Category: Brother Al (Page 45 of 68)

The Washington Post ran an article about Karen Pence, the wife of Vice President Mike Pence, noting the closeness of their relationship and quoting something Pence told The Hill in 2002 about his never eating alone with another woman or attending an event where alcohol was being served.  The exact quote was, “If there’s  alcohol being served and people are being loose, I want to have the best-looking brunette in the room standing next to me”

What ensued was a Twitter storm of  surprise, anger, and sarcasm to the Pence family rule.  Some compared it to Sharia Law while others said it was sexist.  One article suggested that Pence’s practice is “probably illegal.”  Mother Jones magazine attempted to plumb the depths of misogyny implicit in Pence’s actions in support of marital fidelity.  Emma Green thinks this incident, “shows how divided America has become about the fundamental claim embedded in the Pence family rule: that understandings of gender should guide the boundaries around people’s every interactions, and protecting a marriage should take precedence over all else, even if the way of doing it seems strange to some, and impose costs on other.”  Molly Hemingway maintains, “The dust-up shows how radically notions of gender divide American culture.”

So how are we to treat our wives?  I  want to share some practices I have learned  over the years in my marriage.  Men, we need to take the words of Jesus to heart, “‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’re preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed.  Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body.  Those leering looks you think nobody notice – they also corrupt”  (Matt 5:28 – Message).  Job declared, “I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes” ( Job 31:1 – Message). I like David French’s reminder, “Men and women were created to be together….Because of this powerful reality, when you put men and women together in intimate or intense situations, sexual relationships are inevitable.”

Here are a few tips from the old “Monk” in the northwoods.  First, avoid any compromising situation with other women, especially in being alone. Keep your wife informed about female associates.  Allow her to have her own “read out” on their character. Keep her informed about your activity throughout the day.  Secondly, never allow yourself to enjoy the flittering of another woman, especially if she has emotional needs.  You are not her savior.  Thirdly, ask the Lord to build a “wall of fire” around you, allowing you to be courteous with other women, but also communicating that you are off limits.

Fourthly, have eyes only for your wife.  She has super radar that detects if you have roaming eyes.  You can look, but don’t order.  Fifthly, when with another attractive woman do everything in your power to countenance her face, not any part of her body.  Sixthly, be courteous and respectful of your wife  in public, being aware of her presence with you at all times.  Seventhly, do the little things to honor her by opening the car door and holding her hand. Let her walk ahead of you.   Never, never, demean her in any way in public.

In private remember:  first, be infatuated with your wife. Tell her how wonderful you think she is.   Secondly, make her aware of being #1 in your life. Let her know how vital her companionship and friendship  is to you.   Thirdly, express genuine praise for your wife as a woman with her unique gifts and abilities.  Fourthly, never, never make comparisons with other women.  Fifthly, never take your relationship for granted. Sixthly, assure her you intend to grow old with her by your side.

Like men who read this blog, I have been taking in parts of March Madness.  My two teams Minnesota and Michigan State did not advance very far.  There have been some great games.  Many of the  ads directed toward men have not stood out in my opinion.  But there is a Cadillac ad that is both surprising and disturbing to me.  It states, “You can build a car or a Cadillac.’  To enhance this claim, the statement is made, “Why for the love of God build a sedan that goes 200 miles per hour.”  If you saw this ad, I hope you were shocked by the words as well.  If not, I write to bring your attention to what I think is happening – traditional Christian beliefs are now a safe target for advertisers, because the religious climate has changed in America.

Men, don’t fall asleep as  Madison Avenue attempts  to manipulate your sensitivities about behavior and  beliefs.   Remember advertising exist to persuade.  An article in the New York times observed, “In a perilous political climate…..some advertising agencies have decided to use their marketing acumen in service of advancing cultural and political causes, rather than selling products.”  To me, the Cadillac ad was crossing a line by using religious language to appeal to men.  As one ad executive noted, “Through communication, you can change the way people think, the way people feel.”

I would go so far as to say the ad was blasphemy, since it shows a lack of  reverence for the love of God.  It becomes  profane statement when religious language is used in a commercial  advertisement on national TV.  To mention “the love of God” while trying to sell a Cadillac, is a sacrilege, because it associates “the love of God” with buying a car.  This phrase has no place in advertising a car, except to possible shock some viewers.  Part of the value of the words is to get your attention by shocking your religious sensitivities.

