Category: Brother Al (Page 27 of 68)

This blog comes as another “Wildman” alert: In the days to come, you will be greatly tempted to complain and whine, like the Israelites in  the wilderness, who “…whined like spoiled children” (Ps. 78:18 MGS).  More than ever, as the confusion gathers and the dissidence intensifies, God will raise up men whose conversation will need to be “always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that [they] may know how to answer everyone” (Col 4:6).  You may well be one of them!   

Jeremiah was called to prophecy to a people who would not listen.  This will also be true for you. “They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you” (Jer. 1:19).  Jeremiah had God’s assurance that he could persevere.   But He began to falter, being deeply conflicted in his calling to preach to a rebellious people.

In his self-pity he ended up blaming God.  “Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable?  You are to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails.” (Jer. 15:18).  The Message says, “You’re nothing, God, but a mirage.” “How well he must have known God to feel free to speak to God with such desperate honesty” (Bible Speaks Today).  Men, be honest about whatever disillusionment you may encounter, as it is sure to affect you in the days to come.  Be prepared for opposition. 

In his disillusionment God warns Jeremiah not to be tempted to speak “worthless words.”  This could certainly include whining and complaining. “If you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman” (15:19).  God saw the heart of Jeremiah.  Knowing he was having a hard time, he asks him to repent.  “If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me” (v. 19).  He was being asked to check his attitude and repent.  You and I will be asked to do a lot of repenting before the Lord as the darkness intensifies.

Jeremiah was not to speak “worthless words,” that is, being negative and destructive in his speech.   Men, we need to keep a check on our patterns of speech.  Through repentance and lament God will keep calling us back to himself.  “God calls us up and out and back from such ‘worthless words.'” ( Bible Speaks Today).

God comes alongside his repentant prophet.  “Let this people turn to you” is God’s advice.  Don’t let them control the narrative:  “…but you must not turn to them” (15:19).  I have to continually do an “attitude check” so I don’t get negative.  For men it is so easy to fall into complaining about the condition of our contentious society.  With our words and presence we are to be lights in the darkness.  Darkness only invites negativity and death.  Light brings life (Psalm 36:9; John 1:4).

Men, hang unto the words God gave Jeremiah in his “recommissioning.”  It is similar to what Jeremiah heard in the beginning.  “I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue and save you” (Jer. 15:20).  This is a picture of a man with courage and conviction, willing through love and grace to stay in the battle.

May God put fire in your belly, like he did for Jeremiah.  “The words are fire in my belly, a burning in my bones.  I’m worn out trying to hold it in.  I can’t do it any longer” (20:9-MSG).  Let the Word God has given you burn like fire, even if you go through some pain in the process.  It’s men who are aflame for God who will be able to confront the darkness that is coming in the days ahead. 

I want to bring your attention to the two prayer events that took place on Saturday (Sept. 26) in Washington, D.C.  You might have watched on line or even attended.  I watched on line. This was a “kairos” moment in time (ancient Greek for “opportune” or “critical”) for our divided nation. 

Jonathan Cahn, the organizer of “The Return,” described  the spiritual condition of our nation when he said, “We drove God out of our hearts, out of our government, out of our ways, out of laws, out of the education of our children, out of the public squares…out of our businesses, out of our media, out of our culture, out of our lives.  And as we drove Him out, we opened up a vacuum into which came a flood of other gods.”

What are we to do?  His answer :”Repent and return.”  This theme is what moved me as I took part in front of my computer.  Again and again participants from around the country kept crying out to God for mercy, repenting of their sins, while asking God to send His Holy Spirit to heal our land.  

At the same time Franklin Graham was leading a Prayer March starting at The Lincoln Memorial and going down the entire 1.8 mile long National Mall.  Before the prayer march began he said, “I’m asking people to join me and let’s exalt the name of Jesus Christ.  Let’s call upon the name of Almighty God, repent of our sins and ask God to heal our land… that he would work in the hearts of our politicians.”

There were many thousands of believers, focusing on the same purpose: bringing America back to its first love and repenting before a holy God.  Here are some things that impressed me with the many thousands who were there.  By the way, none of the media gave it any attention, except for a few of the Christian outlets.  This again shows the bias of the dominant, secular media.

The behavior of such a large crowd?   No reports of mayhem.  No looting.  No vandalism.  No calls to “burn it down.”  The speakers did not call for violence and destruction.  Rather one could see families and groups huddled in earnest prayer for America.

