Quantum physicist, Stephan Hawking, who is considered by many to be the greatest living scientist, has just celebrated his 70thbirthday. At the age of 21 he was diagnosed withLou Gehrig’s disease. That disease usually leads to death within three years, but Hawking has lived nearly a half-century, which is trulyremarkable. No longer able to speak, he has communicated for several years through a special computer device that allows him to choose words as the machine follows his cues. In an interview with New Scientist to mark his 70th birthday, he revealed a softer side of his brilliant mind. What caught my attention was his comment regarding women. When asked what occupied his thoughts for most of his waking hours, he answered: “Women. They are a complete mystery.” So there you have it men. The answer from one of the most brilliant scientific minds of our times; women are a mystery. With his scientific mind, he has not been able to figure out women. Why? The mystery ofwomen has to do withrelationships. Intimacy with a woman gets us into the mystery of relating to “the other.”
Even though Hawking is an atheist, his thoughts about women are confirmed by scripture. Paul implies something of this mystery in Eph5:31-32, “And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become ‘one flesh.’ This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all” (The Message). Paul seems to be saying that when a man enters marriage he is entering into something that is a mystery. To become “one flesh” with someone who is opposite of you can be very threatening and unsettling since our basic stance in relationship as men is to find solutions and a fix. Believe me when I say you will never be able to “fix” or “figure out” how your wife relates to you. It is not a matter of the mind but of the heart.
So my exhortation to you men, is to embrace the mystery of the woman to who you are married. Never begin to let yourself think and then suggest to your wife that you fully understand her. Remember God gave you your opposite in your wife. As opposite she is meant to complement you rather then fitting your expectation of her. You need her to be who God has created her to be as a female. How could you as the opposite ever presume to fully understanding her. “God said, ‘It’s not good for the Man to be alone. I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” (Gen 2:18 – The Message). Your wife relates best to you when she is your help mate, not someone who you try to figure out. Yes, she is a mystery. Praise God
I have been humbled more times then I would like to admit, when I stand before the mystery of my wife. Not understanding her responses to me have often made me unsettled and insecure. When I come around to see my “silliness” I realize she is meant to be my help mate not someone who complies to my wishes. Some years ago, Judy and I had the privilege of have lunch with the man I consider my mentor, Dr. James Houston. After our conversation, I ask if he had any advice for me. At that time I was in my early 50’s. He surprised me, but delighted Judy when he said, “cherish your wife.” I never forgot those words. To cherish, means among other things, “to hold dear.” This implies the celebration of the woman who is the wonderful opposite of me
As I have learned to cherish my wife, God has revealed to me more of the beauty and wonder of who my wife really is as my help mate. It is one of the joys of marriage to be able to see your wife come forth in all that she is meant to be in her feminine self. It is the role of the husband to cherish his wife to such a degree, that his wife is secure enough to express who she is meant to be in the eyes of her heavenly Father. The more I cherish Judy as my opposite the more I will have glimpses of the mystery of who she in our relationship as man and wife.