I have been studying the prophets in an attempt to help me  discern what God has to say to our culture.  The prophets warn that we can not hide our true intentions from God.  What are the real intentions of the ad? “Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?” (Isaiah 29:15).  The religious language in the ad shows how badly the public discourse has eroded in our nation.  Several years ago it would be unthinkable for advertising to talk about “the love of God” in a secular ad.  But now it is acceptable.   Isaiah warns us, “You were so confident and comfortable in your evil life, saying, ‘No one sees me.’  You thought you knew so much, had everything figured out. What delusion!  Smugly telling yourself, ‘I’m Number One.  There’s nobody but me'” (Isaiah 47:10 – Message).

Could it be that this ad is a kind of “spitting” in God’s face.  “And it’s not as if they don’t know better.  They know perfectly well they’re spitting in God’s face.  And they don’t care – worse, they hand out prize to those who do the worst things best! (Roman 1:32 – Message).  Doing such a thing, with willful intent is a sacrilege.

Men, we need to be vigilant as the religious language worsen in our nation.  Remember the third commandment, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” (Ex. 20:7).  “God’s name and His character are inseparable.  Using His holy name lightly in a vain, empty manner is insulting and degrading” (Nelson Bible Dictionary).

Camille Paglia continues to offer me “food for thought” as she reflects on the feminist movement in our day.  She is not afraid to be critical of other feminists.  I thought of my mother, while recently reading her observation of  women in the 20’s and 30’s.  “The bold new women of that period did not insult or denigrate men.  They admired what men had done and simply demanded the opportunity to show that women could match or surpass it.  One of my persistent quarrels with second-wave feminism is how male-bashing became its default mode from the start.  Movements often attract fanatics or borderline personalities, and that’s exactly what happened.  Too many damaged women with bitter gripes against men took over feminist discourse.”

My mother and for that matter, my mother-in-law were strong women.  My mother used to tell me, “Alan, I am not a shrinking violet.” During the depression she cared for herself and sister alone. My memories are of my mother during the 40’s and 50’s.  My parents ran a “ma and pop” grocery store in a small town in northern Michigan (Negaunee).   She had to work hard, carrying a lot of responsibilities, beside being a mother and housewife.  She lived with the heart ache of  alcohol in our family.  She was the religious glue in our family of four (one sister).  She gave me the “tough love” I needed.  I credit her with toughening up my “soft” side, helping me to become a man.

I have often referred to the “father wound.”  But we also have to come to terms  with our relationship to our mother.  Like many men I was “overmothered.”  My mother set the emotional tune in our family causing me to  internalized a “female mode” of feeling.    In my 20’s and 30’s I found healing for my masculine soul with the emotional bondages I had  from my “emotionally strong” mother.  I learned to honor my mother and love her for who she was, a strong, willful and caring woman.  In this regard I remind every man reading this blog to honor your father and mother.  It is vital for a good life. “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Deut. 5:16).  I thank God for my strong mother, along with a wife who is “ascending” in her new feminine strength.  I also see unique feminine strength in my daughter and two daughter-in-laws.

Referring to her new book, “Free Women, Free Men,” Paglia contends, “women can never be truly free until they let men too be free – which means that men have every right to determine their own identities, interests, and passions without intrusive surveillance and censorship by women with their own political agenda.” I say a hearty amen. This is  a very insightful observation concerning gender relationship in the days to come.  Simply put, we men have to do our own inner work in become secure in our masculine soul, while allowing women to find peace for themselves.  Strong, secure men and women are the hope of the future in the gender wars

Here is my advise.  First, find healing for our masculine soul in the company of other men and mentors.  Secondly, celebrate the uniqueness of male and female in the image of God.  Thirdly, show “servant love” and compassion for women wounded by other men and fourthly, on the behalf of men be willing to ask for forgiveness for how men have treated women in the past.

