Category: Brother Al (Page 21 of 68)

I saw something the other day that seemed to be an appropriate metaphor for our holiday season. While waiting for my wife in our local bank’s parking lot, I noticed a manager scene in which the baby Jesus was missing. Mary looked adoringly into an empty manger while Joseph pointed to it. It seemed to be saying, “We have canceled the reason for the season,” almost mocking the story of Mary and Joseph.  

How appropriate the empty manger scene is in contemporary culture.  We no longer have the so-called “Christmas wars,” when we used cry “foul” because Christ had been taken out of Christmas programs. “God with us” has been canceled altogether.  “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel – which means, ‘God with us.'” (Matt. 1:23).  This is no longer the narrative.  

The good news that the shepherds were so excited to share is no longer being sung in malls and public squares. “”Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11). Christmas carols are no longer giving witness to the good news. As a result, we have to produce our own version of the good news, which often ends up being, “Let’s try harder next year.”  

We now have to be cautious to whom we dare wish a “Merry Christmas.”  The word “Christmas” is seldom heard in the dominant culture. The message, of course, is that we can go on to have “Happy Holidays” without any awareness that Christmas has its origins in celebrating the birth of God’s only begotten Son as a baby born of the virgin Mary.  

What can an empty manager at Christmas teach us? 

First, be intentional in celebrating the ultimate meaning of Christmas in your daily life.  Enjoy the festive nature of this time of year.  But don’t forget the real meaning. Tell the story as it has been told for over 2,000 years.  Have the courage of young Joseph, who believed the message given him regarding the young woman he would marry.  “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” (Matt. 1:21). Tell the story especially to the younger generation, before it fades from their memory.

Second, remember you are part of a greater story.  Don’t forget that Jesus came to bring his kingdom presence into our lives.  It’s sad to see how small and self-focused our collective national consciousness has become.  Get out of your small story and celebrate the life you have within the life of the Trinity. “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us.  And our fellowship is with the Father and his Son. We write this to make our joy complete” (I John 1:3-4).   

Third, live out gratitude. It is God’s love for you and me that sent His one and only Son into the world.  God took the initiative so we would take initiative with others. We live among many lonely people who live with a sense of abandonment. They have no clear identity.  Who really cares for them?  God showed his love by becoming one of us: “This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (I John 4:10). 

On International Pronouns Day (Oct. 20), the State Department tweeted to explain that many Americans use pronouns as a form of gender expression. This day was created by Shige Sakurai, who believes that pronouns, like names, allow people to express themselves and their identity to the rest of the world.

Remember President Biden’s executive order issued during his first days in office seeking to prevent discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation: “It is the policy of my administration to prevent and combat discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation, and to fully enforce Title VII and other laws that prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation.” This is now reflected in the policy of our State Department and the stance of America in the world.

“Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Being referred to by the wrong pronouns particularly affects transgender and gender nonconforming people,” Sakurai wrote. With this in mind, Secretary of State Antony Blinken confirmed that the State Department would allow people to choose their gender identity on passports even if it contradicts with the sex or gender identity listed on other official documents. 

For those individuals with official documents and medical forms identifying them as either male or female, no longer is any official confirmation needed to show they have a medical condition warranting the nonbinary option. According to the government, their word is as good as gold. 

The U.S. special diplomatic envoy for LGBTQ rights, Jessica Stern, said the passport was “historic” and puts the government in touch with the “lived reality” of Americans who identify as something other than male or female. “When a person obtains identity documents that reflect their true identity, they live with greater dignity and respect,” Stern said. A spokesperson for the State Dept. explained, “The Department also continues to work closely with other U.S. government agencies to ensure as smooth a travel experience as possible for all passport holders, regardless of their gender identity.”  

We are referring to a very small segment of people in the world who believe someone actually is the sex or gender they believe they are, rather than the one their body says they are. To date there is no new scientific evidence requiring this belief. “Yet,” notes The Daily Citizen, “many are trying to force the belief on others with brutal rigidity. That is why the gender pronoun issue is such a contentious issue.” 

Men, this is the world in which we live. Reality is not what we make it to be but is objective and unchanging based on the revealed Word of our Creator. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). The NET states, “This verse constitutes the most concise statement of the incarnation in the New Testament.”  The Message proclaims, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.” 