The earnestness of prayer.  “We’re in a real Nineveh moment,” declared one leader.  “We have 40 days and all we know could be over.  And so we need God to hear the cries of the righteous remnant.”

It was a Sacred, Solemn Assembly.  “This is not a presentation, a concert or a glorified prayer meeting. This is a sacred, solemn assembly- where we come, the church comes, and we bow before a holy God in reverent fear” noted an organizer.

It was challenging.  Many spoke about a return to God, calling us to repentance.  The focus was on believers, rather than placing blame or complaining how bad things have.  “We deserve your judgment, Father, but we ask for Your grace.  We ask for Your mercy,” prayed a participant.

Finally, the universality of prayer.  “The Return” simulcast went out to 150 nations across six continents in 90 languages.  Can you imagine such a large prayer meeting.  This is, in my opinion, an event unique in the history of the church.  It is the book of Acts all over again.  Praise God!!

 “Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord.  Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy (Hab. 3:2).  Men, at my age I can still “rise up” and pray.  Open your heart to the Lord and cry out to him in these days.   

I read Glenn Stanton’s recent article in The Daily Citizen (Focus on the Family) entitled “Atlantic Magazine Science Writer: Men Don’t Have to Menstruate.”  It got my attention.  The article was “about how suffering through the end of their monthly cycle might now be a thing of the past for women.”  But the shocker was, “that men need no longer to have their period either.”  Stanton calls this confusion “a significant cultural indicator.”  

The article demonstrated how an influential magazine like the Atlantic has in Stanton’s words bowed, “low to the new gender theory orthodoxy that yes, both men and women do indeed have periods and no one should think otherwise.”  

The article  highlights how menstruation is becoming an elective bodily process. One expert believes, “We now have the technology to make periods optional.”  While reporting on a personal health issue for women, Stanton points out “the astonishing editorial choices” used in writing the article.  “Her” is avoided, with the use of the gender-neutral “their.”

In order maintain that menses are not solely a female issue, phrases such as “people who have periods” is used,  along with “people who have periods spend an average of 2,300 days of their lives menstruating.”   Then their is this curious statement, “The cost of so-called feminine products can add up to thousand of dollars over a person’s lifetime.”  Why not just say women or female.   Because as Stanton point out the Atlantic, “is following a……wholly novel theory that a man can be as legitimately a woman as any other woman merely by declaring himself one.”

Stanton wonders why “the otherwise fine Atlantic piece didn’t specify whether ‘men’ were included in their analysis.  He replies “it had to do with the difference between doing actual science and pushing a wholly creative ideology that is directly at odds with one of the most fundamental realities of what it means to be a human.”

You know there is confusion when Facebook has listed over 50 gender options to choose from when filling out a personal profile.  This is sure proof that “gender” has become untethered from reality.  The remedy is to go back to the original design, at the beginning, found in the book of Genesis. 

Jesus was definite in telling us, “at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matt. 19:4), going on the say that the two in marriage cannot be separated.  The Pharisees questioned Jesus  stand on marriage, saying Moses allowed for divorce.  Jesus was saying in effect, “this is not the way God created it to be.  Something has gone terribly wrong. This was not the way in was in the beginning.” 

Christopher West uses the analogue of  people driving with a flat tire as being normal when it comes to our sexuality.  But Jesus is telling the pharisees that “in the beginning, they had air in their tires.”  We need to go back to the beginning to see how distorted of view of sexuality has become.

Jesus came into the world not to condemn those with flat tires, but rather to re-inflate their flat tires.  West observes, “We cannot actually return to the state of innocence; we’ve left that behind.  But by following Christ we can receive God’s original plan for our sexuality and live it with Christ’s help.” 

I love the analogue of “flat tires.”  Men, turn to Jesus in humble dependence, asking him to fill the deep caverns of your soul, so that you might be affirmed in your fully alive masculine soul.  Jesus can inflate your tires, giving you all the passion and energy you need to be “one” with your bride.  

Recently I read an article in Mere Orthodoxy with the captivating title of “American Evangelicalism isn’t patriarchal or feminized. It’s matrilineal.” The article has got me pondering the criticism of the church being feminized. I have often written about the feminization of the church.

Matrilineal is a verb referring to behavior or characteristics that are based on kinship with the mother or the female.   Anthony Bradley maintains that the Evangelical church is neither patriarchal, nor feminized, nor do they emasculate men in order to appeal to women’s sensibilities or desires.  Evangelical churches are matrilineal.

