Category: Wildman Journey (Page 13 of 87)

“We are conscious these days of a deep-seated hunger, a secret need in our heart’s core, to be set free from sin, from the world, and from self-centeredness, and so to be reunited with our source.  We must only be earnest about it.  The power is close at hand.”  Wow!  The words written over 250 years ago seem to have a contemporary ring to the spiritual condition of our times.  

This is a quote from a short devotional book by Gerhard Tersteegen  (1697-1769), a spiritual writer and guide of the 18th century, entitled “The Quiet Way.” He was part of the renewal movement in Germany. “Germany, at the beginning of the eighteenth century, was war-ridden and ,morally and spiritually impoverished.  A thirty-years war had cost her twelve million lives, forth-fifths of her population, and had left behind it a land of ravaged farmsteads, destroyed stock, famine, disease, bestiality and even cannibalism” (The Quiet Way -Intro).

In this environment Tersteegen’s advice was simple: “You are the child of God,  God’s nature is in you.  It has only over-clouded.  Withdraw from outward things.  Pray, and you will make contact again with God, the source of your being.  Forget yourself.  Forget your selfish desires.  Look to God.  Die to your own will, live for God’s will and you will know true life”  (The Quiet Way – Into.)

Tersteegen’s spiritual counsel can be helpful for us as we tread the spiritual landscape scattered with “mine fields” of distortion and outright unbelief.   The author’s audience was,  “harassed by war-time conditions, uncongenial companions, religious doubts, bad tempers, church divisions, uncontrollable impulses, and the will to do good which seems so often to be overruled by the bent to do evil” (The Quiet Way – Into). 

I discovered this small devotional guide in the 80’s.  I have read it many times in  my desire to be formed into the image of Christ.  I am definitely still a work in  progress.  But praise God, I have found help for the journey.  Tersteegen is one of those hidden spiritual guides of the past helping me to get both my head and heart integrated on the spiritual journey.  I want to share just a few gems from the first chapter, “God, our True Life,”  I must confess, I am able to integrate his insights more comprehensibly then in the 80’s.

The first gem: “Just stay where you are and unite yourselves with God as with something there already, that you do not need to seek!  For God is certainly with you and in you, although hidden by darkness.”  Colossians 3:3, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”  For me this means – Through Jesus, God the Father has sent the Holy Spirit, the presence of the triune God into my heart (deepest center).  I do not have to go searching for the presence.  God is with me, but hidden.  Why?  So I don’t mess up the relationship.

The second gem:  “So do not go out so much into reflections.  Do not seek merely by reasoned, external methods to find sure foundations, but close your eyes like a child and confide yourself to the hidden Being who is so near to you inwardly.”  John 14:14, “My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”  For me this means – The triune God lives at the center.  Don’t try to figure it all out. Rest as a child in his bosom within

The Third gem:  “You don’t need to search for God; you have only to realize Him.” For me – It’s not doing or thinking more, but becoming aware.   

The name “Micah” means “Who is like Yahweh?” The theme of the biblical book of Micah alternates between God’s deliverance and destruction: there are always glimmers of hope breaking into the despair and destruction. “Micah spells out the disobedience of God’s people, particularly in the city of Jerusalem, and the certain judgment of the Lord which will be thorough but will leave a faithful remnant under the leadership of God’s chosen king” (Bible Speaks Today). The people of Judah had learned “to perfect the perennial heresy of compartmentalizing their religious beliefs and separating them from their daily lives” (BST).  They were learning to live comfortably without God.  

The people did not want to hear God’s word declared passionately by the prophet: “Don’t preach with such impassioned rhetoric.  These prophets should not preach of such things; we will not be overtaken by humiliation” (Micah 2:6 NET).  The NET provides this alternative meaning: “do not foam at the mouth.” “The sinful people tell the Lord’s prophets not to ‘foam at the mouth,’ which probably refers in a derogatory way to their impassioned style of delivery.”  But Micah was intensely moved by what God had shown him: “This is why I lament and mourn.  This is why I go around in rags and barefoot.  This is why I howl like a pack of coyotes, and moan like a mournful owl in the night” (Micah 1:8 – MSG).