The Word became a man. Jesus loved men and women equally, accepting them with all their flaws, but never confusing reality with their identity as Man and Woman, reminding us, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matt 19:4). May Jesus be our guide in this confusing time. 

Our identity is in Christ. “…Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously towards others, the way God lives toward you” (Matt 5:48 – Message). 

Robert Bly died recently (Nov. 21, 2021) at the age of 94. Bly was one of the early leaders of the Men’s Movement. While some of what he advocated in his retreats for men was outside a biblical framework, he persuasively called men to become aware of their hearts. I vividly remember one interview with Bill Moyers on PBS when he said, “The way to a man’s heart is through his pain.”  

After that interview, I knew a major focus of my ministry would be directed to the broken hearts of men. “It never occurred,” wrote Bly, “to think that men had feelings, or could be easily hurt… You never notice that in any of the commercials that are on television or radio. Men are regarded as something useful and ridiculous. There is a tremendous amount of belittling of men that has been going on for a long time in our culture.”

I felt Bly was speaking right to my heart as I was working through father wounds and father hunger: “With no male mode of feeling, some sons give up, collapse and become numb, for they received only the temperament of their father and not his blessing and energy.”  

Bly’s book, “Iron John” had a deep impact on me. I was able to locate much of my pain through his story telling.  One way in particular spoke to my family of origin: My mother was the dominant figure in my youth. My dad was distant. As an intuitive “feeler” by personality, I learned from Bly my natural tendency was to absorb the emotional environment in my home. 

“The child,” observed Bly, “in a messed-up family may feel a ghastly tension between the addicted parent and the clean parent, between the cold of the angry father and the heat of the loving mother, or between the cold of the furious mother and the heat of the sorrowing father.”

Bly spoke directly to my confused heart: “In such a situation it’s relatively easy to give up iron work and take up copper work. A child can easily become a professional bridge. The child can become a conductor made of that good conducting metal, copper.”

For the first time in my life, I realized that I had allowed myself to be the conductor of all the dysfunctional emotions in my home. I learned to visualize the copper wiring in my body, absorbing and storing emotions that I needed to release through confession and forgiveness. I slowly began to give up “chairmanship of the universe” knowing that I could not “fix” the emotional needs of people in my own strength. I will be forever grateful for this singular insight from Iron John.

Some of the readers of this blog are probably too young to remember the influence of Bly on the early men’s movement. In my opinion, a comment by Bly in the beginning of his book is even more telling today in light of so much focus on “toxic masculinity.” He wrote: “The grief in men has been increasing steadily since the start of the Industrial Revolution and the grief has reached a depth now that cannot be ignored.”

I am very thankful for the courage Robert Bly had to speak out on behalf of men during the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. He faced much hostility and ridicule. “The best effect we’ve had is on young men who are becoming fathers who are determined not to be the remote fathers that their own fathers were.”  I was one of those fathers. Thank you, Robert Bly. I owe you a debt of gratitude. 

The prophet Hosea was called to live out a parable of God’s persistent love in the midst of Israel’s betrayal.  God commanded Hosea to marry a common whore and have children with her (Ch. 1-3). God “goes after us at our worst, keeps after us until he gets us, and makes lovers of men and women who know nothing of real love” (Message). 

God wants us to identify with Gomer in her wretched state to understand how spiritual adultery offends God. We can see the heart of God as He calls us back to himself. God does not give up on us. In our day both spiritual and moral idolatry keep us from relationship with Him.

Who is responsible for this spiritual condition of our culture?  Hosea 4: 14 gives us a clue: It is fathers who have not set the example in taking the lead in spiritual and moral fidelity. Hosea calls the fathers out for their failure: “I will not punish your daughters when they play the harlot, nor your brides when they commit adultery, for the men themselves slip away with prostitutes, and they offer sacrifices with temple prostitutes [who give their bodies in honor of the idol]…the people without understanding [stumble and fall and] come to ruin” (Hosea 4:14 – Amp.).

To win the favor of the fertility god Baal and the goddess Asherah, the Canaanites engaged in “sacred” prostitution, which involved ritual sexual acts with “sacred” prostitutes. “These rituals took place at special shrines located on hills under the shade of trees and were designed to promote fertility in the land…The Israelites encouraged their daughters to visit the shrines, hoping that their participation in ritual sex with the priests of Baal and Asherah would encourage their gods to give them numerous children. But their fathers were just as guilty, for they too visited the shrines and has sexual relations with the priestesses there…to enhance their own virility” (Chisholm – Handbook on the Prophets).