This spring I am in the process of burning piles of downed trees and branches, which are the result of last summer’s big storm.  It takes time to tend each fire, so that all the bigger pieces of wood burn properly.  It gives me time to sit by the fire and engage in contemplative prayer.  I often reflect on the image of the Holy Spirit as the fire of God.  John the Baptist, in referring to Jesus said, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire” (Matt 3:11).  On the day of Pentecost, when the Spirit was poured out on the disciples, “They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each them” (Acts 2:3)

These verses makes clear that the person of the Holy Spirit is like fire within us.  I am continually reminded of the image of a  log of wood being burned in the writings of St. John of the Cross, as I tend my fires.  St. John referred to the Spirit as, “a living flame of love.” Spiritual director Wayne Simsic observes, “He [John] compares the soul to wood that remains unaware until it encounters fire.  At first it smolders, revealing just how damp it is.  Eventually, though, the fire transforms the log into itself; the soul becomes flame, and all it activities issue from this intense fire of union with the divine.”  “All the soul’s infirmities,” writes St John, “are brought to light; they are set before it eyes to be felt and healed ……just as dampness of a log of wood was unknown until fire applied to it made it sweat and smoke and sputter.”

Here are some thoughts from watching all those logs being burnt.  First, the intensity of the fire.  The fire, the Holy Spirit of God, abides in your heart.  You aren’t going to get more fire. There already is fire in your belly.  The question is, “What are you doing about the fire?’  You can open yourself to this unquenchable flame within, or you can ignore what is burning within you.  Jeremiah said God’s Word, “is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot” (Jer. 20:9). Joy comes in release not containment.

Secondly, the image of wood getting all carred, turning black and smoking, before it become a bright flame.  This is the image of the Holy Spirit showing us all the darkness still left in our hearts. All that sputtering and hissing of the log is the work of purifying going on in our souls.  But remember that this is “a flame of love.” There is no  short cut to becoming a flame burning for the Lord.  The darkness has to be brought to the light and healed.  It can get ugly and uncomfortable at times.  But there is no other way.

Thirdly, as the fire blackens the wood burning on the outside, the log is transformed into a flame as it burn from within.  The fire of God’ s love purifies our egos. It then ignites our minds, words, wills and actions.  God yearns to set us ablaze.  As we open ourselves up to this divine love, we discover a fire being ignited in us.  As Albert Haase observes, “God initiates the process of spiritual transformation by throwing a divine spark into our lives.  God then waits for our response.”

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You must be curious about the title of my blog.  “Fu” and “Wishy” were playful, intimate terms Judy and I had for each other during our courting days.  Judy was “Fu” and I was “Wishy.”  How we got those names is a long story.  Towards the end of our two weeks on the beach at South Padre, I got the idea of writing one of these heart shaped expressions of our love for one another in the sand.  Here is what I wrote.  “I love Fu/ yes I do/ This is true/ Love Wishy.”  Others came by and had various responses to an “old-timer” writing in the sand.  So why do I bring up this incident?.

It has to do with my passions. Proverbs 5:18-19 – Message tells us,  “Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!  Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!  Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.  Never take her love for granted.”  That day on the beach I was enjoying the company of my “fresh-flowing fountain” that has been at my side for 51 years.  I was reverting back to our early days of courtship as we walked the beach hand in hand.  I often say, “My wife is like good wine, it gets better with age.”  My regret is that often I, “take her love for granted.”  I am asking the Lord to help me enjoy each day that I have with my “rose” since we are in the fourth quarter of our journey together.

I am thankful for that day on the beach when I spontaneously  got the idea of expressing my affection of my “bride” in such a public manner.  It was evidence that the flame that was lite over 50 years ago was till burning for my wife.  I identify with the words of Paul when he says, “But if they [unmarried men] can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married.  The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single” (I Cor. 7:9 – Message).  I say “Amen.” My testimony is that only by the grace of God has the flame continued to burn for my wife.  Like many of you I have to guard my heart from wandering away from my wife.  I have found over the years that the more I expose my passions  in the light of the Lord, the more they can be directed towards my wife. I lived for years in shame regarding  these passions.  I never let them see the light of God’s love and mercy.  Men, don’t hide with your passions in those dark places of lustful fantasy.

Do you find delight and joy in the wife of your youth?  How bright is your flame?  “So guard your heart, remain loyal to the wife of your youth (2:15),” advises the prophet Malachi, in his lament on the destructive nature of divorce.  There are men who live with their wives in “emotional” divorce. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty….So guard your heart, do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:16).  There are probably men reading this blog, who know they are living in emotional divorce.  Let it convict you that it can overwhelm your wife with cruelty.

My advice, open those dark places in your soul where you entertain lustful thoughts for other women to the gaze of the Lord.  Once you do, you will be surprised that God love you right there in your stink.  Give your struggle to him.  Ask him to direct your passion to the wife of your youth.