In Micah 2:7-8 (NLT), God challenges the people through the prophet: “Should you talk that way, O family of Israel?  Will the Lord’s Spirit have patience with such behavior?  If you would do what is right, you would find my words comforting.  Yet to this very hour my people rise against me like an enemy!”  The Lord accuses them of defiling the land with their rebellious behavior.  He tells the apostate people, “Get up, go away! For this is not your resting place, because it is defiled, it is ruined beyond all remedy” (2:10).  The land could no longer be the resting place God had intended it to be.  The land was defiled and beyond cure.  

Then, in verses 12-13 we hear of God’s message of salvation for his faithful remnant.  False prophets said God’s judgment would not come. “But Micah promised salvation beyond the judgment for a righteous remnant” (CSB). This can be received as both good news and bad news. It assures the salvation of a remnant, while at the same time affirming the destruction of Judah as a whole. “I will surely gather all of you, Jacob; I will surely bring together the remnant of Israel.  I will bring them together like sheep in a sheepfold, like a flock in its pasture” (v. 12). 

How will this happen?  As we read this passage we can shout, “King Jesus has come!”  “Micah’s prophecy telescopes two great events – Judah’s return from captivity in Babylon, and the great gathering of all believers when the Messiah returns” (Application Bible).  “Your leader will break out and lead you out of exile, out through the gates of the enemy cities, back to your own land.  Your King will lead you; the Lord himself will guide you” (Micah 2:13 NLT).  

As faithful followers who take our marching orders from King Jesus, we seem to be more and more in exile.  In the midst of the post-Christian destruction of our institutions and our former way of life, God is preserving a remnant.  As the faithful remnant, we see more clearly than ever that this is not our resting place, “It is defiled, and ruined beyond all remedy.”  My counsel: find fellow believers who have the same vision and follow King Jesus into the new land.  

In Micah 7:1-6,  the prophet grieves over the condition of Israel.  After being the mouthpiece for the Lord (6:9), Micah takes a figurative  walk through the city (Jerusalem).  He is overcome with what he sees, “What misery is mine!” (v 1).  He becomes aware of the wickedness and the impending doom he can see coming.  “The faithful have been swept from the land” ( v 2).  Wickedness has become deeply ingrained, leading to the unravelling of the whole fabric of life.  The heart of the problem is  one of leadership:  “the ruler…….the judge…….the powerful……the best of them” (3-4) have become skilled in doing evil.

As a watchman, Micah declares, “But your judgment day is coming swiftly now.  Your time of punishment is here” ( 4). It will be  “a time of confusion” (v 4)).  This one phrase seems to describe what is characteristic of the soul of our nation.  There would be social disorder with the brake down of relationships. “The situation is so dire that the people can’t trust a neighbor, a friend, or even a spouse (5).  Close family relations have broken down (6).  Judy and I are experiencing confusion among people we have know for years.  Jesus later used verse 6 to say that following him may also damage family relationships (Matt. 10:35-36) 

Micah pictures a society turned upside-down, in which “a  son dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother” (6). It is important to note that Micah’s critic of society is not political but spiritual.  “Political comment on social disintegration today often revolves around the need to focus, not so much on crimes and criminals, but on the causes of crime.   Micah would direct us all back to the way we have steadily ignored, and often directly flouted, the requirements of God for our personal, social and working lives, as well as for our nation.  Defiant rejection of God’s revealed truth is the fundamental reason for the social disintegration we see around us” (Bible Speaks Today)

After the darkness and gloom of contemporary life, Micah straightens up and declares his confidence in God.  “But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior, my God will hear me” (7:7).  Men, notice three things from this prayer uttered in the midst of a literal brake up of society.  It sure can point us in the right direction, when we stand for Jesus in the midst of significant confusion.  

First, “But as for me” Micah was contrasting himself with the message of other “watchmen.”  He was looking “to the Lord for help” (7).  He was confident of better days ahead. “I confidently for God to save me.”  Remember Jesus taught us to pray, “your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Micah could see beyond the confusion

Secondly, Micah said he would “wait.”  The same Hebrew word is translated “depend” in 5:7.  Micah had faith that God would preserve Israel through the coming judgment.  He saw beyond the headlines. “Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light” (8).