Israel became so infatuated with idols and sexuality promiscuity that they surrendered to “a spirit of prostitution” in which “the men consort with harlots and… sacrifice with temple prostitutes” v. 14 NET).  “Verse 14 is in fact a landmark in moral history by its refusal to treat a man’s sexual sins more leniently than a woman’s” (Bible Speaks Today). Here Hosea makes clear that the daughters are innocent when compared to the men, who were not setting an example to their daughters, but were going to prostitutes, both religious and secular. 

Verses 12-14 reveal people who had forsaken the Lord and turned to promiscuity. They show how self-indulging and mindless religion is in fact guilty of producing spiritual decadence, which in turn produces a moral breakdown in the culture. God declares they are, “a stupid people, ruined by whores” (v. 14 – Message). 

Men, God’s directive in the sixth commandment is: “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14). Luther’s Small Catechism tells us, “We should fear and love God so that we lead a chaste and pure life in word and deed, and that husband and wife love and honor each other.” Paul exhorts us, “Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity” (I Thess. 4:3 – Message).

It seems to me that in a sensual and sexually-confused time, Christian men need to step forth and practice sexual purity. We can apply this by resolving to: 1) Be a one-woman man, 2) Live and model a virtuous life of purity, and 3) Acknowledge how much we and other fathers have failed in our culture.  God help us as men and fathers to do that.

Are you old school?  I ask that question as I watch pro football games. Commentators use the term as they discuss a player’s talent, attitude, and contribution to his team. When you tune into sports talk radio, you will hear intense dialogue, men sharing passionately about the play of their favorite players and teams. They often refer to players as old school. Could it be evoking memories of players of old, stirring a longing for the past, especially their youth?

As an NFL sports fan, I know enough to keep informed and to converse with others. I’m even in a fantasy football league with some of the guys in our building. For some it borders on idolatry. But I try to keep it in perspective; it is simply a pastime for me. Even so, I wonder why these die-hard fans use the term old school so often. Do certain players model character that is missing in our day?

Gary Sheffield wrote that Green Packers wide receiver Davante Adams is old school for this comment: “I hate everyone that I play against.” “Although it’s overblown how buddy-buddy athletics are today, “notes Sheffield, “[Adams] is having none of that culture. He spoke this morning about how much he hates everyone he plays against…We’d like to see more quotes like these from everyone so we can get back to believing players take losing as personal as we do.”

If I’m understanding this correctly, Sheffield would like to see more passion in football players that verges on hatred of the opponent, rather than the “buddy-buddy” mentality he encounters on his sports beat. For him, though, old school carries more of a negative connotation.

I identify somehow with old school, but primarily as a positive longing in the hearts of men admiring the exceptional performance in a man competing with other men. Pro scouts talk about a prospect as “a character person.” This is more the exception then the rule. To get a positive grade for “character” is seen as an achievement. 

So, what exactly is old school? It certainly points to a player being exceptional and even unique. I would like to be considered old school when it comes to my walk with Jesus. I know that I am “surrounded by…a great cloud of witnesses” (Heb. 12:1) who are definitely old school.  They all followed Jesus, who is “the same yesterday and today and forever.”  So as followers of Jesus, we might want to be called old school.

First, if hating your enemy is old school, as Sheffield seems to believe, I don’t want to be identified with that attitude. The old can become the new. The old has died, and I am a new man in Christ. He gives me grace to compete but also care.

Second, old school refers to the exceptional character of a person. It seems to highlight the attitude of one who “marches to the beat of a different drummer.”  I want to be that way. “Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34).

Third, old school can refer to the admired performance of a player. He might not be the most talented, but he works hard at his game – like a “blue collar guy.”  I want to be “all in” for Jesus, not necessarily polished, but sincere.

Fourth, while being old school, I sincerely pray that God will give me the discernment and wisdom to be relevant in sharing the good news of Jesus.

If that’s what old school means, I’m in. How about you?

Mere Orthodoxy interviewed Ben and Jenna Storey about their new book, “Why We Are Restless: On the Modern Quest for Contentment.”  While restlessness has always been a part of the human condition, the authors point out it has taken on “a distinctive and particularly troubling character in modern times.”