Francois Fenelon, a 17th century French archbishop, has helped me over the years on my spiritual journey.  He had this to say about the soul.  “In order to make your prayer more profitable, it would be well from the beginning to picture yourself as a poor, naked, miserable wretch, perishing of hunger, who knows but one man of whom he can ask or hope for help; or as a sick person, covered with sores and ready to die unless some pitiful physician will take him in hand and heal him.  These are true pictures of our condition before God.. ….your soul is infinitely more sin-sick than that sore stricken patient, and God alone can heal you.”

I assume that most men reading this blog have not been told they have a “sin sick” soul.  The “lukewarm” believers in the Laodicean church, who said, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing,” are described by Jesus as  “wretched, pitful, poor, blind and naked”  (Rev 3:16-17).   When you are lukewarm, you  neglect the health of your soul and become sin-sick.  Speaking to the Pharisees, who assumed they were spiritual healthy, Jesus observed, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”  We are “sin-sick,” in need 0f the great Physician, who “took up our infirmities and carried our diseases” (Matt. 8:17).

The Psalmist was very aware of his needy soul. He described it as being thirsty.  “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?” (Ps 42:2).  He is describing a withered landscape in which he is longing for relief.  He is aware that only God can satisfy his thirst.  Remember Jesus said, “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13).  The invitation is to come.  “”The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’  And let him who hears say, ‘Come!’ Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.” (Rev 22:17).  So in simple terms – admit your neediness and come to Jesus to find relief.

The Psalmist also talked about yearning for God.  He knew his deepest desires were for God.  “”My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (Ps. 84:2).  A loud vocal crying for God is implied.   In Psalm 6:3 the Psalmist declares, “My soul is in deep anguish.  How long, Lord, how long.”  Men, take time to monitor your inner life.  Learn to slow down to hear what your soul is telling you.  Below the inner chatter is the deep longing of your soul for fellowship with God.  It is like a “soul-ache.”

Pay attention to your soul.  This means taking some time to just wait.  In Ps 130 the Psalmist begins with a cry for help. “Help God – the bottom has fallen out of my life!  Master, hear my cry for help!  Listen hard! Open your ears!  Listen to my cries for mercy” (Ps 130:1-2 – Message).  Then he adds, “I pray to God – my life a prayer – and wait for what he’ll say and do.  My life’s on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning ” (vs. 5-6).

Men, it is in the waiting that healing comes to a sin-sick soul.  “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” (Ps 23:1-3)

“We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped.  Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Ps 124:7-8).  This blog site is committed to helping men escape the fowler’s snare of the constant laments of radical feminism. While equality between male and female is assumed, I am  concerned about the effects of what Christian Hoff Sommers calls ‘fainting couch feminism,” which views women as, “fragile flowers who require safe spaces, trigger warnings, and special protection from micr0-invalidations.”  There is the belief among these feminists that the most destructive words a boy can hear growing up are “be a man.”

My concern is that men are lagging behind in our society when it comes to male liberation.  Women have done a lot of their homework on this issue.  The challenge is  for men to respond in kind.  It is a new day for both male and female. We can’t go back to the old patterns of relating.  Instead of being reactive, defensive or passive, men need to do their homework.  Otherwise they will allow themselves to be caught in the “fowler’s snare.”

Many men don’t even know they are caught in the snare since they have not been intentional about coming home to their God given masculine soul.  It is out of fear and insecurity that feminists expect men to be more like them.  Listen to what one feminist observer wrote after the election, “Many who care about the place of women in American society are gripped by fears that men will now feel they have a free pass to demean women at home or in the workplace, that women’s heath, economic security and reproductive rights will be dealt sever blows.”

What can this snare feel like? Notice I use the word feeling- a kind of inner foreboding that is felt in the soul.  Listen to what is deep in your soul, not how you feel obligated or conditioned to act in  the gender wars..  First, the shame of being a man.  While guilt for wrong behavior and attitudes is appropriate, even remorse for how men have wronged women, shame is crippling.  It is demeaning to a man.  Men today desperately need to know the affirmation of their  masculine soul in the presence of a loving heavenly Father.  You are loved for who you are, not for how you might perform.

Secondly, feelings of be the victim.  Some man could be reading this blog today, having to admit that he feels victimized, that is, wrongly faulted, simply for being a man at his place of employment.  He shares space with others that has been feminized by the assumption that men are to blame.  He has become passive, playing the victim, thus violating  his masculine soul.