Thirdly, Micah was confident that God would hear his prayer of lament, as he witnessed the brake up of society.  This chapter “began with a cry of mourning (v 1-2) ends with the quiet confidence that God will act.” (NIVZSB)

Then in 7:8-20 Micah looks past the coming defeat and destruction to the future day when the Lord would reverse that judgment.  A repentant people will raise again (7:8-9), the enemies would be defeated and Israel would be rebuilt (vv. 10-11).  “This enemy who kept taunting, ‘So where is this God of yours?”  I’m going to see it with these, my own eyes – my enemy disgraced, trash in the gutter” (v 10 MSG).  

Andrew Yang recently wrote in a blog, “Everything is changing all at once.  The change moves in lockstep, even as it summons up bewilderment, chagrin, and pushback.  The pushback feels too little and too late – for what openly declares itself now can only do so by virtue of territory already captured and held while the rest of us slumbered.  The captured territory encompasses institutions that have until recently been granted plenary power to decide such matters.  They have themselves on a cliff, with no precedent – and perhaps no capacity – for climbing down safely.”

When I ponder what astute observers of our culture are saying, it makes me wonder if we are ready for the dramatic change, being orchestrated by the Lord of History.   Our sovereign Lord could intervene suddenly; at any moment.  Paul  warned us, “the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.  Are we ready and waiting?  While people are saying, ‘peace and safety’ destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman and they will not escape” (Thess. 4:3). Are we prepared for such a day?  What will SUDDENLY look  like?

There are three references to “suddenly” in the prophecies of Isaiah:  

First, in Isaiah 30:13 the prophet is speaking to Israel. “Because you despise what I tell you and trust instead in oppression and lies, calamity will come upon you suddenly – like a bulging wall that bursts and falls.  In an instant it will collapse and come crashing down.” Israel was like a high city wall with an inadequate foundation.  By “oppression” and with “lies” (v 12) they had  built a wall to  assure their safety and prosperity, but it was about to be shattered (v 14).  They hoped  Egypt would help build a wall of protection against the Assyrians.   Has our nation become oppressive in its behavior and become conditioned to believe lies?  Are we beginning to see cracks in our foundations? 

The second in Isaiah 47:11 the prophet is speaking to mighty Babylon, “So disaster will overtake you, and you won’t be able to charm it away. Calamity will fall upon you, and you won’t be able to buy your way out.  A catastrophe will strike you suddenly, one for which you are not prepared.” In verse 10  the Babylonians boast of no one seeing them.  But the prophet said to them, “But your ‘wisdom’ and ‘knowledge’ have led you astray, and you said, ‘I am the only one and there is no other.'” They thought they would escape any disaster.  But it will come suddenly.  Since we have spurned God, could this be true of our society?

Thirdly, we read in Isaiah 48:3-4, “Long ago I told you what was going to happen.  Then suddenly I took action, and all my predictions came true.  For I know how stubborn and obstinate you are.  Your necks are as unbending as iron.  Your heads are as hard as bronze”  God had acted in the past after give his warnings.  “God established a pattern of prophecies faithfully fulfilled, anticipating idolatrous thoughts rising from the hard hearts of his own people.  God had prepared this defense for his own honor” (NIVZSB). In our stubbornness and obstinacy have we forgotten God’s actions in the past?  Will God once again act drastically in our day?  Don’t believe the dominant narrative of our day.

Are you ready for the day of the Lord? It will happen SUDDENLY.  My advice from Isaiah: First – pay attention to the cracks in our foundation.  Second -don’t trust the future outlook of the popular media.  Third – pay attention to God’s actions in the past.  

