As a football fan, I read with interest the news that coach Bronco Mendenhall recently resigned as head football coach of the Virginia Cavaliers.   It came as a shock to the administration and especially the fans – particularly because the team won nine games and went to the Orange Bowl in 2019, and the university’s program has been quite successful with Mendenhall as coach.

The coach said it was 100% his choice. “He has done an exceptional job of not just transforming the program, but elevating the expectations for the program,” noted Virginia Athletic Director Carla Williams. Referring to Mendenhall’s impact on the players, Williams said, “He is more than a football coach, and the impact he has had on these young men will be a positive influence for the rest of their lives.” 

Reading between the lines, I take it that Coach Mendenhall is a man of integrity, with a wholesome character that rubbed off on his players.  But in terms only a coach could have expressed, Mendenhall said that after “31 years of straight football…I need to step back from college football.”  He felt he had to “reassess, renew, reframe, reinvent with my wife as a partner [my emphasis] our future and the next chapter of our life.”  He and his wife Holly were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary this year, so he felt this was the best decision for him to make.  Even his wife was shocked.  But the coach felt he needed to do this to be “the very best person I can be moving forward.” 

Wow! I really admire this coach!  You could tell in his short video on Twitter that sincere words were coming from a man who had his priorities straight.  Not many coaches would walk away from a successful program to “renew, reframe, reinvent, and reconnect in his marriage.”  I tip my Kansas State football cap to the coach.  I wonder: how many coaches would walk away from the fame and glory that accompany a successful football program?   

What can we learn from the Coach Mendenhall’s example?  First, he certainly is an exemplar in establishing the right priorities for marriage.  He thought of his wife as a “partner in the next chapter of our life.” 25 years is a milestone in any marriage.  In the next phase of their marriage, he wanted to his wife’s input as his “partner” as he attempts to “reframe, renew, and reinvent” his marriage.  That takes some serious relationship work on his part. 

Men, I encourage you to include your wife in all those transitions in life and have the courage to include her as an equal partner in reevaluating your marriage.  It could be an anniversary, the empty nest, or even a physical move.  For my bride and me, it was our recent move to a senior apartment away from the lake. It was a mutual decision. I thank the Lord since the move was more difficult for me than it was for my bride. Judy helped me to “step back” and continually reevaluate the decision we had made together.

Secondly, the coach had the courage to say to the world, “My marriage is more important than my coaching career.”  My hunch is that the coach was more concerned about improving his marriage of 25 years than becoming more successful with the “X’s and O’s” of the game of football.  He was not willing to sacrifice his marriage on the altar of the Virginia Football program.  Men, tending to the demands of your marriage is more important than the demands imposed on you by your chosen career.    

I saw something the other day that seemed to be an appropriate metaphor for our holiday season. While waiting for my wife in our local bank’s parking lot, I noticed a manager scene in which the baby Jesus was missing. Mary looked adoringly into an empty manger while Joseph pointed to it. It seemed to be saying, “We have canceled the reason for the season,” almost mocking the story of Mary and Joseph.  

How appropriate the empty manger scene is in contemporary culture.  We no longer have the so-called “Christmas wars,” when we used cry “foul” because Christ had been taken out of Christmas programs. “God with us” has been canceled altogether.  “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel – which means, ‘God with us.'” (Matt. 1:23).  This is no longer the narrative.  

The good news that the shepherds were so excited to share is no longer being sung in malls and public squares. “”Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11). Christmas carols are no longer giving witness to the good news. As a result, we have to produce our own version of the good news, which often ends up being, “Let’s try harder next year.”  

We now have to be cautious to whom we dare wish a “Merry Christmas.”  The word “Christmas” is seldom heard in the dominant culture. The message, of course, is that we can go on to have “Happy Holidays” without any awareness that Christmas has its origins in celebrating the birth of God’s only begotten Son as a baby born of the virgin Mary.  

What can an empty manager at Christmas teach us? 

First, be intentional in celebrating the ultimate meaning of Christmas in your daily life.  Enjoy the festive nature of this time of year.  But don’t forget the real meaning. Tell the story as it has been told for over 2,000 years.  Have the courage of young Joseph, who believed the message given him regarding the young woman he would marry.  “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” (Matt. 1:21). Tell the story especially to the younger generation, before it fades from their memory.

Second, remember you are part of a greater story.  Don’t forget that Jesus came to bring his kingdom presence into our lives.  It’s sad to see how small and self-focused our collective national consciousness has become.  Get out of your small story and celebrate the life you have within the life of the Trinity. “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us.  And our fellowship is with the Father and his Son. We write this to make our joy complete” (I John 1:3-4).   

Third, live out gratitude. It is God’s love for you and me that sent His one and only Son into the world.  God took the initiative so we would take initiative with others. We live among many lonely people who live with a sense of abandonment. They have no clear identity.  Who really cares for them?  God showed his love by becoming one of us: “This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (I John 4:10).