Augustine said famously, “our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”  His restlessness is contrary to modern restlessness, which the authors say is more like “agitated motion without direction.” Augustine was searching for ultimate meaning and purpose in God. In our day, it is simply assumed that we cannot find fulfillment in God. We are suspicious of that idea…

The modern mind “seeks diversion from itself, rather than attending seriously and persistently to existential questions,” such as “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?”  Could this be why we are unhappy? The book focuses on “the restlessness of the mind that tries and fails to find happiness in a distinctly modern way. The focus is on self – not on building a relationship with the transcendent God.

The authors coin the term “immanent contentment” to represent a view of “happiness with no center – a pleasantly various kind of happiness.”  If we limit life to “the immanent frame” it will fail on this delusion.  In contrast, Augustine’s search for happiness was what Jesus called “the one thing needful” (Luke 10:38-42). Happiness is found outside of self.

The authors hold, “If we’re honest with ourselves both about the depth of our miseries and the height of our aspirations, we begin an anguished quest” for answers to the longings of the human soul.  Too much attention to the immanent needs in our life distract us from “the fundamental question of why we find ourselves on this planet.” 

The authors hope readers of their book will “learn to exchange pointless busyness for a pointed quest.”  “We need,” they stress, “to be more ruthless about the question of how we commit our time, separating serious things that deserve our attention from distractions that might be pleasant enough but are not the answers to the question of a life.” 

Men, we are restless because we have a longing for God. James Houston reminds us, “The unsatisfied longing for God is what drives human beings above all else.”  Augustine noted, “Longing is the heart’s treasury.”  He went on to say, “The whole life of the good Christian is a holy longing. What you desire ardently, as yet you do not see…by withholding of the vision, God extends the longing; through longing he extends the soul, by extending it he makes room in it…Let us long because we are to be filled…that is our life, to be exercised by longing.”

Men, I encourage you: taste, feel, experience, and cultivate your longing for God. Don’t be afraid of your deepest desires and passions. That is how we are wired. We have been lied to and tricked by the enemy, to either neglect or disavow our deepest desires. Open your heart to God. Don’t just think about God; express your deepest longings to him. Ask the Lord to help straighten out the tangled mess you may have made of your passions.

Years ago, as I began to befriend my deepest longings, I found much comfort in the Psalms. They express the full range of desire before God. For example, in Psalm 42:1-2 we read, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”  Remember: He longs as well for relationship with you.

In a recent report, U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres issued a dire warning: “…The world is moving in the wrong direction and faces dangerous trends…[and] is under ‘enormous stress.'”  He laments how injustice is bringing people into the streets to protest, “while conspiracy theories and lies fuel deep divisions within societies.”  

The Secretary-General urged global action to deal with disinformation and conspiracy theories. He proposed facts, science, and “integrity” in public discourse. He then ended with this plea, “We must make lying wrong again.”  I could not get this statement out of my mind. Here we have a world leader sounding almost like an evangelist: “We need to stop lying…” to which we all can say, “Amen.” 

How can this be accomplished in our broken world? My contention is that it can only happen slowly, and that courageous men need to come forth, stand in the gap, and dare to live by the truth. The problem is that many men are missing in action, having abandoned the truth. In her important book, “Crisis in Masculinity” Leanne Payne notes, “The power to honor the truth – to speak it and be it – is at the heart of true masculinity.” She goes on to say, “A culture will never become decadent in the face of a healthy, balanced masculinity…When a nation or an entire western culture backslides, it is the masculine which is first to decline.”

As followers of Jesus, we as men can lead in making lying wrong again. Jesus tells us in John 18:37, “…For this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). He tells his followers, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). In his high priestly prayer, Jesus prays, “Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth” (John 17:17 NLT).

In our day, with so much deception and verbal wrangling over what is true, it seems to me that we as men need to be integrated in our understanding of truth. Here are three factors to consider in our battle to “make lying wrong again.”

First, truth must be the basis of our worldview and assimilated into our very being. It is similar to the experience of Jeremiah: “When I discovered your words, I devoured them” (Jer. 15:16 NLT).  The NET notes, “The prophet accepted them, assimilated them, and made them such a part of himself that he spoke with complete assurance what he knew were God’s words.” 

