I read an informative review of a book for men entitled, “Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 lies that keep men from becoming fully alive.” I was intrigued with the premise of the book. “There’s a shadow that’s settled over the hearts of men today. Masculinity is in crisis. Critiques about the dangers of toxic masculinity and the abuses of patriarchal systems have grown louder than ever. The very notions of masculinity and manhood are under attack. In response to cultural shifts, some have doubled down on old stereotypes in ways that just add to the conflict and confusion.” As a result many men are confused and in the dark about manhood.
When did talk about masculinity became controversial it is hard to pinpoint ? Certainly in the last decade, men have moved into the darkness and shadows regarding their maleness. Using metaphors such as “fighting shadows” and being “shadow men” gives the impression that men are confused about modern masculinity. The authors Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson talk about the dark places as shadows in the lives of men. They list lust, worldly ambition, loneliness, shame, apathy and despair.
The book looks at external explanations for the crisis of masculinity. “Men face problems because they believe cultural lies.” The authors blame the shadowy lies on sin and Satan. But they are also critical of the church. “Unfortunately, much of what is taught at church about masculinity is so theoretical that it doesn’t seem to work in real life. In the absence of effective mentors and models, not to mention the lack of margin to really work on ourselves, we just drift to the edge – out of the light.”
While it is helpful to be aware of how the lies of our secular culture keeps men in the shadows, we need to be careful not to point the finger away from our responsibility before the Lord. Men, indeed, feel beaten up by a hostile culture. They need support and especially affirmation as men. To help them interpret the negative message they are continually facing in the culture, men will need help in being a godly man in a hostile culture. The authors maintain, “the greatest problem facing men today isn’t our culture or the church; it’s our need for repentance and submission to Christ. What’s wrong with the world is also what’s wrong inside each of us.”
Richard Rohr is known for accusing men of “shadow boxing” He observes, “It takes so much energy and effort to suppress what we find unacceptable in ourselves that we can have very little energy left for anything else.” We end up shadow boxing when we place “a great portion of our unacceptable self in exile.”
It takes courage for a man to face his real self, and not be afraid of those misconceptions of maleness internalized by the culture. Rohr gives this warning, “We need to acknowledge, forgive, and heal all that lurks in our shadow, or we will continue to distort reality by projecting all that we hate from within ourselves onto other people and the world around us.”
In our day there is a need for men to be gathering in support groups so as to help one another with how we distort reality by avoiding the unacceptable parts of our story. AA as a saying that speaks to this condition: “You are only as sick as your secrets.” A lot of the male influencers in the media have become well versed in projecting their shadows on younger, unsuspecting men, who are struggling with their shadow. We need what Rohr calls, “male mothers.” These are older mentor who can name the shadow-boxing taking place.
This afternoon we have Bible study, and we are nearly through the book of Mark.
We were so grateful that the predicted snow ended up further north and we were all able to get to the funeral. Al will be leaving for Pine City to get our income tax done and make a visit, and meanwhile I plan to go to exercise class and clean his study.
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