Thirdly, a kind of floating anger and bitterness.  If a man has not done his work of being liberated, their will be a defensive response that goes underground.  His anger is like trying to keep an inflated ball under water.  It takes a lot of work not to let his true feeling known.  He comes home exhausted for just surviving another day.

One more feeling to consider; that of grief and sadness. As I have said before, grief can be mistaken for anger.  The unhealed soul of a man can often dwell in a deep well of grieving.  I know!  I watch my father in his last years live in this silent suffering of grief.  It caused me to become aware of my own need to grieve as a man.

Men, if there was one word that would have defined my early self image it would have been “nice.”  I prided myself in being nice.  As an ENFJ, who is a two on the enneagram, I was compulsive about my being nice.  Some of you who have a different core compulsion can’t relate.  Part of the motivation for becoming an ordained Lutheran Pastor, was to be nice to people in a spiritual manner.  It was a lot of work. I finally came to see that I was not such a nice guy, rather I had to need to be nice. So I know about being nice as a man.  Mark this – being nice can be a trap for men when dealing with the feminist accusation of “sexism.”

Therefore, I read with  interest an article by Kyle Smith over at the Acculturated web site.  He asked, “What if nice is not just vague but destructive?  What if niceness is just an excuse for selfishness?”  He quotes a professor Peter Augustine Lawler, who maintains that niceness is not a virtue but more of a moral shrug or cop-out, implying “I let you do – and even affirm – whatever you do, because I don’t care what you do.” “A nice person won’t fight for you,” Lawler points out. “A nice person isn’t animated by love or honor or God.  Niceness….is the most selfish of virtues….rooted in a deep indifference to the well-being of others.” It’s a quality that seen more like a  “flatness of soul” (Allan Bloom).  Wow!  That nails my compulsion.

I write wondering about all the younger men, working in corporate life in cities around our country.  I have a burden to “call them forth” from a kind of  emotional and spiritual foxhole they have been hiding in because of the gender wars.  Some are confused about their masculinity, others are angry for being labeled as sexist, while others simply grieve in silence because they feel they have to deny their basics instincts as a man.  Like myself they have made peace with the disappear of patriarchy and they are committed to working with women on “gender equality.”  They realize that women have done their inner work, while men have not come to grips with how to live out maleness in post-Christian America..

The answer is not to feel forced into being nice.  Men, don’t fall for such movements as the #AllMenCan movement, in which men are trying to show how sensitive they are to women’s rights.   Denise C. McAllister give this warning to men. “When you try to prove you’re not a misogynist, you will become enslaved to women’s will and whims….You will never be able to do enough to prove that in the deep recesses of your heart you’re not what these women think you are – a sexist pig.”  There you have it from a female observer.  I agree.  Her advice to men, “respect themselves as men and show women love and respect in their personal lives.”

From my perch in the northwoods, I cry out to men, “don’t become angry, passive or let yourself be intimidated.  Resist the temptation to resign yourself to flatness of soul, while wasting  energy on being “nice.”  You are violating your masculine soul.  My continuing advice is to come to Jesus, allowing him to bring you to your heavenly Father so you can hear to words, “I am well pleased with you.”  Your hidden masculine soul is good.  It needs healing.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18).   Through brokenness God is raising up men who are both “strong and tender,” not “soft and sensitive.”

I watched the Super Bowl Ads at my son Kurt’s home.  The next day we left, driving to South Padre in Texas for two weeks, so I can only share some impressions. I kept coming back to Ecclesiastes 1:10-11 (The Message).  “There’s nothing new on this earth.  Year after year it’s the same old thing.  Does someone call out, ‘Hey, this is new’?  Don’t get excited – it’s the same old story.  Nobody remembers what happened yesterday.  And the things that will happen tomorrow?  Nobody’ll  remembers them either.  Don’t count on being remembered.” All those ads that attract so much attention are intended to manipulate our basic desires with a total focus on self.  This is not a new business.  Men, this has being going on since the serpent  offered the apple to Eve.

It is amazing  how the ads have taken on a life of their own.  In the years that I have been writing this blog, I watch the ads for insight on how the culture views the masculine.  I have watched with a critical eye, knowing the ads industry is  aware of how the masculine in viewed in society.   In the recent past men have been portrayed in a rather condescending manner.  Men live with the curse of Adam. “The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you’ll be working in pain all your life long” ( Genesis 3:18 – Message).  The ad business  makes this apparent by suggesting  ways to relieve some of  the pain.