Secondly, truth must be allowed to penetrate our inner life, so that we have not only an intellectual grasp of the truth, but we also seek to know the truth about ourselves, our relationships, and the world in which we live. Truth is relational because Jesus is Truth – and we can relate to him as Savior and Friend. Truth (meaning Christ) in a man needs to affect one’s whole being (Gal. 2:20).

Thirdly, we must walk out truth in life. Oh, that God would raise up more men of integrity. These are honest, courageous men, who have not only been pruned by the truth, but men who are willing to put their very lives on the line for the truth. That would make us martyrs. Might you become a martyr for the truth – in both the big things and the little things? 

In the findings of the annual American Worldview Inventory Survey, just 6% (15 million) of the estimated 176 million American adults identifying as Christians actually hold a biblical worldview. These are believers who “demonstrated ability to assimilate their beliefs into their lifestyle.”  This group comes “closest to reflecting biblical principles into their opinions, beliefs, behaviors, and preferences. A person in this group was classified as an “Integrated Disciple” (ID).

The survey noted difficulties determining how many Christians are in America, since the number varies widely depending on the definition used.  Those who simply said they were Christians (69%) were broken down further to include: born-again (35%), evangelical (28%), and theological born-again Christians (28%).  A much smaller group were those identified as “Integrated Disciples.”  Those who are seen as “theologically born-again” were more closely aligned with the “IDs.”  But only Christians identified as “IDs” were classified in the study as having a biblical worldview.

I was surprised at the large number of IDs whose beliefs challenged biblical principles: “25% say there is no absolute moral truth, 39% contend that the Holy Spirit is not a real, living being but is merely a symbol of God’s power, presence, or purity, 42% believed that having faith matters more than which faith you pursue, and 52% argue that people are basically good.”

George Barna, the lead researcher at the Cultural Research Center, commented on the survey: “‘Christian’ has become somewhat of a generic term rather than a name that reflects a deep commitment to passionately pursuing and being like Jesus Christ.”  Barna warned about interpreting data related to Christians: “Political polling, in particular, may mislead people regarding the views and preferences of genuine Christ-followers simply based on how those surveys measure the Christian population.”

The survey ends with this summary: “It’s one thing to call yourself a fan of a sports team or a devotee of a particular brand.  It’s something else altogether to call yourself by the name of the savior of humankind… He (Jesus) noted that a person would be his disciple if they obey His teaching (John 8:31).  It follows, then, that when a person takes on the name “Christian” it refers to one who is striving to know and follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ.”   

This report should warn men of the divergence of belief among those who call themselves Christians in America.  It makes for significant confusion in a culture that has already rejected a Christian worldview.  There is a lack of belief in basic Christian doctrine.  When 25% of IDs believe there is no absolute moral truth and 39% “contend that the Holy Spirit is not a real, living being but is merely a symbol of God’s power, presence, or purity,” the body of Christ is compromised.

Men, I pray you are “Integrated Disciples.” We must be vigilant in building our faith on the solid foundation of Jesus (Matt. 7:24).  It is sobering to hear Jesus warn of the last days, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matt 24:12-13).   

Most of all, I want to reassure every man reading this blog that the Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity.  The Spirit is a person – not an influence or idea.  We confess in the Nicene Creed, “We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, with the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.”  My advice: seek and welcome the Holy Spirit. 

Because of his message of non-involvement with the superpower Assyria, the prophet Isaiah was considered treasonous by the people of Judah. He chose, however, not to get political during a time of deep and divided political intrigue. He was simply God’s prophet proclaiming God’s word to the nation of Judah.  God warned the people in Is. 8:12 not to get involved with conspiracy theories. “Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it.” The Message says, “Don’t be like this people, always afraid somebody is plotting against them.” Wow! Is that a relevant warning for our day! 

Remember: when God was looking for a spokesperson, Isaiah responded, “Here am I. Send me!” (Is. 6:8).  But here, God was firm with Isaiah – and it seems He meant business. The Message tells us, “God spoke strongly to me, grabbed me with both hands and warned me not go along with this people” (8:11). Isaiah may have been influenced by the events of his day.  Perhaps he had started believing some of the rumors he’d heard. 