“Matrilineal societies” notes Bradley, “are centuries old systems that organize community life so that the day-to-day activities of women are placed at the center of social thriving for successive generations.”  In these societies “the outward-facing office does not determine which gender is socially dominant…..Men may hold an office, but women control the operations of community life….women are outward-facing representatives of the community.”

As a pastor, I often said without the organization of the women and their contribution, church life would suffering greatly.  So Yes, I can definitely see where life in the church can be matrilineal.   

Not only were the women the life-givers, but they were also the life sustainers.  Mothers were revered in the community.  Look at the emphasis on mother’s day in our churches and society.  Without the mothers, much of family and youth activities would not happen. “Without women and mothers, life does not happen, ” observes Bradley. 

“In reality” Bradley maintains, “many churches are simply a complemenatrian facade living a matrilineal reality.”  That is why the “felt needs” in the church often reflect the feminine life in the church.  He might be making a valid point. 

The following observation from Bradley certainly holds true from my experience. “Matrilineal societies can exist while men are placed in outward-facing leadership roles (pastor or elder), but the community’s internal life would implode without women’s authority as mothers.  Matrilineal societies are about who does what to sustain life rather than merely looking at who hold which outward facing title or role.  Without women sustaining life, the community dies no matter who has what title in a matrilineal society.”

So what does this mean for the church?  Here is Bradley’s challenge.  [We] may want to make adjustments by reframing who does what to make life work at home, church, and school so that women are freed from the burden of sustaining the family and men move from being passive to becoming actively involved in the spaces that nurture children.”

This article does not do away with the criticism of the church as being feminized, but it does help to visualize why there is such a feminine emphasis?  I would contend one word could nicely address the questions raised by the matrilineal influence in the church.  

It is the word “nurture.”  In the amplified we read in Eph. 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke our children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; not by showing favoritism or indifference to them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

This passage challenges men to be nurturers. It is all about how men relate.  Larry Crabb calls out our “relational poverty.”  Men, it more than doing, thinking and organizing.  It’s about getting down to the level of our children and relating to them from the heart.  It is sharing our hearts with our wives.  May God give men the courage and grace to release what is deep in them, to bring life to others.

New research from George Barna shows, “a broad, deep gap in American political beliefs and behavior, rooted not in ideology or partisanship, but in fundamental differences in the worldview of voting-age adults being fueled by a national cultural shift away from the biblical worldview.” Barna believes, based on his research that, “The 2020 election is not about personalities, parties, or even politics. It is an election to determine the dominant worldview in America.

Barna payed particular attention to those he calls “integrated disciples.”  These are persons with a consistent biblical worldview.  The survey indicated that only 6% of those who identified as Christian had a biblical worldview.  These believers tended to hold conservative political views in greater number than adults without a biblical worldview.  

For example, they believe in the definition of marriage as one man and one woman, 95% vs. 34%, and are more deeply committed to practicing their religious faith, 98% to 57%.  These folks are two and a half times more likely to be conservative on social issues 91% vs. 34%.

What I find interesting is Barna’s contention that politics is no longer about party platforms but competing worldviews.  “Over the past 40 years Americans have gradually but consistently abandoned a range of foundational, biblical beliefs in favor of a human-centric, consensual, emotion-driven understanding of and response to the world.  That transition has been highly visible in relation to morality and political preferences.” 

Men, this reminds me of Paul’s warning to Timothy about those with “itching  ears.”  “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear” ( II Tim 4:3).  

The “seismic sixties” as Os Guinness calls it, was the decade when the radical ideas first broke through into mainstream American thinking and life.  Guinness notes, “the 60’s sowed the poison seeds that are producing today’s bitter harvest.  The roots of those ideas predate the 60’s, but it was in the 60’s where they became dangerous.”

In the 1973, as a young pastor I read Os Guinness book “The Dust of Death” several times over.  It cemented my thinking to be a “Jesus person” and a pastor of “the Book.”  I never doubted my stance as I lived through those years.  As a feeling, intuitive man, I clung to my testimony of Jesus, wanting to be  credible witness for him with the Lutheran church.  But I needed help thinking my way through the changing times.  I wanted the Bible to form my worldview.

Today, having lived through the 60’s, being ordained in 1970, I am part of that 6% that Barna discovered in his research.  I survived due to the following commitments I made regarding the Word of God. 

First, Scripture is God’s inspired Word and it has the final say when it comes to faith and practice.  I had to settle that in my mind.  Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away” (Matt 24:34).   

Second,  I gladly submit my thinking to the authority of God’s Word.  If something is not clearly found in scripture I will raise a big question mark.  