Recently, I read an article by Elizabeth Grace Matthew entitled Fragility, Not Feminization, Is What’s Ailing America’s Men.  I wonder – can we overemphasize feminization while neglecting the fragility of men?  Matthews  maintains that “we must first resist framing as the de-masculinization of men what is in fact the infantilization (or, de-adultification, if you will) of all Americans – male and female alike.”  Rather than cultivating perseverance, we are teaching boys and girls to expect convenience and to seek comfort.  She believes that “making both men and women more like small children is at the core of today’s veneration of fragility and marginalization of grit.  Making men less masculine has nothing to do with it.”  

Matthews also sees “an infantilized culture” where men and women contend “against each other in a condition of perverse equality.”  This happens through “coddling” rather than by “fostering their maturity through the development of physical, emotional, and intellectual resilience” expressed emotionally and intellectually as well as physically.  Through “gentle parenting” and “inclusion” our country is becoming increasingly fragile.  

Beyond this, women are not necessarily more fragile than men.  “Using ‘masculine’ as though it is a synonym for ‘adult,'” notes Matthew, “we tends to equate what is ‘feminine’ with what is ‘infantile.'”  Teenage girls may struggle more with mental health issues when they identify as progressive, since “insulation from political perspectives with which one disagrees and adherence to one’s preferred pronouns” are important to their sense of safety.  Matthew believes that women tend to be more agreeable and more neurotic than men.  Thus, they may feel “triggered” by gender dysphoria.  Women are, however,  more likely to experience empathy toward – or to think negatively about – the one whose behavior triggered them.  

Meanwhile, boys often react in a masculine version of infantile existence: “wallowing in the kind of Peter Pan-dom that makes them unsuitable partners for adult women.”  Matthew suggests that men have a greater propensity toward aggression – not as a flaw, but as a biological reality.  “Men should not be accused of ‘toxic masculinity’ simply for being less agreeable and more aggressive than the average woman.”  We need to be careful that we do not blame the personal and psychological fragility of men as a decline in masculinity.  “We risk,” Matthews argues, “implying that such fragility is somehow constitutive of womanhood.”

From Matthew’s perspective, we should focus not so much on the decline of masculinity but rather on the development of character. “Women are capable of the same moral growth and accountability that those who praise the ‘masculine virtues’ seek to reestablish as a norm for men.”  And virtues such as reason, courage, and strength may be exhibited differently by females than by males.  Matthew concludes by stating, “Contemporary American women must exemplify them – no less than our brothers today or our foremothers in the nineteenth century – for the benefit of men and women alike, if our society is to thrive.”

In my view, this article hearkens back to the call to be both “lion and lamb.”  As a man, I confess that I can not live up to this metaphor.  I need what Matthew calls “development of character.”  I need Jesus’ help to wear the clothing of both the lion and the lamb.  “You must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves , which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Col. 3:12-14).

This prompts me to confess: 1) I am a broken man, whose heart is being mended by the Lord,  2) I am His beloved sinner, and 3) He’s not through with me yet.  

Isaiah 47 and 48 give us a picture of two cities: Babylon and Jerusalem.  In his commentary on Isaiah, John Oswalt writes, “Isaiah 47-48 should be considered together as two sides of the final conclusion of Chapters 40-48.  If God is to keep his promises, two things must happen.  Babylon must fall (chp. 47) and the exiled people must listen to God and believe him so that when Babylon does fall and they have the opportunity to return home, they will dare to act on the opportunity (chp. 48).” 

Babylon is a portrait of worldly power and arrogance.  She is called the queen of kingdoms (47:5), believing she will last forever (47:7).  She has a false sense of security, thinking she is self-sufficient, “lounging in your security and saying, ‘I am, and there is none besides me” (47:8).  In her arrogance she defies God.  “You trusted in your wickedness and have said, ‘No one sees me.’  Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, ‘I am, and there is none besides me'” (47:10).  Declaring “I am” is an expression of self-deification.  Years ago, I wrote in the margin of my Bible, “USA today.”  Culture seems only to be getting worse in our day. 

