Month: September 2024 (Page 1 of 4)

In an article entitled “Men only want one thing” in Comment magazine, men are referred to as being like “timber.”  “Will they be shaped into good, sturdy beams and joists that will shelter, support, and protect?  Or will they shape themselves in their own wild ways, producing knotty. weak, and crooked lengths that don’t do anyone any good?”  May we be “good timber.” The author, Nathan Beacom, suggests “there’s something about America today that doesn’t jibe with the male psyche.”  The author believes monasticism offers keen psychological insights into the psychic and moral wounds of men.  

Beacom offers a spectrum of manhood.  One the one end is “the tough man.”  “For many men this tough guy leaves festering wounds of inadequacy and insecurity that can lead to all kinds of pathological behaviors.”  On the other end of the spectrum is “the sophisticated ally.”  “The ally tends to talk down his own sex in an effort to set him apart from the negative strands of masculinity.” Then there is the “full man,” having the moral ideal of a man expressed in gentleness and goodness.  “Failing this, strength, size, speed, aggression, and active sexual desire remain – but untutored and undisciplined.”

The author favors a “gentle man,” who is an integrated man, “both iron and disciplined on the one hand and gentle and patient on the other…….[which ] finds a harmonic resonance with the Christian monastic tradition.”  The Rule of Saint Benedict, “contains sharp and enduring psychological insights into the process of taking the raw material of masculinity and shaping it into good manhood.”  The Rule identifies “three key developmental strands that are lacking in our culture today: fatherhood, brotherhood, and discipline.”

First is fatherhood.  “Manhood is passed in only one real way: from man to man.”  The rule sees the self-willed man who sets his own law based on his desires.  “This is the shepherdless man, the hedonistic man, the destructive man.”  “Cultivating good young men requires that we support structures that prioritize male-to-male mentorship.”

Secondly, along with the fatherhood of the monastery is its “brotherhood.”  “By intentionally living among brothers with a common vision, men set a higher standard toward which they could encourage each other and against which they could measure themselves.”

Finally, there is the life of abstinence, of asceticism, of discipline. The monks know “asceticism (spiritual discipline)…..is not a simple refusal of good things.  Rather, it is a way of disciplining the soul and a chief weapon in the battle against the self.” 

Beacom goes on to offer a simple formula for the duties of manhood: “protect, provide, and establish.” “We need,” the author suggests, “the moral equivalent of monasticism.”  What does this mean?  “We need to be intentional about cultivating male spaces for brotherhood and mentorship in the path of virtuous living.” 

The author closes with these words.  “Our men must be gentle, and they must also be men.  The idea of a gentle man embodies a fullness of vision that embraces all that is positive in men, including their unique ways of displaying gentleness, tenderness, and charity. We cannot have one without the other……..the tradition of the monastery embody some of what is best in the combination of manhood and gentleness for all men.” 

The early monastic movement was an attempt to flee from the world in order to save it.  The monks made a significant contribution in preserving western  culture.  Could the monastic model be modified so as to rescue men from our present dying culture, in order to help men to be “good timber” in our day?  Could it be that men banding together, might find a model among the monks?    

On April 15, 1912, when the liner Titanic was declared doomed, men gather each year on that date at the Titanic Memorial in Washington, D.C. The Men’s Titanic Society gather to honor the passenger who donned evening clothes in order to die like a gentleman. They annually offer a toast: “Chivalry, gallantry, bravery and grace….To the young and old, the rich and the poor, the ignorant and the learned, all who gave their lives nobly to save women and children.  To those brave men.”  

“Men seem to instinctively treat masculinity as the call to die so that others may live – the highest form of sacrifice,” notes Nancy Pearcey. That principle seems to be built into men’s created nature.  Pearcey, however, makes a distinction between a “good man” and “real man.”  She calls the “good man” ideal as the software of God’s creation, while the “real man” stereotype reveals the “virus of sin.”   

In her book, Pearcey notes the work of sociologists, who have discovered that active churchgoing evangelical men have the lowest rates of divorce and domestic violence,  while the “nominal” men who identify as Christians because of their cultural roots, but rarely attend church, have the highest rates of divorce and domestic violence – even higher than secular men.  These “nominal Christian men” often “internalize the real man script, while defending their behavior by pinning Christian language on their abusive beliefs.” 

“When it comes to real issues in the lives of real men, far too many religious leaders are looking the other way,” she observes.  Meanwhile books are being sold with titles such as, “I Hate Men,’ “The End of Men,” “Are Men Necessary,”Boys Adrift,” “Why Boys Fail” and “Why Men Hate Going to Church.”  

Pearcey makes this insightful observation: “On Mother’s Day, we hand out roses and praise mothers.  On Father’s Day, we tend to scold men and tell them to do better……We need to talk about the positive things men are doing, while also trying harder to find ways to reach out to the nominal men and speak the truth about what it means to be a good man.”  She warns the church, when she says, “The most common mistake pastors make is to assume that domestic violence is a marriage problem and to offer marital counseling – bringing both spouses into the office together.  The wife may be afraid to reveal any serious mistreatment.”  

Lord help me to be a “good man,” motivated by  your spirit,  not just pretending to be real. I don’t want to hide from you. “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me…..Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?'” (Isaiah 29:13 & 15).  

My intentions are to be a “good man.”  But I am a work in progress.  Becoming  a “good man” can sometimes be painful.  Remember, Al, you are the clay; He is the potter.  I can not hide from God. “How foolish can you be? He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater than you, the clay!  Should the created thing say of the one who make it, ‘He didn’t make me’? Does a jar ever say, ‘The Potter who made me is stupid'” (Is. 29:16 NLT).

At a recent pastor gathering, two other pastors shared their testimony of coming to Christ through the same man who helped me, Pastor Theodore Hax.  That has now been 65 years of the potter working on this clay (Al Hendrickson).  He is still shaping me, even when it hurts.