Thirdly, I continue to  need guidance as I journey with Jesus through the changes and chaos that is coming.  “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” (Ps. 119:108).   

Fourthly, I need help to be an integrated follower of Jesus (in word and deed).  Scripture does that for me if I obey, “But don’t just listen to God’s word.  You must do what it says.” ( James 1:23).   

“The tonic of masculinity” caught my attention while reading an article by Bill Donaghy about  men.   “If we have been steeped in the lies of porn, if we’ve let ourselves be defined by the hashtag “toxic masculinity”, then we have work to do,” declares Donaghy.  He exhorts us to, “go back to the beginning to discover that primordial call to the tonic of masculinity ! (my emphasis) 

The intention of toxic masculinity is to deny and do away with what is the natural strength of men, which is, of course, expressed differently in each man.  While it is true that men need to live in the awareness of how their natural male strength has done great of harm to women since the fall, our task today, as never before is to  walk humbly with our Lord, asking Him for the grace and mercy to rightly exercise our place in the social order as God intended it.  We must not deny who we are.

As C. S. Lewis so famously said, “In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function.  We make men without chest and expect of them virtue and enterprise….we castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” The challenge becomes that of knowing how our strength and passion as men, can be used of God, rather then being misdirected into harmful, and even destructive patterns of behavior.  We have to do this work, without the help of the dominant culture.

To meet this challenge in the gender wars of our time, men need to be able to receive by faith the gift of their God given masculinity ( being a man).  After God made both in his image we read, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good” (Gen 1:31).  Because of the contemporary narrative, which is highly critical of maleness, men will need help in being affirmed in their masculine roles as being “very good.” 

Pope Benedict XVI gave this wise pastoral advise for men.  “Man comes to the profoundest sense to himself not through what he does but through what he accepts.  He must wait for the gift of love, and love can only be received as a gift……One must wait for it, let it be given to one.  And one cannot become wholly man in any other way than by being loved, by letting oneself be loved….”

These are words of gold, offering tonic for many men living in shame and disillusionment.  Let me brake this statement down.   May these words sink into your soul and help you rise up with new tonic for your masculine soul.

First,  spiritual tonic cannot be applied to the crisis in masculinity by relying on our effort.  Men simply cannot fix their problem. The culture also cries out to men, “fix your problem.”  We can’t do it.  We are part of Adam’s fallen race.  Let this sink in – men need to learn to receive.  It is by the grace of God that we are given to capacity to change.

Second, even more difficult is the necessity of waiting.  God is able to mold and make us into the men we are intended to be.  Let this sink in – it is a process.  I personally know.  God has been reshaping me for over many years.    

Thirdly, always remember that you are his “beloved.”  Let this sink in – it about receiving love.  Like the Pope said, “one cannot become wholly man in any other way than be being loved, by letting oneself be loved….”  There is nothing we can do expect to receive the gift.   

I spend time daily on the internet, reading news sources and Christian blog sites to make some sense out of our world.  I also am on the look out for articles regarding masculinity, to help me better articulate a healthy male perspective for men and their walk with Jesus.

Every once in a while, I find a new source to help me to write helpful blog for men.  A recent find has been Alastair Roberts, who blog at Alastair’s Adversaria.  He is worth following.  In one of his blog he reflected on the no win situation men find themselves with the feminist view of patriarchy. 

For the feminist, the problem for men is toxic masculinity and  the dismantling of patriarchy.  “Feminists believe,” maintains Roberts, “if men could deal with their weakness, shame, and vulnerability….we could do away with patriarchy.”  They believe men are shaped by damaging messages for their past. 

But for many men the feminist demands are emasculating.  Men many express openness about their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and yet face hostility for  “developing genuine strength.”  Male strength can be a threat.  “Male cultures that celebrate and accentuate male strength are a direct threat to women’s advancement.”   

Men are realizing that focusing  on their faults and weaknesses, “comes at the cost of both alienation from and pathologizing of their own manly strength of agency.”  Men can  easily develop a poor image of themselves as a man.  

Women are portrayed as passive victims of patriarchy.  “This enables them to hold men accountable,” notes Roberts, “to lay blame for problems at their door, and to expect then to turn everything around.”  The responsibility for men can seem negative, since men are the ones that assume blame and are expected to bring about a new paradigm of relationships between men and women 

I appreciate the argument Roberts makes for men having to assume both guilt and responsibility for the unhealthy patriarch of the past.  The following in my opinion is very insightful: “Responsibility always comes attached to blame, as a law that sets up it recipient for condemnation and failure.  The result is a shame and guilt-inflected vision of masculinity, one in which men are always being held capable,  yet have relatively little ways in which they can enjoy the dignity of a positive responsibility.” 