But the message of chapter 47 is that Babylon will soon suffer great disaster.  “So disaster will overtake you and you won’t be able to charm it away.  Calamity will fall upon you, and you won’t be able to buy your way out.  A catastrophe will strike you suddenly, one for which you are not prepared” (47:11).  “Her sense of impregnability is a complete illusion.  She is like the man who built his house upon the sand… Babylon is the city of destruction… Babylon represents humankind organized in defiance of God… Babylon is still with us, and still stands under judgment of God.  The historical Babylon of the sixth century BC was merely one manifestation of it” (Webb – Isaiah). Can we see the marks of Babylon in our own culture?

In Chapter 48 God speaks to his exiled people and urges them to pay attention to his message.  God points out their unfaithfulness.  “You don’t keep your promises, even though you call yourselves the holy city” ( 48:1-2).  But God knows about their waywardness. “Long ago I told you what was going to happen” (48:3).  “One reason He made predictive  promises in the Bible was to prevent us from crediting our idols with power and success” (Ortlund – Isaiah). 

God plans to do something new.  “Yes, I will tell you of things that are entirely new, things you never heard of before” (48:8).  But the people needed to be disciplined.  “I have refined you in the furnace of suffering” (48:10).  For the sake of his own glory and in his mercy God will rescue his people.  “I will rescue you for my sake – yes, for my own sake! I will not let my reputation be tarnished and I will not share my glory with idols” (48:11). 

We need to know that God in our day will bring about his purposes in new ways.  We will not be able take credit for what will happen in the days to come.  We will discover the hand of God even in our day.  “God is never be defeated.  He has a purpose even in the painful upheavals of history… He has rescued not to punish us as we deserve, but to bring his glory to triumph finally in human history” (Ortlund – Isaiah).   

Men, our call is to keep our eyes on the Lord of history, knowing that we will leave Babylon.  “Yet even now, be free from your captivity!  Leave Babylon and the Babylonians.  Sing out this message!  Shout it to the ends of the earth! (48:20). 

This blog is a personal testimony celebrating a luminous experience on my spiritual  journey.  These kinds of moments often happen when I am introduced to new songs I have not heard before.  A song entitled “Hopeful Song” by a group called “Going to the Sun” was such a song for me.  The YouTube video features a group of musicians who are totally into their performance.  The lead singer, I believe, was singing about his own inner pain, declaring the need for a “hopeful song.” I can testify that I was moved to tears by the energy and passion of their performance.  

The chorus goes like this: “Oh, someone sing a song/Oh, of better days to come/’Cause I know this isn’t right/You can’t hold back the light for very long/Somebody sing a hopeful song tonight.”  Other lines throughout the song go like this: “Have I become predictable/A story told a hundred times before… A driver who will carry me/from rocky roads to sunny golden shores… Could I get up, could I get better/Could I have faith in sunny weather/Let’s light the night on fire/And laugh at the shadow that surrounds.”  

Why did this particular song from a relatively unknown group have  such an impact on my soul?  It was the energy of the group, their countenance, and the hope in the song.  It seems to me the group was celebrating a spiritual breakthrough.  It mirrors my own struggle with the darkness all around and within me… “You can’t hold back the light for very long.”  The group was singing a “hopeful song” about better days to come.  They cry out in passion, “Somebody sing a hopeful song tonight.”  I believe “better days” are coming. 

As I share how this song has spoken to me, you might reflect on how different songs have spoken to you in the past. For me it meant focusing on the light.  Isaiah encourages us “walk in the light of the Lord” (Is. 2:5), since “the light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).  

1)  Have I become predictable, a story told a hundred times before?  Even as I am living in darkness, I know this isn’t right.  I hold on to the promise of Isaiah 42:16, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”  In these latter years of my life, I spend time in the prophets, asking God, “What are you wanting us to know from your prophets during a time of darkening shadows and uncertain light?”  God will show us light and make our way smooth.

2)  Could I get up, could I get better, could I have faith in sunny weather?  Of course, the answer is “Yes.”  Isaiah prophesied, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” (Is. 9:2).  Again, the prophet declares toward the end of his book, “Arise, shine for your light as come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.  See, darkness covers to earth and thick darkness is over the people, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you” (Is. 60:2).

3)  Let’s sing a hopeful song tonight.  Isaiah exhorts us to “walk in the light of the Lord” (Is. 2:5)  Why? “Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more: the Lord will be your everlasting light” (Is. 60:20). 

