I have been enduring some storm tossed days in my soul life  It has been dark and cloudy.  I struggle with conflicting thoughts about who I am and what I am doing with my life.  I want to be a light for Jesus in my present surroundings, but I am haunted with doubts about my own faithfulness.   

I have learned to accept inner storms as a normal part of my spiritual journey.  Years ago, I was reluctant to acknowledge the  frequent storm occurring in my inner life, since I felt I had matured enough to be able to have clear sailing.  But I have learned as I journey along, storm will appear unexpected.  The storms, allowed by the Lord are a natural part of my spiritual growth.  I only learn by going through the storm, not by pretending it isn’t there.

I share my struggle because I got some encouragement from a recent blog by Ron Rolheiser. It helped give expression to my experience of the “dark night.” “Jesus,” notes Rolheiser, had a cosmic image for this experience.  “The sun will be darkened, the moon will not give forth its light, stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven will be shaken”  (Matt. 25:29). When Jesus refers to these words from Isaiah, he is not describing only  cosmic cataclysms, but also a cataclysms of the heart.  “Sometimes our inner world is shaken, turned upside down; it gets dark in the middle of the day, there’s an earthquake in  the heart; we experience the end of the world as we’ve known it.” 

I say “amen.”  Rolheiser goes on the talk about “a dark night of the soul,” an experience of the soul life that I have have spent almost forty years of trying to understand.  Discussing St. John of the Cross, he writes, “God takes away the pleasure and consolation and we experience a certain dark night in that where we once felt fire, passion, consolation, and security, we will now feel dryness, boredom, disillusion, and insecurity.  For John of the Cross, all honeymoons eventually end.”

Why does the honeymoon need to end?  Rolheiser suggests, “on a honeymoon, too often we are more in love with being  in love and all the wonderful energy this creates than we are in love with the person behind all those feelings. The same is  true for faith and prayer.  When we first begin to pray seriously, we are often more in love with the experience of praying  and what it’s doing for us than we are in love with God.”  Therese of Lisieux used to warn: “Be careful not to seek yourself in love, you’ll end up with a broken heart that way.”

Years ago, I finally came to the realization that the honeymoon stage of my journey was over.  I was like a child who always expected candy from his father.  My heavenly Father was weaning me of the “sweet” experiences of prayer with its “sugar highs.”   I did not like giving up the familiar, while my heavenly Father was expecting me to live more like a maturing adult.  The honeymoon was over. I was being led down a path meant for a more mature adult man.   

Briefly, this is what I have learned thus far.  1) Realizing darkness, dryness and not knowing is normal.   2) God allows changes in the life of the soul for our growth.  Our old self will resist.  3) God looks at the intention of our heart.  Do we truly want to love Jesus more.  4) He will continue pursues us in love.  5) God will never give up on us.  6) Ultimately we surrender to his love as we mature.

Ralph Martin is president of Renewal Ministries, a movement among conservative Catholics.  I have followed Ralph since the early days of the Charismatic Movement in the early 70’s.  I call Ralph a “prophetic straight shooter.”  He is a catholic theologian, who is a faithful orthodox author.  He dares to say things that many evangelical authors would not dare say and with conviction.  He wrote an article recently entitled “The Four Last Things.”  I want to summarize his article because of its blunt clarity.

He begins by quoting Pope John Paul II.  “The Church cannot omit, without serious mutilation of her essential message, a constant catechesis of man’s Four Last Things: death, judgment, hell and heaven.  Knowing what comes after this earthly life can guide us in it.  Beyond the mysterious gates of death and eternity, we will arrive at either joy and communion with God or separation from Him.  Only by understanding these Last Things can one realize the nature of sin and move toward penance and reconciliation.”

First, Death – Why do we die?  Death is the result of the fall in the Garden.  The fruit was forbidden because it was harmful; it meant death.  The lie told in the garden is being offered today. “You shall be like God.  Create yourself, choose your own identity, declare your independence from Him.”  But the gospel  invites people to be saved, forgiven and transformed.  This implies believing in the Word of God and turning from sin.  Martin declares, “Jesus is the antidote to death.  He paid a price for our sins. He perfectly obeyed and loved the Father as we never could.  By dying and rising again, He established freedom, immortality, and eternal life.  And he gives it freely to whoever wants it.

Second, Judgment.    Hebrews 9:27 declares, “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.”  Jesus will return in the fullness of his glory to judge the living and the dead.   Martin boldly points out, “We scarcely hear about God’s severity, holiness, justice, and judgment.  There should be a constant catechesis on these things.  Christianity isn’t a game; everyone doesn’t get a trophy.  Being a disciple is hard.”

Third, Hell.  Those who won’t be welcomed into God’s kingdom face “the second death.”  This is eternal separation from God. We are given what we’ve chosen, awful isolation, rebellion, anger, hatred, lust and greed.   Martin says “This is not a game, this is life and death.  The Son of God wants to save us, but we need to pay attention to what He is saying.”  Then, even more bluntly, “Do whatever you need to do to get free of serious sin, because it will kill you.  Serious sin will send you to hell unless you repent.”

Fourth , Heaven.  Those who have their names written in the book of life, will hear, “Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them. and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:2-4).  Relationships in heaven will far surpass our earthly relationships.  In heaven, there is perfect love and union 

I was struck by the candid manner of Martin, who I respect greatly.  It makes me ponder how candid my witness has been.  Reality for all who live here below, involve these last four things.  For me, I have been reluctant  to speak of hell.  Yet hell is a reality for all who have not been  saved by Jesus.