I have three comments regarding shame and responsibility.  First, I am committed to helping men to walk comfortably with the Lord, in the midst of our contemporary “gender wars.”  I am simply a voice crying in the wilderness,  for men to come in  from the darkness of shame and self-loathing, to bask in the light of our Heavenly Father saying to men, “You are my beloved.”  Be affirmed in your god-given masculine self, period.  Receive this as your inheritance in the Lord.  He will help you stand with other brothers.

Secondly, Robert’s word are convicting to me.  I repent and ask for forgiveness if I have in any way shamed a man into making attempts to be anything other than who God has created him to be.  You are unique and have your assignment from the Lord.  Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how you are to celebrate your god-given masculinity.

Thirdly, this is a cry to men to stand tall in their unique masculinity and be responsible.  We get our marching order from the Lord himself, and not from the feminist agenda for men.  We are to give it all up for Jesus.  “Those who love their life in this world will lose it.  Those who despise their life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25). 

I recently read an article by David Mills revealing insights into the marriage of Tolkien, who was married 55 years to Edith.  By all accounts the marriage was successful but not necessarily happy.  Near the end of his life, after Edith had died, Tolkien shared some reflections on his marriage with his son Christopher.

After three of his insights I would like to add my testimony.  At this stage in my marriage, God has wonderfully drawn me closer to my bride (55 years).  I am very grateful and humbled at the work of God in my heart.  I give him  glory and continue to cry out for his mercy. 

First, Tolkien warns that a  romantic view of men and women, can take “the young man’s eye off women as they are.”  Tolkien describes them as “companions in shipwreck not guiding stars.” Not seeing the woman realistically makes young men “forget their [women’s ] desires, needs and temptations.  It inculcates exaggerated notions of ‘true love,’ as a fire from without, a permanent exaltation, unrelated to age, childbearing, and plain life, unrelated to will and purpose. 

Men, your bride needs to know she is “the total package” as you both age.  “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.  Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Prov 4:18).  Take this advise from brother Al.  Express your delight and fascination with her as being “your bone” (Gen 2:23).  It will breathe new life and spiritual refreshment into your marriage.  

Secondly, Tolkien refers to marriage as a “great mortification.” In a fallen world, “the best cannot be attained by free enjoyment, or what is called ‘self-realization’ (usually a nice name for self-indulgence, wholly inimical to the realization of other selves); but by denial, by suffering.”    

The early monks thought of marriage as martyrdom (death to self).  “Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged” (I Cor 13:5-6).  I am more sensitive to my failures, especially in my self-pitying attitude.  I humble myself,  rationalize less and ask for forgiveness, knowing I still have a long ways to go.  

Thirdly,  Tolkien speaks of  “self-denial.”  “No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man,” insists Tolkien, “has  lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious of the will, without self-denial.”  In his view, “nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes.”  But he insist “the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to.”  His advice, “in this fallen world, we have as our only guides, prudence, wisdom, a clean heart, and fidelity of will.” 

The Lord is helping me to put  the needs of my “soul mate” forefront in our daily life.  “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (I Cor 13:7).  In our relationship I am more like a yo-yo.  Judy is consistent.  I am becoming more honest with my emotional state, admitting my downward cycles, and asking her to pray for me. 

It is hard to admit my childish ways.  “But when I grew up, I put away childish things.   Now we see things  imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely,  just as God knows me now” (I Cor. 13:11-12).  One day I will understand, but in the mean time I ask for grace to mature in my marriage.  God help me to be your MAN for Judy.    

Self-censorship is on the rise according to a new Cato Institute survey that reports nearly two-thirds of Americans are afraid to share their political views.  “31% of liberals, 30% of moderates and 34% of conservatives are worried their political views could get them fired or harm their careers,” the Cato survey stated.  “There has been shifts across the board, where more people among all political groups feel they are walking on eggshells,” the survey found, adding, “majorities of Democrats (52%), independents (59%) and Republicans (72%) who all agree they have political opinions they are afraid to share.”

In the midst of this self-censoring, white conservative Robert George and liberal African American Cornel West have issued a joint appeal to their fellow Americans, “to unite the country, we need honesty and courage.”   This ideological odd couple because of their own long friendship, believe, “honesty and courage alone can save our wounded, disunited country now.”   

