink in the life that reveals itself quietly there.”  They were the inspiration for this blog.

Jesus was hard on the Pharisees for their outward show of religion, while they were empty on the inside. They were all about religious performance, giving little attention to their soul life.  They were disturbed with Jesus because he saw through their performance.  Listen: “You’re hopeless, you religious scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh…you’re total frauds” (Matt. 23:27-28 – Message).

For our own spiritual health, we all need to look “under the hood” sometimes.  That means we need to take the plunge. Jesus is at the center. Yes, he is in heaven, but He has come to live in our hearts.  I am assuming you are born again and a new creation in Christ. If so, Jesus has made his home in you.  “My Father will love him and will come to him and make our home with him” (John 14:23).  Paul reminds us, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal 2:20).  

When you take the plunge, fix your eyes on Jesus.  I am not taking about introspection or digging up the “dry bones” of the past.  I am talking about developing an intimate relationship with the God who loves us.  He is the ever-inflowing God.  As you take the plunge you will find living water, to quench your dry and thirsty soul that you know is on life support.  Jesus promised, “indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13).  

Jesus promised we would not thirst: “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him” (John 7:38).  So, if you are on life support, I encourage you to take the plunge – and heed what he has to say.  

Jeremiah warns us about forsaking living water:  “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jer. 2:13).  He portrays for us, “a picture of absurd agricultural stupidity, and a…picture of wrenching physical futility” (The Bible Speaks Today).  You have living water flowing in you. Why go through all the religious performance?  

Men, we sometimes have to admit we are on life-support and by faith take the plunge and “drink in the life that reveals itself quietly there.” Jesus waits for you in love.  Simply confess that you’re thirsty – and ask him to help.

My bride and I had a disagreement on a recent Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church.  We came to an agreement and went off to the service. But I did not let go. I shut down emotionally. We both knew the oneness of spirit was missing.  I nursed my wounds all day. Monday morning helped me see the light. I repented, knelt before Judy, and sought her forgiveness.

As I reflected on my relational “stumbling,” the words, “You abandoned your post” came to me. I was convicted of my lack of sensitivity to my wife’s emotional and spiritual needs.  I realized that in acting childishly and nursing my self-pity, I simply walked away from the emotional space I am to help provide in our marriage.  I abandoned my wife, leaving her alone and emotionally vulnerable.    

I believe, accept, and desire to live out my role to lead in our relationship (Eph. 5:23).  Part of my responsibility is to cultivate and protect her emotional space.  But what I did was abandon my post.  I have done that before; this time, however, I saw how damaging it was to my wife.  I could see it in her eyes and in her tone of voice.

In our marriage, our oneness makes me complete in the Lord.  I can say with Adam, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!  Name her woman for she was made from man.” (Gen. 2:23 – Message).  I need to treat Judy as I would treat myself. “So men ought to give their wives the love they naturally have for their own bodies.  The love a man gives his wife is the extending of his love for himself to enfold her” (Eph. 5:28 – Phillips).   

After 55 years of marriage, I am becoming increasingly aware of my bride’s emotional needs and how I can take our relationship for granted.  My role is to cherish my wife, giving her space to grow in the Lord. It helps me to see her as a blooming flower. “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens” (Song of Songs 2:2).  Praise the Lord for this newfound sensitivity.  I have missed so many cues over the years.    

For what it’s worth to men reading this blog, here is some of what I am learning.  I still fail, but I’m learning to create emotional space. 

First, put my wife’s needs first. This means to not take our relationship for granted.  “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way” (I Cor. 13:4 NLT).    

Second, have a caring, loving attitude.  My wife can easily detect insincerity.  Only the Spirit of Christ can help me be consistent. “Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly” (Col. 3:19 NLT).

Third, use words to build up. Words can either build my wife up or subtly cause her to doubt herself and fade as a beautiful flower. “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry” (James 1:19 NLT).

Fourth, watch your tone of voice.  I never knew how vital this is in communicating and really have to work at this. It is so easy to sound negative and condescending.  Love “is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (I Cor.13:5 NLT).

Last, be quick to admit failure.  “…Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed…” (James 5:16). My ego must go first. That’s what a good leader does (Matt. 20:26-27).