An article by Delano Squires of the Institute for Family Studies alerted me to a new movement.  A “masculine critique” is emerging as a result of the 1960s feminist movement.  “The crux of this nascent movement is that men should rethink their approach to marriage, children, and family in a society where women have more economic, political, legal, and cultural power than ever before.”  As women’s roles in the home and workplace have changed, men are re-evaluating their responsibilities as husbands, fathers, and breadwinners.

The second wave feminist movement thought women would be more fulfilled by pursuing education and other interests outside the home.  Betty Friedan and her allies, “claimed marriage and children kept women on the sidelines of American political, economic,  and social life.  For them, the benefits of the nuclear family for children were not worth its costs for women.”  

Today we find more women putting off marriage and having children altogether.  For women, the median age for a first marriage in 1960 was 20.  But in 2020 it has risen to 28.  In 1972 only 16% of women earned as much or more than their husbands.  Now it stands at 45%.

Richard Reeves of the Brookings Institute is an advocate of the “masculine critique.”  He believes “men should pursue fatherhood regardless of marriage… a man should focus on strengthening his relationship with his children, irrespective of his relationship with their mother.” 

But as Squires points out, fathers who live apart from their children are less active than co-residential fathers.  82% of married fathers play with their children, while only 10% of fathers who live apart from their children.  When there is a split between the parents, “only 16% of fathers who live apart from their children report speaking to them every day and 53% had not eaten a meal with their child within the previous four weeks.” 

Rollo Tomassi  offers his own version of the “masculine critique.”  He sees marriage and family as a drain on a man’s body, soul, and bank account.   His counsel: “Men who want to get on the fast-track to becoming a high-value man should not get married or have children.  His advice to men?  Get a vasectomy in your 20s, lift weights, and build wealth.” He points to the fact that women initiate 70% of divorces as a good reason to not get married. 

Here is Squire’s response – “Children need healthy marriages and strong families.  These institutions require love, order, discipline, selflessness, forgiveness, fidelity, patience, and understanding.  The last thing they need is more narcissism and naked individualism, whether that comes from the feminist left or masculinist right… Men of past generations fought wars for the sake of civilizations.  The least men can do today is fight for the future of their families.”

Since God made male and female in him image, he also gave us a blueprint for how to flourish on the earth together as male and female.  We need each other.

In the creation story, it is clear that male and female together are to be fruitful.  “Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply.  Fill the earth and govern it.  Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground” (Gen. 1:28 NLT).  The enemy’s intention is to have men and women split from one another, living in conflict rather than in harmony.  

Later in Genesis Chapter 2, we read of God placing man in the Garden of Eden “to work it and take care of it” (Gen. 2:15). But surprise!  Man cannot do it alone.  God created Eve as  “a helper who is just right for him” (Gen. 2:18).  Man and woman need each other to flourish, that is, to be civilized.

This blog reflects on the personal journey of one who has tried to follow the Lord for the past 65 years.  At my age, one spends time looking back in the rearview mirror, even while yearning to finish strong.  The Psalmist reminds me, “Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty.  But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away.” (Ps. 90:10 NLT). I have now reached eighty, and am experiencing the swift passing of time.  The Psalmist then prays, “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom” (v. 12).  My continual cry is to have wisdom to pass on to the next generation.

Elsewhere, the Psalmist prays, “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered – how fleeting my life is.  You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.   My entire lifetime is just a moment to you, at best, each of us is but a breath” (Ps. 39:4-5 NLT).  As I go to more funerals, I am more acutely aware of life’s brevity.  

My prayer is that I might finish strong.  God knows my numbered days: “You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalms 139:16).  At a recent funeral for a  Christian woman from our apartment building, I sat quietly meditating before the service.  I sensed the Lord giving me a three point directive for the rest of my days. 

Why share these with you? Perhaps because who I am becoming in “the fourth quarter” can be expressed in these three directives.  They are simple, not weighted down with obligation and detail, viewed more as being than doing. At my stage of the journey, I can give my emotional and spiritual energy to these three things.  I have learned that the older we get, the simpler life really becomes. 