They believe, “We need the honesty and courage to speak the truth – including painful truths that unsettle not only our foes but also our friends and, most especially, ourselves.”  This statement is sure convicting to me.  Even more so are these words, “We need the honesty and courage to recognize the faults, flaws and failings of even the greatest of our heroes – and to acknowledge our own faults, flaws and failings.”  

Here is more of what they had to say, “We need the honesty and courage not to compromise our beliefs or go silent on them out of desire to be accepted, or  our of fear of being ostracized, excluded, or canceled.”

“We need the honesty and courage to consider with an open mind and heart points of view that challenge our beliefs – even our deepest, most cherished identity-forming beliefs.  We need the intellectual humility to recognize our own fallibility – and that, too, requires honesty and courage.”

These two men are putting before us a real challenge.  Their cry: “We need the honesty and courage to speak the truth.”  But how do we go about speaking the truth of the gospel, while doing it with honesty and courage in the culture that is so divided. 

I thought of the words of Jesus in Mark 13:11 when He tells his disciples  they will have difficulty. “When they bring you, betrayed, into court, don’t worry about what you’ll say.  When the time comes, say what’s on your heart – the Holy Spirit will make his witness in and through you” (Mark 13:11 MGS).  

These words should give us hope of staying in the battle.  We need  to remember that it is about Jesus not our agenda.  The Message puts it this way – “I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven  to impress God” ( Gal 2:20 MSG).   

 Jesus is the truth  (John 8:32). That  is settled,  Our aim should be to give witness to His reign in the earth  of which we are a part.  This should give us confidence to be honest and have courage.  Jesus promised help.  “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth.  He will not be presenting his own ideas, he will be telling you what he has heard” (John 16:13).   

Lord, help us to stay in the battle for you. Remember – “Make the most of every opportunity.  Be gracious in your speech.  The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (Col 4:5-6 MSG).   

The lack of healthy male relationships is a subject not easily discussed in our culture. If you were to google “loneliness” you would find loneliness among men, especially today, to be a public health crisis. Men tend to live in isolation, while women overall more readily connect with other women. This leaves men alone to suffer in their shame, not knowing how to deal with whatever inner pain there may be.

One counselor who works with men gave the following five reasons why loneliness among men is a worsening epidemic that is “literally killing” men: 1) Men fear appearing weak, 2) Men don’t talk about their feelings, 3) Many aren’t comfortable being vulnerable, 4) Hypermasculine assertiveness, and 5) Few bonding opportunities. I want to address this last point.

In the church, men get mixed messages about what a man is supposed to be. Jesus can be portrayed along a continuum from being super-sensitive and caring to being like the warrior portrayed in Revelation 19. In the age of “toxic masculinity,” men in the church have learned to hide behind their protective emotional shields, afraid to express whatever confusion, sadness, anger, or loneliness there may be. Men have been emotionally wounded by the gender wars and don’t know how to process their pain. The festering wounds spill over into dysfunctional relationships with those who are closest to them, especially within the family.

Some “churched” men have “forfeited their souls” to the feminist rant for a new masculine. They have been shamed into being emasculated men, unable to express any genuine masculine strength – often for fear of being called a bigot. Men are caught in the double bind of being shamed for being a man, while being told they have not been responsible in addressing male patriarchy.

Men need intergenerational male communities of brothers and fathers where soul talk among men is normal conversation. Here, men can be heard as they risk telling their stories of navigating life through the good, the bad, and the ugly. “Celebrate Recovery” (look it up on Google) gives good guidance: “Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.”

Men can learn to “fight for each other’s hearts.” A good watchword would be Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Alastair Roberts makes this observation regarding gatherings of men: “Male groups tend to broad and shallow: larger numbers of persons, but typically less intimate and closely bonded… Male groups have a greater tendency to socialize and bond around agency, ritual, action and competition… We principally bond through sharing ideas, activities, arguments, and obsessions, not through sharing feelings, personal narrative or secrets.”

While the church needs to provide opportunities for men to grow spiritually through activities together, there is a real need to provide space for men to process their journey with other men. It will take time and practice to move beyond “agency, ritual, action, and competition.” In the days to come, men will need to find and have brothers who stay with them in the battle.

If you are a man who is caught in the dark web of loneliness, you may feel like a lost sheep. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, knows your need. Tell him your honest need and ask him to direct you to a group. The big step is to reach out and make yourself available to a group of men. He knows your need and will provide the opportunity. But you will need to be vulnerable.