The NIVZSB gives this insight about Is. 8:11-13: “Two different understandings of history: (1) Give God the central place that only the Holy One must have, or (2) explain historical events as the result of human conspiracy, with the constant dread of the unknown that this view engenders.”  The NET Bible speculates the conspiracy might have been the alliance between Israel and Syria. “Some of the people may even have thought that individuals in Judah were plotting with Israel and Syria to overthrow the king.” The NLT Study Bible notes, “People regarded Isaiah’s message of non-involvement with Assyria as treasonous, part of a conspiracy…What frightens them was the alliance of Syria and Israel attacking Judah.” 

Isaiah exhorted the people to listen to the Lord of Heaven’s armies: “He is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread” (Is. 8:13 – emphasis mine).  Isaiah goes on the say, “He will keep you safe.  But to Israel and Judah he will be a stone that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall, and for the people of Jerusalem he will be a trap and a snare” (Is. 8:14).   

Peter picks up on this passage in I Peter 2:4-8.  He describes Jesus as a “living Stone” and those chosen by God to be “living stones” used to build a spiritual house, “to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ” (v. 5).  Quoting Isaiah 28:16 Peter declares, “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame” (v. 6).  Then he adds, “This stone is precious…But to those who do not believe…a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall” (vv. 7-8).  “They stumble,” declares Peter, “because they disobey the message – which is also what they were destined for” (v. 8). 

The implication for us as followers of Jesus is to examine our dedication to Jesus, our “chosen and precious cornerstone.”  As “living stones” we are to trust that Jesus is the key to what God is building by his Spirit. We are warned that unbelief will cause us to stumble and fall.  Men, make Jesus your “cornerstone.”  Measure all you do both within and outside the church by your commitment to him.  In these passages God gives us fair warning of the deadly consequences of not keeping our eyes fixed firmly on Jesus.  

I have been reading Ecclesiastes lately.  It has been awhile since I spent time with its message.  “Ecclesiastes challenges the naïve optimism,” notes Eugene Peterson, “that sets a goal that appeals to us and then goes after it with gusto… The author’s cool skepticism, a refreshing negation to the lush and seductive suggestions swirling around us, promising everything but delivering nothing, clears the air.  And once the air is cleared, we are ready for reality – for God.”  

During my senior years, I found a good word about life with my wife that had been tucked away from my awareness in earlier years.  The CEV translation puts it straight and plain for men living in a confusing and meaningless age: “Life is short, and you love your wife. So enjoy being with her. This is what you are supposed to do as you struggle through life on the earth” (9:9).  I can almost picture my own mother giving me that advice on my wedding day.  Solomon tells us in Proverbs 18:22, “A man’s greatest treasure is his wife. She is a gift from God.”  The NLT Application Bible notes, “How sad it would be to be married and not appreciate or enjoy the companion God had given you.”

I write this blog as a testimony to God’s work in my heart, helping me to be a better husband. More than ever, I am learning during my senior years the blessing of my “better half.”  For me, Judy is the one created for our union as man and wife.  She is like good wine, getting better as she ages.  Thank you, Lord…   Here are a few things I am learning in a new way after 56 years with the same woman, things that may help you as well in your own marriage: 

First, the simple reality: “life is short.”  I have not always given my bride the attention she deserves.  I have allowed myself to be distracted, not emotionally available to cultivate a more soulful relationship with Judy.  But life is short.  Make each day count.  Don’t be lazy about giving your bride attention.  Relationships take time and effort.  After all she is “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23).

Secondly, I am learning to “cherish” my wife – which means, “hold dear,” “protect and care for,” and “keep in mind.” I tell her how much I love her most very day.  I continually tell her how important she is to me.  I acknowledge daily my intention to cherish her throughout the rest of our journey.  

Thirdly, I enjoy being with my wife.  This means that I give her attention and tell her how much I appreciate her companionship.  I find fulfillment in our sharing of life together.  I spend quality time sharing heart-to-heart with my bride.  I miss her when she is not by my side.

Fourthly, more and more I realize that Judy is my greatest treasure and a special gift from God.  I have always appreciated her, but I have not always verbalized to her what a gift she is to me.  I often use new words to express my delight in her – mostly verbal, because written is less my style.    

Fifthly, I want to remember the last part of Eccl. 9:9, “The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil” (NLT).  Yes, this life will be an “earthly toil.”  But I praise God that he has given me a true soul mate who listens and gives godly input into my life of “toil.” I pray you can too!