Compared to other years, I was disappointed.  They seemed to be more political in nature. The best one liner was from Mr. Clean,. “You gotta love a man who cleans.” I have been asking myself, “Why the change?”  The advertising industry, which keeps its finger to the cultural wind, giving it a good read out on the  mood of the nation, might  be detecting a change.  Could it be that the “anti-male” emphasis of the feminist movement has gone too far?  I wonder.  After all, for a culture to function as God intended, there has to be both the healthy male and female.  As one observer noted, “The movement (feminist) has morphed into something that is less about equality and more about the oppression of the group who have historically oppressed women.  Namely men.”

Could it be that we might be coming to a  stalemate in the gender wars?  Our culture desperately needs a healthy masculine presence. If this is to become a reality, I want to repeat what I have said often in this blog.  Men are going to have do their “soul work” enabling them to become secure in their masculinity, so they can be both “strong and tender.”  I say this in the light of the recent remarks of Hillary Clinton.  “Despite all the challenges we face, I remain convinced that, yes, the future is female“.  That phrase first appeared on a t-shirt back in 1975.  It reappeared again in 2015.  “The shirt,” noted a feminist, “is about a reaction to a misogynist and patriarchal culture that affects a lot of people.  People are re-contextualizing it – trans-women, men and moms with sons.”

Men if we are ever going to break the stalemate we will need to have a servant heart expressed in love and humility.  Paul reminds us of Jesus’ attitude. “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.  He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what” ( Phil 2:5-6 – Message). What matter is not our status as men, but our servanthood, especially toward women.

Vince Lombardi, the legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers, was s tough, demanding coach, who brought the best out of  his players.  But he also cared for each of them.  He pushed them to reach their potential as men and football players .  He also saw the need for pro football players to care for each other as a team. He talked about “love.”  “You’ve got to care for one another.  You have to love another.  Each player has to be thinking about the next guy.  The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these players have for one another.  Most people call it team spirit.  When the players are imbued with that special feeling you know you have yourself a winning team.”

Often you hear players use terms like  “the brotherhood” or even “the family” when they talk about their teammates.  This is evidence of genuine affection for each other. This kind of a culture is  cultivated over a period of time by a relationally aware coach.  Real “team chemistry” happens  when the players stop being simply individuals and begin to care for each other as a teammates.  These “bonds of a brotherhood” can take a team to victory in the midst of adversity.  The bonds can be the difference between victory or defeat. College sports can make a man out of a boy, through the bonds of brotherhood.

Paul spoke of having “a fond affection” for those with whom he shared the gospel. “We proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.  Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleasing to impart to you not only the Gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us” ( I Thess. 2:7-8).  The Phillips translation says, “Our attitude among you was one of tenderness….because we loved you.”   “Fond affection” describes the tenderness between a  mother and her nursing child.  Paul, the strong, courageous apostle uses the language of the nursery and child care to express his fond affections for  the believers in Thessalonica. Paul was not afraid to show his heart-felt affection.  The Message tells us Paul was not “patronizing, never condescending.”  It was genuine and heart felt.  His attitude communicated affection.

This is the language of tenderness, rather then being seen as soft.  There is a difference.  Strong men can have a tender heart. Men, we can  connect from our heart, and not be seen as a feminized, wimpy man.  I remember reading Robert Bly’s description of a “soft male.”  “The sensitive man of the 90’s is fine tuned, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, unwilling to start wars or hurt anyone; yet himself has little energy to offer.  Too often he is life preserving but not exactly life-giving.” I knew then, that I wanted to be tender, but not soft.  I wanted to project masculine energy that was life-preserving, not a  timid, apologetic, a so called “sensitivity” presence.

In the  past, I have felt the disapprove of women, who have interpreted my firmness as being harsh and condescending, in my role as pastor.  I felt judge for speaking as a man. But I knew, even though I had to be firm, that I was speaking from a heart of love and concern for my sisters in the Lord. I refused to be a soft male.

Men, I want to encourage you to check your own heart for any negative attitude you might have toward  women, especially in your family and church.  Then speak from your masculine heart.  Ask the Lord to give you the affection that Paul talked about.