1) “Cherish your wife.”  This advice was given to me many years ago by my mentor, James Houston.  Cherish means to “protect and care for; to keep in one’s mind.”  In my relationship with Judy, I am to cultivate our oneness in marriage with the utmost care and affection.  Ecclesiastes 9:9 – Message  encourages me to, “Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life.  Each day is God’s gift.”  God has given us 57 years together to grow in the Lord.  Cherish each day with your wife; there are not that many left.  

2) “Point people to Jesus.”  I take this second, direct, and simple point to mean my whole being.  Words, actions and attitude are meant to reflect the presence of Christ.  I desire for people to be ready to meet Jesus when they die.  Remember, I live with seniors and lead a study for “the gray hairs” – as I call us. May my life give off the aroma of Christ. “Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume.  Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God” (II Cor. 2:14-15 NLT).  

3) “Act like a man.”  Wow.  When I was a young man, acting like a man was rather simple and straightforward.  Not anymore. There was general consensus about what is means to be a biological man, even with little awareness of the masculine soul.  My life as an “old man” is to reflect the “tough and tender” nature of Jesus – with a more mature understanding of the masculine soul.

Ronald Rolheiser has a chapter on Honest Anger in his book, The Fire Within.  In my opinion, this chapter speaks to a deep issue in the lives of men.  “We live and breathe within a culture and a church that are growing daily in sophistication, adultness, and criticalness,” writes Rolheiser.  “This is not always a bad thing, but it is helping  to spawn a polarization, anger, and despondency that is making it almost unfashionable to be happy.”  He then makes this insightful observation: “Much of this despondency has constellated around two centers: women’s anger and men’s grief.”  

When women face gender issues, anger usually follows, producing the image of “the angry feminist.”  As men face gender issues they tend to get sad and begin to grieve,  producing “the grieving male.”  However, Rolheiser points out that anger and grief are not that different. When love has been wounded there is opportunity for reconciliation.  Rolheiser suggests the opposite of love is not anger but hate.  Hatred breeds “frozen anger.” You become angry and hate when the soul is wounded. .

Anger and hatred in the beginning are a sure sign of love.  “The deeper the love, the deeper will be the anger and hatred if love is wounded and betrayed.”  Anger and hatred are “love’s grief.”  Most anger is a form of grief, while most grief is a form of anger. 

But Rolheiser gives this caution: “There is honest anger and there is dishonest anger, there is honest grief and there is dishonest grief.”  He lists three cautions:

1. Anger and grief do not distort.  “Honest anger is real anger, it feels and points out what is wrong, but it doesn’t… lie about what is and what was good.  It lets the good remain good.” 
2. Anger does not rage.  “Honest anger… seeks to build up, to bring to a new wholeness, to reconcile something that is felt as fractured or broken… Rage wants only to bring down, to break apart, to utterly destroy.  Its wound is so deep that there is no more desire for unity and reconciliation. 
3. Honest anger has a time limit… [it] never sees itself as an end, a substitute for the lost love.” 

Andrew Comiskey believes most men live with an “ancient, deep well of grief and regret. It rumbles with the ache of unexpressed suffering.  And in our silence and isolation, the pain fuels our striving and addiction.  We thus live in the darkness of unexpressed affliction.  Rather than driving us toward relationships, the pain drives us back unto the wheel of striving.”  

It was during my midlife crisis that I could begin to admit that I had a  deep well of grief in my soul.  It was a cover for anger and resentment.  I kept it all inside, while it spilled out in relationship with those closest to me.  With my personality type, I continually found myself on the treadmill of people pleasing.  It exhausted me spiritually, so that my life became a “performance.”  Of course, as a pastor I had to be “good.”  But inside  I was grieving.

My testimony is this: I accepted my anger and resentment, learning over the years to cry out, “Lord, be merciful to me a sinner!” I continue to experience my own well of grief.  But I am learning: 1) to accept the reality of imperfect relationships, 2) to seek continued inner healing for my soul  and 3) to keep my heart open to love others, no matter what the cost. 

Remember, men: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18).