An article by Delano Squires of the Institute for Family Studies alerted me to a new movement.  A “masculine critique” is emerging as a result of the 1960s feminist movement.  “The crux of this nascent movement is that men should rethink their approach to marriage, children, and family in a society where women have more economic, political, legal, and cultural power than ever before.”  As women’s roles in the home and workplace have changed, men are re-evaluating their responsibilities as husbands, fathers, and breadwinners.

The second wave feminist movement thought women would be more fulfilled by pursuing education and other interests outside the home.  Betty Friedan and her allies, “claimed marriage and children kept women on the sidelines of American political, economic,  and social life.  For them, the benefits of the nuclear family for children were not worth its costs for women.”  

Today we find more women putting off marriage and having children altogether.  For women, the median age for a first marriage in 1960 was 20.  But in 2020 it has risen to 28.  In 1972 only 16% of women earned as much or more than their husbands.  Now it stands at 45%.

Richard Reeves of the Brookings Institute is an advocate of the “masculine critique.”  He believes “men should pursue fatherhood regardless of marriage… a man should focus on strengthening his relationship with his children, irrespective of his relationship with their mother.” 

But as Squires points out, fathers who live apart from their children are less active than co-residential fathers.  82% of married fathers play with their children, while only 10% of fathers who live apart from their children.  When there is a split between the parents, “only 16% of fathers who live apart from their children report speaking to them every day and 53% had not eaten a meal with their child within the previous four weeks.” 

Rollo Tomassi  offers his own version of the “masculine critique.”  He sees marriage and family as a drain on a man’s body, soul, and bank account.   His counsel: “Men who want to get on the fast-track to becoming a high-value man should not get married or have children.  His advice to men?  Get a vasectomy in your 20s, lift weights, and build wealth.” He points to the fact that women initiate 70% of divorces as a good reason to not get married. 

Here is Squire’s response – “Children need healthy marriages and strong families.  These institutions require love, order, discipline, selflessness, forgiveness, fidelity, patience, and understanding.  The last thing they need is more narcissism and naked individualism, whether that comes from the feminist left or masculinist right… Men of past generations fought wars for the sake of civilizations.  The least men can do today is fight for the future of their families.”

Since God made male and female in him image, he also gave us a blueprint for how to flourish on the earth together as male and female.  We need each other.

In the creation story, it is clear that male and female together are to be fruitful.  “Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply.  Fill the earth and govern it.  Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground” (Gen. 1:28 NLT).  The enemy’s intention is to have men and women split from one another, living in conflict rather than in harmony.  

Later in Genesis Chapter 2, we read of God placing man in the Garden of Eden “to work it and take care of it” (Gen. 2:15). But surprise!  Man cannot do it alone.  God created Eve as  “a helper who is just right for him” (Gen. 2:18).  Man and woman need each other to flourish, that is, to be civilized.

This blog reflects on the personal journey of one who has tried to follow the Lord for the past 65 years.  At my age, one spends time looking back in the rearview mirror, even while yearning to finish strong.  The Psalmist reminds me, “Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty.  But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away.” (Ps. 90:10 NLT). I have now reached eighty, and am experiencing the swift passing of time.  The Psalmist then prays, “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom” (v. 12).  My continual cry is to have wisdom to pass on to the next generation.

Elsewhere, the Psalmist prays, “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered – how fleeting my life is.  You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.   My entire lifetime is just a moment to you, at best, each of us is but a breath” (Ps. 39:4-5 NLT).  As I go to more funerals, I am more acutely aware of life’s brevity.  

My prayer is that I might finish strong.  God knows my numbered days: “You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalms 139:16).  At a recent funeral for a  Christian woman from our apartment building, I sat quietly meditating before the service.  I sensed the Lord giving me a three point directive for the rest of my days. 

Why share these with you? Perhaps because who I am becoming in “the fourth quarter” can be expressed in these three directives.  They are simple, not weighted down with obligation and detail, viewed more as being than doing. At my stage of the journey, I can give my emotional and spiritual energy to these three things.  I have learned that the older we get, the simpler life really becomes. 

1) “Cherish your wife.”  This advice was given to me many years ago by my mentor, James Houston.  Cherish means to “protect and care for; to keep in one’s mind.”  In my relationship with Judy, I am to cultivate our oneness in marriage with the utmost care and affection.  Ecclesiastes 9:9 – Message  encourages me to, “Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life.  Each day is God’s gift.”  God has given us 57 years together to grow in the Lord.  Cherish each day with your wife; there are not that many left.  

2) “Point people to Jesus.”  I take this second, direct, and simple point to mean my whole being.  Words, actions and attitude are meant to reflect the presence of Christ.  I desire for people to be ready to meet Jesus when they die.  Remember, I live with seniors and lead a study for “the gray hairs” – as I call us. May my life give off the aroma of Christ. “Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume.  Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God” (II Cor. 2:14-15 NLT).  

3) “Act like a man.”  Wow.  When I was a young man, acting like a man was rather simple and straightforward.  Not anymore. There was general consensus about what is means to be a biological man, even with little awareness of the masculine soul.  My life as an “old man” is to reflect the “tough and tender” nature of Jesus – with a more mature understanding of the masculine soul.